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Women's Health: Postpartum Community
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Avatar universal

Any "super moms" out there?

I have a very, VERY active almost 10 month-old DD and most of the time, I spend all my day running after her rather than getting things done around the house.  I feel terrible when DH comes to no dinner or the house that is not sparkling clean (in fact, it's far from it lately) and a dead tired wife.  If you're one of those "super moms" who has her house all clean, dinner all cooked, baby all happy, and you looking perfect etc, etc...HOW DO YOU DO IT?  Share your secret b/c G-d knows I need some pointers.  Thanks.
45 Responses
97615 tn?1212682189
haha, supermom I am not but i can share some things that are working for me.  I work 9hr days and I do not have my son all day but on weekends i do.  he wakes up at 4am and he also wakes up at 2am for a bottle so i am always running on no sleep.  my dh is a big help when he is home but he works night shift so it is tough there.  i have a play space surrounded by those gates w/ just his toys in.  i also have may things that can occupy him w/ out me like the exersaucer and a walker.  sometimes he just wants to be w/ me so i will put him on the floor w/ pots and pans and a wooden spoon.  sometimes the high chair w/ some melon keeps him quiet for a good half hour.  I am constantly having to put him somewhere.  it seems he is needing constant stimulation.  then other times i am needing a break from my stuff and i will just sit down and play w/ him..  i'm sure you have tried all of these but thought i would throw in the stuff that works for us.  :)
Avatar universal
unfortunately, I live in a small apartment in NY where there is no room for many toys or play areas.  DD loves to be near me when I'm in the kitchen.  She HATES being in her crib if I'm not in the room so if I'm vacuuming, washing the floors, she has to be there which I don't really like too much.  DH is very understanding and has not said a word (I guess he knows better, HEHEHE).  
97615 tn?1212682189
haha, funny...my house is never clean.  it is now my ds's house/playroom.  i dont even worrying about cleaning up except the obvious like the kitchen, wash and bathroom.  doors were made for reasons so when i cant clean i just close the doors!!!  
97615 tn?1212682189
oooo, in that case....sometimes i have to put on the carrier and do the wash and vacuuming w/ him....this keeps him busy for a bit...:)
Avatar universal
LOL..that's me...DD crawling all over the place, toys all over the living room, and I'm tired on the couch!! Not a pretty site.  And I'm not even pregnant (at least I don't know if I am, yet).
Avatar universal
NOPE!! I am definately not the super mom you are looking for! When I read your post, I though She sounds like me! I only have dinner made about have the week, and we often get take out the other nights. I feel horrible, because the house looks awful when DH gets home, my very active 2 year is running around like a nut and her toys/books are strewn from one end of the living room to the other. And I am typically lying on the coach w/ he gets home because I am so tired from chasing her and I am almost 5 months pregnant. I would love to know some secrets myself!! LOL!
Avatar universal
I wish our Living room had a door!
121828 tn?1333468091
Why in the world are you giving ds a bottle at 2am, aren't you going crazy???
Avatar universal
Not a supermom here. *lol*  I have  3yr old and a 26yr old-the DH- to chase around and clean after.  Some days I have the house clean and dinner done, but never looking all too hot.   So I wouldn't worry.  We're trying for another as we speak so I guess I don't look as bad as I think.
What helps me some is MY mom lives near me so she'll take my daughter once a week so I can overhaul the house and have a me day. So Don't worry about gettin it all done.  I also have my daughter "help" me when I clean by giving her a duster or pickin up her toys. She also likes to help "fold" and put laundry away.  I wish you luck and you'll find our own groove soon.
Avatar universal
LOL...do you mean the stroller?  She will sit there ONLY if we're going out for a walk.  DD is a very difficult/needy child but I love her to pieces.  If I don't see her for more than a few hours, I miss her so much.  
97615 tn?1212682189
ok, here goes....the reason i give ds a bottle at 2am is b/c our house is haunted...eeek i know.  we are moving in 3 weeks but it keeps me and ds up from 12:30 to about 2am.  dh sleeps right through it.  it is a very long night every night.  :(
Avatar universal
Get one of those wraps and tie her to u, they love it, u get sooo much more done, and its an effortless way to get them to sleep! Here is a link to instructions on how to wear them, there is a section for each age and if u need to wrap for nursing, housework, etc...and just between us, u dont hafta spend a fortune on one...just go get several yards of some comfy cotton fabric from a fabric store and u r good to go!! It even eliminates the need for strollers...yay for baby wearing!!

http://www.mamatoto.org/StartHere/ByTypeofCarrier/Wraps/FrontWrapCross/tabid/180/Default.aspx
134578 tn?1546634665
When family ask how they can help, I tell them that they can come over and hold the baby while I cook, clean, take a bath or run an errand.  I don't need a sitter when I'm gone, I need a sitter when I'm there.
121828 tn?1333468091
COME ON!! I'm the biggest boogie man freak you'll ever know... You've got to be kidding me. Don't you know that the spirits come out between 3am-4am DUH? ha ha at least at my house... That's what Sylvia Brown says :) (love her)
97615 tn?1212682189
omg..my sister loves that sylvia brown...she tells me that i have to read her stuff...but her stuff scares me.  i actually got some advice on how to keep it at bay and also make sure it doesnt travel w/ us...i pray and pray and pray it will all work out...i just want ot live in peace
Avatar universal
yes, the joys of toys...b/c both of my children were and still are very attached, I've tried (key word there) getting them involved in what I'm doing and they love it.  They don't love it all the time mind you but it has helped me monitor what they are doing and has kept them still ie. in highchair while I washed dishes so they were up higher to see...w/ my son esp. something else that works (most of the time) is sometimes I have to stop what I'm doing and wrestle or read a book, something personal and one on one and then it seems as if he's content again for a while.  He's 4 and dd is 3...
Avatar universal
OMG!! your house is really haunted?? I am scared to death of stuff like that! You couldn't get me to stay in a haunted place one night! How do you deal? I would be totally freaked!
Avatar universal
I used to be a "supermom" up untill my second was about 6 months or so. Trust me, it's NOT worth it being the "supermom"  I would get up extra early and take a shower and then clean up from the night before. Then spend my days playing w/ the kids and cleaning up after their messes.  I litteraly didn't have time to sit and relax and was so exhausted by the end of the day that I didn't have anything left for DH.  Yes, my kids were clean and my house was spotless, but I was running on fumes.  Now that I have 4 kids we are lucky if everybody has had a bath in the same day, and my house is usually a mess. LOL  But I love it. Yes, I'm tired at the end of the day, but nothing like I was before!  I'm SO much happier just sitting and playing with my kids and not rushing around all day making sure things are clean and spotless.
Enjoy the time you have. They are that age for such a short time.  Pretty soon they are going to want to be out with their friends and not at home with mom.  Also, when they are older they can help out a lot.  My 10 year old loves to vaccume and mop and my 8 year old loves to dust and sweep. When they were younger I would have them help me with the chores. When I would dust I would give them a rag and let them at it. Now they enjoy doing some chores.
But don't worry about the house right now.  It's more importnant to have that quality time with them. Trust me, it goes SO fast!  I wish I would have spent more time with my first dd than cleaning.
97615 tn?1212682189
i have had to really try to get a handle on myself, when it first started happening....i would wake up screaming, crying, freaked..whatever else you wanta call it.  when it started waking up my ds I had to become more in control.  now i only care about loving my lil one so that he is not bothered by this.  it still freaks me out.  
Avatar universal
Nalla, I totally agree!  I've always tried to keep up to what my mom tells me she was like.  There have been days that I did 10 loads of laundry just in case my mom popped by.  The biggest help is hearing everyone else say they are/were in the same boat, and like you said, enjoy the kids...Often I just leave everything hoping noone drops by during the day and then quickly run around before dh comes home...but that certainly doesn't happen every day!  And if anyone hasn't heard this lately "You ARE doing a great job..."  Our kids will remamber the times we made for them.  I have to remind myself, it's about building a relationship now!  
154929 tn?1196191338
Just an idea for you--if DH is not opposed to left overs.  Make a big enough supper than you can have it the next day.  Then the day after make something really simple (if not opposed) like a microwave dinner-with a healthy salad--easy and not very time consuming.  The fourth night try and do a big meal again for left overs for the next night--it is not always perfect but does help if youcan do this.  I am lucky that my husband is a neat freak he does more picking up and cleaning than I do.  Though we do let the dusting slide--not big on either of our lists.  I do the cooking he does the dishes.  I am by no means super mom--I try and spend as much time with my boys at night--I wok during the day.  But I know sometimes When I was off I would want to get stuff down and it be impossible--for the baby was crying or what not--I finally figured out that it is okay if they cry a little bit it won't kill them to learn to entertain themselves.  I think it actually gets harder to get things done at this age 2 1/2 and 4 for they are always either trying to help or going in two different directions.  A good idea I got from a friend to take a shower--when they are able to sit up--bring a laundry basket into the bathroom with you and put a few toys in it...portable playpen--gives you time to actually rinse your hair.
175662 tn?1282217256
"super mom".... This title really annoys me because it reflects how society has assumed that most of everything falls on the woman of the household.  The care of the children the house, and being the breadwinner/working full-time.  Simply put we carry a large portion of not just our families but many other responsibilities on our shoulders, to even bother trying to live up to the "super mom" appearance that we are forced to assume is how the perfect woman survives... is only detrimental.  Being a mother, working or not, is a full time job that doesn't end at 5pm like our husbands sometimes feel theirs ends.  We can't just clock out of our jobs and let the next "shift" take over.

Ladies, assuming that you can be superwoman/supermom is really cutting yourself short, and robbing your families of some of the important things in life (your presence).  Life isn't about how clean the floor is, or how tidy the beds are, its about your life and how well you live it.  The legacy you leave behind isn't about how clean your house was and how perfect you looked doing it, it will be how much time/energy/love you were able to totally devote to your family.  It will be about your children talking amongst themselves of the fond memories you and your husband supplied to your children together as a family.

The cleaning can wait, it will always be there -of course I'm not saying to live as slobs-, however your children are only small for a short time.  And as those of us with older children know, enlisting the help of our little darlings is always some way to help with the chores and day to day upkeep of a home.
164559 tn?1233711618
First of all, the supermoms I've known are usually on meds as they are a neurotic mess, so don't try to emulate them.

Secondly, have a serious chat with your dh.  Where can he pick up some of the slack?

Maybe he will cook dinner a few times a week.  Buy a great bbq cookbook to inspire him.

I run a business and my time is often limited, for good home cooked meals in a timely manner, I highly recommend a slow cooker.  

If things get too messy, hire a housekeeper to help out once a month.

Just so you know, it doesn't get easier, you will just learn to cope better.  Wait until you are running them to activities, balancing work outs, girl guides, your job and volunteer hours.
Avatar universal
anxious-DH is very supportive and NEVER says anything.  He understands how DD is so instead of getting upset that there is no dinner, he just orders out (which I'm totally cool with :)))  I am getting a slow cooker and I can't wait to cook in it.

jd-Dh is fine with left overs.  He has no choice (hehehe)

Annie-in laws came over today and took DD for a stroll for a couple of hours.  I vaccumed, washed the floors and made dinner.  I never knew I could get so much done in a couple of hours :))
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