120 lbs overweight and rising, please help, I am addicted to food

[Citizen T]

I am pretty much 120 pounds overweight now, and I was actually quite skinny 6 years ago.


I believe now that I have become a severe food addict. Well, I actually think it's not so much the food, but whatever "reward" my brain gives me from fat, salty, heavy foods. I'm often asked why I don't drink diet soda or fat free frozen yogurt instead of regular ice cream, they don't understand  that's because my intense anxiety about food isn't relieved unless I eat the real stuff.   (and I also have a psychiatric condition called Depersonalization disorder, which is horribly aggravated  --- look it up ---)

See, when I cut back on eating, and go on a very health 6 small meal per day diet, I become mentally insane...almost literally...my mind races at 400 mph over the extreme cravings for a fat heavy meal...I even have dreams about pizza and such! And then I fail after just a few days of extreme torment.

I am become very unhealthy, and desperately want to drop 100 lbs. But I am finding it literally one million times harder than quitting smoking - and I was a heavy smoker. I have truly come to the point to where I believe I will just have to start smoking again for a year in order to lose the weight, and then quit smoking once I've lost it (again, quitting smoking is infinitesimally easier than losing weight).

So I don't know how to replace these chemicals in my brain that offer me satisfaction after that big plate of spaghetti and meatballs, or that big bowl of ice cream, or that 20 ounce soda. I have never done hard drugs, but I would imagine this is how heroin withdrawal feels. And I'm not exaggerating.

I guess any advice would be nice.

[eyes8882]

I've been obese for the last 12 years. I too found peace in gorging in the big meals.  I would get a 20 piece from McDonald's with a Double Cheeseburger on the side.  It would make me feel better yet worse at the same time.  Multiple times I would start a diet, I would cut back on food severely and exercise hard.  Ultimately burning myself out after a few weeks.  Then I would slip up and give up.  This time I've learned that the smaller the steps the better and not to give up after I had a bad day.  Because if I'm not trying, I'm not moving forward.  I've been on this diet for over 3 months now, and lost over 30 pounds.  Instead of looking at the daunting goal of how much I want to lose overall, I focus week to week.  If I have a bad week I move on and focus on the next week, If I have a good week I feel like I've accomplished something. Over time, I've stopped drinking soda, I no longer eat mayo, and I jog everyday.  The tracking on this site has really helped me focus.  I've turned my need to gorge into my need to improve and feel better. Good luck and keep moving forward!

[Jaquta]

I expect what may be driving the over-eating is the severe anxiety.

I would also consider any psych medication you're taking to possibly contribute.

I would talk to your doctor.  I also wouldn't recommend you start smoking.  Don't do that.  Talk to your doctor.

To eyes8882.  Well done on your weight loss.  Keep up the good work.  It sounds as though you have a good plan in place.