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Women's Health: Postpartum Community
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Avatar universal

Miscarriage - Impact on your faith?

I've just had my second miscarriage this year, after trying to conceive for almost two years.  This time all of my tests were coming back really positive and I had typical pregnancy symptoms - so everything seemed fine and my husband and I really got our hopes up.  To make me feel better, my close family has told me things like, "God must have a plan..." or "Put your faith in God..."  

For those of you who are having trouble having a baby, does it make you question your faith?  I feel guilty for saying so, but I wonder why this is happening... and it makes me question how involved God is at all.  With so many accidental pregnancies, why is it so hard for some people to have children?  I'm going to try to talk to my pastor about this, but wanted to see if any of you have found answers to questions like this.
8 Responses
537136 tn?1264941144
i had 4 miscarriages last year and i believe that ther reason was because maybe ther was something wrong with the babies (like a disability maybe) this year i had a perfectly healthy baby boy,
dont give up hope sometimes these things just happen, keep trying i did and im proof that it does happen x
best of luck hunny you'll be having sleepless nights before you know it xxx
159354 tn?1286367688
Of course it makes you question faith.  I am a devoted Christian and in 2006 I lost 3 babies.  I was extremely angry after the first one.  I was mad at the world....wanted a divorce...just wanted to trash my life.  But God showed me a better way.  

I then lost another 3 months later....and dove into my beliefs harder....pulling myself back to God. By my 3rd miscarriage, I just had to hand all my grief and sadness over to him because I couldn't move on if I didn't....I know me and I would have sunk deep into my sadness to the point of hurting those who loved me.

God's Plan by the way is not for you to lose your child....I don't care what anyone says.

The reality is 'man made a choice' thousands of years ago and because of that their is sickness and heartache in the world....the end!  That's it.  It's not because you specifically were suppose to lose a child.

I have a physical condition that prevented me from carrying those 3 babies to term.  It is not God's fault and was not his plan...it is a physical problem with my body.  

As you can see though - I have 2 healthy children....I still will go for # 3 at some point as well.

408496 tn?1269603350
I have a friend that goes to my church.  She was 4 months pregnant with her first born and she was in a horrible car wreck.  A car was going the wrong way on a divided highway and and hit her head on - the driver of the other car was killed instantly and my friend - April was rushed the hospital.  The doctor checked her thought everything was fine and they decided to do an ultrasound the next day to check on the baby.  She was excited b/c she thought they would find out the sex of the baby.  When the doctor did the ultrasound, his face was pale and said something wasn't right.  They rushed her to emergency surgery.  Apparently the impact of the accident had caused her uterus to rupture and the baby blocking the hole of her uterus.  If the baby had not been there - she would have died from internal bleeding.  The baby did not make it.  
She got pregnant again and miscarried - due to complications with her uterus
She got pregnant again and delivered a healthy baby girl in may of 2008.  
When someone asks her if she blames God or if she still has faith in God - she always answers - My daugter saved my life.  and I know I will see her again in heaven one day.

The bible says that we will be known in heaven as we were known on earth.  It also says that the young may die and the old must.  If everyone dies of old age - I don't believe there would be any babies in heaven to hold.  I think that God chooses to bring home little ones early so he can populate heaven with children and babies, so we mothers can have little ones to hold eternally.  Just my 2 cents.
213739 tn?1215486009
I am also a Christian and I do truly believe that God has a plan. It might not be my plan but it's his plan.  I had a healthy daughter in 2002, a son with special needs born in March 2005, and a miscarriage in 2007.  I am currently pregnant with pregnancy #4, baby #3 and I am still leaving this in God's hands.  A child with special needs is absolutely wonderful and I wouldn't change him for the world but it DOES change your life.  I've always looked at his as God has a reason for giving us Jaden and I have already seen me change.  My understanding of others and their differences, etc. but it doesn't mean it's been easy. He's 3 1/2 and still won't eat, isn't talking, has lots of behavior problems, etc.  We do not have a diagnosis, he isn't autistic, there are no answers here on earth but I know that God knows why Jaden has these delays and health issues.  In my completely stressed out moments, have I said "God, why??" Of course I have.  However, I've never found myself questioning my faith.  In fact, Jaden and the miscarriage led me closer to God.  I knew he was in control and I wasn't.  Maybe that was my lesson to learn.  I agree that miscarriages happen for a reason. One thing that helped me came from a very strong Christian friend,  with her 2 children she has here on earth and her 2 in heaven, she always says "Our kids our God's kids, he's just loaning them to us."  She's right....and with my miscarriage anyway, I think...he/she never had to deal with the trials here on Earth. In a way, he/she was lucky. It's me that's mourning, that baby is in a better place.  If your miscarriages were due to an abnormality of some kind, try to focus on how easy that babies life will be versus the struggles he/she would have had here on Earth.  I had placental abruption with my miscarriage and knew God did that for a reason.  I don't know if I've helped you at all but I think if you try to focus on the positives and the easy life those babies will have.  I chose to focus on the positive.  Not to say I wasn't horribly sad and devastated, I just knew I had to pick up and move on after the miscarriage.  I had to, no choice.  I had a demanding child with special needs who needed Mom and a typical 5 year old who needed Mom just as much.  Try to stay strong in your faith and know that your plan isn't always God's plan. You may not know why his plan was so different until you get to heaven.

A friend here who also had a child with special needs is questioning the same thing.  She had a miscarriage, then she was pregnant again and delivered a still born and 2 months after that, her 3 year old with special needs passed away completely unexpectedly on night.  She now has no children and is wondering what went wrong.

Try to stay strong.
Avatar universal
In the past 2 years, I have had 4 miscarriages and 1 difficult but successful pregnancies.  My son was in NICU for 1 month with problems, and since I had had 2 miscarriages before that, I really wondered what God's problem was... all we wanted was to have a family.  But I found solace in the story of Abraham and Sarah (as my name is Sarah) and how they were blessed with Isaac (and my son's name is Isaac because of this).  Now, they only had the one, and how it made me question my faith is because I disagree with birth control.  I think that I should be able to trust God with my birth control just as I do with my finances.  After making that decision, I got pregnant... and lost 2 more babies.  After that, I decided I didn't have enough faith and got an IUD placed because I couldn't handle any more miscarraiges and because my doctor recommended it for health reasons.  

Since then, my husband and I have decided 1 child is a plenty for us and we feel blessed to just have him.  If He has other plans, I know God will find a way.  It still makes me question my faith, and I am sure when my sister starts a family and she has no problems or miscarriages that I will have to start it all over, but even after all of this I do know that God has a plan for my life, and He can give and take away as He sees fit.  These trials have only made me stronger and a better friend to those I know who go thru this because I know what its like  :)
537136 tn?1264941144
i am not a huge believer, i would like to be, both my children are baptized as i would like them both to be believers but i would just like to say to durhamjk1 that i've never heard that about why god takes young, but what a lovely way to word it and i truly hope your right :)
Avatar universal
I know God knows whats best for us.I have always had the mind set as ,I am so blessed and so undeserving of it all . I don't blame God for losing my babies, because there are not lost, just waiting for me in heaven .
Avatar universal
Hi,

What i normally use to encourage myself is "God knows Best!". It helps.
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