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Avatar universal

i need advice

im 14 and I think I have depression. there are situations in my life where things had both bad and good sides to them, so its hard to say that one thing in my life is entirely bad and another thing in my life is entirely good. i.e. my mum doesn't let me go out to town with my friends, or do stuff that a normal 14 ear old girl does, but I never ask and take the risk of finding out her response. last year was a really bad time for me, I was having problems at home, I got into loads of arguments with my friends, I started having low self confidence issues and body image issues and I developed a crush on a guy I didn't even know well (I still don't know him well because of my self confidence issues so I haven't been able to talk to him). I didn't know who I was, my identity (what I liked, how I wanted to dress, music tastes, etc) was all hidden. nothing was obvious and I started to feel down. that was when I started spending hours in my bedroom all day not going downstairs. I just felt sad constantly, and most of the time there was no particular reason. I never self harmed, I was strong enough not to resort to it, but at the same time I felt weak and fragile. my mental and spiritual strength started to deteriorate, and I just broke down a lot of the times when there was no reason for it. only just recently ive found out what my taste is in any aspect of life, whether it be in a social situation, likes/dislikes, my personality, anything. I guess things have been improving this past month, ive made loads of new friends and kept the ones that I had before after I realised how amazing they are. but even then, things are still tough. when I get frustrated/angry/hurt/depressed I have the urge to pull my hair out. literally I will tug on it until Im relieved of the stress im going through in that moment. my social life has changed but only slightly, my mum still doesn't let me go out with my friends frequently, but at times she does allow it its not the case of I have social anxiety/I so depressed I never want to go out, I DO want to go out an I do want to meet new people and enjoy myself and have fun, but my mum restricts that and I don't have the freedom that most people are just handed. it hurts a ot to know that all my friends can go out and do what they want within reason. I see pictures of my friends with each other, maybe at the fair or even something as simple as going to town and getting a starbucks, it hurts me and almost makes m envious of how they can do that and not be restricted that freedom that every kid has a right to. if anyone has advice on how I can compromise with my mum and make the most of my childhood while I still have it then please give me some. I cry when I think about how when I have kids and they grow up to be my age and they ask me 'what did you do when you were my age?' and i'll say 'oh I just stayed on my phone or laptop all day because my mum didn't let me out of the house'. I don't want to live my life now like this.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
I am twenty-one years old and have a father with severe depression. I do remember like it was yesterday when I was fourteen. Everything was a mess for me. I was not able to have any friends because we really had nothing in common. Like you I was indoors most of the time. I had more in common with
The older people in my life. I felt like I could relate and really talk to them more then people my age. I also had very low self esteem which made me very shy and withdrawn. I had a crush on a guy but I was always in my own little world and never really took the chance to say anything. Even though I wish I had more self confidence back then I am glad I did not talk to him. At the end of the year I found out who he really was. He was not a nice person and very full of himself. My judgment was so clouded because of my lack of social skills and self-confidence. I am doing so much better with my self confidence. I have found some really great and decent people you can call true friends. One thing that helped me a lot was taking a dance class. I loved it so much I did not care that other people were watching me. It will take time, but it will get better. Also I would talk to your parents or any other adult figure and tell them what you are feeling. If you are feeling depression make sure you tell someone. Also, pulling your hair out is not healthy at all. You might be under a lot of stress. Please let someone know about that as well.Good luck, and feel free to message me.
18724859 tn?1467309996
I'm 15 and I went through something similar to this over two and a half years ago. Like you, I just generally felt depressed. I got into a relationship with a guy I had known for four days when I was 13 (I do regret it - I wasn't mentally ready enough for any relationship) and it brought me down. My self-confidence was pretty much rock-bottom and I lost so many good friends because of the relationship and my relationship with my parents became strained. I didn't know who I really was either, I didn't fit in with any crowd and my only real friend was my now ex-boyfriend's cousin who went to the same school. Her and I did almost everything together, but that's not saying much, since we rarely actually did something.

Also, my parents are semi-restrictive on what I can do, and I don't actually have any extremely close friends. I see all my old friends doing really cool and fun stuff all the time like you do, and sometimes I break down over these kinds of things.

Although all of these negative things affected my life, I got out of that hole a bit over a year and a half ago when I decided that I needed to take a step back and rethink how I looked at the world. I vowed to make sure I was the reason I was happy, and not rely on other people for happiness. If you'd see me in public, you'd think I act like a five-year-old because I see the beauty in the world around me and it gives me energy. Lots of energy. While I do still have problems with finding good friends and with social interactions in general, I don't let other people's content with their lives lower how content I am with mine.

What I'm trying to say is this - a change in thinking can make your life so much better.

Two years ago, I would've said this about my life: I'm a nothing with no friends and no one to care about me, so all I do is sit on my couch and talk to people on the internet because everyone that lives around me hates me.
Now, I say this: I'm a strong and loving person who has a lot of people that care about me, whether they show it or not. I don't get out much, and I still talk to those people on the internet from two years ago, but not because there's so many people who hate me where I am, but because there's people who care about me where ever they are, and there are still people here who care.

-I know I probably got super-duper off-topic and I rambled a lot, but I loved reading about people's success stories when I was in that hole. I hope you find a way out of yours, and please message me if you want to talk about literally anything.

(I totally forgot to answer one of your questions - to compromise with your mom, I'd sit down with her and talk about what you'd like to do, and point out why she should trust you to leave the house more. I've found that parents are more likely to agree if they are presented with reasoning that challenges their doubts. Good luck!)

Wow, this was long. I'm sorry!
3060903 tn?1398565123
Wow, times have changed with the advent of technology, that's for sure. One thing that might make some head way with your parents is to find information written about how the advent of technology has interfered with youth making contact with others socially. Write a paper on it, and plan to sit down with your parents and tell them what you've said here, you don't want to look back on your childhood having had no friendships with other teens, no memories of going out and enjoying the beauty of the world, or making an outing of going out for a lemonade at the beach. Find some poems lyrics or anything else that epitomizes your thoughts. Let your parents know that you need to grow independent , as a person and you need their help. If you can go and get a part time job , do so. Prove to them at your first possible chance that you can handle adult responsibilities. And even if you can't go out yet, at least you won't be stuck at home. Better to be babysitting and making money to put away (not to spend on more technology, put your money away for a car or for a holiday). Good luck.
Avatar universal
I am sorry you are having such bad situation. I am ready to be your umm facebook friend if you like add me fuku koyee after searching. I wish and hope and pray your childhood would be added with lots of blessed peoples around you.  
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