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Women's Health: Postpartum Community
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Avatar universal

17 month old

Okay so my bf has a 17 month old daughter whom he has joint custody of. We have her equal amounts of time as her mother. She was born premature 1 month early and spent 2 weeks at strong, she has a kidney disease. She has only just started walking and is not talking besides momma and dadda. She has only just started sleeping in a crib once we received joint custody. The problem we are seeing is that she screams and becomes violation for no reason. She will wake from a nap and instantly start screaming and throwing herself when we try to sooth her and do everything we can think of to calm her but she starts to hit and kick and pinch us. She will also do this if she is not held 24/7, if we put her down to play on the floor, and just randomly. She won't sleep through the night we've tried staying in the room until she falls asleep and making sure her tv is on, we even put an item of clothing into her crib so that she can smell our scent and be comfortable. Nothing works unless we take her and put her in bed with us. We don't know what to do bc the mother is determined to say she only does this with us but my family and his family have all witnessed it themselves. If you know what could be causing this or what to try please let me know.
6 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
This could be almost anything,  from an underdeveloped nervous system to night terrors or distress from being moved from one home to another.  

It would probably be very helpful if you scheduled a consult with her pediatrician.  Being born one month premature (at 36 weeks gestation) isn't usually a big cause for concern,  if everything else is fine.  I don't know what kidney disease she has,  but you are entitled to more information about that,  and how that may be affecting her.  

Did she have a guardian at litem,  or a CASA volunteer during the legal custody process?  They would be a good resource too for help.

In the meantime,  don't leave the TV on all night.  While that may seem to be a soother for her,  it's not a good thing to have constant audio stimulus throughout the night.  

Best wishes.
Avatar universal
The disease causes her to have only 10 percent use of one of her kidneys and if something as small as getting a uti more than once can cause her other kidney to fail. And she was with the mother up until we were awarded the joint custody. The mother has told us many times that she has had her sleep in bed with her since she was a newborn bc she fussed the first night she had her in a bassinet, also that she always holds her, carries her everywhere no matter what. So now if we try to put her down to play she freaks out and wants to constantly be held or right next to us. Also she wakes in the night and freaks out if she doesn't hear or see her tv on.. idk what to do that can help her adjust when her mother condones the behavior. She even admitted she thinks it is funny when she trues to hit or kick so she allows her to do it.
13167 tn?1327194124
So this is a child who is a very serious health concern,  and probably won't grow at a normal rate,  and needs constant monitoring for possible serious infections?

The way her mother is treating her is pretty normal - in my opinion - for mothers of seriously ill children.

In the meantime,  I would suggest again that you have a consult with her pediatrician(s) for guidance with how to make her transitions to your home easier.  

Her mother is suffering,  probably,  with fear that her daughter will not live through childhood - which sounds like it's a real possibility.

Best wishes.
Avatar universal
Her mother actually says she is perfectly healthy and is denial of the fact that any little thing could change her status of health.
Avatar universal
Dad should speak up and get her looked at. He has equal rights he can take her. Waiting is only a discount advantage to the baby.
Avatar universal
He has tried, she takes into court to try and take her from him. When he called the doctor to see if she had night terrors she told the courts she wants his time with his daughter taken bc she is in harm with him. She lies and fabricates everything to make him look bad so that he no longer gets his daughter..
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