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Avatar universal

Abortion

Hello,
I am a divorced mother of two children. I have been in a relationship for a little over a year now. I just found out that I was pregnant I will be 6 weeks tomorrow. My boyfriend wants to me to get an abortion. I am so against it. I feel as though we made this mistake and this innocent life should not have to pay for it. Well my boyfriend doesn't care to think about that. He has a daughter from a previous marriage, however his daughter lives outside the country. He said that he will never be happy about this baby and that I am destroying alot of peoples lives by keeping it. He doesn't care about how I feel about abortions. I told him that I can do it myself and that I don't want or need anything from him. He is still against that. Bottom line he wants me to get this abortion. After a heated argument on friday night, I just agreed to it to shut him up. So now his attitude is totally different, he keeps asking me if I called to make the appointment. No, I haven't. I am scared to tell him that I am not going to make it. He is not abusive or anything, I just don't want to hear about how I am destroying his life. What should I do?
30 Responses
284738 tn?1283110419
Honey I'm going to be blunt here. It sounds like he doesn't care about how you feel at all. He wants what he wants and thats it. MAybe you should take some time to yourself and decide what you want. IF you go along with your boyfriend just to shut him up you are going to have to live with that decision for the rest of your days. I would try to sit him down and explain to him exactly how you feel and if he still doesnt care about your feelings I would honestly reconsider your relationship. I hope this helps and Good Luck!!! :o)
274158 tn?1276350787
You need to stand up for what YOU feel is right. I am sorry but screw him!  I unfortunatley had to get an abortion years ago and it wasn't my choice and still to this day, I regret it and resent him! Maybe he isn't the one for you. If you want the baby keep it. Yes, he does sound abusive in a way, verbally. He should support you in ANY decision you make and should never force you to do anything you don't want to. Please don't go through with it, it doesn't sound like you want to anyway. Believe me, if you do, you will have resentment towards him and regret it. Good luck and follow your heart not his.
271399 tn?1242833735
Hey I'm with you on the whole abortion thing.  I don't know the circumstances or anything like that of the people who have them & I can't judge them for that.  However to me it is the same thing as murder.  There are so many people trying to have a baby & can't.  There is always the option of adoption, & that doesn't kill an innocent life.  I don't know your boyfriend, but I would not stay in a controlling relationship like that.  You two were mature enough to get pregnant, you should be mature enough to take responsibilty.  You don't need a man to tell you what to do. There are so many wonderful guys out there who would love a baby.  It's not his choice to make & if your against it, don't go along with it for him.  Do you really want to live with the regret of that?  The Lord is good & everything happens for a reason.  Jesus loves you, your boyfriend, and that baby growing inside you.  He will give you strength to make it through any challange.  I will pray for you & that your boyfriend can see it differently.  The Lord is there for you.  Pray for guidance & He will show you what to do.  But please don't do something just to make somebody else happy.
283175 tn?1295540865
Your destroying his life,does he realise what he's saying,he's asking you to destroy a life.you just nailed it in your comment,you dont need or want anything from him.if he cant understand where your coming from,then kick him to the kirb.you do whats best for you.this is only my opinion...dont do somthing you may later regrett for the sake of a guy.who may or may not stay around.best of luck..
Avatar universal
My sister went through a similar situation. She got pregnant, her boyfriend already had 3 children from a previous marriage and didn't want any more. He wanted her to have an abortion. Her daughter is 2 years old now and has never seen her father, but she is a gorgeous little girl that brings my sister and my family much happiness every day. In the best of circumstances I do believe that a child needs a mother and a father, but sometimes no father is better than a bad father. Do what you believe is right, I agree with previous postings, every child is brought into this world with a purpose.
271399 tn?1242833735
I also would like to add to my previous post.  Although he is not physically abusive, he sounds very verbally abusive.  Sweetie you sound too smart for a guy like that.  I was in a verbally abusive relationship to a very very attractive guy (my ex hubby) & I kept telling myself "It will get beter" & it didn't.  Not only was he verbally  abusive, he was a cheater.  You deserve a man who spoils you & feels for you needs.  I'm now married to a wonderful man who loves me & supports me.  Make your own decisions, don't live your life for some guy.  Jesus will provide!
Avatar universal
Wow... I am so glad all of you took the time to read my situation. Thank you so much, it really does mean alot to me to see how many caring people are truly out there. It's just so painful to go through. I made this baby it's my responsibility to protect it. However, I wish he felt the same way. I usually tell my mom everything, I just can't tell her this one. Well not yet anyways. I just feel so alone.
283175 tn?1295540865
Dont feel alone we are all here for you....
271399 tn?1242833735
It will all be ok.  There are always people on here that you can talk to
Avatar universal
If you are close to your mom, you will feel better after telling her and you won't feel so alone. I am sure you think she will be disappointed and she may be at first, but she is your mother and will support you. My mom couldn't stand the guy my sister was with (she used to call him Satan's spawn actually while they were together). My sister waited 3 months to tell her and she was upset at first but was my sister's lifeline through the whole thing. Talking to people on here is wonderful, I'm glad I've found it myself, but it helps having a real life person to talk to about it. I personally would go crazy without my mom to help me through everything. Besides, you're pregnant, she can't be mean to you! :) Good luck with everything and keep us posted on how you are.
290018 tn?1240369468
I agree with tiffany08 when I was pregnant at 16 my mom was very upset at first but ended up being my whole support system during the pregnancy...we actually ended up having ALOT of fun with it.  My son is now 3 1/2 and my parents whole WORLD...I didnt tell her until I was 3 or 4 months and I really wish I would have.  Best of luck
Avatar universal
My sister, I agree with you and others. Don't, don't let a man force you to abort! Do what is right, God will take care of you and the baby.
Thousands of women out here are crying to get pregnant but they haven't because God only knows. "Carying a life in you is a special gift from God and don't let any man on this hearth take it away from you."  
God is your provider!
210400 tn?1325384170
I think you should tell your mom, she is close to you and you need the support right now. I also don't think you should have an abortion since you don't want one! Its not his body, he doesn't have to carry the baby or take on what you will be taking on. I wish you the best!
Avatar universal
I want to tell my mom so bad. She obviously knows something is wrong since I have been acting a bit strange when I would visit her. I never thought I would be in this type of situation but I am sure there are plenty of women out there in my shoes right now. I guess we all have to hold together and stay strong. I have two kids already and they mean the world to me. Why can't abortion just be illegal!!!
Avatar universal
I wouldn't be surprised if your mom already had an idea of what was going on. My mom knew I was pregnant before I even did, and the only reason my sister "told" her at 3 months is because my mom came right out and asked if she was. :) I'm sure it seems like a bad situation to be in, but look at all the joy your other children have brought you and remember what a miracle and blessing it is to have babies. I'm not sure anyone could have been in a worse position to have a baby than my sister was at the time, and it seemed like the world was going to fall in around her, and it didn't. They are doing wonderfully now and both of her daughters are the centers of my family's world! I'm sure you will feel much better about the situation once you have your family's support. I just pray you don't have the abortion when it's obvious there is nothing you would rather do less. No man is worth the pain you will go through and the regrets you will have.
292932 tn?1209309180
I have a similar situation.  I was seeing someone and the very first time we slept together I got pregnant.  At first he was very upset and "suggested" I get an abortion.  There was no way!!  We did this why should this baby haveto pay for it.  Turns out hafter a few days he became very excited and we were planning a life together, planned on getting married, we were looking athouses together, etc.  Then I m/c.  Well when I lost the bay the relationship fell apart.  We ended up getting together again recently and I got pregnant again.  In themidst of all this- we had a big blow up because I lethis current "girly friend" know we were togeher.  Well- when I told him I was pregnant this time- he tells me he wants nothing to do with this baby... blah...blah...  but you know what 2 responsible people sleep together knowing what can happen....  well this is the consequence!  I think a baby is a blessing no matter how it comes!!!  Good luck and know you are not alone!
Avatar universal
Life is a choice.  Do yourself a favor and follow through with what you want and believe.  In 2 , then 5, then 10 years you will only have yourself to blame.  Do not live in a life of regret for the sake of a selfish man.  You want to keep the baby, stand up for that desire and keep your baby.  He should be the one disposable, not the baby!!  Good Luck, Stay Strong, Choose Wisely
Avatar universal
My best friend was in this situation. She decided she wanted the baby, told him to get lost and has only heard from him once since then. The upside is that her ex and she got back together and he's been a wonderful father. Do what you think is right for you!
Avatar universal
So I told my mom and she is so excited!! I didn't tell her about what the soon to be ex said though.
290018 tn?1240369468
I am very proud of you.  I bet you feel much better now.  Good Luck and I wish you well with your pregnancy :)
285896 tn?1237214827
I'm late with your info but I have it....(904)253-1170 WIC Free Formula through out your baby's 1st year.  (904) 632-0600 Medicaid, foodstamps, housing and furniture assistance.  I know this is not a "cure all" but every little bit helps.  I also have someone in my office trying to get in touch with someone there so you can have a name to reference and he/she can be expecting your call.  I'm looking for other things that can help you as well.  Sometimes we just have to lean on eachother for support and that's ok.  Dont feel bad about any decision you have to make to give you and yours a better opportunity!  Let me know if I can help you with anything else.  
                                                     HINT......
You Live ALONE, and you're struggling!  Not trying to tell you how to beat the system, you know I have a moral code to up hold!!!! :)
285896 tn?1237214827
WRONG PERSON!!!  So sorry use that info if you need it, disregard if you dont! SMILE...blame it on the hormones, this pregnancy has me all thumbs lately!
292932 tn?1209309180
Where were you able to get this info.  I would like to get some info for my area...  as I just learned my house is in foreclosure and I will have no where to go with my 3 year old and baby on the way.  Thanks.
290018 tn?1240369468
i think you can just contact your local defacs office or health department
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