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162279 tn?1270601359

In what ways did your miscarriage change you?

One of the wys to cope with a miscarriage (or any other trial) is to look for ways it changed you for the better. To look for the lessons it taught you and the things you learned.

Let's share with each other these things. It helps so much to share things like this.

For me: I am kinder to the children I do have. Little things don't make me mad at all anymore. I kiss and hug them more. I am more patient with them.

I don't judge people anymore. I now look at people with the thought, "I wonder what has broken your heart? What have you struggled with?" I feel so much more love even for a complete stranger.

I have come to be closer to God. I pray with much more sincerity and purpose.I am learning to trust Him.

My husband and I are closer than ever.When you share a loss like this, your love and your bond becomes even deeper.

Please share what changes you have gone through...
25 Responses
170623 tn?1242664063
I am currently going through my first miscarriage and it devastated me.  I just thank God that I found out early and hope and pray every day that next time we try that I dont have this happen again.  I am blessed with one 8 year old beautiful little girl who fills my heart with joy and I thank God daily for having her with no problems or I wouldnt be who I am today.
152590 tn?1208146144
With me (2 mc)
I have grown up alot, I was kind of immature, and it made me see life in a new way.

I am currently 20 wks pregnant, and I cherish it alot more then I would have if the first one would have lived.

I feel like I can be there for others who have went through the same thing, i just had a friend that had her first MC and I was able to help her work through it.

I am going to put my baby in a bubble, when she is born. lol

I think it has also made me a stronger person, but I do cry more now, then I ever did before.
126762 tn?1325261805
Great idea! I have experienced two m/c's and I have changed so much in the process of my 2 1/2 years ttc. I think the biggest thing for me is that I am realizing how incredibly important my family is to me. I could never have gotten through the past year without them, especcially my sis and my mom. My lil sis is 19 and she made me a homemade card out of construction paper and markers before I went in for my appt (they thought I had an ectopic and had planned to do surgery). It's amazing how much that one little thing meant to me. And it meant so much more than a store bought card would have. I have realized that I want to be there for them, as they have been for me - and through it all, we have all become so close. I have also been leaning on God a little more these days - he is truly my rock, and at the end of the week - when I feel like nothing is going right, I walk into church and everything is right with the world again.

"Walk with the Lord and you will always be going in the right direction"
Avatar universal
I have realized if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. I did everything by the book and it still happened.Now Im trying to help my sister in law get ready to start trying because I would hate her to go through what I have. My husband and I have been much closer also, it made us realize how much we are ready for a family and how precious life is. I look at everyone differently. I try to be nice to everyone and not get mad at anyone because you never know what someone is going through. I just dont look at life the same and never will. It is a very hard thing to go through but I got a special angel out of it, watching over me and helping me with the tough times. Thats how I deal with it and am getting through it.
164559 tn?1233708018
It made me realize how brief and precious life is.

It gave me a greater compassion for women who ttc for many years.

It taught me that my husband is my biggest ally in this life.

It renewed my faith in God as I felt His hand upholding me in the night.  And I know my two babies are home with Him and that the angels hold them.  Someday I will be granted that privilege.

It reminded me to feel blessed for being able to have given birth twice before.

It taught me that there are kind people in this world, I received flowers, card, meals.

It taught me that I have a sisterhood around the world who can feel my pain.

It taught me that a life the size of a kidney bean can change my life forever.
Avatar universal
I felt strong and empowered seeing that yes, I could survive such an unexpected loss. I felt good in how I put it into perspective and never let myself spiral too far down a sad path. It also made me realize how utterly amazing a healthy baby is! I look at my baby girl's everything- hair, eyes, fingernails and all the working organs inside and am just astounded how much really comes together those 9 months. I was so appreciative and proud of my body when I delivered a healthy baby almost a year after my miscarriage. I also was suprised at how many other women have gone thru a miscarriage too- it's not info. that's usually offered up.
Avatar universal
I have had a m/c a missed m/c and an ectopic.  I have learned not to take anything for granted.  I have learned that anything worth having is worth working for.  I have learned to love unconditionally.  To give my whole soul to something even if its meant to get hurt I will have the lord to carry me through..  respect people and their thoughts even if you don't agree.  I have just graduated in may from nursing school and I so want to work in either labor and delivery or with a high risk practice because I've been there and I know how much kind words matter..
15480 tn?1302529802
I think having a miscarriage made me appreciate life more and appreciate the little things.  Friends and family even neighbors were so kind to my husband and I when we had the miscarriage.  They brought cards,food, flowers and kind words.  It showed me how many kind people there are in this world. It also showed me to never take anything for granted and to trust in God.  Good luck and best wishes to you!  :)
159354 tn?1286367688
My three m/c have taught me 3 things....

I have sisters in Christ whom I did not know.....but HE showed me.

I have strength beyond measure that I never knew I had....but HE showed me.

I can love with everything in me.....each day, each minute and each second as it were my last....HE showed me.

I love my GOD for blessing me with 1 live little girl who is truly my biggest joy and my shining achievement in this world...and I love my GOD for my 3 angels...as I know they are there watching over us.
159354 tn?1286367688
Bless you all for this post.  I know we all will be in a 'special mommies club' together in the great heaven someday.

I love you all and pray for blessings on each and every one of you and those you love.
Avatar universal
I am graduating from nursing school this June! I also want to work in L and D, Family birth, because of what I went through with my d and c. The worst day of my life, and those people were wonderful. I'd like to be that for people too. However, I don't know if I can do it if I'm not able to get pregnant by then and keep it.

THanks for all your comments everyone, it's inspiring to me. I'm not in a place where I feel I've learned much, not yet anyways. I'm still pretty upset with God, knowing that I prayed for my baby everyday, not knowing it passed a whole 3 weeks before I even found out. I'm trying to figure it all out, but for now I've sorta lost my trust in God. I trusted Him before, but now? I feel like He didn't do anything to help me. I'm sorry if this is negative, I just wonder, how did anyone else work through this?
159354 tn?1286367688
I'm so sorry you are still hurting.  I have to tell you I grew up very close to GOD but I hit rock bottom with HIM during my 1st m/c...I was hurt and angry ...how could HE let this happen to me....all that good stuff...I always felt I was so FAITHFUL so why did HE not step in and give me my miracle...

I'll never know why but I have in time accepted it.  It's funny...it took but it took my 2nd m/c for me to go back to HIM completely....

HE did do something good for me in all of this pain.  After my 3rd m/c, I prayed on what to do...where do I go...I was falling apart.  and in my prayer HE led me here and these women on this board are amazing!  God's greatest blessing on me this year was meeting all these women....all of them...so even in my tragedy HE still delivered a blessing to me...  No matter what you believe...women are amazing creatures....they love and care for you especially if they know your pain...and we all know your pain.

You will find peace and I pray it's through GOD's loving hand but you'll find what works best for you and no matter what...we are all here for you.
134578 tn?1614729226
Miscarriage changed me because while it was so sad, I look back now and think the 8 weeks we had that little bean were such a happy 8 weeks that they were really a gift from God.  I'll never understand why that baby had to leave, at least until I die and maybe get to hear what the baby was here to do, but I know I would rather have had it even with the loss than not to have had it.  It brought us such happiness.
Avatar universal
I just had a D&C this afternoon and reading all these things does make me realize it happens often to many people and I feel the same things everyone else does and that it's okay to feel angry and it's not silly to feel so attached to something that is so tiny.  I was ten weeks along and my numbers started falling and there was never a heartbeat.  I also have two little ones at home and I am definitely more appreciative that we were able to have them and everything went so well and that I have a supportive husband to lean on and we can get through this together.
Avatar universal
Thank you. I feel exactly the way you described. Nobody quite understands how I feel. People at church and all my christian friends and family are almost the worst about it, because they say very insensitive things to me. Like "It just wasn't the right time, God didn't want you to have a baby now". But I think, I did have a baby! I didn't imagine it up on the ultrasound screen, I saw it and I loved it. God gave it to me, and He took it away. I know if I'm going to continue in my faith, I can't just be faithful during the good times. It's so hard, but I hope I can get to a better place with God. I go to pray, but I just fight it because I feel like He's not going to answer me. WHy would He now when He didn't back then, you know? ANyways, thanks for your response, I'm so glad to hear from someone who understands how I feel.
147803 tn?1234399660
I have learned that if God has chosen to only let me have one baby in my whole life, that is one more than some people can have. I should be grateful for what I do have and not ponder on what bad things I have experienced. If i ponder on them, my family will eventually be torn apart and family is the one most important thing to be aside from God. Instead of "fighting" Him on my first trimester issues, i should just be thankful for what I have. Having had lost over three babies now, I should let my body heal and when the time is right, hopefully He will let me have another little miracle. I just need to get my babies past the first trimester and all would be good! Last night I fought God until I was blue in the face. People told me that I should be scared to be mad at God and to blame him. I guess what I am trying to say is I am REALLY trying...(its very hard right now though), to look at this whole situation from a different perspective. Not mine, but other family. If yall have no idea what I am talking about, scroll down and read my post from yesterday. I would rather not get into that right now though...it has been a rough 24 hours for me. Miscarriage can change people in the best ways...just be thankful and not take anything for granted.
Avatar universal
I appreciated my 2 year old daughter even more.  Appreciated all the little things she did and the great health she had/has and stopped taking her for granted.

Realized that I was not invinsible and things can happen to me too.
15031 tn?1219069289
My m/c made me realize that I am not in control, no matter how I tried to fool myself into thinking I was, and that God is...

I realized that I wasn't the only person in the world, and I became, for the first time, unselfish.

It brought my husband and I closer than ever and I cherish him so much more than I did before.

It made me become a better listener and realize that sometimes that is just all a person might need from me.

I have learned that the stupid things I worried about every day mean NOTHING.

I have found that there are women all over this world, whom I will never lay eyes on, but will be bonded with for life because of a website.

Thanks Jenny, wonderful idea!
159047 tn?1213896873
I am much more sympathetic to what other people go through when they lose a fetus, baby, or a child--I can't even watch the news anymore.  It's too depressing.  Anytime someone dies at war or in a car accident--it's someone's child and I can almost feel their pain.

I am sooooo thankful for my wonderful 2 yr old ds.  I am so blessed to have had him without complications and without previous m/c's.  I feel fortunate that I went through these 2 m/c's after having him--I can only imagine what it must be like to go through 2 m/c's without having a child already.

Physically--I'm doing everything I can to be as healthy as I can possibly be next time we ttc.  Since the m/c's, I've discovered that I have a gluten allergy which can actually cause recurrent m/c's.  I have also been going through acupuncture to heal my female organs and increase my egg quality.  

Also, if I hadn't been through m/c I would have never found this site--you guys are great!
Avatar universal
i was 8 weeks when i had a m/c. Im so thankful that i had the hope. There are many women out there who know they cant even experience that. I am still very sad about it but i am not gonna give up. Im praying that the next time I will be given the chance to have the baby.
159354 tn?1286367688
It sounds like you are a little lost but not far off.  Keep in mind that your Christian friends may not understand your loss.

I do believe in GOD's perfect timing but that does not mean that is why you lost your baby.  GOD has perfect timing and perfect will for everyone but if you choose to believe in GOD and JESUS, HIS perfect love and grace there is also an evil and dark side of this world.

We can't praise GOD in good times and blame HIM for bad...that's craziness....although we do.  I do too...I'm not perfect.

I also think nature takes our children.  Because there is bad/evil things in this world...not everything is perfect.  Everything in nature has to align perfectly too...I don't know if that makes sense or not but I just wanted to touch base with you today and let you know I had been praying for you....just for some peace and for you to understand that some things just happen and we'll never know why.

I lost 3 and have gone through every test in the world....no answers....except one.  GOD did bless me once, 2 yrs ago....if that is my blessing in life I'll take it...and if I want more....than there are plenty of children in this world for me to love....and who do not yet know love.
142722 tn?1281533616
I changed in that I wanted a child.  It was a suprise when I was preggers, not planned.  I wasn't even sure I wanted another child and told everyone I knew that I could handle another one.  Well when I had my m/c, I just wanted another baby, bad.  There are some issue with me and my BF that I did not consider and I have become preggers again.  I am very happy, but things are a little rocky for us right now.  I will try my best to work things out with the BF.  I don't think we'll split up, but I do know my baby is the most important thing for me right now, along with my 11 year old daughter.  On another forum, I learned that children are the most important and being selfish is not good.  There are a lot of great people on this forums and I have learned a lot.  I have put my child in the back seat before, but no more.  My children will never suffer at my selfish ways again.
Avatar universal
Im in the process right now of my miscarriage. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 4 years. Then for the first time ever we conceived last month. I prayed and prayed for this baby. I even tolf dh that since God had us wait so long he wouldnt take this away. Well he did. And I know God gives life and he takes away. This whole experience changed me because it made me love more. I fell in love with that baby as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I never thought I could feel like that. I know when he gives us our next miracle I will have even more love. I keep reading my Bible and even helping teach Sunday school. I know when you make things happen for other people, God makes happen for you. There is one verse I say constantly" I delight myself in the Lord and he will give me the desires of my heart." Lots of Love to all of you dear women!!
Avatar universal
For me - it was a GIANT reminder of how I am not in control of my life - all of the family planning, etc. - kind of silly. God is in control of my life - and it isn't me who decides if and when things will happen - it is Him.  I also have a greater appreciation for my previous pregnancies (no problems). And a HUGE sympathy/empathy for those who desparately want a family and have had to deal with multiple m/c and ivf, etc.  My heart just aches for them. It has also made me appreciate tampons - since I have been spotting for over a month now and have only been able to wear pads - which I LOATHE!
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