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If it's not unprotected, it's not unexpected!!!! ATTENTION; PLEASE READ! ! ! ! !
I have some things I'd like to say to all of you teenagers out there trying to get pregnant... I would first like to quote a comment I left on someone elses post, because it sums it up pretty much.
"Okay this is going to sound mean, but do you really think you want a baby? Do you even have the slightest idea what in all that entails?
Do you seriously think that you are prepared for what having a baby will do to your life? Take it from me, I'm 16 and my son is 2 months old and things around here are not looking pretty. My life has permanently changed from here on out and from the point at which I conceived him, onward, my life is now about him. Not myself. Or that wonderful fantasy of being in love, either. You need to take a step back, just like all of you teenagers trying to fall pregnant. You need to look at yourself, your life, your household, your relationships and most importantly, your maturity level and ask yoursel SERIOUSLY if you are ready for a baby. Not just because you feel like you want one or need one or because you want someone to love or some sort of play thing. It's not LIKE THAT!"
And for those of you who aren't "Trying" to get pregnant but are always on here saying " I had unprotected sex and I'm scared I'm pregnant, HELP!" WELL, as the title says, if it's not unprotected, it's not unexpected.You should all expect that 50/50 chance of getting pregnant having unprotected sex. It should not be a big shock to you if you end up pregnant or fear you are, if you're not doing anything to protect yourself. And for your information, the "Pull-out method" is NOT a method. You are just as likely to get pregnant.
And if you are asking AM I PREGNANT?! Take a test. We are not there with you, we are not psychics, and we are not in your body. It is physically impossible for us to tell you that answer. Especially with how different each person is and each person's symptoms.
I am sorry that I had to rant like that and I am unsure how many of you will truly read this, but you really should take it from me... if anyone. It's not easy.. Realizing you have a lot of adult decisions to make before you ever thought you'd be ready to make them, is hard. But life does not care if you are ready for it, you have to do what you have to do, ready or not.
This is a human beings life you are in control of. And it doesn't mean that because you have control, you know what to do with it. There are SOOO many tough choices to make, and you will realize you NEVER knew how much you DIDN'T KNOW about babies, until you have one of your own. You will never know how much you take for granted.. Such as privacy, quiet time.. and depending on your situation, things like eating, using the bathroom, showering, SLEEP, let ALONE socializing for god's sake!!! You don't have time and you can't make time. That baby will need you 100% at any given moment. And don't believe for a second he/she will give two s**ts about when YOU want to do something. It's all about THEM. And this is a permanent thing. PERMANENT. talking about forever, or 18 years at best. You can't throw your hands up when you feel you've had enough and say "Okay! I give up! I'm done!" If you really want a baby to love on and care for, get a babysitting job!!!!
And even if you know everything about babies, I don't think there is a way to fully prepare yourself. I often doubt that many grown women in their 30's are fully equipped emotionally, mentally, and most important, financially.. to take care of a child. So why throw your own childhood down the drain just because you think this is what you want?
Seriously, think about this.. Think long and hard about your life, your future, yourself.. Things you might not have considered before.. And then you make that decision. You have freedom and it's your choice what to do with it.. But you are the one who lives with the consequences of your actions.
That being said, please.. Those of you young women (or men) having sex.. PROTECT yourself. Not only from pregnancy, but STD's that could KILL you, or ruin your chances of EVER having a child. Ever. And could rob your mother of her own child. They ARE real, and they CAN happen to you. Just because you're young and think you're independant, does NOT mean you are invinsible. so PLEASE.. use condoms.
"Okay this is going to sound mean, but do you really think you want a baby? Do you even have the slightest idea what in all that entails?
Do you seriously think that you are prepared for what having a baby will do to your life? Take it from me, I'm 16 and my son is 2 months old and things around here are not looking pretty. My life has permanently changed from here on out and from the point at which I conceived him, onward, my life is now about him. Not myself. Or that wonderful fantasy of being in love, either. You need to take a step back, just like all of you teenagers trying to fall pregnant. You need to look at yourself, your life, your household, your relationships and most importantly, your maturity level and ask yoursel SERIOUSLY if you are ready for a baby. Not just because you feel like you want one or need one or because you want someone to love or some sort of play thing. It's not LIKE THAT!"
And for those of you who aren't "Trying" to get pregnant but are always on here saying " I had unprotected sex and I'm scared I'm pregnant, HELP!" WELL, as the title says, if it's not unprotected, it's not unexpected.You should all expect that 50/50 chance of getting pregnant having unprotected sex. It should not be a big shock to you if you end up pregnant or fear you are, if you're not doing anything to protect yourself. And for your information, the "Pull-out method" is NOT a method. You are just as likely to get pregnant.
And if you are asking AM I PREGNANT?! Take a test. We are not there with you, we are not psychics, and we are not in your body. It is physically impossible for us to tell you that answer. Especially with how different each person is and each person's symptoms.
I am sorry that I had to rant like that and I am unsure how many of you will truly read this, but you really should take it from me... if anyone. It's not easy.. Realizing you have a lot of adult decisions to make before you ever thought you'd be ready to make them, is hard. But life does not care if you are ready for it, you have to do what you have to do, ready or not.
This is a human beings life you are in control of. And it doesn't mean that because you have control, you know what to do with it. There are SOOO many tough choices to make, and you will realize you NEVER knew how much you DIDN'T KNOW about babies, until you have one of your own. You will never know how much you take for granted.. Such as privacy, quiet time.. and depending on your situation, things like eating, using the bathroom, showering, SLEEP, let ALONE socializing for god's sake!!! You don't have time and you can't make time. That baby will need you 100% at any given moment. And don't believe for a second he/she will give two s**ts about when YOU want to do something. It's all about THEM. And this is a permanent thing. PERMANENT. talking about forever, or 18 years at best. You can't throw your hands up when you feel you've had enough and say "Okay! I give up! I'm done!" If you really want a baby to love on and care for, get a babysitting job!!!!
And even if you know everything about babies, I don't think there is a way to fully prepare yourself. I often doubt that many grown women in their 30's are fully equipped emotionally, mentally, and most important, financially.. to take care of a child. So why throw your own childhood down the drain just because you think this is what you want?
Seriously, think about this.. Think long and hard about your life, your future, yourself.. Things you might not have considered before.. And then you make that decision. You have freedom and it's your choice what to do with it.. But you are the one who lives with the consequences of your actions.
That being said, please.. Those of you young women (or men) having sex.. PROTECT yourself. Not only from pregnancy, but STD's that could KILL you, or ruin your chances of EVER having a child. Ever. And could rob your mother of her own child. They ARE real, and they CAN happen to you. Just because you're young and think you're independant, does NOT mean you are invinsible. so PLEASE.. use condoms.
did i saw all guys?? no i said most. most is not all. the two guys you dated were rare. i know PLENTY of girls who got pregnant between 15-18 years old and the daddies are nowhere in sight. hell i know girls over 21 who's guys didn't stick around. like i said MOST guys don't stick around. and again most is not all. i know guys who would stick around. who if they got their g/f's pregnant would be upset but wouldn't run out on them. but those guys don't make up the majority. so please...read carefully before saying you "hate people like me". hate is a strong word and should not be used so carelessly.
im a bit late in posting but just wanna add my comment!
i totaly agree that teenagers having babies is hard for them in all aspects but u have to take in consideration that not ALL teenagers find it hard being a young mum,
my friend got married and had a baby at 17, now shes 18 and her son is 6 months old and she could not be happier, her husband is away with the army alot but she copes, her son has to have a minor operation on his eye but my friend is fine about it (obv worried, any mum would be) but what im trying to get across is that not everyone is the same.
i think that some teenage mums are grouped with the rest that struggle if you understand me? there are some teenage mums that cope really well and are happy.
i always have to say the oposite cause im part of the stereotype that is different.
but i TOTALY agree with people asking on this forum if they are pregnant or not. WE CANT TELL YOU!
it drives me crazy, "is there a chance im pregnant" well if you had unprotected sex then YES isnt that just common knowledge?
im not ahving a go at anyone im just saying not everyone is the same so take into consideration the people that are different.
i totaly agree that teenagers having babies is hard for them in all aspects but u have to take in consideration that not ALL teenagers find it hard being a young mum,
my friend got married and had a baby at 17, now shes 18 and her son is 6 months old and she could not be happier, her husband is away with the army alot but she copes, her son has to have a minor operation on his eye but my friend is fine about it (obv worried, any mum would be) but what im trying to get across is that not everyone is the same.
i think that some teenage mums are grouped with the rest that struggle if you understand me? there are some teenage mums that cope really well and are happy.
i always have to say the oposite cause im part of the stereotype that is different.
but i TOTALY agree with people asking on this forum if they are pregnant or not. WE CANT TELL YOU!
it drives me crazy, "is there a chance im pregnant" well if you had unprotected sex then YES isnt that just common knowledge?
im not ahving a go at anyone im just saying not everyone is the same so take into consideration the people that are different.
i have to agree with the op. i'm 23 and my dh and i have 6 month old twin boys. they were planned (well one was....we got the surprised blessing of 2). it's hard. there are days when i seriously don't think i can be a mother. then there are other days when i feel like the worlds greatest mom. financially...for us it's not so so bad...we are fairly well off...but it's still expensive. in an average month...we EASILY end up spending AT
LEAST $500 on the necessities for the boys. between formula, diapers, wipes, baby food, juice, clothes, blankets, bottles, etc etc etc.....it's expensive. when we were first getting ready for them...for everything we got (thank god our parents got us all of our big stuff. cribs and car seats) we spent a good 2k-3k on getting ready for them (and that was with us getting a lot of our stuff at the baby shower to). we haven't had a "date" in about 4 months. if we go out...we have to make sure it's family friendly. we can't stay out late with them because they get fussy. no more partying nothing. so being a parent is a hard job. but...i love it. i do love having my boys. while my friends are out at clubs, dancing and drinking.....greg and i are home with our boys. we don't mind it. we're used to it now. we had a few years of partying already. we had a few years of being carefree and irresponsible. we got to live exciting lives. while some of you ladies are only 15,16,17 years old. you won't get to have those carefree years. those nights of getting completely sh!tty with your best friends and going out dancing. you'll be tied down at home with a baby. and saddly most of you will end up being single moms. at 15,16,17 even 18,19 or 20 most guys are not ready and do not want kids. they want those carefree years. it took my dh and i 2 years to even agree on having kids. we were 22 when we got pregnant. even if they say oh i want one, i love you, i'll never leave you...i've seen so many of my friends go through it. the guy tells them their line of bs. they get pregnant and now are single moms, 21,22 years old....with 3,4 year old kids. they have no lives. didn't get to finish school (h.s or college) and struggle everyday.
so as the op stated....really think about it before getting pregnant if your are ready for it. emotionally, physically (it is hard on our bodies to be pregnant) and financially for supporting yourself and a child.
LEAST $500 on the necessities for the boys. between formula, diapers, wipes, baby food, juice, clothes, blankets, bottles, etc etc etc.....it's expensive. when we were first getting ready for them...for everything we got (thank god our parents got us all of our big stuff. cribs and car seats) we spent a good 2k-3k on getting ready for them (and that was with us getting a lot of our stuff at the baby shower to). we haven't had a "date" in about 4 months. if we go out...we have to make sure it's family friendly. we can't stay out late with them because they get fussy. no more partying nothing. so being a parent is a hard job. but...i love it. i do love having my boys. while my friends are out at clubs, dancing and drinking.....greg and i are home with our boys. we don't mind it. we're used to it now. we had a few years of partying already. we had a few years of being carefree and irresponsible. we got to live exciting lives. while some of you ladies are only 15,16,17 years old. you won't get to have those carefree years. those nights of getting completely sh!tty with your best friends and going out dancing. you'll be tied down at home with a baby. and saddly most of you will end up being single moms. at 15,16,17 even 18,19 or 20 most guys are not ready and do not want kids. they want those carefree years. it took my dh and i 2 years to even agree on having kids. we were 22 when we got pregnant. even if they say oh i want one, i love you, i'll never leave you...i've seen so many of my friends go through it. the guy tells them their line of bs. they get pregnant and now are single moms, 21,22 years old....with 3,4 year old kids. they have no lives. didn't get to finish school (h.s or college) and struggle everyday.
so as the op stated....really think about it before getting pregnant if your are ready for it. emotionally, physically (it is hard on our bodies to be pregnant) and financially for supporting yourself and a child.
I stopped reading when I got to the first thing in all caps. No one or any age knows what it's like to be a parent until they are, and it's hard no matter how old you are. Also, being 17 and 11 weeks pregnant (quite intentionally) I really don't appreciate being ranted at about how immature I am for making an unusual decision.
I agree that this thread should be left up at the top of pregnancy and under for girls to read before they start posting new threads that ahve already been posted about a hundred times.
I do feel sympathy for young girls who are worried they are pregnant though. I think the reason they come here is because its easier than going to the doctors and talking over the internet isnt as hard as talking to someone in real life. Though they should be encouraged to go to their nearest family planning clinic, thats what those nurses are there for.
As for young teens wanting to get pregnant...WHY? I mean im 19, had pregnancy scares and thought about becoming a parent now but went away and thought about it and realised that it would be a stupid thing to do right now. Im starting uni in september and no way could i cope, as much as i really want kids. My partner and i live in a 1 bed flat and its too small to raise a child, he is having a tough time at work so a baby certainly wouldnt help matters. Although i would have his support all the way i realise it would be too much.
So we've decided that after ive finished my 4 and a half years of studying (3 years nursing 1 and a half years midwifery) only then will we think of having kids.
Well done to all the teen mums here. You all sound like your doing a fantastic job and i hope teens who WANT to have a baby will read this and understand that they should wait until they at least financially ready for a baby...that means getting through college or uni and getting a a good job or career.
Good luck to you all!
I do feel sympathy for young girls who are worried they are pregnant though. I think the reason they come here is because its easier than going to the doctors and talking over the internet isnt as hard as talking to someone in real life. Though they should be encouraged to go to their nearest family planning clinic, thats what those nurses are there for.
As for young teens wanting to get pregnant...WHY? I mean im 19, had pregnancy scares and thought about becoming a parent now but went away and thought about it and realised that it would be a stupid thing to do right now. Im starting uni in september and no way could i cope, as much as i really want kids. My partner and i live in a 1 bed flat and its too small to raise a child, he is having a tough time at work so a baby certainly wouldnt help matters. Although i would have his support all the way i realise it would be too much.
So we've decided that after ive finished my 4 and a half years of studying (3 years nursing 1 and a half years midwifery) only then will we think of having kids.
Well done to all the teen mums here. You all sound like your doing a fantastic job and i hope teens who WANT to have a baby will read this and understand that they should wait until they at least financially ready for a baby...that means getting through college or uni and getting a a good job or career.
Good luck to you all!
wow! thats all i can say shes not the only one here and that was very rude. she didnt say it was ruining their lives. but it does make things a LOT more difficult especially at like 15,16,17
lol wow... uh no I never said that. If you read the responses I agreed with those that said it can be done.. It's just hard. If you don't understand where I'm going with all of this there is no point in arguing with you at all. And there is no need for that sort of language around here. Grow up.
I agree ... girls our age dont understand how hard it can be having a baby right now. Not saying I dont love my daughter because I do til the death of me but I know if I would of had her later on she and I would have such a better life.
been out of the convo last few days as ive now had my little boy antony :) again ild just like to say i didnt mean to affend any one with what i said i was just saying young moms can make it work, i totaly agree that its hard and i agree alot of young moms proberly would strugle more than an older women as there not all muture enough to raise a baby i was just saying some are, i know its not just a case of muturity, you asked how i supoprt my kids proberly like the rest of the ladies on here with great difficulty my boyfriend works as a forklift truck driver from 8 till 6 so its just me and the kids in the day but hes very supportive, he will do the kids for bed every night he reads to them he puts them to bed he helps alot with out him life would be alot harder, i did tell in an earlyer post that i didnt have a very good child hood and left home at 16 it was hard finding a place to live being able to afford the rent and bringing up a baby but i would never describe my experinces as a lump to lay there and cry more, i dont feel my kids are holding me back in life at all no i dont have the support of my parents my mother is an alcoholic and my dad who i was took of as a child for neglect is allways in and out of prison im not saying any of this for sympathy just to explain that i had to grow up very quickly and was already very mature at 15, i chose to keep my baby and i knew life would never be the same again but i knew ild be free from my cildhood and i knew my partner would stick by me, my second and third child were not accidents i chose to have more children as i felt our situation was right. ive just finished a child care course at collage and i have a level 2 in paretns with prosects it was hard money was tight but you just do your best and deal with it i know it will be harder in januray when i go back to get my level 3 ive been accepted at a nursery :) i have never regreted haveing my kids and so far since i left home these have been the best days of my life aswell. maybe in ten years time ill wish ild done things differently i couldnt say but at least i can look back and say i never took drugs and i never drank and at least i was happy with my life, i feel like ive rambled far to much allready so ild just like to say thank you to babyhardiman for her comment and suport, and again im not urgeing any young women to go out and have kids at all im not saying it worked for me it will for you im saying it works for those who are ready to give up there life to someone else it works for those who have the money and supoort to raise a child it works for those who really want it to work and will do anything to make it work, i belive you can do anything if you try and want it enough. Is that such a bad way to look at life.
I would like to hear more about froggys position. I would like to know how these 3 kids are being supported. We are 28, my husband has an above average job, I work at home and I am finding this very hard. Maybe hard is not the word...tight. I never went out all that often, but i have really noticed a drop in the amount I have gone out in the last year. I have noticed my friends not calling as much. It gets to be a lonely world and I cant imagine it being too "fun" for a teen. Everyone talks about the love that you get and give from a baby. You dont get love from a baby! You love him, do tons of work, for a lump to lay there and cry some more. I love my son and I know he loves me too, but I think there is a time for everything and your teen years are to have fun. To live it up. Our brains are made for that, our bodies are made for it. Your twenties and thirties are the time to enjoy this. I absolutely love this time in my life. This is the best time of my life, but I am very thankful for my free teen years and I can guarantee I consider the best time of my life my teens with a baby. I know I go back and look at things I did as a teen and regret a ton of them. I never want to think that I would have to look back and regret a baby. It does happen. You will always love your child, but you will eventually realize you missed out on a lot! Anway...froggie, please tell us more about your situation. I think you have strong opinions and I think the rest of us would like to know how you support your kids and exactly what you do and what kind of help you have. I am only imagining you taking on the amount of responsibility that my husband takes. Please prove me wrong.
the reason everyone has replied to this, wether to agree or argue, is because you have a wisdom that literally requires people to halt their attention to ANYTHING you say.....that alone is a very large sign of respect, and you should feel very good about yourself for having that ability, and the fact that you are doing your best to make life for you and your son as best as you can.....not everyone can do what you are doing, esp with the things that go on in your life.....but after the event of your son's birth, you can do only your best, which is all anyone can ask of you!!!
another congrats on that handsome little boy, whos' famous for the middle finger!!! lol
another congrats on that handsome little boy, whos' famous for the middle finger!!! lol
Thank you all for this wonderful discussion, I've been following up on it.. I agree with what almost everyone has said and I'm glad many of you took the time to read all of this.
"And it's not there fualt they don't care to much **** happens for them to really think"
Life is what you make it from your choices, even if the circumstances present too much ****. If they can't "really think" because of what's going on around them, then the last thing they should be *choosing* to do is have sex, because EVERYONE knows that sex, even protected sex, can result in pregnancy. If they didn't care enough to pay attention to the risk they were taking in choosing to have sex, then that IS their own fault.
"for some people having a baby is a blessing even if they are teens it mite open up a new world of doors for them when the rest close"
This is very true and a very touching statement. However, chances are that many doors will close rather than open in teen pregnancy. Not in all cases, but the probability definitely higher.
Life is what you make it from your choices, even if the circumstances present too much ****. If they can't "really think" because of what's going on around them, then the last thing they should be *choosing* to do is have sex, because EVERYONE knows that sex, even protected sex, can result in pregnancy. If they didn't care enough to pay attention to the risk they were taking in choosing to have sex, then that IS their own fault.
"for some people having a baby is a blessing even if they are teens it mite open up a new world of doors for them when the rest close"
This is very true and a very touching statement. However, chances are that many doors will close rather than open in teen pregnancy. Not in all cases, but the probability definitely higher.
Ok so somethings said I disagree with but for a good reason (in my mind any way) sometimes teenager's do things to get there parents attention or they don't care what happens to them IE drugs,wrist cutting,GETTING PREGNANT with out thinking about what could happen to the child or anything else And it's not there fualt they don't care to much **** happens for them to really think and for some people having a baby is a blessing even if they are teens it mite open up a new world of doors for them when the rest close so chill ok
I agree with everything said.
I was (and still am) a young mom. But I've always been far more mature than my age. I wasn't the one out partying and sleeping around. I was at home giving my mom medication for her diabetes & cancer and doing the dishes. I think it's when you get into the 17, maybe 18, and younger crowd where there are problems. But some 18 year olds and on up CAN have the maturity. Just depends on the individual.
And I like what peekawho said about "giving it thought" because there is scientific evidence that a teenager's brain has not fully developed the "reasoning" part of their brain. Most of the time they are actually unable to fully think something through. That doesn't happen until their early 20's (and for most it NEVER seems to happen *chuckle*).
Obviously we know right from wrong as little children and we understand consequences. But actually thinking about the major things in life, all the way through---kids just don't have the experience or wisdom. I'll try to find the article I read about teen brains but I can't look at the moment. I have dishes and vacuuming calling my name!
I was (and still am) a young mom. But I've always been far more mature than my age. I wasn't the one out partying and sleeping around. I was at home giving my mom medication for her diabetes & cancer and doing the dishes. I think it's when you get into the 17, maybe 18, and younger crowd where there are problems. But some 18 year olds and on up CAN have the maturity. Just depends on the individual.
And I like what peekawho said about "giving it thought" because there is scientific evidence that a teenager's brain has not fully developed the "reasoning" part of their brain. Most of the time they are actually unable to fully think something through. That doesn't happen until their early 20's (and for most it NEVER seems to happen *chuckle*).
Obviously we know right from wrong as little children and we understand consequences. But actually thinking about the major things in life, all the way through---kids just don't have the experience or wisdom. I'll try to find the article I read about teen brains but I can't look at the moment. I have dishes and vacuuming calling my name!
Here, here KStarr07! My thoughts as a teen were very scary. I thought I was all grown and mature...until you hit age 25...then you realise how crazy some of your thoughts and actions were. You definitely think you are invincible! I am so thankful I made it through my teens without a pregnancy or STD's! I was able to graduate college and hang out with friends any night of the week. I even have a good career. All this could have happened if I had a child, but with my parents as a crutch! Now that my life is mellow, where I dont want to go out and party...it was a perfect time to have kids.
Yes teen mothers can be good mothers, but not without the help of many people. And you cant always count that your BF will stick around (and YUCK, I would NEVER want to be permanently attached to my HS boyfirend), so you would need to have your parents help out ALOT! Hell, I still have my parents help out and I am 28 years old. It is hard work!
Yes teen mothers can be good mothers, but not without the help of many people. And you cant always count that your BF will stick around (and YUCK, I would NEVER want to be permanently attached to my HS boyfirend), so you would need to have your parents help out ALOT! Hell, I still have my parents help out and I am 28 years old. It is hard work!
i totally agree 100%. these kids on here are not even using their heads. they need to relaize that if they don't want to get pregnant why don't they just not have sex. it really is that simple. why are young kids out there trying to get pregnantor having sex to begin with. this is so stupid, i would also like to know what their parents think. i am a young mum, i fell pregnant at 17 and it changed my life completley. i have bills to pay, nappies to change midnight feeds, and all the other stuff. and then it gets worse, the bills get bigger, the clothes get dearer. and paying for school. all of this on top of trying to find yourself in the meantime. trying to live a life a teenager should have. go out have fun, but live life get a career and have fun don't go giving in to temptation, be a kid, grow up later.
This is a great post KStarr. I got pregnant at 19 and had my son at 20. Being a single mom has been an uphill battle ever since. Finishing school, getting a job, dealing with my son's father, and the issues of child support and struggling with a tight budget. I've done well, but it is NOT easy.
First of all, most boyfriends that young girls are "head over heels in love with" are still just boys. Most of the time, their maturity level is still at that of a 12 year old boy's even though they're 16 or older (sometimes even well into their 30s it seems!). They may have the best of intentions for wanting a baby, they may not, but the fact of the matter is that when the struggles and hormone changes happen before and after the baby is born, a lot of guys are either gonna want to bail out of the relationship or they're gonna be the ones that the mothers are eternally frustrated with and complaining about because they just *don't get it* and they almost *never* help out.
Secondly, I wonder if these teen girls realize what it's like to try to get or maintain a job with a baby. Like it or not, BABY=SOMEONE NEEDS A JOB, and that someone is probably going to be the mother. And like it or not, Baby's financial support should NOT have to come from Grandma and Grandpa or the state. It should come from the baby's mother and father. They MADE the baby, they wanted the baby, they SHOULD be 100% responsible for the baby. That's almost never the case though, and it seems a lot of young girls have no shame in accepting the bulk of financial support for their child from someone other than themselves or their boyfriends/husbands.
Also think of this, because this is a harsh reality: it's much harder to get a job when you're pregnant or as a single mother, because #1) Employers know you'll need time off to birth the baby and recover. #2) Single moms need time off at least *once a month or more* in order to care for their kid(s) because they're sick or the daycare is closed for a holiday like Columbus Day. Then the next week, you have to take MORE time off because you got sick from the kid(s).
Then let's be realistic about job opportunities. On average, it's going to take $30K or more a year to *successfully* (but not easily) support just yourself and your child. Your opportunities are a whole lot better for that salary or above if you at least have a 2 year college degree. Better still with a 4 year degree. You need a high school diploma or GED to get into college. When you put a baby into the schooling mix, it's either going to delay any graduation or it's going to make acheiving a graduation quite a struggle. These education scenarios are difficult no matter how you look at them:
A) going to school full time and being a parent full time
B) going to school full time, working part time, and being parent full time
C) going to school part time, working full time, and being a parent full time
D) going to school full time, working full time, and being a parent full time.
Did I mention that being a parent is a full time job? You are on call and on duty 24/7/365. You carry a cell phone with you everywhere with your child's daycare number and pediatrician are on speed dial.
And like KStarr said, your social life is basically extinguished. You can't go to movies, restaraunts, parties, or most any basic social gathering without having to bring your child with you, and half the house in the diaper bag. It's so much of a hassle to go anywhere that most of the time, ya just don't. My son is nearly 4 years old, and I'm JUST NOW starting to get my social life back again, but believe me, it's limited. When I was pregnant and after he was born, I've had to decline whitewater rafting trips with my family and friends, amusement park trips, going to movies, and going to restaraunts that were higher-class than McDonald's. And if I was able to go even with my son, I'd usually have to decline just because I couldn't afford it--spending money on my son comes first, so I can't blow $40 plus gas costs to simply go to the zoo when my friends invited me, not to mention take more time off work.
Not only do you limit your social life, but your private life too. If you take your kids out in public and you've got to pee, they go to the bathroom with you. Ah, then the fun begins when your 1-2 year old wants to pick stuff up off the bathroom floor and put it in his mouth, crawl under the bathroom stall, or explore the little metal trash can on the wall where women discard their tampons and pads. Say you pull them off the floor and take the wadded toilet paper from their hand that they're about to shove in their mouth, and what do they do? They have a meltdown! All this while you're just needing 20 seconds to pee!
So I wonder, I really do, WHY kids between the ages of 14 (or younger) to 19 WANT to have babies, especially when they haven't finished high school or they don't even have a 2 year college degree or they're not married. I don't doubt some girls can do this and do it well and do it commendably, but the fact is, most girls can't, and neither can most young men. I'm referring to the "most" in this post.
First of all, most boyfriends that young girls are "head over heels in love with" are still just boys. Most of the time, their maturity level is still at that of a 12 year old boy's even though they're 16 or older (sometimes even well into their 30s it seems!). They may have the best of intentions for wanting a baby, they may not, but the fact of the matter is that when the struggles and hormone changes happen before and after the baby is born, a lot of guys are either gonna want to bail out of the relationship or they're gonna be the ones that the mothers are eternally frustrated with and complaining about because they just *don't get it* and they almost *never* help out.
Secondly, I wonder if these teen girls realize what it's like to try to get or maintain a job with a baby. Like it or not, BABY=SOMEONE NEEDS A JOB, and that someone is probably going to be the mother. And like it or not, Baby's financial support should NOT have to come from Grandma and Grandpa or the state. It should come from the baby's mother and father. They MADE the baby, they wanted the baby, they SHOULD be 100% responsible for the baby. That's almost never the case though, and it seems a lot of young girls have no shame in accepting the bulk of financial support for their child from someone other than themselves or their boyfriends/husbands.
Also think of this, because this is a harsh reality: it's much harder to get a job when you're pregnant or as a single mother, because #1) Employers know you'll need time off to birth the baby and recover. #2) Single moms need time off at least *once a month or more* in order to care for their kid(s) because they're sick or the daycare is closed for a holiday like Columbus Day. Then the next week, you have to take MORE time off because you got sick from the kid(s).
Then let's be realistic about job opportunities. On average, it's going to take $30K or more a year to *successfully* (but not easily) support just yourself and your child. Your opportunities are a whole lot better for that salary or above if you at least have a 2 year college degree. Better still with a 4 year degree. You need a high school diploma or GED to get into college. When you put a baby into the schooling mix, it's either going to delay any graduation or it's going to make acheiving a graduation quite a struggle. These education scenarios are difficult no matter how you look at them:
A) going to school full time and being a parent full time
B) going to school full time, working part time, and being parent full time
C) going to school part time, working full time, and being a parent full time
D) going to school full time, working full time, and being a parent full time.
Did I mention that being a parent is a full time job? You are on call and on duty 24/7/365. You carry a cell phone with you everywhere with your child's daycare number and pediatrician are on speed dial.
And like KStarr said, your social life is basically extinguished. You can't go to movies, restaraunts, parties, or most any basic social gathering without having to bring your child with you, and half the house in the diaper bag. It's so much of a hassle to go anywhere that most of the time, ya just don't. My son is nearly 4 years old, and I'm JUST NOW starting to get my social life back again, but believe me, it's limited. When I was pregnant and after he was born, I've had to decline whitewater rafting trips with my family and friends, amusement park trips, going to movies, and going to restaraunts that were higher-class than McDonald's. And if I was able to go even with my son, I'd usually have to decline just because I couldn't afford it--spending money on my son comes first, so I can't blow $40 plus gas costs to simply go to the zoo when my friends invited me, not to mention take more time off work.
Not only do you limit your social life, but your private life too. If you take your kids out in public and you've got to pee, they go to the bathroom with you. Ah, then the fun begins when your 1-2 year old wants to pick stuff up off the bathroom floor and put it in his mouth, crawl under the bathroom stall, or explore the little metal trash can on the wall where women discard their tampons and pads. Say you pull them off the floor and take the wadded toilet paper from their hand that they're about to shove in their mouth, and what do they do? They have a meltdown! All this while you're just needing 20 seconds to pee!
So I wonder, I really do, WHY kids between the ages of 14 (or younger) to 19 WANT to have babies, especially when they haven't finished high school or they don't even have a 2 year college degree or they're not married. I don't doubt some girls can do this and do it well and do it commendably, but the fact is, most girls can't, and neither can most young men. I'm referring to the "most" in this post.
I am greatful I had my family to help out.. my parents did ALOT...they say there is help out there..some people got over 900$ in startup for a baby from assistance while I got nothing...whatever...my ex bought alot of baby stuff and i was given alot of things.. my mom,dad,gramma(she had money left in her purse...she was dead set on buying me this specific stroller/carseat) my uncles and aunts everyone on my moms side put what they could whether it was 50 dollars...and i got the stroller/carseat my gramma so dearly wanted me to get...like my mom said she wasnt able to see whatelse we got for the baby but at least she saw the stroller...she would have been proud but anyways.. my parents also paid for the paint for the baby room and the bed set...my uncle(dad's brother) bought the crib...so i was VERY lucky...i have extremely good family and one day i will return the favor...we bought 2 laptops(my mom and dad and it came up to 980 with mine and theirs VERY good deal..mine because they made a screw up, i would only have to pay 300 for a 2 yr warrantee, my bag and my laptop..originally it was supposed to be 597 with 100 off but when scanned it was 597 with 497 off but we didnt realize..we asked the guy why it was so cheap and he just said oh the computer rang it in...anyways i will pay half the bill 500$ to my parents since i had budgeted 800 and i needed one come sept for school...they have helped me out and if i can i repay them.. i appreciate all the help...
i can say without the help we received(we continue to receive even though we are doing quite fine now) i wouldnt have known what to do...We planned the pregnancy but you know most people doesnt take their second cycle off the pill to get pregnant...AND i was supposed to be done school and hopefully working by the time it happened...
I think I am a fairly good mom...I hope so anyways...I mean Cameron has more than he needs and he has so much love and i couldnt be any happier to have him.. When times got hard I thought about how easier it would be without a baby but that simply wouldnt be CamCam...I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world EVER...but at 16 I wouldn't have been able to do this.. without support.. i mean i have been the only person he's really been around and he's never really gotten babysat.. I can count on one hand which might be a mistake but I am greatful for the time I got to spend with him during the first year...Going back to school will definately be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do but it's for my son...
Kim it's nice to see how you realize the effect of you having a child has had on the people you reside with...I am alone and have been for 4 years...hence why i didnt really want to move back in with my parents.. i love them dearly but...i couldnt have imagined.. it would have been hectic i think
i can say without the help we received(we continue to receive even though we are doing quite fine now) i wouldnt have known what to do...We planned the pregnancy but you know most people doesnt take their second cycle off the pill to get pregnant...AND i was supposed to be done school and hopefully working by the time it happened...
I think I am a fairly good mom...I hope so anyways...I mean Cameron has more than he needs and he has so much love and i couldnt be any happier to have him.. When times got hard I thought about how easier it would be without a baby but that simply wouldnt be CamCam...I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world EVER...but at 16 I wouldn't have been able to do this.. without support.. i mean i have been the only person he's really been around and he's never really gotten babysat.. I can count on one hand which might be a mistake but I am greatful for the time I got to spend with him during the first year...Going back to school will definately be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do but it's for my son...
Kim it's nice to see how you realize the effect of you having a child has had on the people you reside with...I am alone and have been for 4 years...hence why i didnt really want to move back in with my parents.. i love them dearly but...i couldnt have imagined.. it would have been hectic i think
i agree with the last few posts.
im not saying that young moms arent good moms but im saying that they would be a LOT better prepared and their children would have a better start if they (young girls ttc) waited at least till 20something that way their parents hopefully have gone to college and chosen a good career and fully set up a house and great enviornment for their children.
i dont regret my son at all what so ever, hes the best thing that has EVER happened to me. but it would have been a lot easier on myself and my mother if he came through a little later in life, becuase now im struggleing to go to college (handing in that check today as a matter of fact) comming up with the money for his daycare, among a giant list of things. and because im not on my own, all the things that come along with a baby takes its toll on my mother
im not saying that young moms arent good moms but im saying that they would be a LOT better prepared and their children would have a better start if they (young girls ttc) waited at least till 20something that way their parents hopefully have gone to college and chosen a good career and fully set up a house and great enviornment for their children.
i dont regret my son at all what so ever, hes the best thing that has EVER happened to me. but it would have been a lot easier on myself and my mother if he came through a little later in life, becuase now im struggleing to go to college (handing in that check today as a matter of fact) comming up with the money for his daycare, among a giant list of things. and because im not on my own, all the things that come along with a baby takes its toll on my mother
I survived as a 21 year old mother, but certainly I was not the best mother I could have been. I had a well paying job and lived alone and did not receive any help beyond what any new mother receives from family (baby gifts and so forth).
I wish I would have waited, I thought I was ready. I got pregnant accidently and went through with the pregnancy. I don't regret that child, but I was not ready despite what I told myself at the time.
I lacked the maturity that a few more years would have brought. I made different choices than I would have a few years later. We change as we age.
I wish I would have waited, I thought I was ready. I got pregnant accidently and went through with the pregnancy. I don't regret that child, but I was not ready despite what I told myself at the time.
I lacked the maturity that a few more years would have brought. I made different choices than I would have a few years later. We change as we age.
well said peek...mind you I think anyone thrown out the door to survive may not be able to do it to the benefit of the baby...but everyone having kids we make it all work for each of us and do the best we can do...I know it's a rough world out there and yeah it would be nice to have everything given to you but it surely doesnt work that way... EVER...Like I've said before repeatedly.. I am 22 and my child is very well taken care of by me...i see women who are older beyond their years and older than me and i see it on a daily basis...bars, men, clothes, cars, you name it.. it ALL comes before their children... on the 20th of the month when im out buying my child all his necessities and put money asside all i see if women buying themselves things and their kids are sitting in the cart with clothes that are too small, dirty faces, runny noses, you name it.. god id be so ashamed leaving my kid sticky and dirty especially in public...
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