Oh sweetheart, from your post I gather "you" are the "friend". I am so sorry you went thru this horrible thing. My daughter was raped when she was 15 by a "friend of the family" and she went thru horrible depression. I imagine that the drinking and the pills have done quite a number on your insides that will take time to heal. You may even have IBS from all of this.
Get therapy, get therapy, get therapy. I cannot stress this enough. There are emotions that you MUST talk out and that is the only way to eventually work past it. Rape is not ever something to feel guilty about, yet the victims usually do. My daughter is now 22 and she still has anxiety attacks, but she is married with a daughter of her own now and you can live a normal, productive life, but you have to try, try, try and talk, talk, talk.
I'm glad you are off the drugs and alcohol. Get a counselor and make sure your diet includes healthy food choices. You may want to see a dr. to determine if you have IBS. There are meds for that as well.
I will pray for you sweetheart. Let me know how you do.
I agree, it might not be a physicall thing but a mental problem. Get therapy and get better. You are alive and there is plenty to live for. By the way, did they get the scumbag who did this to you, Hope he is rotting in jail..............
The drugs and alcohol may have caused physical damage, but at only 19 years old, you are likely to recover. There are exercises that you can do to strengthen your anal muscles, and your urinary muscles. Your gynecologist should be able to teach these to you, as this can occasionaly be a problem for some women after giving birth. It is likely that the cause is mostly psychological, but there are possible physical causes. Did you get assurance from your Dr. that there was no damage or poorly healed tearing? Are you okay with getting a physical exam down there? You may need to let them do a rectal exam, and possibly a scope of rectal and urinary tracts in order to rule out any damage. Other physical causes such as MS are possible, but unlikely at your age. I agree that you need serious therapy, whether your incontinence is psychological or not. Find a certified Psychologist who specializes in sexual abuse cases. You may feel more comfortable if you take your Mom or Sister, or even a close girlfriend, to your appointments with the gyn., and even to help you meet a psychologist. You may cosider short term treatment with medication for anxiety as well. Good luck. Try to get your life back. God loves you.
i'm sorry about what happened...you need to go back to your doctor...you first need to get a neurological exam to make sure nothing physical is causing incontinence....i dont think this is a result of your emotional state. incontinence is not normal in a 19 yr old...you probably need a ct scan of your spine to rule out any problems and if they cant find anything causing this then a psychological approach is necessary.
good luck and i'll pray for you.
Discussing issues for a third party is often a way to ask questions which you do not want people to know is your problem. Having had experience of working with young people who have been sexually abused I know that it has a multi-faceted impact on individuals emotional and physical wellbeing.
I would certainly advise you to have a thorough medical check up. I also think you should definately seek some counselling help.
Regarding the incontinence if it does have an emotional basis I would like you to know that is not uncommon. I worked with a young women who was also 15 yrs old and she was incontinent as a direct result of a sexual assault. . She also had other problems related to hygeine EG didnt wash because if she did she thought men would be attracted to her. Counselling helped her work through her issues.
She is a beautiful young woman now who through professional help has come to terms with the past and learnt that the road to recovery is through help and support and looking forward to a positive future. My heart goes out to you! You are a survivor and I wish you all the best. Take Care
Thank y'all for all of your responses. I'm sorry I lied about it being a friend. I'm just so embarrassed, and confused, and I didn't know what to do. I'm going to go to my doctor and make sure, again, that it's not physical. I think this summer when school lets out, I'm going to go to an inpatient mental hospital, and work through those problems.
I also need to clarify something I said before. I said in the earlier post that I quit using drugs and alcohol, but what I should have said was, "I am trying to quit using drugs and alcohol." I have significantly reduced my intake, though.
I just still feel so helpless and depressed. I feel like I'm not a whole person anymore. Something's missing. And I feel worthless.
These are all very common feelings of the victims of rape. This is why it is so extremely important to get counseling for this. It took my daughter a long time to regain her self esteem and to feel "whole" again. Oh my heart just breaks for you. Listen, if you ever just need to talk, please feel free to email me at ***@****. I will be glad to listen.
Take Good Care,
Theres nothing wrong in asking advice in the third person especially in respect of the traumatic circumstances which led you to this forum. Rape is for each individual a personal issue . Drugs and alcohol may make you feel better whilst using because they make all your turmoil go away for a short period of time. Please please try not to endanger yourself by using substances which will harm you .
Your feelings of worthlessness are a response to the trauma you have gone through. Pammysue is right your self esteem is low at the moment but please believe both Pammysue and I that there are ways forward. A time will come when you can wake up in the morning and feel good about yourself and the world.
Is there no one who is close to you that you can confide in that may support you so that you can find the help which you need. It is much easier to seek help with someone at your side. Chris