Welcome to the MedHelp forum!
I am sorry to hear about all this. What you have is adult onset bed wetting and this is probably due to stress of what all you have been through. The other reasons could be functionally small bladder, diabetes mellitus, diabetes insipidus, urinary bladder wall instability, UTI, stones and neurological problems. Diabetes and neurological problems should be focused on.
I would suggest you get the blood levels of the following checked if they have not already been checked: potassium, calcium, sodium, magnesium, vitamin B complex, or vitamins B1, B3, or B6 and Vitamin D. Generally deficiencies of any of the above can cause muscle twitching and spasms in localized or generalized areas of the body. Get your kidney function, parathyroid gland function and adrenal function tests done because these affect the electrolyte balance in the body. Stress, alcohol, caffeine and fatigue all cause similar symptoms. Hence if you take alcohol or coffee then cut this down. Sleep at regular hours and see if it helps. Certain sleep disorders and peripheral nerve disorders due to diabetes or hypothyroidism can also be the cause.
It is difficult to comment beyond this at this stage. Do consult your doctor. Take care!