If you are concerned about the wine and the one hit, you don't need to worry. It's not enough to cause damage. Forget it, don't do it again, and you'll be fine. Regarding him, given that he smokes all the time, it's not the smoking on the night of conception that you would need to be concerned about, but what he was doing three months before (which is when the sperm are formed that you use three months later). I've been advised by my RE that my husband shouldn't drink wine around that time, for the best sperm counts, but I don't know about sperm quality issues (from either wine or marijuana). Seems I've read something that suggests habitual marijuana use can affect sperm, but I don't know.
The really big issue to me is whether you want a weed-smoking half-willing guy around to be the father of your baby. It kind of seems like a slender stalk to cling to, during some of the tough times being a mother. You don't need a baby to watch and a big, sulky baby to take care of at the same time.
Thank you for your comment. I have read that sperm that has been compromised may be affected when it comes to motility, and there have been some researchers that the use may cause cleft palate so I am worried about this. I also read that it is more crucial with women as the TSH is absorved directly?? I agree. As we stand right now, my ex wants nothing to do with it and I don't know whether he will change his mind. He was good to my daughter and was almost like a father to her, ironic though when it came to his own he is turning the other way. Some guy I landed. I am willing to raise this child on my own but nonetheless is not the ideal situation. I am not sure what is best at this point. I always thought we would do this together and looked forward to having a baby.