Talk me out of it, PLEASE! b4 I do something stupid

[ObMer]

I'm in tears as I type this, I'm 20 yrs old and I'm 9 weeks pregnant, I feel like I can't handle this, the father of the kid doesn't care at all about me, he's always out drinking or doing whatever, I don't work yet so I rely on mom for everything, I keep thinking of terminating but my consious doesn't allow me, please help me

[Anonymouse88]

It is ultimately your decision, and there is no shame in doing whatever you think is right and necessary for your survival and well being.  About 1/3 of women in America end up having abortions, so you would not be alone.  Adoption is another option, either open or closed.  

If you have the child and end up thinking, "I just can't do this, I think I might hurt this child" or something similar, there are safe haven laws that allow you to drop the child off at certain designated locations (usually fire houses, police stations, or hospitals) with no penalties, anonymously.  This website http://www.nationalsafehavenalliance.org/states/ has information about individual state laws.  

Best of luck, and remember that it's personal, and it's your decision to make, not anyone else's.

[NOHARD]

Hi Ob, Look I back specialmom all the way in what she has said, but at the end of the day its all down to you and nobody else, its your future, and you have to think of that, if its hard now then it will be even harder with a child.
The best decision will be the one you make and nobody elses.
Good Luck

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome to the forum.  Honey, you have to do what is best for you and weigh all the options.  Termination is one.  You'd need the money to do it and transportation.  But it does get you out of the bind of motherhood and al that goes with it.  It IS really hard.  I have two kids and I love them so very much but they exhaust me.  They are expensive.  And they take all my time (practically).  And I'm married and these kids were planned.  There is no shame if you choose to terminate.  That is a choice in this country and only you can decide if it is right for you.  Yes, it hurts emotionally, I really do think, to terminate.  But you have to weigh the pros and cons.

Another really awesome option is adoption.  You carry the baby and you can contact a lawyer or service to help find a loving family for your baby to go live with.  You can even have open adoptions these days where you will be in the know with what is happening with baby.  This can be a really beautiful win win for everyone.  A couple gets their much desired, waited for child and you get peace of mind and the ability to live whatever life you choose still.

The third option is to keep the baby.  This is hard but also can be done.  Do your parents know about the child?  You will need to get a plan together.  Things to think of---  establishing paternity for child support.  Sadly, as this guy you are with might not make much money, child support will be based on his income so it may not be much at all.  You may have to go back to court to get more child support as he gets more established when he is older.  Then you need to think about how you are going to get self suffient.  Go to school (trade or college)?  How will you pay for this?  Who will watch the baby while you go to school and work?  Will you live with your parents?  How will you get money?  Will you get work and will someone watch the baby or will you use daycare while you are at work??  Lots to figure out.

So, at 9 weeks, you do have a bit of a time situation to consider if you live in the US.  Terminations can't happen too far into the pregnancy. So, really think about this and make the best decision for you and the baby.  peace and luck to you dear

[rosey3216]

Aww hun :( I am 18 and 14 weeks pregnant, and the father of my child is not supportive at all. He keeps saying he'll do this and do that but he hasn't even been supporting me emotionally. I also have been considering termination. Some of the posts above say that "god wouldn't give you anything you couldn't handle," but if that were true then why do people commit suicide? But at least you have your mom that is supportive all the way for you, and especially if you don't have a job, there are many places you can go that will help you. You will get wic immediately which will not only give you food but you can get formula for the baby. You will also get foodstamps and possibly even cash assistance. There are places that give out free baby stuff, even if you're not a religious person (like me)there may be churches that are willing to come together and help you get supplies for the baby. I also have the issue with raising a kid without a family but that baby is a part of you also. Ultimately it is your decision, nobody else's, but really think hard about it because once its done there's no turning back. Good luck to you hun..

[mandi41389]

termination isnt the answer. i did it once bc i didnt have a joba nd jus tput myself in a ton of debt, its been 3 years and i regret it more then anything.if u r having any for of second guessing termination it means u shouldnt do it. and alot of places wont perform it if u dont show that its what you relaly want. sometimes doing it on your own is alot easier then it is doing it with someone who doesnt care. dont make the decision when your upset. maybe sit down with someone who has been through it or a fmaily member u are very close to and discuss it with them.

[momofalmostfive]

I am 31, married and have 4 children ages 6-11. When i found out we were expecting another baby i was shocked, depressed a few weeks and felt the same as you. Then i realized that we are not given things we can't handle. God gives us these babies for a reason....in the end you well be a great mom! Is woman are stronger than we think-you got this!!

[ObMer]

My mom supports me all the way, she's a dentist so money isn't an issue @ all, I'm going to study law next year so I don't know what I'm thinking, just the thought of not having a family hurts so badly

[missy123421]

Will not support u.....they will when the time comes, so dnt let fear or anger make u do something u wud regret for the rest of ur life.

[missy123421]

Awww....sry ur going thru this.....God gave u  the most beautiful blessing that some women never had the oppurtunity to experience. Remember that God can never give u something that he thinks u can't handle. You are stronger than u think, give that baby a chance, and u will never regret it. It might be hard at first,but trust God and u shall never lack. You can always apply for government assistance,which am 100% sure u will get approved. Don't think that u r alone on this......u might think ur mom or other members of ur family

[Des92]

You have plenty of time to get your stuff together, but you cant just sit there and expect everything to fall into place without you making it happen.  There are lots of single mommies out there that do a wonderful job, so never think for once that you NEED a man.  Terminating an innocent life just because you don't think you can do it is selfish.  There are other options.  You just gotta take it one day at a time.  Every baby is a blessing!

[joannagonzalez]

its really up to you hunny. just make the right choice
theres plenty of help you can get while being preggo. :)
many women out there do this without a baby daddy and im sure your strong enough. dont feel sad or scared your okay a baby is a huge blessing a women can have

[baby2_on_the_way]

don't do that, killing an innocent child doesn't solve any of your problems, take some time top make an educated decision on whether or not you can raise the baby and if the answer is no, put your child up for adoption, give him/her a chance at life. If you are old enough to have sex you are old enough to make the right decision for your baby... I was 16 with my first and 20 this time around and you know what I did? Graduated and got a job, now I have a house, a car and 2 trucks, a great man, 2 jobs and my babies are happy and healthy.

[lil_misss23]

The same thing happened to me chicky. My bf did the same thing every single day of my pregnancy but i stayed because i wanted a family. My girl is now 6 months and we broke up yesterday. I cried every single day of my pregnancy and the hormones dont help! I was booked in for a termination but didnt go to it. I cant imagine my life without my daughter now and i know i dont need her dad around. If he doesnt wanna grow up now he probably never will. Thats my experience. Whatever your decision just know that its the right one for you. But sleep on it and think about things properly, talk to family and friends. I was even calling a help line. Hope this helps :)

[Bri_1985]

There are other options than terminating the pregnancy hun. Just explore those before doing the other. Also there are a lot of single mothers out there and support groups for them. Make use of the resources available. *hugs*

[searra]

You can still be a great mom. Sign up for wic now theyll give u food for you. And all the fomula for a year is free. Plus baby food. Go to an anti abortion center and theyll give you diapers and clothes for your baby. You can do it by yourself. Sign up for tanf they give you money for a year and help you find a job theres lots of people that will help you.

[Yoshi20]

Your only 9 weeks you have plenty of time to get settled and support both you and your baby. Find stress remedies dont terminate your baby because the father doesnt want to come to reality but its always your decision. Good luck hun!