22 yr. old with lots of undiagnosed symptoms.

[Swooshyy]

Hello, I am a 22 year old male currently enrolled in college in Northwestern PA. I was raised in southwestern PA and joined the military at age 18, got out when I was 20, and then started college here. I have known for a few years now that I have a problem inside my head I just cannot diagnose what it is. My family all have depression problems. In that side of the family my grandpa died when he was 77 and my grandma is still alive and in very good health at 80 yrs old. I have heard the family mention several times that my grandpa had Tourettes syndrome but I do not believe he was ever diagnosed that and think it was an assumption because of the way he would constantly bite his inner cheek. I have 5 Aunts in that side of the family all with some sort of depression issue. Most of the family is on SSRI's and it seems as if it works pretty well. My sister is also on SSRI's and she always seems like she is in a good mood and never seems to stop talking. She does have a problem with picking up after herself as her house is disgusting and she has problems paying her bills even though she makes decent money. Other than that I have 3 male cousins all with some sort of problem, some being worse than the others. Mostly the girls in the family don't seem to have many problems and they all like to talk all the time besides 1 out of the 4. I have put together a list of symptoms and things that I have noticed about myself present- to when I was born.

- Highly Lethargic, never seem to have energy unless taking ADHD medication
- High Anxiety
- Almost no self-worth
- Lack of almost all confidence
- Worrying and fear about almost everything
- I constantly bite my bottom lip and if I try to stop my subconscious continues it
- I've never been able to keep sleep patterns normal besides boot camp
-Very easy for the mind to wander and have thought of some very creative ideas
- Had straight A's in elementary school, all went downhill after about the age of 9 or 10.
- Trouble concentrating on tasks, sometimes have to reread things 10-15 times to understand what I am reading. also becomes very frustrating
- Seems like being on a computer or phone makes focusing easier.
- Seemed to cut any sort of social life out from 7th to 10th or 11th grade. Only thing I did was play video games and virtual reality games and didn't want to do anything else.
- Developed a Lazy eye during this period, it isn't 100% lazy but only when I wake up does it not go back to normal without me making it
- It seems like on a daily basis I am always thinking about what is wrong with me and why
- I didn't hit puberty as fast as everyone else did
- I had seizures when I was a child and now if I stand up to quick it feels like I am having one but only lasts about 2-10 seconds
- When I was a child I was extremely good at sports and as I aged I didn't stay the best
- My posture when I run developed to a strange looking run
- At one point at my life I would walk down the hallway in school and actually tell myself to walk normal and made sure I didn't look weird
- I wish everyday I could be more of an extrovert and actually love talking to people but social interaction just doesn't click for me and I always think about what I am thinking about while trying to have a conversation, and sometimes I won't even make it to the conversation because ill think about that before I even talk to the person.
- Alcohol, Pre-Workout, ADHD medications all seem to help me out with talking to someone individually.
- Public speaking is almost impossible
- Flap my hands when I talk (not Italian)
- Seem to get afraid in new situations
- I cannot stand being touched by people
- I hate cuddling with a significant other
- I ejaculate very soon during sex with someone new every single time. Approximately 10-30 seconds. Eventually get used to the person and I can last longer. (confidence shouldn't be an issue as I am good at sex and have a rather large penis)
- When I was a child I had large ears and was picked on for it.
- I cannot stand making eye contact with someone during a conversation
- I cannot even talk to a new person if I am making eye contact I have to look down
- I had temper problems as a child but I have not had those problems for about 3 years now
- I have extremely soft skin
- had extremely bad acne from about 15or16 to the age of 20
- I have extremely flexible fingers
- My skin is very strechable
- I still get hives to this day but I used to get extremely bad hives on my skin from the smallest of things
- I can pop my 4th fingers both out of place and put them back into place
- Im very sensitive to loud yelling or any loud sounds, it hurts.
- I haven't cleaned my ears in 3 years and these noises still hurt me
- I tend to use a lot of words that aren't in my vocabulary
- I cannot take criticism from anyone and it really makes me mad when someone tries
- Cannot stand being interrupted
- I am always moving my hands
- It seems like everyday someone tells me they can't hear me when I am definitely talking loud enough for them to hear me
- I seem to hit my leg pretty hard if I do something really wrong
- I have heart palpations when I get anxiety and a lump in my throat
- I have extreme sleeping problems, I haven't had a set schedule since in the military
- It doesn't hurt that much being pinched than it does to others
- Seems like I can hear noises most people don't hear
- Lower back pain
- If tasked with something difficult I have to take some sort of clothing off I get too hot
- Cannot hold a relationship with someone
- Very independent
- When I was a child I always thought there was a ball of string or something in my chest and I needed to pull it out
- I get startled very easilypeople used to take advantage of this and I would come up with the joke (I was beat as a child) I knew and everyone knew I wasn’t
- Don't want to have sex with someone in a relationship after about a month
- Constant fear of being overwhelmed
- I always stop myself from doing things so I don't make a fool of myself
- I have repetitive mind chatter and stuck thoughts on a daily basis.