Am I depressed? Or just dramatic?

[Anon109]

I'm an 18 year old girl and a senior in High School. Ever since my junior year, I've been going through these weird phases of feeling super down. No one really notices because I try to hide it during the day but it's difficult when I'm home and have time to think by myself. I have few friends and the ones that I have are all boy crazy and head over heels over their boyfriends. I haven't even spoken to them in a while because they ditch me for their boyfriends and i'm always the 3rd wheel. I have no interest in dating and popularity like my "friends" do and I feel like I can't relate to anyone and feel super alone and unwanted in my group. I also have a few acne scars and red marks on my face and have become obsessed with worrying about my appearance. I feel so ugly and fat. I try to eat very little and just want to be thin and pretty so badly to the point of making myself puke. My whole family thinks i'm antisocial and always in my room now. And my grades have been dropping and i I don't get joy out of the things i used to love. I've also gotten into cutting these last few days.. I don't know I feel like so many people have it bad and I'm over here complaining over little things but I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've been crying so much lately..

[Wendyas]

I'm glad to know you wouldn't hurt yourself. I know you have gifts that only you give to others around you and you are needed. The emotional pain you're having will get better. If you can't talk to your family, ask a teacher if there's a school counselor you could see. Acknowledge how you feel by writing your thoughts in a journal and I think you'll get some peace with yourself. You may find books on depression and anxiety in your school library that may help. For teenagers, talking about your feelings with friends seems to help if you have someone you trust.  I hope you feel better soon.

[Anon109]

I would never get to the point of committing suicide. That thought alone just scares me. I will try my best to get around to telling my parents. They're just so strict and I don't think they'll understand. Thank you for your answer though it definitely helped.

[Wendyas]

You certainly have taken an intelligent and brave first step by reaching out for information and help with this. You had the insight to know you needed to get help, which you are absolutely right, you do. This is not an emergency situation right now, unless you get to the point of wanting to die and deliberately kill yourself. If you are feeling that way, you would need to go to a hospital emergency room. I hope you don't get that depressed and hopeless and can get counseling right away. You need to speak with your parents or guardians and let them know what has been going on, including the self-mutilation. Explain if you need to how the cutting affects you. If you are trying to kill yourself that's one thing. If you're doing it to ease anxiety it's different.  If you feel your symptoms are the depression and anxiety you described, you need to find a counselor who treats adolescents. If you are having suicidal thoughts, you need to go to the emergency room.  Just know, going to the ED is going to be a long process. If you say you're suicidal then change your mind, you can't just leave the hospital.  I just want you to get the right help you need and not get stuck in the ED if you don't need to be.  If you are feeling suicidal, then GO. The time won't matter.

[Anon109]

Oh, and my mother has an eating disorder which is probably why it's passed on to me.. And my 20 year old sister has anger problems and is a total b&$@ to me and is ALWAYS trying to bring me down when I'm nothing but nice to her. She'll call me stupid, ugly, weird, different, and curses at me often saying "f%#% you" or calling me a b&$@& JUST to be mean. That's also the thing. I'm too nice to people sometimes and I feel like people take advantage of that. I'm what you'd call a goody two shoes. -_- I don't cuss, drink, do drugs, or anything like that. I just have problems I guess.