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I 'Survived the Unsurvivalable" - But I was not prepared fpr what my life has become afterwards

Two years ago, I "survived the unsurvivable", as one of my hospitalists put it, on the day I was discharged from the hospital following a 24-day stint there, 20 of them in ICU. Having gone to bed speaking oddly, My wife drove my to the ER in the morning after I could not explain why there was free blood on a gash on my forehead. As I babbled the triage nurse took my BP a second time - it was 64/32. Although conscious the ER doctor said I'd been in shock, probably cardiogenic shock, for hours already. Tests revealed that my kidneys had failed, my heart was failing, my liver was in trouble. No MI was spotted, but my troponin level was elevated. An on-call cardiologist inserted in intraortic pump to help my heart telling my wife I would be dead within the hour if I wasn't transported 40 minutes to a tertiary heart center.

I remember Neither this nor the 5 days I spent in an induced coma on mechanical respiration, the 5 after that when I was 'conscious' and talking, nor the next 5 days recovering from quintuple bypass surgery, performed when an angiogram revealed  that my negative results from a nuclear scan stress test done 6 months earlier were FALSE negative.

I left the hospital on something of a high -- I had 1000+ to 1 odds of surviving and I had beaten those odds.
Going through These past 2 years have tempered my enhusiasm and on a few occasions have made me think that what I had won after beating those long odds was a body and a brain that feels like a body and brain and and organ system that went without oxygen for way longer than I should have and still survive.

I can't find an M.D. who is willing to give me the whole picture of what happened to me and what it means for more future energy and quality of life, both of which are lousy.

So where can I go from here, and to whom, yo get better answers?


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