Avatar universal


Hi, my daughter is 42 and scheduled for an abortion in a week.  She is about 18 weeks.  Before she found out she was pregnant she fasted and was not eating hardly and lost 20 lbs, she is very petite to begin with and now she looks so frail.  She is just to scared to go thru labor so has chosen the abortion.  I being the Mom just don't know what to tell her.  I feel like it is her decision and would die if something happened to her because I changed her mind.

Just feel lost right now.  Any suggestions.
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973741 tn?1342342773
I am thinking that the poster's daughter is an adult and will have to make up her own mind on this situation.  There is only so much we can force an adult to do.  Lots of luck to the poster, I'm sure this is difficult.  But remembering that this is your daughter's body and life is really key.  good luck
Helpful - 0
875426 tn?1325528416
It must be very hard for you emotionally right now.  I don't want you to lose your daughter or your grandbaby.  

It sounds like your daughter is emotionally upset right now and I know from experience that being emotionally upset can cloud a person's thinking.

    My sister had to have an emergency c-section for her first born after going through hours of labor because her life was in danger with high blood pressure, fever, etc. .  But she was able to schedule a c-section for my second nephew and that birth was uneventful traumatic-wise.  Both my nephews have been real blessings.  

If from a Christian background, I hope you can talk to your pastor/a Biblical counselor about the spiritual and mental health of your daughter  right now and the health of her baby.  She must be struggling with something really disturbing to her that she was fasting before the pregnancy and that's a burden that she shouldn't carry alone.  

Also, regardless of religious background, besides you guys seeing doctors about the health of your daughter A.S.A.P, your own baby, Marilee, and her baby/your grandbaby as well as your own self so need support right now.  

Here's a place apparently within 10 miles of Glendale who want to offer their support to your family:
New Life
3100 W. Camelback Road
Phoenix, AZ 85017

See PM for more details.

Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there.  yes, in the US, there are often limits on how far along a mother is and when abortion is not an option.  Other countries I do believe have the option to abort to 20 weeks or so but we tend to limit it to the first trimester.  

I'm a little concerned about your daughter's state of mind.   She clearly does not want this child.  Anyone who embarks upon a 20 pound weight loss when pregnant is saying loud and clear that she does not care if the baby develops or not.  This concerns me about what will happen once the baby is born.  Has she had any mental health problems in the past?  Does she have anxiety that leads to the concern over child birth?  

No woman should be forced to have a baby in my opinion if it is not her desire but she may have missed the time frame in which she can legally get an abortion in your state.  Check on this.  

But to me, your daughter sounds like she needs some mental health help.  And this is good to have prebaby as a mother with mental health issues that are not addressed have a hard time with a newborn.

good luck
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Marilee, For a start try and think positive, your daughter is now 42, and if this is her first not a good time to be starting a family and you have not said may be single, most of us at 42 our kids were teenagers and coming late teens as well.
Then if she has a good career, and this would not do it good, just speculating there, but this is the way life goes.
End of the day its her life, its her body, and the last and most important, its her decision.
Persuading her to have it, is not the way to go, when its over its comfort she will need.
Good Luck
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Avatar universal

Hello marilee176,

I just finished reading your post. I agree with the previous poster. I think
it would be very advisable for your daughter to make an appointment
with your family doctor. Your daughter doesn't have to go through labour
necessarily. She could choose to have a C-section. If your daughter thinks
that perhaps she's too old to have a baby, my mom had my youngest
sister when she was 40 years old and my sister was born healthy.
My youngest sister had her son eleven years ago by C-section and he's
very healthy. Your family doctor can advise your daughter how to gain
weight in a healthy way and make sure the fetus she is carrying is healthy.
Of course, this is a difficult decision for your daughter, but just because
she lost weight doesn't mean the fetus she is carrying is at risk.
I wish both of you the best. Blessings, Eve
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
We have a Womens Choice forum here at Medhelp. You may want to post your question there too.
I see you're from AZ. Does your daughter live there too? Many states will not do an abortion after a certain period of time.
Has your daughter been to the Dr to see if she's healthy enough to carry a baby? Things like this can happen, women don't know they're pregnant and don't take care of themselves like they would during pregnancy. This does not mean that they won't have a healthy baby. If your Dr is seeing a Dr and getting proper nutrition and getting her weight back up the baby could be just fine. If her Dr feels she can't go through labor she would have a c section.
I think women should have a choice because it is their bodies. But, at 18 weeks she's pretty close to being half way through the pregnancy.
I feel bad for the situation you and your daughter are in. I do think it's best, and this is only my opinion, that she have extensive testing to make sure the baby is alright and that she is alright to go ahead with the pregnancy.
If your post gets moved to the women's choice forum don't be surprised. Just look for it there if it's been moved from this forum.
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