Aa
My Mum says I'm to skinny and need to maintain a weight but I disagree how can I lose more weight??? Plus could me losing weight be connected to my period being 3 weeks late??? Even if I'm not under weight???
My Mum told me this morning that Im getting to skinny and that I need to maintain a weight but I don't agree with her I need to lose 17lbs!!!! But the thing is I had lost 4lbs in 3 days 2 weeks ago and since then I have gained it all back I feel like a failure!!!! I am 5 foot 10 and 150lbs :( I want to be 132 because that's the lowest I can go for my hight. But really I don't care if have to go a few pounds or as many as needed to have a flat stumic. How can I lose weight if my Mum trys to make me eat more??? Right now I usualy eat half a plate for dinner I wish I could eat as little as I did last week a small peace of chicken about the size of my palm and a hot dog and sadly a pop!!!! I am also doing a exersise every other night to tone everything up and build mussel!!!!
And also since last night when I turned just my torso around I got a sharp pain in the left side of my stumic it only lasted a second but it came backtoday whyle I was bathing for a few minutes off and on could that be connected to meosing weight???
Plus my period is 3 weeks late could that be caused by losing weight??? Even though I'm not under weight???
And also since last night when I turned just my torso around I got a sharp pain in the left side of my stumic it only lasted a second but it came backtoday whyle I was bathing for a few minutes off and on could that be connected to meosing weight???
Plus my period is 3 weeks late could that be caused by losing weight??? Even though I'm not under weight???
P.S. Remember to send future notes through the message link. I won't be looking here anymore.
Awesome, Bran. I'll send you a "Friend Request" and then we can chat via the message link. I won't be able to write more tonight and maybe not tomorrow, but I'll write as soon as I can. 'Til then:
1) Swimming's great exercise. You don't have to be the best, you just have to enjoy it as you obviously do. And do you realize what you did? You turned a negative (almost drowning in 2006) into a positive (learning how to swim)! You can do that in lots of areas of your life. You did that today, too, when instead of saying "I'm fat & broke the wall", you said what was really true: "I hit a weak spot in the wall at just the right angle, so it broke." If any negatives come up before we get to talk again, I'd like you to try to make a positive of it & then write to me and tell me what you did to turn a negative thought/experience into a positive one.
2) Don't you run anywhere where it may be dangerous. Run only where you will be safe!
3) Our bodies change hour to hour (even minute to minute). Our position, posture, the angle we're looking from; whether we've eaten or had something to drink; even whether we've gone to the bathroom or not will change our reflection in the mirror and our weight on the scale. And our moods and how we're feeling about ourselves will change the way we see ourselves, too.
Talk soon, Bran,
"Sky"
1) Swimming's great exercise. You don't have to be the best, you just have to enjoy it as you obviously do. And do you realize what you did? You turned a negative (almost drowning in 2006) into a positive (learning how to swim)! You can do that in lots of areas of your life. You did that today, too, when instead of saying "I'm fat & broke the wall", you said what was really true: "I hit a weak spot in the wall at just the right angle, so it broke." If any negatives come up before we get to talk again, I'd like you to try to make a positive of it & then write to me and tell me what you did to turn a negative thought/experience into a positive one.
2) Don't you run anywhere where it may be dangerous. Run only where you will be safe!
3) Our bodies change hour to hour (even minute to minute). Our position, posture, the angle we're looking from; whether we've eaten or had something to drink; even whether we've gone to the bathroom or not will change our reflection in the mirror and our weight on the scale. And our moods and how we're feeling about ourselves will change the way we see ourselves, too.
Talk soon, Bran,
"Sky"
My Mum know about the hole in the wall my sister covers for me she told my Mum and step dad that she griped over her pants it was actualy kinda hilarious they didn't get mad at allyhey just laughed lol.
And ya it's alright with mento friend each other. O agree this is getting really long lol I have to extend the page like 10 times lol :D
And I'm not great at swimming myself but I love the feeling of water up against y skin and always have lol. Though I would scream when I was little and my family would try to make me go in the water or near olly the octopus lol because the water was cold lol we have pictures and there hilarious lol.
And in summer 2006 I almost drowned because I thought I could swim across the pond with out a floaty lol and I called my sister but she ignored me because she thought I was just trying to show her somthing lol but some girls let me in their blow up boat.
So I decided to let my friend Taylor give me swimming lesons and I'm still not the gratest. But in grade 9 when I heard there was a swim team I jumped at the thought of it I was the worst swimmer on the team lol but I did get the most improved swimmer at the end of the year. I wasent great but most improved and last year in grade 10 I got moat improved junior swimmer.
Now I am in grade 11 the swim team hasent started yet but I'm going to join again mabey I'll make it COSA this year and mabey even make it to OFSA but that's very unlikely but maybe I'll at least master my dives and swim turns lol and not do belly flops and flow better in the water.
I love swimming it relaxing and gives you time to think. I can't wait for it to start up this year so I can see what I can out of it this year!!!!
I am really exited to the run were it is because there are many hills just like everywere se around here lol. So it's a good exersise. Also time to think. The only thing is I don't want to be labels and people who go back there at lunch vet labels as druggies wich I deffently am not. But what ever I think people know me enouph as a goodi goodie lol that thell probably just now that that's not what I'm up to! I just want to be Nore active and get in shale and lose a bit more weight!
Also I have a qestoin why is it when I wake up some mournings my stumic seems flat and when I suck in to see if there's any difference but nit even a hour later I can see a huge difference??? I dint suck in all day just when I look in the mirror morning to see what having a flat stumic will look like.
Anyways I would love to friend each other :D
And ya it's alright with mento friend each other. O agree this is getting really long lol I have to extend the page like 10 times lol :D
And I'm not great at swimming myself but I love the feeling of water up against y skin and always have lol. Though I would scream when I was little and my family would try to make me go in the water or near olly the octopus lol because the water was cold lol we have pictures and there hilarious lol.
And in summer 2006 I almost drowned because I thought I could swim across the pond with out a floaty lol and I called my sister but she ignored me because she thought I was just trying to show her somthing lol but some girls let me in their blow up boat.
So I decided to let my friend Taylor give me swimming lesons and I'm still not the gratest. But in grade 9 when I heard there was a swim team I jumped at the thought of it I was the worst swimmer on the team lol but I did get the most improved swimmer at the end of the year. I wasent great but most improved and last year in grade 10 I got moat improved junior swimmer.
Now I am in grade 11 the swim team hasent started yet but I'm going to join again mabey I'll make it COSA this year and mabey even make it to OFSA but that's very unlikely but maybe I'll at least master my dives and swim turns lol and not do belly flops and flow better in the water.
I love swimming it relaxing and gives you time to think. I can't wait for it to start up this year so I can see what I can out of it this year!!!!
I am really exited to the run were it is because there are many hills just like everywere se around here lol. So it's a good exersise. Also time to think. The only thing is I don't want to be labels and people who go back there at lunch vet labels as druggies wich I deffently am not. But what ever I think people know me enouph as a goodi goodie lol that thell probably just now that that's not what I'm up to! I just want to be Nore active and get in shale and lose a bit more weight!
Also I have a qestoin why is it when I wake up some mournings my stumic seems flat and when I suck in to see if there's any difference but nit even a hour later I can see a huge difference??? I dint suck in all day just when I look in the mirror morning to see what having a flat stumic will look like.
Anyways I would love to friend each other :D
Well, Bran, we've had the weight talk before. I really think you are at a perfect weight so I hope running doesn't cause you to lose much. It'll be GREAT though, if it helps strengthen your muscles and build up your heart and lungs. Everyone feels a bit winded when they first start a new activity/exercise, but going slowly at first and building up gradually should help. If you feel really short of breath though and it doesn't improve, you should probably just touch base with your doctor in case it's your asthma acting up; some people have exercise-induced asthma. I don't expect that to happen to you, especially since it's been so long since your asthma bothered you, but if it does, it's usually pretty simple to fix by taking a dose of your inhaler before exercising. As for the "stitch" in the side---yep, I get them too. Make sure you stretch before running and that you bring a bottle or two of water to stay well hydrated.
So, you take drama class, too. Do you ever have to get up in front of the group to read lines or perform? Do you like that or does it make you nervous---or both? That used to make me nervous but then I started teaching and had to conquer the fear of being in front of a group.
You swim, too???!!!??? That is the world's BEST exercise. I've taken beginning swimming about 5 or 6 times and STILL can't swim! I get too nervous and feel like I'm drowning when I get water in my face---even in the shower! I'm jealous.
Now---your reaction to putting a hole in the wall? THAT was PERFECT! You are absolutely right that it happened because you hit it at just the right angle where there was a weakness and it has NOTHING to do with your weight. That's what you have to do with all those things that begin to make you feel bad about yourself: You have to step back and look at the situation from a different angle. Does Mum know about the wall yet? Just explain that you & sis were fooling around & it happened accidently and you are sorry.
Hey, now that we've been exchanging notes for a while, would it be okay if we "friend" each other? That way, we can exchange notes through the "message" link instead of the forum. That'll will make it more private, plus we won't have to scroll ALL THE WAY DOWN this LONG---LONG---LONG scroll! (My arm gets tired & I run out of desk room for my mouse!) If it's okay, just send me a friend request and send your next note to me through the message link.
So, you take drama class, too. Do you ever have to get up in front of the group to read lines or perform? Do you like that or does it make you nervous---or both? That used to make me nervous but then I started teaching and had to conquer the fear of being in front of a group.
You swim, too???!!!??? That is the world's BEST exercise. I've taken beginning swimming about 5 or 6 times and STILL can't swim! I get too nervous and feel like I'm drowning when I get water in my face---even in the shower! I'm jealous.
Now---your reaction to putting a hole in the wall? THAT was PERFECT! You are absolutely right that it happened because you hit it at just the right angle where there was a weakness and it has NOTHING to do with your weight. That's what you have to do with all those things that begin to make you feel bad about yourself: You have to step back and look at the situation from a different angle. Does Mum know about the wall yet? Just explain that you & sis were fooling around & it happened accidently and you are sorry.
Hey, now that we've been exchanging notes for a while, would it be okay if we "friend" each other? That way, we can exchange notes through the "message" link instead of the forum. That'll will make it more private, plus we won't have to scroll ALL THE WAY DOWN this LONG---LONG---LONG scroll! (My arm gets tired & I run out of desk room for my mouse!) If it's okay, just send me a friend request and send your next note to me through the message link.
Oh and my youth leader is older than me I thin she is 23 she is my youth leader not my youth pastor. Just to make sure you understand
Well I'm not a good runner. I haven't started yet but I am starting this Friday if I remember to wear my convers and not my flats lol. I suck at running I get a cramp on my side wich some people call a stitch when I run lol. I'll be doing it alone and I I'm doing it to lose weight and to get in better shape. It was a slap to the face yesterday in drama class when all we did was run a few meters and I was out of breath!
So I also want to get into shape and plus it help member some leg mussels wich will be good for the swim team when it starts in October or November.
BAHAHAHA like half an hour ago I accedently attacked my bathroom wall. Haha my sister was fooling around and I ran towards the wall and slipped and used the wall for support. And my hand went threw the wall. Now I could sit here and call my self fat for that but I know that's not it the wall was weak and I bit it at just the right angle. I can tell it had nothing to with my weight lol I would rather lauph at this then hate on myself for it lol :D
So I also want to get into shape and plus it help member some leg mussels wich will be good for the swim team when it starts in October or November.
BAHAHAHA like half an hour ago I accedently attacked my bathroom wall. Haha my sister was fooling around and I ran towards the wall and slipped and used the wall for support. And my hand went threw the wall. Now I could sit here and call my self fat for that but I know that's not it the wall was weak and I bit it at just the right angle. I can tell it had nothing to with my weight lol I would rather lauph at this then hate on myself for it lol :D
Ah...just got your message about the ADD. If you are on any medications for that, your counselor will want to know the name, dose & how often you take it. S/he may also ask about the methods the person at school suggests to help you and how effective you think those methods are.
So, you run, too! Are you on a team or do you just run alone? Cross-country, short track or trail? I used to be the fastest girl in school (sprints, not distance) but I gave it up after 8th grade 'cause the boys didn't seem to like girls who could run faster than they could (and, I could run faster, for short distances, than even the fastest boy in school!) Boy, do I regret giving up running---I reallly think I could've been in the Olympics if I had the right training! And even if I hadn't made the Olympics, I think running would have helped keep me slimmer, kept my muscles stronger, and given me a way to "burn off" stress. Now, though, I couldn't run (or even jog) 25 feet without collapsing! I did a half-marathon a few years ago on the Ironman course in Hawaii...I had gained a lot of weight (up to 240 lbs. at one time, but down to 140-150 at the time of the race) and I hadn't exercised AT ALL in DECADES. I also hurt myself prior to the race (shin splints/stress fractures, plantar fasciitis)...so, I wound up WALKING instead of running. I came in third to last. I could feel bad about it, but instead like to think how great it was that I went from no exercise to finishing a half-marathon and I think of all the great people I met while training for and completing the race. I got to visit Hawaii and see sights I'd never seen before. And, I didn't quit---even when my feet and legs hurt, even when I might not finish the race in time to get a finisher's medal, even when I was so slow that I thought another runner I worked with might make fun of me. I didn't quit and I have my race number and medal hung in my house where everyone can see it along with the newspaper report showing I was third to last!
So, you run, too! Are you on a team or do you just run alone? Cross-country, short track or trail? I used to be the fastest girl in school (sprints, not distance) but I gave it up after 8th grade 'cause the boys didn't seem to like girls who could run faster than they could (and, I could run faster, for short distances, than even the fastest boy in school!) Boy, do I regret giving up running---I reallly think I could've been in the Olympics if I had the right training! And even if I hadn't made the Olympics, I think running would have helped keep me slimmer, kept my muscles stronger, and given me a way to "burn off" stress. Now, though, I couldn't run (or even jog) 25 feet without collapsing! I did a half-marathon a few years ago on the Ironman course in Hawaii...I had gained a lot of weight (up to 240 lbs. at one time, but down to 140-150 at the time of the race) and I hadn't exercised AT ALL in DECADES. I also hurt myself prior to the race (shin splints/stress fractures, plantar fasciitis)...so, I wound up WALKING instead of running. I came in third to last. I could feel bad about it, but instead like to think how great it was that I went from no exercise to finishing a half-marathon and I think of all the great people I met while training for and completing the race. I got to visit Hawaii and see sights I'd never seen before. And, I didn't quit---even when my feet and legs hurt, even when I might not finish the race in time to get a finisher's medal, even when I was so slow that I thought another runner I worked with might make fun of me. I didn't quit and I have my race number and medal hung in my house where everyone can see it along with the newspaper report showing I was third to last!
(continued)
When I told you that counseling is hard work, Bran, it was largely because it's not a magic, instant solution. You won't have all the answers after your first appointment. In fact, you may not even have all the questions then. Counseling is a slow process of you getting to trust the counselor and the counselor getting to know you. There will be times you may be upset or embarrassed to share certain things. There may be times you think the counselor doesn't understand or that s/he's giving you the wrong advice. Feelings or issues may come up that you haven't felt or thought of before. It's like peeling an onion or unmaking a bed---sometimes you don't know what's underneath until you take the top layers off. With time, though, you and your counselor will get a better idea of what your problems/worries are, what is causing/contributing to them, and what the best way to overcome them are. So be honest with your counselor and yourself. If counseling brings up new worries, ask your youth pastor if you can confide in her. Remember, too, that counselors are experts in mental health but you are the expert in you. Don't run away from a counselor because s/he is offering a solution you don't like or asking you to do something that is difficult---right now, Bran, I think that your view of yourself isn't as clear as it needs to be, so you may have to accept how someone else is seeing you/your life for a while. Be open to thir viewpoint, give their suggestions an honest chance and try things their way as long as they are not asking you to compromise your morals. BUT---if after your best efforts you're not finding them helpful, then discuss this with them and with your youth pastor. The counselor may just need a better understanding your position and may change his/her approach accordingly or you may benefit from talking to a different counselor with a different approach.
Just as they have different ways of getting to know you, various counselors have different approaches to dealing with the problems that are identified. Some will just talk things out with you. Some may use written materials or role play to identify certain situations, how they affected/may affect you and how you dealt with or can deal with them in the future. Some may suggest exercises you can do identify/practice different ways to interact with others during difficult exchanges. Some use art, poetry or music to help identify worries and ways to cope with them.
So...what is important, Bran, is: be honest with your counselor; know that the process may be temporarily upsetting at times but that in the long-run it will help; make a list of your major worries 'cause it's hard to remember everything you want to share when you are scare or upset; keep contact with your youth pastor and use her support when you need it; and believe that things will get better, though it may take some time. I believe in you, Bran. You sound like someone I'd be proud of to have as a daughter or friend. I want very much for you to reach a happy point in your life. It's going to take some hard work on your part to get there, but I KNOW you can do it.
Now, I MUST stop writing or YOU will have no time to do your math homework and I will have no time to pay my bills or do my house chores! Even when I'm not able to write long or frequent letters, Bran, please know that I am thinking of you, sending positive energy your way, praying for you and hoping that your life will soon be happy and peaceful!
When I told you that counseling is hard work, Bran, it was largely because it's not a magic, instant solution. You won't have all the answers after your first appointment. In fact, you may not even have all the questions then. Counseling is a slow process of you getting to trust the counselor and the counselor getting to know you. There will be times you may be upset or embarrassed to share certain things. There may be times you think the counselor doesn't understand or that s/he's giving you the wrong advice. Feelings or issues may come up that you haven't felt or thought of before. It's like peeling an onion or unmaking a bed---sometimes you don't know what's underneath until you take the top layers off. With time, though, you and your counselor will get a better idea of what your problems/worries are, what is causing/contributing to them, and what the best way to overcome them are. So be honest with your counselor and yourself. If counseling brings up new worries, ask your youth pastor if you can confide in her. Remember, too, that counselors are experts in mental health but you are the expert in you. Don't run away from a counselor because s/he is offering a solution you don't like or asking you to do something that is difficult---right now, Bran, I think that your view of yourself isn't as clear as it needs to be, so you may have to accept how someone else is seeing you/your life for a while. Be open to thir viewpoint, give their suggestions an honest chance and try things their way as long as they are not asking you to compromise your morals. BUT---if after your best efforts you're not finding them helpful, then discuss this with them and with your youth pastor. The counselor may just need a better understanding your position and may change his/her approach accordingly or you may benefit from talking to a different counselor with a different approach.
Just as they have different ways of getting to know you, various counselors have different approaches to dealing with the problems that are identified. Some will just talk things out with you. Some may use written materials or role play to identify certain situations, how they affected/may affect you and how you dealt with or can deal with them in the future. Some may suggest exercises you can do identify/practice different ways to interact with others during difficult exchanges. Some use art, poetry or music to help identify worries and ways to cope with them.
So...what is important, Bran, is: be honest with your counselor; know that the process may be temporarily upsetting at times but that in the long-run it will help; make a list of your major worries 'cause it's hard to remember everything you want to share when you are scare or upset; keep contact with your youth pastor and use her support when you need it; and believe that things will get better, though it may take some time. I believe in you, Bran. You sound like someone I'd be proud of to have as a daughter or friend. I want very much for you to reach a happy point in your life. It's going to take some hard work on your part to get there, but I KNOW you can do it.
Now, I MUST stop writing or YOU will have no time to do your math homework and I will have no time to pay my bills or do my house chores! Even when I'm not able to write long or frequent letters, Bran, please know that I am thinking of you, sending positive energy your way, praying for you and hoping that your life will soon be happy and peaceful!
(continued)
So...that brings us to your letter from today. Counseling and what to expect.
There are many different kinds of mental health counselors and there are many different approaches to counseling. Some of the professionals who may provide counseling are social workers, psychologists, mental health nurse practitioners or psychiatrists (physicians who specialize in mental health). The latter two can prescribe medications should they be needed; the first two can't prescribe medications but will refer you to someone who can if they feel that medication could be helpful to the patient. Some counselors specialize in certain areas: adolescents, eating disorders, learning disabilities, family or marriage counseling, while others are "generalists" who cover all of these areas.
At the first meeting, the counselor will want to get to know you better. Some use a questionnaire for this, others just talk to you. Some take notes while talking to you, especially if you have a lot of concerns and they know they won't be able to explore all of them right away but want to remember to discuss them later, others don't. Some ask questions directed to get specific information quickly while others may ask more "open ended" or "broader" questions like "So tell me why you're here" or "Tell me about yourself" or "What can I do for you?" to get a better "feel" for what YOU think is important for them to know about you/your concerns. Some may be very direct and say, "So, I understand you came here because you tried to kill yourself." Although they all have a different approach, all will probably want to understand the following things about you (though it may take more than one meeting to discover all of it):
***Who are you and why are you here? They'll want to know how old you are, what you do for school or work, and what are the major reasons you are coming to counseling. I've only known you for a couple of weeks, Brandy, so I don't really know you at all. Your list might be entirely different from mine and forgive me if I'm wrong. But if a counselor were asking me to make a list of things you should explore in counseling, I'd include: 1) depression & suicidal thoughts/attempts; 2) self-esteem and body image issues leading to wanting to lose more weight than she probably needs to; 3) feeling not as loved or cared for by Mum as she thinks her siblings are or as much as she desires/needs; 4) not being able to communicate as well as she'd like with Mum; 5) being far away from Dad & Auntie Mommy and feeling she can't talk to them as often or as privately as she'd like; and 6) struggling with some school work.
***Tell me about your friends & family. They'll want to know who you live with and what close family members live elsewhere. They'll want to know how you get along with your Mum, Dad, siblings. They'll want to know if there are any family members you have conflicts with or any whom you consider supportive. They'll want to know if you date, whether you have close friends, religious leaders, teachers or others whom you turn to for support. They may ask whether there is any history of depression or suicide in your family since these things sometimes affect more than one person in a family.
***Medical history in you and your family. They may ask about any medical problems you or close family members have had. Some, like thyroid problems and certain vitamin deficiencies, can lead to depression...others may affect the choice of medications they prescribe if they are needed. They'll also want to know if relatives have had any depression, suicidal attempts, schizophrenia or other mental illnesses since a family history of these things often make it more likely for others in the family to have them. Sometimes they will recommend having blood work done (to look for medical conditions that can contribute to depression)---while this isn't rare, it isn't common either, so don't worry about it. I'm just telling you so you won't be shocked if someone does suggest it.
***Do you use any drugs or alcohol? Is there a history of drug or alcohol abuse in your family? Is there any history of verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse in your family? (They may ask about your dating and sexual activity, too.) They ask these things not to be nosy or to blame anyone, Bran. It's just that in some people with depression, there is a family history of these things that contributed, in part, to the depression. And in some people, they react to the depression by using drugs or alcohol or by becoming sexually promiscuous. So, if they ask, they are not being critical; it's routine.
***What kinds of symptoms have you been having? They will want to know about your sleep, appetite and any recent change in weight since these things are often affected by depression. They may ask you about eating disorders or about how you see your body.
***Tell me about school (or your grades). They'll want to know how you do in school, whether it's easy or hard for you and how much school stresses you, if at all. As I said before, school performance can slide when you are depressed----or poor school performance can contribute to causing stress and depression. Grades are often also a source of conflict @ home for teens. So, that's why they'll ask. They may also ask you about learning disorders or any history of ADD/ADHD in you or your close relatives since these can also impact both school performance and self-esteem. If, as they get to know you, they think you may have learning disabilities, they may do specific testing to assess you for that.
***"Tell me what you do for fun." Or, "what do you do when you are stressed?" Or, "What are your coping mechanisms?" They'll want to know if you hang out with friends or if you mostly stay home. Whether you have a best friend, several close friends or many more distant friends. They'll want to know what kind of hobbies (such as your music) you do. Whether you have a faith tradition (such as Church and your youth group) that helps to sustain you.
They may not ask all of these questions or they may combine some into a single question. They may ask directly or in a more subtle way. What they are trying to do is: 1) identify the problems that are affecting you, 2) determine the factors that could be contributing to or resulting from those problems, 3) determine which of the problems are most serious and need to be addressed immediately, 4) determine what kind of supports and coping skills you have to deal with the problems, 5) assure that you are safe at home and that they can provide adequate guidance to you through outpatient counseling, and 6) come up with a plan---with your input---to help you begin to work through and cope with the problems. (continued)
So...that brings us to your letter from today. Counseling and what to expect.
There are many different kinds of mental health counselors and there are many different approaches to counseling. Some of the professionals who may provide counseling are social workers, psychologists, mental health nurse practitioners or psychiatrists (physicians who specialize in mental health). The latter two can prescribe medications should they be needed; the first two can't prescribe medications but will refer you to someone who can if they feel that medication could be helpful to the patient. Some counselors specialize in certain areas: adolescents, eating disorders, learning disabilities, family or marriage counseling, while others are "generalists" who cover all of these areas.
At the first meeting, the counselor will want to get to know you better. Some use a questionnaire for this, others just talk to you. Some take notes while talking to you, especially if you have a lot of concerns and they know they won't be able to explore all of them right away but want to remember to discuss them later, others don't. Some ask questions directed to get specific information quickly while others may ask more "open ended" or "broader" questions like "So tell me why you're here" or "Tell me about yourself" or "What can I do for you?" to get a better "feel" for what YOU think is important for them to know about you/your concerns. Some may be very direct and say, "So, I understand you came here because you tried to kill yourself." Although they all have a different approach, all will probably want to understand the following things about you (though it may take more than one meeting to discover all of it):
***Who are you and why are you here? They'll want to know how old you are, what you do for school or work, and what are the major reasons you are coming to counseling. I've only known you for a couple of weeks, Brandy, so I don't really know you at all. Your list might be entirely different from mine and forgive me if I'm wrong. But if a counselor were asking me to make a list of things you should explore in counseling, I'd include: 1) depression & suicidal thoughts/attempts; 2) self-esteem and body image issues leading to wanting to lose more weight than she probably needs to; 3) feeling not as loved or cared for by Mum as she thinks her siblings are or as much as she desires/needs; 4) not being able to communicate as well as she'd like with Mum; 5) being far away from Dad & Auntie Mommy and feeling she can't talk to them as often or as privately as she'd like; and 6) struggling with some school work.
***Tell me about your friends & family. They'll want to know who you live with and what close family members live elsewhere. They'll want to know how you get along with your Mum, Dad, siblings. They'll want to know if there are any family members you have conflicts with or any whom you consider supportive. They'll want to know if you date, whether you have close friends, religious leaders, teachers or others whom you turn to for support. They may ask whether there is any history of depression or suicide in your family since these things sometimes affect more than one person in a family.
***Medical history in you and your family. They may ask about any medical problems you or close family members have had. Some, like thyroid problems and certain vitamin deficiencies, can lead to depression...others may affect the choice of medications they prescribe if they are needed. They'll also want to know if relatives have had any depression, suicidal attempts, schizophrenia or other mental illnesses since a family history of these things often make it more likely for others in the family to have them. Sometimes they will recommend having blood work done (to look for medical conditions that can contribute to depression)---while this isn't rare, it isn't common either, so don't worry about it. I'm just telling you so you won't be shocked if someone does suggest it.
***Do you use any drugs or alcohol? Is there a history of drug or alcohol abuse in your family? Is there any history of verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse in your family? (They may ask about your dating and sexual activity, too.) They ask these things not to be nosy or to blame anyone, Bran. It's just that in some people with depression, there is a family history of these things that contributed, in part, to the depression. And in some people, they react to the depression by using drugs or alcohol or by becoming sexually promiscuous. So, if they ask, they are not being critical; it's routine.
***What kinds of symptoms have you been having? They will want to know about your sleep, appetite and any recent change in weight since these things are often affected by depression. They may ask you about eating disorders or about how you see your body.
***Tell me about school (or your grades). They'll want to know how you do in school, whether it's easy or hard for you and how much school stresses you, if at all. As I said before, school performance can slide when you are depressed----or poor school performance can contribute to causing stress and depression. Grades are often also a source of conflict @ home for teens. So, that's why they'll ask. They may also ask you about learning disorders or any history of ADD/ADHD in you or your close relatives since these can also impact both school performance and self-esteem. If, as they get to know you, they think you may have learning disabilities, they may do specific testing to assess you for that.
***"Tell me what you do for fun." Or, "what do you do when you are stressed?" Or, "What are your coping mechanisms?" They'll want to know if you hang out with friends or if you mostly stay home. Whether you have a best friend, several close friends or many more distant friends. They'll want to know what kind of hobbies (such as your music) you do. Whether you have a faith tradition (such as Church and your youth group) that helps to sustain you.
They may not ask all of these questions or they may combine some into a single question. They may ask directly or in a more subtle way. What they are trying to do is: 1) identify the problems that are affecting you, 2) determine the factors that could be contributing to or resulting from those problems, 3) determine which of the problems are most serious and need to be addressed immediately, 4) determine what kind of supports and coping skills you have to deal with the problems, 5) assure that you are safe at home and that they can provide adequate guidance to you through outpatient counseling, and 6) come up with a plan---with your input---to help you begin to work through and cope with the problems. (continued)
Oh and I do have an IEP aka Indevidual education plan. Wich allows me to have extra time on tests go to the respurse room have notes printed off ect and do exams in the resource room and have upto double the time for exams
Umm yes I di have ADD I have known this since at least grade 5 or 6. And i am getting help from the trat her on thursdays. I was hoping to do it o fridays but he has meetings so instead of running on the trail on thirsdays at lunch ill be getting help for math for the first senester anyways ill just run in fridays. But I will wait to respond because I think you are writting more since wrote (continued) lol correct menif im wrong.
(continued)
Just because you've had difficulty with something, doesn't mean you can never learn it, though. About 7 years ago, I was teaching in a nursing program. Days before the semester was to begin, the Pharmacology instructor quit. My boss came to me and asked me to teach it and I agreed to do so as I'd been a nurse for a long time, had taken some advanced classes in pharmacology and felt pretty confident about my knowledge of medications. I was panic striken, however, when I brought the class information home and read it that night. The first month of the class involved reviewing basic math (adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing, decimals and fractions) and basic algebra (setting up and solving algebraic formulas) with the students. I'd flunked Algebra-I TWICE before FINALLY passing it in summer school! I went out and bought some math and algebra books and set to studying. And you know what? Just because it was explained in a different way than I'd ever heard it explained before, I understood it! All of a sudden, it made sense; it was like a lightbulb going of! This subject, that had tortured me for so long, suddenly was so easy that I started doing math & algebra problems FOR FUN when I was bored!!!
Unfortunately, none of this means that we can fail spelling or math and say to the college admissions board, "Well, I'm just wired differently." or that we can wait 20 years until we finally "get it". Colleges, jobs, bosses, graduate schools...someone will always have standard tests that we have to pass. For some, that means stepping back into an easier class & learning the foundations we need to support the more difficult classes. For some, it means studying harder and longer or seeking the help of a tutor. (I know...you HATE studying---but maybe, if you had the right supports and the studying payed off with higher grades you wouldn't hate it quite as much.) Fred Epstein was a famous pediatric brain surgeon who invented new ways to save childrens' lives and pioneered making hospitals less scary for kids. He had learning disabilities and had been told he'd never get into medical school or become a doctor, yet he did---even though he had to study for many more hours than many of his classmates.
So, Bran. Have you ever been tested for learning disorders like dyslexia or ADD/ADHD. Have you discussed the difficulties you have with some subjects with your teachers and asked their advice? Sought tutoring? These are things you might give some thought to. A big, big issue, though, is everything else that's been going on in your life. Feeling bad about yourself, thinking about hurting or killing yourself, having what sounds like a complicated relationship with your Mum and having such a big, spread-out family, your step-brother's death...having so many things in your mind can sometimes make it difficult to make room for school stuff and learning new things! That's why getting counseling is important...when you are able to cope better with the depression and the thoughts it has caused, you are going to have more resources available to deal with other challenges like school. (continued)
Just because you've had difficulty with something, doesn't mean you can never learn it, though. About 7 years ago, I was teaching in a nursing program. Days before the semester was to begin, the Pharmacology instructor quit. My boss came to me and asked me to teach it and I agreed to do so as I'd been a nurse for a long time, had taken some advanced classes in pharmacology and felt pretty confident about my knowledge of medications. I was panic striken, however, when I brought the class information home and read it that night. The first month of the class involved reviewing basic math (adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing, decimals and fractions) and basic algebra (setting up and solving algebraic formulas) with the students. I'd flunked Algebra-I TWICE before FINALLY passing it in summer school! I went out and bought some math and algebra books and set to studying. And you know what? Just because it was explained in a different way than I'd ever heard it explained before, I understood it! All of a sudden, it made sense; it was like a lightbulb going of! This subject, that had tortured me for so long, suddenly was so easy that I started doing math & algebra problems FOR FUN when I was bored!!!
Unfortunately, none of this means that we can fail spelling or math and say to the college admissions board, "Well, I'm just wired differently." or that we can wait 20 years until we finally "get it". Colleges, jobs, bosses, graduate schools...someone will always have standard tests that we have to pass. For some, that means stepping back into an easier class & learning the foundations we need to support the more difficult classes. For some, it means studying harder and longer or seeking the help of a tutor. (I know...you HATE studying---but maybe, if you had the right supports and the studying payed off with higher grades you wouldn't hate it quite as much.) Fred Epstein was a famous pediatric brain surgeon who invented new ways to save childrens' lives and pioneered making hospitals less scary for kids. He had learning disabilities and had been told he'd never get into medical school or become a doctor, yet he did---even though he had to study for many more hours than many of his classmates.
So, Bran. Have you ever been tested for learning disorders like dyslexia or ADD/ADHD. Have you discussed the difficulties you have with some subjects with your teachers and asked their advice? Sought tutoring? These are things you might give some thought to. A big, big issue, though, is everything else that's been going on in your life. Feeling bad about yourself, thinking about hurting or killing yourself, having what sounds like a complicated relationship with your Mum and having such a big, spread-out family, your step-brother's death...having so many things in your mind can sometimes make it difficult to make room for school stuff and learning new things! That's why getting counseling is important...when you are able to cope better with the depression and the thoughts it has caused, you are going to have more resources available to deal with other challenges like school. (continued)
(continued)
(BTW, is the youth leader you referred to your age or older?)
Now, as for your math teacher's suggestion that you take an easier level of math. Don't dimiss his/her suggestion without giving it some real consideration. Math is like building a building...you have to have a good strong foundation (understanding of the simpler stuff) if you want the upper floors (harder levels) to stand up. If s/he has been a teacher for a while, s/he's probably pretty good at recognizing pretty quickly whether a student has mastered the necessary skills/theories to perform well at a certain level. You say, Bran, that if you take a simpler level you won't qualify for college...but if you take a level you're not ready for and fail, I'm sure that won't help your efforts at attending college either, AND, it will add the stress of struggling in a class that is too advanced for you (and maybe feeling nagged by Mum about your grades) to all of your other worries. Perhaps the better course of action would be to ask your math teacher to recommend the level she feels you are qualified for and switch into that level before they get too far into the school year when it'll be difficult to catch up. Then, you could take the more advanced one during summer school (I know, I know; NOONE likes the thought of summer school...but it might be an option.) or as part of next year's studies. You could explain to your math teacher how difficult the subject is for you and ask him/her whether s/he could tutor you in the more advanced subject next year or could recommend a strong student who could. Or, you could see if any of the colleges you are considering have remedial math classes that help students who struggle with math but otherwise have grades that would qualify them for admission get up to speed math-wise.
How are your grades overall, Bran? You must understand that difficulties at home can influence school performance and struggles at school can affect your home-life, too. Struggling in math doesn't mean you are a failure. Some people are just more skilled in one area (words/reading/writing, numbers/math) than others. Some people have learning disabilities that haven't been diagnosed. Still others are having difficulties at home or in their lives that interfere with their school performance. And some have a combination of several or all of these things. Albert Einstein is recognized as having perhaps the most brilliant mind for physics in history, but he was slow to learn to speak and was once expelled by a headmaster who said he'd "amount to nothing!" Einstein explained that he thought in "pictures instead of words". And he once said, "Don't worry about your problems in mathematics, I assure you mine are much greater." Other famous people who have had learning disabilities include George Washington, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Winston Churchill, Louis Pasteur, Hans Christian Anderson, Tom Cruise, Cher, Sylvester Stallone, "Magic" Johnson, Bruce Jenner, Ryan Nolan, Robin Williams and other famous scientists, actors, artists, musicians and athletes. Few people would call any of them "failures"! Studies of the brain and learning ability are showing, Bran, that not all of us are "wired" exactly the same. There are differences in the ways we think and learn. That doesn't mean one is smarter and the other is dumb...they are just different and may need to spend more time studying or have things taught in a different way (or usually, both). I recently saw a guy on NatGeo or Discovery. He could add, multiply, subtract and divide any figures---even ones ten digits long or longer and with decimals or fractions---in seconds. Even faster than the guy with a calculator who was checking his calculations. When they asked him how he did it, he couldn't explain other than to say that he didn't see numbers in his head as numbers, but rather as colors and somehow that made the calculations easier & quicker for him.
I struggled with math myself, Bran, from grade 3 through college. Sr. Ann Ignatius kept me after school every single day in 5th grade trying to pound math into my head. In grade 9, the teacher called 4 of us up to the board and dictated formulas to each of us instructing us to draw the geometric shape that corresponded to each formula. The other three students drew theirs and sat down in 5 or fewer minutes. I was left standing facing the board, sweating, feeling my face flush, struggling not to cry & feeling everyone's eyes on me for the ENTIRE CLASS because I didn't know how to solve the problem. When the end-of-the-day bell rang & my classmates all stood up & started collecting their books, the teacher bellowed: "Did I dismiss anyone? Take your seats. We'll be staying until Miss Mac solves her formula!" He made them sit, and me stand there, for another 10 minutes before saying to another student, "Mr. Lafferiere, please go to the board and show Miss Mac how to solve her problem." The other student ran up, drew a circle and the entire class rushed out. I threw up before geometry class every day for the rest of the year because just going there made me so scared! I'd go home in tears to my Dad. He was brilliant in math and he'd tried to help, but usually we'd end up fighting or crying or both 'cause what was so easy to him was a total mystery to me. But...although my Dad was brilliant in math and could do the most complex calculations in his head...he'd struggled his entire life with reading and writing. (I think he had dyslexia. His Mom told us how he was sent home from school one day for writing an entire essay backwards---writing right to left on the paper with all of the letters backwards---but when my Grandmother held it up to a mirror, everything was written perfectly and all of the answers were correct!) Even when I was a child, he would have me fill in forms or write notes for him because he found it so difficult.
(continued)
(BTW, is the youth leader you referred to your age or older?)
Now, as for your math teacher's suggestion that you take an easier level of math. Don't dimiss his/her suggestion without giving it some real consideration. Math is like building a building...you have to have a good strong foundation (understanding of the simpler stuff) if you want the upper floors (harder levels) to stand up. If s/he has been a teacher for a while, s/he's probably pretty good at recognizing pretty quickly whether a student has mastered the necessary skills/theories to perform well at a certain level. You say, Bran, that if you take a simpler level you won't qualify for college...but if you take a level you're not ready for and fail, I'm sure that won't help your efforts at attending college either, AND, it will add the stress of struggling in a class that is too advanced for you (and maybe feeling nagged by Mum about your grades) to all of your other worries. Perhaps the better course of action would be to ask your math teacher to recommend the level she feels you are qualified for and switch into that level before they get too far into the school year when it'll be difficult to catch up. Then, you could take the more advanced one during summer school (I know, I know; NOONE likes the thought of summer school...but it might be an option.) or as part of next year's studies. You could explain to your math teacher how difficult the subject is for you and ask him/her whether s/he could tutor you in the more advanced subject next year or could recommend a strong student who could. Or, you could see if any of the colleges you are considering have remedial math classes that help students who struggle with math but otherwise have grades that would qualify them for admission get up to speed math-wise.
How are your grades overall, Bran? You must understand that difficulties at home can influence school performance and struggles at school can affect your home-life, too. Struggling in math doesn't mean you are a failure. Some people are just more skilled in one area (words/reading/writing, numbers/math) than others. Some people have learning disabilities that haven't been diagnosed. Still others are having difficulties at home or in their lives that interfere with their school performance. And some have a combination of several or all of these things. Albert Einstein is recognized as having perhaps the most brilliant mind for physics in history, but he was slow to learn to speak and was once expelled by a headmaster who said he'd "amount to nothing!" Einstein explained that he thought in "pictures instead of words". And he once said, "Don't worry about your problems in mathematics, I assure you mine are much greater." Other famous people who have had learning disabilities include George Washington, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Winston Churchill, Louis Pasteur, Hans Christian Anderson, Tom Cruise, Cher, Sylvester Stallone, "Magic" Johnson, Bruce Jenner, Ryan Nolan, Robin Williams and other famous scientists, actors, artists, musicians and athletes. Few people would call any of them "failures"! Studies of the brain and learning ability are showing, Bran, that not all of us are "wired" exactly the same. There are differences in the ways we think and learn. That doesn't mean one is smarter and the other is dumb...they are just different and may need to spend more time studying or have things taught in a different way (or usually, both). I recently saw a guy on NatGeo or Discovery. He could add, multiply, subtract and divide any figures---even ones ten digits long or longer and with decimals or fractions---in seconds. Even faster than the guy with a calculator who was checking his calculations. When they asked him how he did it, he couldn't explain other than to say that he didn't see numbers in his head as numbers, but rather as colors and somehow that made the calculations easier & quicker for him.
I struggled with math myself, Bran, from grade 3 through college. Sr. Ann Ignatius kept me after school every single day in 5th grade trying to pound math into my head. In grade 9, the teacher called 4 of us up to the board and dictated formulas to each of us instructing us to draw the geometric shape that corresponded to each formula. The other three students drew theirs and sat down in 5 or fewer minutes. I was left standing facing the board, sweating, feeling my face flush, struggling not to cry & feeling everyone's eyes on me for the ENTIRE CLASS because I didn't know how to solve the problem. When the end-of-the-day bell rang & my classmates all stood up & started collecting their books, the teacher bellowed: "Did I dismiss anyone? Take your seats. We'll be staying until Miss Mac solves her formula!" He made them sit, and me stand there, for another 10 minutes before saying to another student, "Mr. Lafferiere, please go to the board and show Miss Mac how to solve her problem." The other student ran up, drew a circle and the entire class rushed out. I threw up before geometry class every day for the rest of the year because just going there made me so scared! I'd go home in tears to my Dad. He was brilliant in math and he'd tried to help, but usually we'd end up fighting or crying or both 'cause what was so easy to him was a total mystery to me. But...although my Dad was brilliant in math and could do the most complex calculations in his head...he'd struggled his entire life with reading and writing. (I think he had dyslexia. His Mom told us how he was sent home from school one day for writing an entire essay backwards---writing right to left on the paper with all of the letters backwards---but when my Grandmother held it up to a mirror, everything was written perfectly and all of the answers were correct!) Even when I was a child, he would have me fill in forms or write notes for him because he found it so difficult.
(continued)
Hi Bran,
So...back to your letter from a couple of days ago.
I'm sure that your youth pastor was surprised and worried when she read your journal. You're someone that she cares about and it would be shocking to read that someone you cared about was feeling so bad about themselves and their life that they had thought, and even tried, to hurt themselves. I don't think that it changes her opinion of you, however, and it's nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, rather than being critical of you, she may have thought, "Brandy's been suffering so much; how could I not have seen it?" I'm sure that after the initial shock, the next thing that went through her mind was "thank you, God, for giving Brandy the courage to come to me so I can try to help her." I also wouldn't be worried that you couldn't tell her the specifics of your prior attempts face to face. I'm absolutely certain that she didn't think "Brandy doesn't trust me enough to tell me" or "Brandy was rude not to tell me"; rather, I think she knew that it was just too embarrassing and painful for you to discuss at that moment. The important thing isn't the way you told her, or when, but rather that you DID eventually tell her so she can understand the seriousness of your depression and thoughts about harming yourself and thus be able to find the right kind of counselor to help you. So cross embarrassment or worry over what you said/did't say and what your youth pastor thought at that meeting off your "Worry List".
As for the youth leader who doesn't seem to like you. Maybe she doesn't...no one is liked by everyone, Brandy, as hard as we try. Even Jesus was disliked and ridiculed by some! But, there is also a possibility that you are misreading her behavior. When we think poorly of ourselves, we sometimes expect others to think poorly of us. When all we can see is our flaws, we sometimes think that that's all others see, too, and then we interpret what they say or do incorrectly. Did I tell you about the girl I went to high school with? Rema? I went to school in the days when an actress, Farrah Fawcett, was popular. She had tan skin, a great figure and hair that was thick and cut in many layers and blown dried into "wings". EVERY guy wanted to date her and EVERY girl wanted to look like her. I had thin, fine hair...if you cut it in layers, I looked bald; and if you curled it into wings, they fell out seconds later back into my board straight look. I also have very pale skin...I didn't tan...I burnt and peeled. Rema on the other hand had thick, luxurious black hair that held the popular style perfectly. She had naturally darker skin too. AND she had a curvy, sexy figure that the guys whistled at while I had a boyish one that the guys at school made fun of. She went to the prom with a very handsome, older college guy...I didn't even get invited to go. She hung around with all the popular girls and when I walked by they often burst out laughing. I assumed that they were making fun of my unstylish hair or acne or inexpensive, old clothes. (I came from a family of 5 kids and we didn't have much money so I had to wear a lot of my cousins' hand-me-downs...and there were 12 kids in my cousin's family so these clothes had already been handed down over & over!) It made me hate going to school. I walked around looking at the floor, hoping like an ostrich that if I couldn't see them they wouldn't see me. Well, 2 years ago, I saw an ad for belly dance lessons and decided to go. Guess who the teacher was? REMA! She excitedly told the entire class that we'd gone to high school together and that I was so smart. After I'd gone to a few classes, Rema and I were alone cleaning up after class and I admitted to her how jealous I'd been of her when we were in high school. I admitted all of the things that had made me feel bad. She was amazed and laughed saying, "I always wanted to be more friendly with you but you hung around with the "smart kids" and I thought that group hated me and my friends!" She also went on to say that she HATED her hair in high school 'cause it was too thick and got "frizzy" on humid days. She hated her darker skin because, due to her ethnicity, she tended to grow dark hair on her arms and over her lip which others made fun of. (That's part of the reason she became trained as a laser nurse---to help others get rid of dark hair that made them self-conscious.) She said she always felt embarrassed when the boys whistled, and that her parents, following the customs of the Middle Eastern country their ancestors had come from, didn't let her talk to boys who called or came to their house, much less date them. The boy she went to prom with was her cousin, sent, in part, to make sure she didn't dance with other boys! And the laughing when I walked by? They were just laughing...out of nervousness about nearby guys...or because someone had told a funny story...or whatever...it had nothing to do with me! I've since learned that Rema is one of the nicest people in the world. She is a positive thinker and she's always trying to encourage me (I tend to be a pessimist). She's foreever pointing out my positive attributes. And you know what? I've learned that she isn't "perfect"---over the years, she's gained some weight and her hair is coarser and looks a little dark around the edges of her face---but she has such a wonderful smile and laugh, dances with such confidence and enjoyment, and is so genuinely kind to and interested in others---that everywhere we go, she is the center of attention. At all the restaurants or dance halls we go to, men and women greet her; all the men want to dance with her, and all the waiters, waitresses, band members and regular club-goers recognize her by name. Even when she misses a beat or missteps---(while she teaches dancing, she was never professional and even dance teachers misstep now & then)---she simply laughs & jokes about it with others and then makes up her own dance which others follow, laughing and enjoying themselves. I think the fact that she's not perfect makes them feel like it's okay to dance even if they're not perfect! My point in telling this big long story, Brandy, is to let you know that we often misunderstand others' thoughts, intentions and behaviors. So it's very possible that that youth leader does NOT dislike you. But even if she does---we can't control what others think & feel. All we can do is treat them kindly and respectfully and if they fail to see the good in us that is their shortcoming, not ours. So I suggest you say a warm "hello" when you see her. If she needs help carrying a box or setting up for an event, offer to help. If she takes you up on it, maybe she'll get to know you better and both of you will realize the other is much nicer than either of you ever knew. And if she doesn't? You can still be proud that you acted in a friendly and charitable way...and other's watching may notice that too.
(continued)
So...back to your letter from a couple of days ago.
I'm sure that your youth pastor was surprised and worried when she read your journal. You're someone that she cares about and it would be shocking to read that someone you cared about was feeling so bad about themselves and their life that they had thought, and even tried, to hurt themselves. I don't think that it changes her opinion of you, however, and it's nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, rather than being critical of you, she may have thought, "Brandy's been suffering so much; how could I not have seen it?" I'm sure that after the initial shock, the next thing that went through her mind was "thank you, God, for giving Brandy the courage to come to me so I can try to help her." I also wouldn't be worried that you couldn't tell her the specifics of your prior attempts face to face. I'm absolutely certain that she didn't think "Brandy doesn't trust me enough to tell me" or "Brandy was rude not to tell me"; rather, I think she knew that it was just too embarrassing and painful for you to discuss at that moment. The important thing isn't the way you told her, or when, but rather that you DID eventually tell her so she can understand the seriousness of your depression and thoughts about harming yourself and thus be able to find the right kind of counselor to help you. So cross embarrassment or worry over what you said/did't say and what your youth pastor thought at that meeting off your "Worry List".
As for the youth leader who doesn't seem to like you. Maybe she doesn't...no one is liked by everyone, Brandy, as hard as we try. Even Jesus was disliked and ridiculed by some! But, there is also a possibility that you are misreading her behavior. When we think poorly of ourselves, we sometimes expect others to think poorly of us. When all we can see is our flaws, we sometimes think that that's all others see, too, and then we interpret what they say or do incorrectly. Did I tell you about the girl I went to high school with? Rema? I went to school in the days when an actress, Farrah Fawcett, was popular. She had tan skin, a great figure and hair that was thick and cut in many layers and blown dried into "wings". EVERY guy wanted to date her and EVERY girl wanted to look like her. I had thin, fine hair...if you cut it in layers, I looked bald; and if you curled it into wings, they fell out seconds later back into my board straight look. I also have very pale skin...I didn't tan...I burnt and peeled. Rema on the other hand had thick, luxurious black hair that held the popular style perfectly. She had naturally darker skin too. AND she had a curvy, sexy figure that the guys whistled at while I had a boyish one that the guys at school made fun of. She went to the prom with a very handsome, older college guy...I didn't even get invited to go. She hung around with all the popular girls and when I walked by they often burst out laughing. I assumed that they were making fun of my unstylish hair or acne or inexpensive, old clothes. (I came from a family of 5 kids and we didn't have much money so I had to wear a lot of my cousins' hand-me-downs...and there were 12 kids in my cousin's family so these clothes had already been handed down over & over!) It made me hate going to school. I walked around looking at the floor, hoping like an ostrich that if I couldn't see them they wouldn't see me. Well, 2 years ago, I saw an ad for belly dance lessons and decided to go. Guess who the teacher was? REMA! She excitedly told the entire class that we'd gone to high school together and that I was so smart. After I'd gone to a few classes, Rema and I were alone cleaning up after class and I admitted to her how jealous I'd been of her when we were in high school. I admitted all of the things that had made me feel bad. She was amazed and laughed saying, "I always wanted to be more friendly with you but you hung around with the "smart kids" and I thought that group hated me and my friends!" She also went on to say that she HATED her hair in high school 'cause it was too thick and got "frizzy" on humid days. She hated her darker skin because, due to her ethnicity, she tended to grow dark hair on her arms and over her lip which others made fun of. (That's part of the reason she became trained as a laser nurse---to help others get rid of dark hair that made them self-conscious.) She said she always felt embarrassed when the boys whistled, and that her parents, following the customs of the Middle Eastern country their ancestors had come from, didn't let her talk to boys who called or came to their house, much less date them. The boy she went to prom with was her cousin, sent, in part, to make sure she didn't dance with other boys! And the laughing when I walked by? They were just laughing...out of nervousness about nearby guys...or because someone had told a funny story...or whatever...it had nothing to do with me! I've since learned that Rema is one of the nicest people in the world. She is a positive thinker and she's always trying to encourage me (I tend to be a pessimist). She's foreever pointing out my positive attributes. And you know what? I've learned that she isn't "perfect"---over the years, she's gained some weight and her hair is coarser and looks a little dark around the edges of her face---but she has such a wonderful smile and laugh, dances with such confidence and enjoyment, and is so genuinely kind to and interested in others---that everywhere we go, she is the center of attention. At all the restaurants or dance halls we go to, men and women greet her; all the men want to dance with her, and all the waiters, waitresses, band members and regular club-goers recognize her by name. Even when she misses a beat or missteps---(while she teaches dancing, she was never professional and even dance teachers misstep now & then)---she simply laughs & jokes about it with others and then makes up her own dance which others follow, laughing and enjoying themselves. I think the fact that she's not perfect makes them feel like it's okay to dance even if they're not perfect! My point in telling this big long story, Brandy, is to let you know that we often misunderstand others' thoughts, intentions and behaviors. So it's very possible that that youth leader does NOT dislike you. But even if she does---we can't control what others think & feel. All we can do is treat them kindly and respectfully and if they fail to see the good in us that is their shortcoming, not ours. So I suggest you say a warm "hello" when you see her. If she needs help carrying a box or setting up for an event, offer to help. If she takes you up on it, maybe she'll get to know you better and both of you will realize the other is much nicer than either of you ever knew. And if she doesn't? You can still be proud that you acted in a friendly and charitable way...and other's watching may notice that too.
(continued)
Umm well yesterday my throat was soar when I woke up but the steam from the shower helped get rid of it. It's a bit sore right now as I just woke up. It's always at it's worst when I first wake up.
Also my youth pastor said she's going to look around and help me get some professional help for my weight issue and what is most Lilly depression. What should I expect???
Also my youth pastor said she's going to look around and help me get some professional help for my weight issue and what is most Lilly depression. What should I expect???
Dear Bran,
You're probably already at school or headed out for school. I'm sorry that I didn't get to answer sooner. I was sick myself yesterday with nausea and vomiting. I'm still a little queasy today but better. I also had to take my Dad to a doctor's appointment yesterday and then run errands myself. I can't write a full reply even now because Dad has appointments all day with specialists in Boston. If the traffic cooperates, it's an hour's drive, but when it doesn't, it's a two or more hour drive each way. We'll be leaving as soon as he finishes dressing and likely won't get home 'til early evening. I think we'll both fall face first into bed then. So---I'll try to write a full reply tonight, but if I can't, I will write tomorrow. In the meantime, however:
I think that it is normal to be distracted right now. You have a lot on your mind and you've taken a big step by sharing your concerns with your youth pastor. So, it's natural for your mind to drift to your worries and wondering what's going to happen next. You don't want that distraction, however, to cause your grades to fall; that'll likely upset you, your teachers and your Mum and only increase your worries. So, when your mind drifts, close your eyes for a moment and take a couple of deep breaths. Pay attention to your breath: in, in, in, slowly; feel it filling your chest all the way down to your tummy bringing new energy in, then out, out, out, slowly---exhaling all the worry & tension. Tell yourself, "this is an worry to address in my journal and with my youth pastor, not at school. I'll put it away for later." Picture yourself taking an envelope, filled with all your worries and fears, out of your brain and tucking it inside the pages of your journal and closing the book or handing it to your youth pastor to take care of until after school. I know, it's sounds crazy, and at first it feels very awkward, but with practice it can help. Practice it at home a few times a day and you'll get good enough at it that you can do it very quickly in school. As for the negative self-talk and self-hatred at school. You MUST stop that. Everytime you think "I'm a failure", I want you to replace it with "I am courageous. I am going to be a success because instead of continuing to feel bad about myself, I have asked for help and am changing my life for the better." It's going to feel fake at first, Bran, but it's NOT. It is TRUE. A failure would have gone on suffering, keeping it secret, telling themselves "well, if it gets so bad I can't stand it anymore, I'll kill myself." YOU are NOT a failure. You did not accept that. You said, "these feelings are not right. I refuse to hate myself because I am God's creation and He created me in His image. He did not create me to be unhappy; he created me for a purpose. It's scary, but I'm going to find help to change these thoughts and behaviors, take control of my life, and fufill my purpose."
I'll address some of the other things you brought up when I have a chance to reply tonight or tomorrow. As for the shivering---is your throat still sore? If you have a thermometer, ask Mum or the school nurse, if you have one, to check your temperature. Drink plenty of fluids so you don't get dehydrated & eat as healthily as you can.
Take care, Bran. Talk later...must head out into the traffic. Ugh!
You're probably already at school or headed out for school. I'm sorry that I didn't get to answer sooner. I was sick myself yesterday with nausea and vomiting. I'm still a little queasy today but better. I also had to take my Dad to a doctor's appointment yesterday and then run errands myself. I can't write a full reply even now because Dad has appointments all day with specialists in Boston. If the traffic cooperates, it's an hour's drive, but when it doesn't, it's a two or more hour drive each way. We'll be leaving as soon as he finishes dressing and likely won't get home 'til early evening. I think we'll both fall face first into bed then. So---I'll try to write a full reply tonight, but if I can't, I will write tomorrow. In the meantime, however:
I think that it is normal to be distracted right now. You have a lot on your mind and you've taken a big step by sharing your concerns with your youth pastor. So, it's natural for your mind to drift to your worries and wondering what's going to happen next. You don't want that distraction, however, to cause your grades to fall; that'll likely upset you, your teachers and your Mum and only increase your worries. So, when your mind drifts, close your eyes for a moment and take a couple of deep breaths. Pay attention to your breath: in, in, in, slowly; feel it filling your chest all the way down to your tummy bringing new energy in, then out, out, out, slowly---exhaling all the worry & tension. Tell yourself, "this is an worry to address in my journal and with my youth pastor, not at school. I'll put it away for later." Picture yourself taking an envelope, filled with all your worries and fears, out of your brain and tucking it inside the pages of your journal and closing the book or handing it to your youth pastor to take care of until after school. I know, it's sounds crazy, and at first it feels very awkward, but with practice it can help. Practice it at home a few times a day and you'll get good enough at it that you can do it very quickly in school. As for the negative self-talk and self-hatred at school. You MUST stop that. Everytime you think "I'm a failure", I want you to replace it with "I am courageous. I am going to be a success because instead of continuing to feel bad about myself, I have asked for help and am changing my life for the better." It's going to feel fake at first, Bran, but it's NOT. It is TRUE. A failure would have gone on suffering, keeping it secret, telling themselves "well, if it gets so bad I can't stand it anymore, I'll kill myself." YOU are NOT a failure. You did not accept that. You said, "these feelings are not right. I refuse to hate myself because I am God's creation and He created me in His image. He did not create me to be unhappy; he created me for a purpose. It's scary, but I'm going to find help to change these thoughts and behaviors, take control of my life, and fufill my purpose."
I'll address some of the other things you brought up when I have a chance to reply tonight or tomorrow. As for the shivering---is your throat still sore? If you have a thermometer, ask Mum or the school nurse, if you have one, to check your temperature. Drink plenty of fluids so you don't get dehydrated & eat as healthily as you can.
Take care, Bran. Talk later...must head out into the traffic. Ugh!
Sorry I dident wrote earlyer for one I feel sick. I'm shivering non stop and I I just feel so down I can't bring myself to do anything. All I want to do is lay in bed and sleep.
All I can think of is the talk with my youth pastor yesterday. I don't know why this is making me feel so down. She said alot of great things. I guess it's just I feel terrible brcuase when she read in my journal that I've tryed 4 times to kill myself she looked so shocked/ worried. And when she asked me what I did I couldent bring myself to tell her. I had reached my breaking point I just dident havebthe strength in memto tell her at the time. And I feel terrible for it. It must of hurt her that I wasent able to tell her! I wanted so badly to but I couldent. I did email her as I said above but still I feel rude and immature for not telling her right then and there. It's just I'm embarrassed of my attempts so I was really scared to tell her what I did.
I couldent concentrate in school at all today! And everytime I a actualy felt good A wave sadness and embaresment fell over me with in a minute.
My youth pastor and her family weren't at youth tonight :( and when there not there I don't exactly feel welcome. One of the youth leaders there I dont feel she likes me at all. Shes always yelling (well not yelling but yelling without being raising her voice) I just get a vibe she dosent like me :(
So anyways I can't wait for Sunday to see my youth pastor and pastor. I'm wondering if my pastor is going to say anything. Since my youth pastor said since I said it was alright she was going to tell him. I'm kinda hoping to be able to talk to my youth pastor and pastor at the same time.
Do you have any advise on how I could maybe not be so distracted tomorow at school???
My math teacher thinks I should take a lower level of math. But if I go any lower I won't be able to get into collage! I feel like a stupid failure! Why can't I just understand math??? And it dosent help that I zone out everyday becuase I'm thinking if how much I hate myself! I don't want to think about how much I hate myself at school but I can't control it!!!!
All I can think of is the talk with my youth pastor yesterday. I don't know why this is making me feel so down. She said alot of great things. I guess it's just I feel terrible brcuase when she read in my journal that I've tryed 4 times to kill myself she looked so shocked/ worried. And when she asked me what I did I couldent bring myself to tell her. I had reached my breaking point I just dident havebthe strength in memto tell her at the time. And I feel terrible for it. It must of hurt her that I wasent able to tell her! I wanted so badly to but I couldent. I did email her as I said above but still I feel rude and immature for not telling her right then and there. It's just I'm embarrassed of my attempts so I was really scared to tell her what I did.
I couldent concentrate in school at all today! And everytime I a actualy felt good A wave sadness and embaresment fell over me with in a minute.
My youth pastor and her family weren't at youth tonight :( and when there not there I don't exactly feel welcome. One of the youth leaders there I dont feel she likes me at all. Shes always yelling (well not yelling but yelling without being raising her voice) I just get a vibe she dosent like me :(
So anyways I can't wait for Sunday to see my youth pastor and pastor. I'm wondering if my pastor is going to say anything. Since my youth pastor said since I said it was alright she was going to tell him. I'm kinda hoping to be able to talk to my youth pastor and pastor at the same time.
Do you have any advise on how I could maybe not be so distracted tomorow at school???
My math teacher thinks I should take a lower level of math. But if I go any lower I won't be able to get into collage! I feel like a stupid failure! Why can't I just understand math??? And it dosent help that I zone out everyday becuase I'm thinking if how much I hate myself! I don't want to think about how much I hate myself at school but I can't control it!!!!
I'm very glad that you were able to go and speak to your youth pastor, Bran. She sounds like a kind and wise lady who thinks highly of you. I'm glad, too, that you followed up your meeting by sending a message about the plastic bag so that she'd fully understand what's been going on with you.
I agree with her that you're depressed. I also think that your depression has clouded the way you see and think about yourself and your body and that she is correct that you are at risk for anorexia or other eating disorders.
What a beautiful compliment she gave you when she said people can see God in you. Just think about that for a minute: people can see God in you! And, I know how much you dream of becoming a role model to people some day, but your youth pastor feels you ALREADY have an impact on the people around you! I know it was YOUR influence on me that made me say a prayer today, something I don't do as often as I should.
As for the doctor's appointment, if you aren't sure how to go about it, I'm sure that your youth pastor will help you. I'm glad she's going to help you find professional help, Bran, 'cause you need someone who is trained to help you sort all of your feelings and experiences out and to help you learn to cope better with the challenges you face including seeing yourself more accurately and learning how to communicate/interact more effectively with your Mum. As I said before...going to therapy is hard work. You'll have to talk about things that may be difficult to share and it may be scary at times. BUT you've proven that you are strong enough to do it by taking the first GIANT step and talking to your youth pastor. I'm so very, very proud of you.
I'm exhausted, so I'm going to go to bed now. Before I go to bed, though, I'm going to say another prayer to thank God for helping you find the strength you needed today and to ask Him to continue to do so as you continue on this journey of healing your mind, body & spirit. That's your influence on me, Bran. You make a difference in this world.
I agree with her that you're depressed. I also think that your depression has clouded the way you see and think about yourself and your body and that she is correct that you are at risk for anorexia or other eating disorders.
What a beautiful compliment she gave you when she said people can see God in you. Just think about that for a minute: people can see God in you! And, I know how much you dream of becoming a role model to people some day, but your youth pastor feels you ALREADY have an impact on the people around you! I know it was YOUR influence on me that made me say a prayer today, something I don't do as often as I should.
As for the doctor's appointment, if you aren't sure how to go about it, I'm sure that your youth pastor will help you. I'm glad she's going to help you find professional help, Bran, 'cause you need someone who is trained to help you sort all of your feelings and experiences out and to help you learn to cope better with the challenges you face including seeing yourself more accurately and learning how to communicate/interact more effectively with your Mum. As I said before...going to therapy is hard work. You'll have to talk about things that may be difficult to share and it may be scary at times. BUT you've proven that you are strong enough to do it by taking the first GIANT step and talking to your youth pastor. I'm so very, very proud of you.
I'm exhausted, so I'm going to go to bed now. Before I go to bed, though, I'm going to say another prayer to thank God for helping you find the strength you needed today and to ask Him to continue to do so as you continue on this journey of healing your mind, body & spirit. That's your influence on me, Bran. You make a difference in this world.
Oh and she said she's really cinsernedd about me trying to lose weight! She said thinks it will be easy for me to fall into annorexia and that she dosent want me to that it would be sad to me fall into it!
WOW!!!!!!!
I dont know what to say!
I talked to my youth pastor. I didn't know what to say to her. She knows about everything though. I showed her my journal and it has EVERYTHING in it.
She told me she is VERY concerned for me. And that she is going to look around to see if she cam find anyone someone I can talk to. Someone profeshanal who has been trained for this type of stuff. Best part is she isent going to tell my parents. She even told me that she thinks I need to see my doctor and that since im 16 the doctor won't have to tell my Parents!!!! I just don't know how to book an appointment and make sure I'm my Mum will let me go if she dosent know I have a doctors appointment.
She told me that my maturity amazes her and that I make an impact on people and that they can really see how much I truley Love God. She said Everyone at youth and church can see God
in me!!!!
She said people look at up to me. And nit to underestimate what I mean to others around me. She said people at church and youth are glad when they see me there because they see God in me and my Love for God.
She did hug me again but my drink interrupted it because it was about to spill lol.
When she read the part of my journal that talks about the times I've killed myself she paused for a moment looked kinda shocked and said
"you've tryed to kill yourself? What did you do"
I wanted to tell her I used a plastic bag but I couldent find the words o was speechless. My torso and chest felt hot I was so embarrassed and just speechless as to what to say.
I did end up sending her a facebook message telling her
I wanted to to tell her how I tried but u couldent find the words and that I used a plastic bag.
She said she's going to tell my Pastor. Wich I think she already has. Because she told ne her and and my pastor are praying. I can't wait to see her again tomorow at youth!!!!
I wanted to reply here earlyer when I got back but I was speechless! All I could do was lay in my bed and think of everything she said!
She also said she thinks I'm depressed.
Anyways I've said enough! Lol
I dont know what to say!
I talked to my youth pastor. I didn't know what to say to her. She knows about everything though. I showed her my journal and it has EVERYTHING in it.
She told me she is VERY concerned for me. And that she is going to look around to see if she cam find anyone someone I can talk to. Someone profeshanal who has been trained for this type of stuff. Best part is she isent going to tell my parents. She even told me that she thinks I need to see my doctor and that since im 16 the doctor won't have to tell my Parents!!!! I just don't know how to book an appointment and make sure I'm my Mum will let me go if she dosent know I have a doctors appointment.
She told me that my maturity amazes her and that I make an impact on people and that they can really see how much I truley Love God. She said Everyone at youth and church can see God
in me!!!!
She said people look at up to me. And nit to underestimate what I mean to others around me. She said people at church and youth are glad when they see me there because they see God in me and my Love for God.
She did hug me again but my drink interrupted it because it was about to spill lol.
When she read the part of my journal that talks about the times I've killed myself she paused for a moment looked kinda shocked and said
"you've tryed to kill yourself? What did you do"
I wanted to tell her I used a plastic bag but I couldent find the words o was speechless. My torso and chest felt hot I was so embarrassed and just speechless as to what to say.
I did end up sending her a facebook message telling her
I wanted to to tell her how I tried but u couldent find the words and that I used a plastic bag.
She said she's going to tell my Pastor. Wich I think she already has. Because she told ne her and and my pastor are praying. I can't wait to see her again tomorow at youth!!!!
I wanted to reply here earlyer when I got back but I was speechless! All I could do was lay in my bed and think of everything she said!
She also said she thinks I'm depressed.
Anyways I've said enough! Lol
Hang in there, Bran. I know you can do this and you know you must do it. If they ask, tell them you have something on your mind that you wanted to discuss with your youth pastor. You CAN do this. I don't pray often, but I'm going to say a prayer for you right now. Hugs, Sky
Ok she will be calling anytime now im scared! My Mum seems mad and I dint know if shell let me out! And my sisters home so shell be asking questions as to why I'm go out with my youth pastor!
Ha well my Mum works In a resterant and she brings napkins from dinning room home once a week and my one sister and my brother and I switch between weeks and we fold them. This week was my week. We usualy get between 5-7 bundles though there have been times were there's only 3 or 4 bundles butthen you probably get more in the miserly of the week because they run out!!!! There's 100 napkins in a bundle.
I haven't used my inhalers since grade 6 in 2006 and I haven't seen my inhalers since just after I moved across the country in grade 7. I'm not even sure what my asthma feels like. When I was in grade 3 and my asthma kicked in I dident really notice it was my Mum who noticed I guess. There have been times were I think my asthma might be kicking in like in grade 6 when it felt like I was constantly breathing in cold air or like just this year were at one point it felt like my throat was beung sqeezed shut, I take alot of deep breaths and sigh alot. But I'm never sure if it's my asthma. Mostly because you are supposto feel asthma more in the chest by the lungs not in your throat!!!! So I'm nit even sure if my asthma even still bothers me. The worst asthma I have ever had well I don't know if was my asthma but I was in grade 2 and I woke up not breathing. A similar thing happend when I was 2 but it was crupe not asthma. My Mum tells my I was turning blue from nit getting air so I was rushed to the hospital in a ambulance.
Sorry a but off topic but it was kinda connected lol
Thanks I can't wait for the talk but I am also kinda dreading it. Only because last time I talked to my youth pastor my Mum was like why are you just randomly going for a walk with your youth pastor. But the talk part I can't wait for!!!!
I haven't used my inhalers since grade 6 in 2006 and I haven't seen my inhalers since just after I moved across the country in grade 7. I'm not even sure what my asthma feels like. When I was in grade 3 and my asthma kicked in I dident really notice it was my Mum who noticed I guess. There have been times were I think my asthma might be kicking in like in grade 6 when it felt like I was constantly breathing in cold air or like just this year were at one point it felt like my throat was beung sqeezed shut, I take alot of deep breaths and sigh alot. But I'm never sure if it's my asthma. Mostly because you are supposto feel asthma more in the chest by the lungs not in your throat!!!! So I'm nit even sure if my asthma even still bothers me. The worst asthma I have ever had well I don't know if was my asthma but I was in grade 2 and I woke up not breathing. A similar thing happend when I was 2 but it was crupe not asthma. My Mum tells my I was turning blue from nit getting air so I was rushed to the hospital in a ambulance.
Sorry a but off topic but it was kinda connected lol
Thanks I can't wait for the talk but I am also kinda dreading it. Only because last time I talked to my youth pastor my Mum was like why are you just randomly going for a walk with your youth pastor. But the talk part I can't wait for!!!!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Weight Loss and Fitness Community
14 super-healthy foods that are worth the hype
Small changes make a big impact with these easy ways to cut hundreds of calories a day.
Forget the fountain of youth – try flossing instead! Here are 11 surprising ways to live longer.
From STD tests to mammograms, find out which screening tests you need - and when to get them.
Tips and moves to ease backaches
Here are 12 simple – and fun! – ways to boost your brainpower.
