Women's Health: Postpartum Community
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316994 tn?1259003438

OT-Ladies I really need advice.

Okay well I am almost 18 and am a single mother living with my mother. Now I do admit that I am a little short ended every since I had my daughter who is now one. But the situation is I am so sick of my mother. I know it sounds harsh but we butt heads constantly. She used to help me with my daughter every once in a while because she knew that I am trying to graduate from a very tough school (Senior Portfolio/Project/Community Service everything) and she understood. Now all of a sudden she met this man and has no time for me,my daughter, or my brother. An example, on my daughters birthday I was so nervous setting up the decorations, doing the food, watching all the children as they arrived, and so on. And where was she to help me? Out shopping and getting her nails done. When she came home I said "Mom can you help me out?" And i do admit I had an attitude. Her response was, "I'm the grandma I shouldnt be helping with any of this." UH! It made me so angry! Thinking of it right now makes me mad. Then yestrday I ask her to watch the baby friday so I can go out for a little while because I just got out on Spring Break. Her response was "No, your the mom. Life *****." Okay maybe it's just me but this really floors me. Like I am becoming so hateful towards her for the way she talks to me and acts towards me. I blew up and got really angry and now we arent talking. And honestley I dont know what to do. I am so over her. Yea it may sound really dumb to some but the way she treats me is so much more. Please ladies I need advice.
23 Responses
Avatar universal
I hate to be crude, but she is right.  YOU are the mother.  She has raised her kids now she wants to have fun!  What is wrong with that?  Maybe she feels you depend on her a little too much.  In my opinion a birthday party for a one year old should be a snap... she is only turning one, not 16 where she wants to have 25 friends over to party like a rock star.  I don't understand where throwing a birthday party for a one year old would be so stressful.  

How old is your brother?  

It sounds like you want your mother to always be there to help you with your child.. that is understandable, but maybe she is feeling a little overwhelmed thinking that now she has to start all over again raising a BABY.  She is your mother, but she is a woman too who has done more than her motherly duty.  I think you should be grateful that she has given you a place to lay yours and your baby's head at night.  
284738 tn?1283106819
hmmm.. this is a tough question for me... simply because my fiance and i both go to school and he works full time and we have no help from either grandmothers..  

and your moms responce may be harsh but its true you are the mother and u shouldnt expect your mom to just watch the baby everytime you want her too..   now it does seem like your mom has an attitude but maybe she is just trying to teach u to be self reliant.  u have to realize that fun takes a backseat to your responsibilites as a mother.. i know u are only 18 and want to go out with your friends and such but sometimes thats impossible.. im only 23 so i know how u feel but i am also a mother and that comes before anything else!   u should be thankful for all that your mom does do for u .. not all mothers are like that.. and may i ask where is the father of ur child? is he not in the picture? or his side of the family... or maybe u could hire a babysitter for ur child so that you arent always relieing on your mother.. anytime we want to go out or heck even go to work we have to take our daughter to daycare and pay ... its tough being a young mother...
316994 tn?1259003438
I get what you guys are saying but its different I never One time ask my mother to watch her. And she lives in the house that my daughters family bought me. I take my daughter to and from school with me everyday and do pay for daycare. I am perfectley fine with sitting at home on weekends, games, etc. I do all the time. It's just the one time I do ask her I get those type of responses. I am not in contacted with the father but I am in contact with his family. And I also help my mom pay for EVERYTHING. Gas, water, food, etc. so it's not like I never help her out. All I want is some help from her just a tiny bit without getting an attitude from her when I ask.
127124 tn?1326735435
I don't quite understand.   You own the house not your mother?   Why is she living with you?  
786915 tn?1239671235
Let me start by i am 1 of 3 girls in my family. My mother and i go at it all the time. Her and I just do not get along. I mean i love my mom i do, we just do not see eye to eye. I am not ever good enough. I  am 22 years old, I work full time, and go to nursing school. I graduate this may. Jan. I found out i was pregnant. I am engaged. Oh and I live on my own. So mommy does not pay my bills or take care of me. My family treated me like ****. I was the worst daughter in the world. They were so disappointed in me. My mother and i then started to get along. First time in years. Well unfortunately i had a miscarriage in Feb. So there will be no embarassement for my family now. After the m/c my mother said i was never ready to be a mother. Even though by the time i would have had my baby i would have be a RN. So i would have been financially ok. and i still would never have been a single mom.
My point is. That you will never understand why parents act the way they do. I do believe that you are a mom now, going out and getting a break is not really an option anymore. It's a full time job, a huge responsibility. Your mother obviously loves you, she did not through you out or treat you poorly, She has been supportive of you, and has help you for the first year as a mom. Your turn to show you can be a great mom, and show your mom you do not need to rely on here anymore. Maybe then she will help you some more and not mind giving you a break.
Partents usually do have reasons behind actions and if you REALLY needed her i am sure she would do anything for you!!
284738 tn?1283106819
may i ask how u help ur mother pay for things? Do you also have a job while going to school? if so that is great!!!!    why not ask his family to watch her sometimes for you? afterall it is their grandchild too... and im confused the house your daughters family bought for u?   and u are 17 and own a house? hmmmm.... If you cant get along with your mother .. why do u allow her to live with you?  

Im just a little confused of the situation.. maybe you can clear up a few things and i can better understand and then give you some better advice.

316994 tn?1259003438
Yes I own the house. She wanted to move back to Oklahoma where she grew up and I didnt want to take my daughter away from her dad's side of the family and so they bought me and my daughter a house to live in across the street from theirs so that we could stay.. they have lots of money. Then she decided she wanted to stay here so my brother could finish school and she moved in the house with me and my daughter.
145992 tn?1341345074
I'm a little confused as well.  I guess the only advice I can give you is to find someone else to watch her and not have any expectations from your mother.  It doesn't seem like she will change how she feels.  I'm sorry she's like that.  I'm 31 and I get a lot of help from my mom.  Probably a lot more than most and I know it's easier if you had her support.  But I guess if you want to go out, find a more willing person to watch your daughter.  Either pay for a babysitter or find another family member.
193609 tn?1292180293
My fiance just moved 4 hrs away so I am living with my mom and dad for the time being. My fiance and I both attened college and both work full time. I never have my mom watch my son (almost 2 years old). She works full time and when she gets out of work, that is her free time to do what she wants. If I have to run to the gas station for 5 minutes or something, my mom has no problem keeping an eye on him, but I know that he is in NO WAY her responsibility. She doesn't owe you anything. If you need help, hire a babysitter.
316994 tn?1259003438
They house is in there name and although they bought it for me and my daughter to live in. I pay rent and yes I work at concrete buisness that my bestfriends mother owns. I would never ask my mother to leave if I knew she had no where to go . Although right now she says that she is looking for another place.
316994 tn?1259003438
Okay I never said that she does owe me anything. Trust me I am not one of the teenagers that make a baby and go out and party and leave the baby for my mother to raise. No. That is not me at all. I am doing very well for myself actually. I am graduating in May and currenlty working without the support of anyone. So, is it so wrong that I just ask her for a little help for one night. I dont think so.
127124 tn?1326735435
Why don't you ask the other side of the family to watch her for a little while?
127124 tn?1326735435
Honestly- if you rarely ask her to help with the baby I don't understand why she wouldn't do it.  But obviously she doesn't want to .  
Have you considered asking her to leave your house?   It sounds like there is alot of
tension between the two of you and that's not good for anyone.
How old is your brother?
316994 tn?1259003438
My brother is 13. I have asked the other side of the family to watch her but he is a truck driver and is constantly working and she works graveyard shifts so she is mostly sleeping during the day. I guess you guys are right if I want to do something I just need to find someone else to ask. Yes we do have a whole lot of tension that never use to be there. I hate it. Im just going to leave her alone and not let the situation get any worse that it is.
127124 tn?1326735435
Good idea.    If you really wanted to go out maybe hire a babysitter for a couple of hours.
15480 tn?1302529802
I really don't think it is unreasonable to want to go out every once in awhile, I don't care how old you are 18 or 30. We all need a little break now and then. I hope you can find someone else to watch your daughter.
172023 tn?1334672284
You are 17 and own a house?  Does the baby daddys family make the payments?  Is the deed in your name, or is it in one of their names?  If they make the payments and the house is in their name, its their house and they are letting you live in it.  
You say you help your mom pay for everything--does that mean you have a job and go to school full time, too?

If she doesn't want to watch the baby, she doesn't have to.  I'm not sure what you want people to say.  It would be nice if she did, but obviously something else is going on if you actually never ask her for anything and she won't do it even one time.  

Its your baby, so you have no options.  If you want to go out sometimes and she won't watch the baby, you'll have to find a babysitter--maybe the babys daddys family will do it?
316994 tn?1259003438
Whats going on is that she has issues and has completley changed. And okay then were living in their house whatever but the whole purpose of them buying the house was for me and my daughter Not her so why does it matter. And most of your questions that you asked are answered in the posts above.
270405 tn?1293035621
You might as well get used to it.  Sure, we have family members and friends who are willing to watch our kids occasionally.  But really it is up to my husband and I to take care of our kids.  It just is part of being a parent.  Of course it would be nice if your Mom watched your baby for you every now and again.  But she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to, and you really shouldn't get angry about it.  Maybe its just me, but I just don't have those kinds of expectations of people.  If I can't find someone to watch my kids for me, then I have to either cancel what I had planned, or find another way.  
193609 tn?1292180293
I keep thinking about how it is going to be when Mike and i are both in Columbus....we will have NO ONE to watch our son if we want to go out. Looks like our outings will be "family" outings lol Start finding fun things for you and your child to do together.
316994 tn?1259003438
Well since it seems like my mother and I need some space. My daughter and I are taking a trip to my aunts house in the mountains this weekend. We are going to leave tomarrow morning and come back on Monday. Hopefully this will help!
461781 tn?1285609481
I understand what you are saying and I think that as you are now an adult, you have to make some adult decisions.  You let your mother and your brother move in to the house that your baby's family have provided for you and that you pay.  I think that a person regardless whether they are family or not should be a little more respectful of the help that you have provided them and they should help out a bit.
I'm not saying that your mother should take care of your baby all the time but, helping out at a birthday party or taking care of your baby for a night is not too much to ask.  She is in Your house and you are providing a roof over her head and your brothers, they should respect that and help out a bit.
Its your daughter and you are 100% responsible for her but you need a break every once in a while and I think that if you are providing a roof for your mom, then she should help out every once in a while.
134578 tn?1614729226
Nothing anyone else says will change your mom's attitude.  All you can do to keep from butting heads is to change your expectations of her.  Except that it would hurt your brother, I would ask her to leave, myself, if you are paying the rent and she is not.
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