My Mum says I'm to skinny and need to maintain a weight but I disagree how can I lose more weight??? Plus could me losing weight be connected to my period being 3 weeks late??? Even if I'm not under weight???

[Bran_Bran]

My Mum told me this morning that Im getting to skinny and that I need to maintain a weight but I don't agree with her I need to lose 17lbs!!!! But the thing is I had lost 4lbs in 3 days 2 weeks ago and since then I have gained it all back I feel like a failure!!!! I am 5 foot 10 and 150lbs :( I want to be 132 because that's the lowest I can go for my hight. But really I don't care if have to go a few pounds or as many as needed to have a flat stumic. How can I lose weight if my Mum trys to make me eat more??? Right now I usualy eat half a plate for dinner I wish I could eat as little as I did last week a small peace of chicken about the size of my palm and a hot dog and sadly a pop!!!! I am also doing a exersise every other night to tone everything up and build mussel!!!!

And also since last night when I turned just my torso around I got a sharp pain in the left side of my stumic it only lasted a second but it came backtoday whyle I was bathing for a few minutes off and on could that be connected to meosing weight???
Plus my period is 3 weeks late could that be caused by losing weight??? Even though I'm not under weight???

[skydivediva]

Ah...just got your message about the ADD. If you are on any medications for that, your counselor will want to know the name, dose & how often you take it. S/he may also ask about the methods the person at school suggests to help you and how effective you think those methods are.

So, you run, too! Are you on a team or do you just run alone? Cross-country, short track or trail? I used to be the fastest girl in school (sprints, not distance) but I gave it up after 8th grade 'cause the boys didn't seem to like girls who could run faster than they could (and, I could run faster, for short distances, than even the fastest boy in school!) Boy, do I regret giving up running---I reallly think I could've been in the Olympics if I had the right training! And even if I hadn't made the Olympics, I think running would have helped keep me slimmer, kept my muscles stronger, and given me a way to "burn off" stress. Now, though, I couldn't run (or even jog) 25 feet without collapsing! I did a half-marathon a few years ago on the Ironman course in Hawaii...I had gained a lot of weight (up to 240 lbs. at one time, but down to 140-150 at the time of the race) and I hadn't exercised AT ALL in DECADES. I also hurt myself prior to the race (shin splints/stress fractures, plantar fasciitis)...so, I wound up WALKING instead of running. I came in third to last. I could feel bad about it, but instead like to think how great it was that I went from no exercise to finishing a half-marathon and I think of all the great people I met while training for and completing the race. I got to visit Hawaii and see sights I'd never seen before. And, I didn't quit---even when my feet and legs hurt, even when I might not finish the race in time to get a finisher's medal, even when I was so slow that I thought another runner I worked with might make fun of me. I didn't quit and I have my race number and medal hung in my house where everyone can see it along with the newspaper report showing I was third to last!

[skydivediva]

(continued)
When I told you that counseling is hard work, Bran, it was largely because it's not a magic, instant solution. You won't have all the answers after your first appointment. In fact, you may not even have all the questions then. Counseling is a slow process of you getting to trust the counselor and the counselor getting to know you. There will be times you may be upset or embarrassed to share certain things. There may be times you think the counselor doesn't understand or that s/he's giving you the wrong advice. Feelings or issues may come up that you haven't felt or thought of before. It's like peeling an onion or unmaking a bed---sometimes you don't know what's underneath until you take the top layers off. With time, though, you and your counselor will get a better idea of what your problems/worries are, what is causing/contributing to them, and what the best way to overcome them are. So be honest with your counselor and yourself. If counseling brings up new worries, ask your youth pastor if you can confide in her. Remember, too, that counselors are experts in mental health but you are the expert in you. Don't run away from a counselor because s/he is offering a solution you don't like or asking you to do something that is difficult---right now, Bran, I think that your view of yourself isn't as clear as it needs to be, so you may have to accept how someone else is seeing you/your life for a while. Be open to thir viewpoint, give their suggestions an honest chance and try things their way as long as they are not asking you to compromise your morals. BUT---if after your best efforts you're not finding them helpful, then discuss this with them and with your youth pastor. The counselor may just need a better understanding your position and may change his/her approach accordingly or you may benefit from talking to a different counselor with a different approach.

Just as they have different ways of getting to know you, various counselors have different approaches to dealing with the problems that are identified. Some will just talk things out with you. Some may use written materials or role play to identify certain situations, how they affected/may affect you and how you dealt with or can deal with them in the future. Some may suggest exercises you can do identify/practice different ways to interact with others during difficult exchanges. Some use art, poetry or music to help identify worries and ways to cope with them.

So...what is important, Bran, is: be honest with your counselor; know that the process may be temporarily upsetting at times but that in the long-run it will help; make a list of your major worries 'cause it's hard to remember everything you want to share when you are scare or upset; keep contact with your youth pastor and use her support when you need it; and believe that things will get better, though it may take some time. I believe in you, Bran. You sound like someone I'd be proud of to have as a daughter or friend. I want very much for you to reach a happy point in your life. It's going to take some hard work on your part to get there, but I KNOW you can do it.

Now, I MUST stop writing or YOU will have no time to do your math homework and I will have no time to pay my bills or do my house chores! Even when I'm not able to write long or frequent letters, Bran, please know that I am thinking of you, sending positive energy your way, praying for you and hoping that your life will soon be happy and peaceful!

[skydivediva]

(continued)

So...that brings us to your letter from today. Counseling and what to expect.

There are many different kinds of mental health counselors and there are many different approaches to counseling. Some of the professionals who may provide counseling are social workers, psychologists, mental health nurse practitioners or psychiatrists (physicians who specialize in mental health). The latter two can prescribe medications should they be needed; the first two can't prescribe medications but will refer you to someone who can if they feel that medication could be helpful to the patient. Some counselors specialize in certain areas: adolescents, eating disorders, learning disabilities, family or marriage counseling, while others are "generalists" who cover all of these areas.

At the first meeting, the counselor will want to get to know you better. Some use a questionnaire for this, others just talk to you. Some take notes while talking to you, especially if you have a lot of concerns and they know they won't be able to explore all of them right away but want to remember to discuss them later, others don't. Some ask questions directed to get specific information quickly while others may ask more "open ended" or "broader" questions like "So tell me why you're here" or "Tell me about yourself" or "What can I do for you?" to get a better "feel" for what YOU think is important for them to know about you/your concerns. Some may be very direct and say, "So, I understand you came here because you tried to kill yourself." Although they all have a different approach, all will probably want to understand the following things about you (though it may take more than one meeting to discover all of it):
***Who are you and why are you here? They'll want to know how old you are, what you do for school or work, and what are the major reasons you are coming to counseling. I've only known you for a couple of weeks, Brandy, so I don't really know you at all. Your list might be entirely different from mine and forgive me if I'm wrong. But if a counselor were asking me to make a list of things you should explore in counseling, I'd include: 1) depression & suicidal thoughts/attempts; 2) self-esteem and body image issues leading to wanting to lose more weight than she probably needs to; 3) feeling not as loved or cared for by Mum as she thinks her siblings are or as much as she desires/needs; 4) not being able to communicate as well as she'd like with Mum; 5) being far away from Dad & Auntie Mommy and feeling she can't talk to them as often or as privately as she'd like; and 6) struggling with some school work.
***Tell me about your friends & family. They'll want to know who you live with and what close family members live elsewhere. They'll want to know how you get along with your Mum, Dad, siblings. They'll want to know if there are any family members you have conflicts with or any whom you consider supportive. They'll want to know if you date, whether you have close friends, religious leaders, teachers or others whom you turn to for support. They may ask whether there is any history of depression or suicide in your family since these things sometimes affect more than one person in a family.
***Medical history in you and your family. They may ask about any medical problems you or close family members have had. Some, like thyroid problems and certain vitamin deficiencies, can lead to depression...others may affect the choice of medications they prescribe if they are needed. They'll also want to know if relatives have had any depression, suicidal attempts, schizophrenia or other mental illnesses since a family history of these things often make it more likely for others in the family to have them. Sometimes they will recommend having blood work done (to look for medical conditions that can contribute to depression)---while this isn't rare, it isn't common either, so don't worry about it. I'm just telling you so you won't be shocked if someone does suggest it.
***Do you use any drugs or alcohol? Is there a history of drug or alcohol abuse in your family? Is there any history of verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse in your family? (They may ask about your dating and sexual activity, too.) They ask these things not to be nosy or to blame anyone, Bran. It's just that in some people with depression, there is a family history of these things that contributed, in part, to the depression. And in some people, they react to the depression by using drugs or alcohol or by becoming sexually promiscuous. So, if they ask, they are not being critical; it's routine.
***What kinds of symptoms have you been having? They will want to know about your sleep,  appetite and any recent change in weight since these things are often affected by depression. They may ask you about eating disorders or about how you see your body.
***Tell me about school (or your grades). They'll want to know how you do in school, whether it's easy or hard for you and how much school stresses you, if at all. As I said before, school performance can slide when you are depressed----or poor school performance can contribute to causing stress and depression. Grades are often also a source of conflict @ home for teens. So, that's why they'll ask. They may also ask you about learning disorders or any history of ADD/ADHD in you or your close relatives since these can also impact both school performance and self-esteem. If, as they get to know you, they think you may have learning disabilities, they may do specific testing to assess you for that.
***"Tell me what you do for fun." Or, "what do you do when you are stressed?" Or, "What are your coping mechanisms?"  They'll want to know if you hang out with friends or if you mostly stay home. Whether you have a best friend, several close friends or many more distant friends. They'll want to know what kind of hobbies (such as your music) you do. Whether you have a faith tradition (such as Church and your youth group) that helps to sustain you.

They may not ask all of these questions or they may combine some into a single question. They may ask directly or in a more subtle way. What they are trying to do is: 1) identify the problems that are affecting you, 2) determine the factors that could be contributing to or resulting from those problems, 3) determine which of the problems are most serious and need to be addressed immediately, 4) determine what kind of supports and coping skills you have to deal with the problems, 5) assure that you are safe at home and that they can provide adequate guidance to you through outpatient counseling, and 6) come up with a plan---with your input---to help you begin to work through and cope with the problems. (continued)

[Bran_Bran]

Oh and I do have an IEP  aka Indevidual education plan. Wich allows me to have extra time on tests go to the respurse room have notes printed off ect and do exams in the resource room and have upto double the time for exams

[Bran_Bran]

Umm yes I di have ADD I have known this since at least grade 5 or 6. And i am getting help from the trat her on thursdays. I was hoping to do it o  fridays but he has meetings so instead of running on the trail on thirsdays at lunch ill be getting help for math for the first senester anyways ill just run in fridays. But I will wait to respond because I think you are writting more since wrote (continued) lol correct menif im wrong.

[skydivediva]

(continued)
Just because you've had difficulty with something, doesn't mean you can never learn it, though. About 7 years ago, I was teaching in a nursing program. Days before the semester was to begin, the Pharmacology instructor quit. My boss came to me and asked me to teach it and I agreed to do so as I'd been a nurse for a long time, had taken some advanced classes in pharmacology and felt pretty confident about my knowledge of medications. I was panic striken, however, when I brought the class information home and read it that night. The first month of the class involved reviewing basic math (adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing, decimals and fractions) and basic algebra (setting up and solving algebraic formulas) with the students. I'd flunked Algebra-I TWICE before FINALLY passing it in summer school! I went out and bought some math and algebra books and set to studying. And you know what? Just because it was explained in a different way than I'd ever heard it explained before, I understood it! All of a sudden, it made sense; it was like a lightbulb going of! This subject, that had tortured me for so long, suddenly was so easy that I started doing math & algebra problems FOR FUN when I was bored!!!

Unfortunately, none of this means that we can fail spelling or math and say to the college admissions board, "Well, I'm just wired differently." or that we can wait 20 years until we finally "get it". Colleges, jobs, bosses, graduate schools...someone will always have standard tests that we have to pass. For some, that means stepping back into an easier class & learning the foundations we need to support the more difficult classes. For some, it means studying harder and longer or seeking the help of a tutor. (I know...you HATE studying---but maybe, if you had the right supports and the studying payed off with higher grades you wouldn't hate it quite as much.) Fred Epstein was a famous pediatric brain surgeon who invented new ways to save childrens' lives and pioneered making hospitals less scary for kids. He had learning disabilities and had been told he'd never get into medical school or become a doctor, yet he did---even though he had to study for many more hours than many of his classmates.

So, Bran. Have you ever been tested for learning disorders like dyslexia or ADD/ADHD. Have you discussed the difficulties you have with some subjects with your teachers and asked their advice? Sought tutoring? These are things you might give some thought to. A big, big issue, though, is everything else that's been going on in your life. Feeling bad about yourself, thinking about hurting or killing yourself, having what sounds like a complicated relationship with your Mum and having such a big, spread-out family, your step-brother's death...having so many things in your mind can sometimes make it difficult to make room for school stuff and learning new things! That's why getting counseling is important...when you are able to cope better with the depression and the thoughts it has caused, you are going to have more resources available to deal with other challenges like school. (continued)