Women's Health: Postpartum Community
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Avatar universal

Open Forum and My decision

In case we need another...kinda slow today eh? Well, we are going to get my tubes tied =(((( I feel sad, but I just can't go down this road anymore..my doc agreed to do it and i'm gonna get it done...it's not that i don't want another..it's just can i go through losing another and I can't..i feel like i'll end up a complete wreck..so i'm getting my tubes tied and calling it my family with three boys and a hubby.  just had to vent! =) Thanks!
12 Responses
Avatar universal
That is a tough decision.  Only you know yourself and what is right for you.  

I know it doesn't help, but you can get them untied later if you want to.  Roseanne did it and had another child.
Avatar universal
I dont know what to say except that my prayers are with you.  I know this had to be a difficult decision for you and your family.  I wish you the best of luck.
Avatar universal
I thought I would feel happy but i feel totally sad...but i just know the reality..i can't go through another loss..i feel like i'll die.  I have to focus on what i've been blessed with already..all this has taken away so much from them already...thanks for being there for me..really...it means SO much.
Avatar universal
You can always try other forms of birth control until you can make the decision without feeling sad?
Avatar universal
It is a very tough decision to make. I will be getting my tubes tied after this one. With my endo it may just end up a complete hystorectomy with in the next 2 years. That is a really scary thing for me to think about but I know it is what is best for me and my family.

I hope you find some peace in your decision very soon.
Avatar universal
As someone who considers you a friend and vice versa, I would highly recommend that you wait before making this decision. You are greiving right now and any decision made during this time will most likely be full of regret down the road.

Wait until you have taken some time to heal emotionally before going through with this. This is not a decision that should be made under diress.

Ultimately, this is of course your decision. I am just hoping that an outside opinion from a friend can help you to make sure this is what you really want.

Avatar universal
I'm going to echo Andrea and advise you to wait a bit.  You can always use some other method of birth control for a while, but a decision made now is permanent and may not ever be able to be undone.  

Your heart is aching right now and if you look deep inside you, you will see that it colors every decision you make right now, not only about future children but about every aspect of your life.  You may feel the same in 6 months, but at least you would have give the heartache some time to heal before making a final decision.  Try your decision on for a while, see how it feels, before making it permanent.  

I wish you peace in your heart.
Avatar universal
I think I would wait a little while also but only you know what you feel you need to do. I personally do not know what it is like to lose one but I can only imagine. You are very blessed to have 3 boys and I will be praying for you. Danielle
Avatar universal
Andrea, you are such a good friend...I appreciate you ALWAYS being so honest...gosh..you're just dear to me..I totally appreciate what you and Christie said...I will think long and hard...it's a HUGE decision and my doctor won't do it unless i'm 100% sure..but for a side note she and her colleagues both think that I wouldn't fare another loss emotionally...i don't think so either..but i promise i will think long and hard before I do anything.  Thanks for caring, AND for always being there with kind words...everyone..Christie you have been amazing to me AND everyone on here too..
Danielle, I totally connect with you too..for obvious reasons..mommies with three boys gotta connect right? I'm excited for your third to arrive...my "baby" is amost FOUR!
Tres, thank you too for your kind words...you're a huge support here too..so you're having your second and then getting your tubes tied? if you don't mind me asking? See i'm 35 now..so I dunno i just kinda always said if it didn't happen by now i'd make it so it couldn't happen no matter what...ugh..i'm sorry for rambling! =)
Avatar universal
I have never experienced the pain that you've gone through, and are still going through, and but have my heart-felt sympathy for your loss.  But I must echo the other wonderful women, and urge you not to make a decision right away about a tubal ligation.  However, I ~do~ have a possible option.  Have you considered the depo-provera shot?  It will provide you with birth control so you won't have to worry about a pregnancy for a while.

And since it's good for three months, and is NOT reversible, maybe it would be a good length of time for you to heal a bit, and see how you feel about not having the choice of conception, and if you'd really like that sterility to be permanent.  I had a friend who went this route, and in the end, she knew she wanted her tubes tied.  Still, she said she was glad that she took more time to really consider her options.  {{{{{KellieD}}}}}  Either way you decide, we'll all be here for you.
Avatar universal
How sweet of you to encourage me =) Thank you =) I'm feeling a little more peaceful as I think this through...and thanks for being here for me too =) I hope I can be as encouraging to all you guys as you all have been to me!!!
Avatar universal
Hi, I don't get on much here - but I try to read every now and then - I tend to put my foot in my mouth too often.  I do remember reading about your loss not to long ago - right? And my heart goes out to you more than you will EVER now. I don't recall how many mc's you have had - but in my book - one is more than anyone should have to go through. I just wanted to share with you a little. I can TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. It wasn't all that long ago I was in your same shoes and having a VERY hard time coping with another loss. (I have had 12 mc's total & 13 babies lost) And NEVER EVER did it get any easier. I always tried to humor myself and say "you'd think that by now I'd be use to it" ha ha - but it only hurt more and more and more.  Mostly I think because I just felt that there was another baby that needed to get to our family to be complete. My baby was 6, and in the 4 years after she was born I lost 4 in a row-13,17,18 & 22 weeks.It was extremely difficult. I think I live in "BABY HEAVEN" here - EVERYONE around me was having babies - and it never failed with each one of my losses, I was due within days of someone else - so when their babies came, it was even harder. After my last mc I fell of the band wagon completely! My doc too thought that I would never be able emotionally to make it through another loss-my DH and kids were suffering too - I knew it - but I couldn't get myself together.  My last one required a d&c, of which it was the first I had ever had to have, my body naturally aborted but the last one - no signs of mc at all, just went in for the u/s and there was no heartbeat - awful! I told my doc when they were in there cleaning me out to just remove it all - EVERYTHING! I was done! I was 37! I'd had enough! Well, he refused, he told me to wait at least 6 months then come back in and talk to him. He put me on bc pills for 4 months-I have NEVER taken anything ever in my life-about a month after the d&c I had to ask for some help with depression and anxiety-I'm not big on meds -but I needed something-for my sake and mostly my families sake. Took that for about 3 months and slowly started feeling better. At my 6 mo visit w/dr, I was glad that he hadn't cleaned me out. I still desperatly wanted another baby, my dh, not so much-he was worried about me and how I would deal with another loss. Well, 1 year and 4 months after my D&C I was pregnant- but at first they thought that I had some sort of cancer, so went through a few different tests and when nothing showed up there, they did a u/s & discovered low & behold I was pregnant. I had a new doc and he immediately starte me on hormones, baby asprin, and something else - can't remember - but I KNOW that this is what got this little BLESSING and BONUS caboose to us. It was by far the BEST of my pgs and least complicated-even high risk. Funny thing was - we weren't even trying - we are still a little baffled as to how she came to be (LOL) So....Don't give up! It is a very very big decision and in the mean time-thank goodness there are other alternatives. Believe me, I know just how hard it is to deal with, but I also know that my world wouldn't be complete without our caboose.  You still know what is best for you...just don't rush it. I'm in agreeance with the others.  My prayers are with you! Good luck to you with whatever you decide to do! Hang in there! If you ever need to chat-I can listen,
feel,understand & relate to your pain (unfortunatley) but I will & can. I know it is easier said than done-(been there too) just try to concentrate and focus on other things and people right now. Get involved with something you enjoy doing - craft night, book clubs, dinner groups, something-it helps. Even if it is only for an hour-it does help. Sorry to ramble - just wanted you to know that my heart feels for you, and I know where you are coming from....Good luck...(((((((hugs!!!!)))))))
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