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211563 tn?1189998110

What is WRONG with me!?

I am just on the verge of tears all day today... I am obsessing about my hairloss (which if it's anxiety related is NOT going to help matters) and I can't focus on anything at work.

I also am having a great deal of sadness today b/c this morning my son (he turned 2 in April) was misbehaving and whining b/c he wanted a bath and we didn't have time before I had to go to work so I told him no, we'd have to wait until tonight.  He kept whining and then he pulled some grass out of this topiary we have in our hall way (he knows better... we've been here before)... so I told him to pick it up.  He said no so I took his pacifier away and stuck it in my pocket.  I told him to clean up the grass and he could have the pacifier back.  He came up and HIT me.  I was dumbfounded.  I told him no pacifier and he came up and hit me again... so I said, "Fine... you want the pacifier?  Well, pacifiers break when you hit mommies." and I took some scissors and cut the nipple off the pacifier and handed it to him.  OH MY GOSH... he was DEVASTATED.  "It broken, It broken!" is all he could say between his tears and crying.  Of course he recovered and was happy as a clam as we loaded into the car, but I am heartsick and can't wait to go get him from daycare and just wrap my arms around him.  I feel SO guilty.

I feel... I don't know... like I'm "broken" today.  Physically I feel really good, but emotionally the last few days have been tough.  Is this normal?
12 Responses
Avatar universal
Oh! Take it from a mom of 3 teenagers he will get over it, actually he hit you which is unaceptable, don't let him sense a bit of guilt from you, even though I know how hard that is. You didn't hurt him, you're human!  Take it easy on yourself.
12758 tn?1201223280
don't beat yourself up...every mom has done something similar....children are very resilient! It isn't like you took away his breakfast...you took away a pacifier...he is 2...he eventually has to get rid of it anyway...so no harm done. Hey could be worse...my daughter sucked her thumb....sheesh...I couldn't "take away her thumb"! It was attached! :) anyway....go easy on yourself and forget about it...do something nice for you to help yourself relax...that will hopefull put you in a better frame of mind to deal with life's ups and downs.. did you say you were on meds for the anxiety? if not, perhaps you should talk to the doc about something to take at least in the short term... it is no crime to need something to cope
12758 tn?1201223280
oops...looks like I left the "y" off hopefully...sorry...
211563 tn?1189998110
I'm not on anything for the anxiety.  I'm still breastfeeding my daughter so even though I got a script for zoloft and diazapam, I have not taken them.  I sometimes think if I'd taken them prior to my TT maybe I would have not had the surgery and would not be in the state I am today.  Shoulda, woulda, coulda... I gotta get over this "looking back" and move on with life!

Today is especially hard and I don't know why.  I don't like it.

We actually had our son weaned from the pacifier (except for bedtime) when his little sister came along and he regressed BIG time... he had to have not one, not two, but THREE pacis.  One in each hand and one in his mouth.  We figured with a baby sucking on a paci we couldn't tell him he could not, so we didn't fight it.  Fortunately my daughter has never taken to the paci, so we are back down to ONE paci at a time with our son and he gets it after dinner and then has to leave it at the door before he goes to daycare.  We're getting there.
211563 tn?1189998110
Thanks... I am on Levoxyl and my labs are all good.  I'm having another blood draw tomorrow... can't imagine much will have changed and I won't get the results until the 26th but I am sure I am not hypo... my TSH is lower than prior to surgery and my FT4 is higher.  That was just 21 day post TT, so I imagine, if anything, my TSH will be the same or even a little lower as the Levoxyl builds up in my body.  Who knows though.

Thanks again for listening.  I just am not myself today... feeling a bit weepy and "poor me" for no good reason.  
11852 tn?1216845043
I'm not a mom, so I would dare offer you advice on misbehaving kids.  Learned from having 45+ nieces, nephews ( alot are great-s) not to give advice as a non-parent.  Anyway,  I do know what it's like to have a TT. Are you on any thy meds?  I was on cytomel for a few days and found out my RAI appoint was 3 wks later.  The week or so off meds are tolerable, but boy, when hypohell hit me...it hit hard.  I didn't go to work the 3 days prior to RAI.  Thank God for my friend Lex....aka lexapro.  I started taking in when I was first diagnosed as Graves and my boyfriend dumped me out of the blue for no good reason.  I took it for about 5 months and went off it.  Was doing great without until "power surges" hit me at 46.  My PCP put me on Effexor, which is a "happy" pill that for some reason takes care of hot flashes.    My point through all this is, we thyroidless beings have a rough road to hoe and need a little help to get through it.  Your body AND mind has been through a lot in the last few months.  If you dont want happy pills,  go get a massage, go get your hair done,  go buy yourself something extravagent, just take a little ME time.  You deserve it...recover doesn't happen overnight...so go easy on yourself.    
197575 tn?1215536224
We've all been through some guilt like that before- he shouldn't have hit you and possibly won't do it again after this.  You can talk to him when you get him later today and apologize.  Kids forget things and forgive easily.  My daughter is 10 now and I have felt the that way many times- and we're close as ever.  Sounds like you need a little break from work, kids, your health, etc......  Sorry you had such a lousy day.  Tomorrow will be better.
209384 tn?1231171906
Everybody has their pity parties, I've certainly had my share of them in 7 1/2 yrs.  Hard not to when you feel like **** and you're having to deal with so much and all in the world you want to do is curl up in bed until it passes.  Don't beat yourself up for it.

Also don't beat yourself up about your son.  I would have nutted out a lot worse than that if my son had hit me.  BIG NONO in our house!  We all do and say things that we regret, and of course it's worse when you do that to your own child, but they are also the most resilient ones.  

To get my son off his paci I tied a ribbon to it and then tied the ribbon to the bottom of his toddler bed (he was a very big 2-yr old at the time) made sure the paci was really close to the mattress so he couldn't get tangled up in the ribbon and so that he had to fight to suck on it to go to sleep.  My mom did this with a crib.  Then as soon as he relaxed it would come out of his mouth and he wouldn't even miss it.  Took me 2 or 3 days to break him from it.  My mom is the one who told me to do this, and it really works.

Hope tomorrow is a much better day for you!

Dac
168348 tn?1379360675
Actually I think what you did was okay ... he is now going to learn there are consequences for his actions.  Hey, at least he got to see the pacifier and you didn't toss it in the garbage.  Well, not so funny as I can totally relate.  My kiddies are now 8, 9, 14 and 16.  My 16yr old seemed to have come out of the womb sucking her two middle fingers .. never could stop it .... ended up with an orthodontic device to stop it (called a rake so fingers cannot get in) .. her fingers messed up her bight.  She now is 16 and has a million dollar smile as her braces were 100% successful.  Now don't get me wrong, she would have needed them anyway fingers or not, but a paci you can take away .. fingers to the degree she was attached are impossible.  I tried EVERY trick in the book from tieing a sock around the hand at night to the hot tasting nail polish to lemon on the nails, etc., etc.

Sorry for the regression.  BTDT, too.  It is tough.  I used to take a lemon wedge and if my daughter bit me (it did happen) I'd take a bit of the bitterness and place it on her lips.  From then on she knew, "Do you Want the Lemon" ???  It did help and wasn't quite as tough as the soap bar my mom used ROTFLOL. Saved, of course, for extreme cases of mouthing off.

You did good.  No need to feel that Mommy Guilt one bit.

Not sure on the anxiety for you yesterday.  Could it be that time of month coming?

C~
Avatar universal
I've had those days too...hopefully tomorrow will be better.  I would also suggest Lexapro.  Maybe you can have that when you're nursing?  I'm not sure.  I was against antidepressants...until I needed one.  It made all the difference. I had depression, triggerred by pregnancy and post-partum issues...but stemming from thyca etc I'm sure.  

About a misbehaving child...I know the feeling.  My oldest turned 2 in January and he has his momemts that I'm not sure if either one will survive, but we do somehow.  There are momemts in motherhood, I'm sure we all wish we could take back, but we can't and everyone gets over it.  I took my 2 year olds blanket (beloved blanket) from him one night b/c of misbehaving, he threw a fit, got over it and I still felt bad.  But, now several months later, no big deal.  I couldn't wait until morning to hug and kiss him though and wrap him in his blanket.

Really though...Lexapro made a HUGE difference, almost overnight.  

God bless,

Nicki
211563 tn?1189998110
Thank you ALL for your sweet words and support.  You are all so incredible... We ALL have so much on our plates health wise and yet you took the time out to soothe my feelings over something quite superficial.  Some days I just have it in me and can "buck up" and other days I just have no strength.

DAC - I thought about tying the paci to the bed, but worried about him getting tangled up in it... duh... never thought about making the string so short he had to stretch to get any "paci action."  Thanks!  I think we'll be trying that soon!

Chitchat - I'm a little confused... what is BTDT?  I'm pretty good with acronyms, but thist one has me stumped.  Thanks for the advice on the biting.  Fortunately, so far, we haven't had to deal with that one.  I wondered if it might be my time of the month coming... it's hard to say b/c I haven't had a period since November of 2005.  Between pregnancy and nursing it's been 20 months since Aunt Flow reared her ugly head and I have NO idea when to expect her again.  With my son she came within a few days of me stopping nursing... and I got pg that month.  So, really I have had one period in the last 3 years.  GOSH, I don't miss them!  Wow... was that TMI!?

Today IS a new day and today WILL BE a better day (DARN IT!) because I said so.  Mind over matter, right!?

BTW: I am not at ALL against medicating to help with anxiety or depression.  My husband worries about me using antidepressants b/c he doesn't want me to be reliant on them for life.  I took prozac for about a year, about 10 years ago when he and I first were together.  He was very happy when I stopped taking it (I, honestly didn't feel any benefit from it, and when I stopped, I felt no change whatsoever).  I think he feels like it's a reflection on him or something... like he's failing me somehow.  I don't know how to impress upon him that he is not any part of the "problem" and the "problem" would only be worse if I didn't have his companionship.  If I wasn't nursing, I would be taking the zoloft I have sitting in my medicine cabinet.
212753 tn?1275076711
Tell your hubby the anti depressents are only doing for you what your body isnt,
I am bi polar and I will take my meds for the rest of my life.(I tried to stop taking them 3 different time and it wasnt pretty.)
Its not like they are narcotics and addictive.Mine have made a world of differnence in my quality of life and I am so much happoer and normal.
Dont be too guilty about your 2 year old they are going to testing the boundaries untill thye leave the house.So be good to yourself.
Love Venora
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