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HELP! Surgical abortion didn't terminate pregnancy???

I did a surgical abortion when I was 10 weeks and four days pregnant on May 27, 2017. The following month, I had very irregular bleeding but it was mostly light. I had contraction like cramps towards the end of the 3rd week. And I was bleeding bright red blood. It wasn't very heavy but it was definitely not light. Also it would just literally come out in drops while I sat over the toilet. I had very little blood clots. The contractions would last about an hour. I just thought my uterus was cleaning itself out of the old pregnancy contents.
On July 1st, I went for my follow up check up. I was supposed to go two weeks after the procedure but the clinic was very far, and I didn't have the means for transportation. So when I arrived for my checkup, the nurse took my urine then had me lay down on the table to do an ultrasound. She asked me if I had been bleeding and I said yes so she told me to keep on rubbing uterus. She seemed confused as to what she was seeing on the screen but she didn't really say anything. I asked her if everything was ok and all she kept on telling me was to wait for the doctor.
So once the doctor arrived, he looked at the ultrasound and had a very confused/concerned look on his face. The nurse then walked into the room showing the doctor my hcg levels from my urine. Apparently it came back positive and it was lower than my first visit but I just thought it was weird that she felt like she had to show him that so they can rule out the possibility of me still being pregnant. I asked the doctor what was wrong and he seemed very unsure but he said that my menstrual period must have overlapped with my bleeding from the abortion and that increased the contents in my uterus. Correct me if I'm wrong but I didn't know that was even possible.
Now, as you can tell, this is very recent. So every day for the next four days after the visit, I had VERY painful cramps for about an hour. They felt EXACTLY like labor contractions. I would have a lot of the same bright red blood that just dripped out of me and some blood clots except on the 4th day, I was squatting over the toilet and a big blood clot came out of me. Idk if if it was a placenta or just a blood clot but it was pretty big. Then as I was sitting down the toilet,  I felt pressure and something just plopped out of me. I look into the toilet and it looked bloody but not dark like a clot. It was about 2 inches in height and 1 inch wide. I was honestly scared to look at it. Terrified. I scooped it out and I saw what looked like a 10 week old fetus. It looked like it was wrapped in a sac except there was no fluid in it. I saw what looked like. It hada head with eyes on the side of its face and what looked like his body. It looked almost translucent to where you could see it's insides. It had bloody areas around it but it looked very fleshy.. I couldn't look at it for too long. I flushed it down the toilet out of impulse (which was really stupid and horrible for me to do but I couldn't handle what my eyes were seeing).
Before this procedure, I never thought I would be capable of this. I have so much guilt and sadness over what I have done. But now this has happened and everything just feels more real. I feel like I just saw the product of my decisions and it's just messing with my head so much. What else could that thing be? Is it possible that it wasn't what I saw? If so, what else could it be? Descriptions? Pictures? I feel that I need answers. Really badly. Please help me.
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342346373
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sweetie, you were doing what felt right and seemed like the best choice for you.  Try not to second guess that.  Yes, the procedure is ugly and when you really think about it, it feels bad.  But focus on WHY you made that decision and try to move on.  It's unfortunate if they did not finish the abortion or left remains or whatever it was that happened.  You can then think of it as a miscarriage.  No sense comes from over analyzing this.  I had a dear friend who was debating abortion or not and then something came out when she was going to the bathroom.  She called me in to look at it.  Not a pretty site.  She miscarried into the toilet.  It's never pretty.  So, try not to focus on it and let the memory of it die. Stay busy.  And again, focus on what is going on in your life that makes a baby difficult right now.  Work, school, friends/social life, circumstances, etc.  It's okay. It's okay to put yourself first and make this decision for you.  It would have been better to just be done with it at the clinic and unfortunate that this other thing happened at home.  You can always go for another check up to make sure all is well with your health.  But try to move on and be kind to yourself.  You're doing the best you can and it's all okay.  Hang in there and I'm here if you need to talk.  hugs
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