Women's Health: Postpartum Community
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Avatar universal

Losing a baby at 22 weeks

i've read lots of posts over the last months, when we were trying to conceive, when we did, and i was often comforted myself by the advice and support of everyone. i just read, i didn't post. now, i guess it's my turn...
i found out 3 weeks ago that our baby has not developed properly. we've been through tests and lots of crying. we're being admitted to the hospital on monday for labour induction. it's terrible. i'm 22 weeks pregnant. i never thought i would have to do this... to lose a baby. we've told our immediate families and just a friend or two. that's the hardest thing right now is telling people. it makes me sick to my stomach, but of course, everyone knows we're pregnant. and both my husband's sister and my brother have delivered healthy babies - this week. i feel terrible that there news is going to be somewhat overshadowed by ours. in one sentence, my parents have to say "we're finally grandparents" and then "our daughter lost her baby". i don't know what to do... and i feel like my life is ruined. i'll never get over this. anyone been through this who has advice or support or ideas as to how to cope? i'd appreciate anything. i don't know anyone who has had to go through this.
50 Responses
165078 tn?1255606407
I cannot even imagine the heartache.  I am so very sorry for your loss.  I lost a baby but at only 5 weeks.  That was hard enough I just cant imagine what you are going through. I will be praying for you.  
Avatar universal
I haven't been through this but just wanted to say how very sorry I am for you and your family.  My thoughts are with you during this very hard time....
Avatar universal
I'm so so sorry.  I cant even begin to imagine.  I will be praying for you and your family.  Your a strong women to have made it this far and I truly pray that your strength will get you through this dificult time.  You have come to the right place because we all can be your support group during this rough time.  Good luck and I will be praying for you.
167 tn?1374173817
Did you have any other ultrasounds before this one? I am speechless to put it lightly. I cannot imagine the pain you are experiencing right now. I am 14 weeks and even at this point I can't begin to understand what it would feel like to lose the baby you have been dreaming about and waiting to meet for so long. You and your baby and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am just so sad for you.
Avatar universal
I am so sorry for you.  Did they say the baby has died or that the baby is not developing according to schedule?  Maybe the baby is just growing slower.  I am praying for you and your family, I cant imagine how hard it must be.  I lost a baby at 10 weeks, but baby had died at 6 weeks or so.  I couldnt hold or even see my baby.  I hope you get to hold yours and name he/she, and I pray to God you are able to get through this, though I dont think you will ever get over it.  ((HUGS))
Avatar universal
I'm sooo sorry for your loss.  I lost a baby at 8 weeks. It is hard.  
Avatar universal
words cannot describe how sad I am for you and your family....losing a baby.. at any time.. is so very very painful.  I am so sorry.
Avatar universal
I am thinking of you and your husband right now.  Please take care.  I can't imagine the feeling but know I'd be devastated.  I know there's lots of support out there for you - please take advantage of it.  My prayers are with you.
Avatar universal
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can honestly say I know how you feel. I lost a baby girl at 20 weeks last May to an umbilical cord accident. I had found out I was having a girl at 18 weeks and was a bit disapointed b/c  I was hoping for a boy, we have a beautiful daughetr who is 8.. I was over not having a boy before the day was over, This was to be our last baby and i was getting my tubes tied, I had had 5 losses before that. I remember calling my mom crying telling her it's another girl, she said you can't be that upset it's a girl. Anyway after the idea of having another girl set in I was getting ready for a church retreat and i felt a strange movement, like a thrashing, I had just woke up from a nap. I knew something was wrong but my doc insisted I was fine, I went all weekend knowing In my heart I had lost her at the retreat, on monday It was confirmed that I had lost her and needed to be induced the next day. I felt so bad that wasn't happy for what God had given me boy or girl.. The induction wasn't so bad that I can recall, they had me really drugged up, that's all I really recall. It wasn't until she came out that we knew what casued her to die, the cord was wrapped  3 times around her neck. We got to hold her and take pictures with her, beliveve me it helps in the healing process, it did for us anyway. We burried her in a beautiful place called babyland not far from our home. To add insult to injury 3 days after I turn on the TV and see Anna Nicole Smith and Brittany Spears were both expecting, how wwere they more desrving than me I thought.. I knew immediatley I wanted to try again, we went thru extensive genetic and chromisonal test they all came back normal and we got the OK top try again, 6 weeks later I was pregnant the first try, I'm now 36 weeks pregnant with a baby boy which I felt increddibly bad about when I found out. This pregnancy has been w/out any problems except for my worry something is always wrong, i rented a fetal heart doppler of the net to check the heartbeat whenever i want and that really helped me. I'm sharing this story to show you that there is hope. I think about Ella everyday and we visit her weekly and the pain is still there, having another baby will never fill the void and pain of what we went thru loosing her, But it has helped me heal in a strange way... God bless and I will keep you and your family in my prayers
15480 tn?1302529802
I am so sorry.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Avatar universal
i am so sorry u r going through this.i know i shouldn't ask u any questions right now but i am curious to know whether u have any movements of the baby felt or any information would be appreciated.Did u feel anytime that ur baby was not growing?I am sorry if i hurt u..i am extremely sorry..The reason for me for asking is i am having my first baby now and i am scared to death because we found a chiroid plexus cyst in my baby's brain.Though the dr.was not concerned i am very tensed and get scared for nothing..i am sorry once again
145997 tn?1196791821
I dont know what to say except "Im sorry"  I will pray for you and your family.
Avatar universal
Hi,I am really sorry to hear abt ur MC.I too lost my baby girl @ 22 weeks and had to get my labour induced.I can understand what u are gng through caus i have gone thru the same.Its unimaginable.I had just got my check up done a week prior to losing the baby where everything was okie according to the doc...but in a week's time,everything changed.
Initially it was very difficult to cope,as my cousins were abt to deliver healthy babies but i guess with time,u accept it..though it still hurts to watch another baby,but...I guess we r the unlucky ones,maybe will have better luck next time!!!!
I know its diffuclt right now,but don't loose HOPE,thats one thing..maybe we will be lucky the next time.
We had sent our baby's cord samples for testing and it came back positive for trisomy 16.
Though even after finding the cause we have been thru a series of test,but fortunately they r normal.So,the next time we are asked to have an amnio done.
Once again,don't loose HOPE...though i know what u gng thru right now....but try being positive..cauz only that helps!!!
Avatar universal
How awful for you.  Has the baby already died, or are they just saying there are problems and need to induce?  I can't imagine your loss and pray that you will find some peace.
Avatar universal
so sorry my baby stop growing at 8 weeks didnt find out until my first doc visit at 12 weeks, this is now my 3rd cycle sine my dnc in november hopefully this my bf and i month! best of luck to you. God Bless
Avatar universal
Hi Emma,
I too just had to have a d&c yesterday, my baby stopped developing at 6wks 1 day. I am devastated,and can't tell you what to do to get over it, but I know what you're feeling, and I am so sorry you have to go through this and feel what you are feeling. My fiance` has been exceptionally gental and compassionate. I am very thankful that I have him. I don't know what it would be like to go through something like this without someone to take care of you. Just hang in there. Take care.

P.S. I gave my baby a nickname, I call him  Tiny Toes!
Avatar universal
thanks so much to everyone for responding so quickly... to answer some questions, we had an ultrasound at 12 weeks and it was the best day. i got to see him swimming around like a little fishy and at that point, they didn't see any problems. when we went for the 19 week US, the technician thought there was something wrong. we were thinking positively because of course we want this baby more than anything in the world. one week later we went to a bigger city hospital for further tests and were told that the organs were not formed in the proper places and the baby had 2 spinal abnormalities - one lower and one near the neck. the baby is kicking and everything. we've done a lot of research on each of the abnormalities and the outcome for each one individually is not good for the baby. the doctor also told us that often when there are this many issues with a fetus that there are most likely other things wrong that can't be seen on an ultrasound. heart disease, lung problems, deafness, paralyzed limbs, organs not functioning properly - these are all usual outcomes of the defects found. and it is likely that they will occur. no one can tell us they won't and we couldn't bear to have a child suffer through painful surgeries and live such a life. the abnormalities cannot be fixed. i know to some people it sounds horrible to make this decision and i never thought i would. but when you're faced with these things, the first thing that comes to mind is the life of our child. the only thing that we've ever hoped for is for our child to be healthy and happy.  
164559 tn?1233708018
I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost two babies last year.  I thought I would never stop grieving.  Eventually I just asked God to take the grief as I couldn't carry it anymore and He graciously did.

YOu are a strong loving woman, you will get through this awful time.  You will go on to have a healthy child.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Avatar universal
That would be a tough choice for anyone to make, God bless you and your baby... I will keep you both in my prayers
Avatar universal
Please when you are ready visit http://www.aheartbreakingchoice.com/.  There is discussion group online to support other women who have had to make that decision for the best interest of their baby.  I had to make that decision last year, and this safe place has helped me get through some hard times.  I'm sending you lot's of love.
Avatar universal
I a so sorry you have to endure this.  I just had a miscarriage at 5 weeks and felt like a part of me had died.  I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling right now.  You and your little angel are in my prayers--your family also.  You will get through this.  Surround yourself with people who love you.  God will be right there with you.  
167 tn?1374173817
This makes me cry. For you, for anyone who has to make this decision. One of my best friends had to do the same with her little girl. She didn't have a brain, only a brain stem. She kicked and everything. It was in the 20 week range also. I cannot imagine...I had a "good" U/S at 12 weeks also. I am 14 weeks now. This makes me worry. But mostly, my heart just goes out to you. They found NO abnormalities at the 12 weeks U/S? Was it the nuchal translucency one? Did they also do bloodwork?
151571 tn?1189755827
My good friend had something similiar happen.  She was about 22 weeks when she had to deliver her baby girl.  Her kidneys did not form.  They told her she should have m/cied earlier but they could explain why she didn't.  Her choices were she could carry her to term, deliver and the baby would pass, she could be induced, or have a D & C (which she asked them were they crazy....that was unthinkable!), anyway she choose to deliver early.  Her baby girl only lived a short time and then she spent the rest of the day just holding her and loving her.  It was hard for her and took her some time to get over it after the fact.  I was worried for a while b/c she kept the nursery up so long.  But, on a lighter note, just as soon as she packed up the nursery and everything in it, guess what......she was pregnant again, and now has a perfect little boy that will be 2 in June.  I know this probably doesn't help a lot, but I did want you to know that I am thinking about you and I am really devestated that you are having to go through this.  I too have suffered 2 m/c and it is hard, but I know the further a long you are the harder it is.  I wish you the best.
Avatar universal
I Am very sorry for your loss..I KNow exactly what u are feeling..when i read ur bulletin i started to cry remembering the time I told my parents that they were goin to be granparents also and then to have to say that She los her baby. I was 7 months when i lost my baby girl in a car accident I was devestated since i was so far along and had bought everything, crib, car seat, clothes and blankets that friends had bought me.
I just want u to know that God knows what hes doing and dont be so sad. It will Not help in the future You cant change the past and even if u wished u did u couldnt. Just move ahead and hope for the best. Remember good things come to those who wait. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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