Women's Health: Postpartum Community
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Avatar universal

Post partum depression? How to know whats not normal?/ Updates.

Hey everyone. I know I havent been on in a while.  I dont have net access at home. Congrats to those who've had their babies and those who got their bfps!  
It's been a tough 3 weeks with my little one.  I never imagined being a mother would be so tough.  I've always love children and thought that being a mother would come naturally. But, I'm finding it really tough.  And honestly, I dont even have it as bad as some other mothers because, Soraya sleeps for at least 4 hours during the night.
I often feel like I'm failing her because I'm stuggling to keep up with her crazy schedule.  Sometimes I wonder if I had her to young (I'm 26) and some days I feel like I dont want to ever leave her side.  Some days I cry because i'm so in love with her, some days I cry because I hate my body and dont fit into my "fat clothes" from when I weighted more than prepregnancy.
My weight is probably the emotionally hardest part of post pregnancy.  I dont want to leave the house because nothing fits, and I'm so embarrassed about my size. I'm so insecure. I was a size 12 prepregnancy, now I am struggling to squeeze into my size 14.  I've gained 50 and lost 20.  My belly is floppy and so are my boobs.  I'm even embarrassed to be naked in front of my bf. This is a terrible feeling.  
Some days I'm so lost in my thoughts that when My bf comes home from work, I have no words for him.  I'm totally withdrawn.  I feel very anxious about things that I will have to go through (like taking baby to the dr's alone - I live in NY and have to take cabs everywhere) and i feel anxious about thing that have happened already (like labor and thing that happed during labor).  I dont want to talk to anyone  (friends and family members). And I really dont want to see anyone.  My bf tells me to go out with my friends, and I just cant bring myself to do it. Not because I dont want to leave her, but becaues of my appearance.  Please help, is this normal.  My downs are really low and my ups are ok.  When will this end?
15 Responses
210951 tn?1203145344
First, congratulations on bringing a beautiful baby into the world!  Second, it really does get easier.  I was in your shoes a few years ago.  I started pre pregnancy at a size 12 and gained 30 lbs. during the pregnancy.  Four weeks after the birth of our DS we wanted to get family photos done, what a joke!  I was having the hardest time fitting into anything I owned and was so angry when I couldn't find anything to "flatter" my ugly body for the photos.  I returned to work when my DS was 6 weeks old wearing a size 16!!!!  Oh my god, I can't even believe I was that large.  So, here's the better part of my story...the weight started coming off gradually and with some discipline in eating, on my DS first birthday I was smaller than my pre pregnancy weight.  
I know it's hard to do but give yourself some time and be proud of your "war wounds."  
Parenting in the begining was challenging but it passes quickly, well most of it anyway!   You'll gain more confidence after a while and be a pro in no time.
I wish you all the best!
128449 tn?1192829269
I can relate to what you're going through on some levels...and on other levels I can't (my baby isn't due until Sept 12).  However, before getting pregnant I suffered from mild depression - and felt many of the things youre feeling.  the disconnection from your bf, not wanting to go out with friends, just feeling really low.  many days i felt like just crawling into bed and not getting out.  i would suggest that you find a counselor.  i didn't have a lot of money so i found one that accepted money on a sliding scale (based on your salary) so i only paid $5 per visit.  i got antidepressants and continued talking with her and i have never felt better in my life.  since getting pregnant i've had to stop taking the meds, but i still haven't felt super sad in a long time - and when those "bad days" do happen i pull my fiance close...as much as i want to push him away...and i cry to him and he makes sure that i know he loves me...and will be there for me.  you have a wonderful little baby...and i'm sure that on top of any sadness youre feeling - you are exhausted!  seriously...don't ignore this - go talk to someone...get better now...that way you can enjoy that beautiful little baby!  Big hugs to you...and just know that you aren't alone.
Avatar universal
Hi! I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so badly.  You know, it must be tough, and I'm anxious about where my feelings and thoughts will be once I deliver.  A couple of weeks ago, I had gained a ttl of 39lbs, and I clearly have more time, so I'm on the route to gaining at least 50lbs.  So, I'm sure I'll be very upset when it comes time for me to really concentrate on what I can wear, how I can lose, etc...  It does sound like you are struggling more than you have to without conventional assistance.  I was on antianxiety meds before getting pg, and they did wonders for me (I had a tendancy toward depression, too, so they helped with that, too).  I don't like to take meds any more than anyone else, so I don't recommend this lightly.  I do, however, recommend talking to a professional therapist. They can do wonders for you!  There is no reason to struggle like this, when there are safe outlets for you.  Thank goodness you come here!  This way, you are not suffering in silence.  The next step to me would be to take it to a professional who can REALLY help get you moving in the right direction.  Maybe our words on here will do the trick, but from experience, I find therapists invaluable.  Not only because they understand what makes the human mind think and feel what it thinks and feels, but because they are completely unbiased, non-judgmental and they're completely motivated to help you toward your goal.  Just a thought, but it really helps me tremendously.  I know that once I deliver, I'll probably need the help.  And knowing that I don't have to suffer the sadness and anxiety, and that there are things that do help, I'm going to seek them out.  I hope you find this helpful.  I'm thinking about you.  
13167 tn?1327197724
newbie,  are you walking?  If not,  that's what you need to do.  Pack her up in a stroller and walk a mile or so every morning.   Get yourself up,  get yourself showered,  put on mascara and tennis shoes and walk and walk.  The weight will come off and the depression will lift.

If it makes any difference,  you're really too early for post partum depression,  probably.  What you have is exhaustion and frustration.

Best wishes.   Walk walk walk walk   ;D
Avatar universal
Thanks for the support.  I really needed it and really missed the forum.  To say that I'm anxious hits the nail on the head.  I start to think about something, whatever it is, and I get nausious. Isnt that strange?  I literally feel sick to my stomach.  My appetite is gone.  Sometimes I forget to eat because I'm busy with her. I was told my iron is low (lost alot of blood during labor) and I know it's contributing to my sleepiness and fatigue.
I love her so much but, it's tough.

Rose rock:

You are very right.  We took a walk yesterday evening and it really did help.  As much as I dont want to leave the house, it does help.  I also found an internet cafe around my house and so, I'll be going there to pass the time.
93532 tn?1349374050
Being this early PP, you are experiencing the baby blues and the "I want my boyd back" syndrome. I agree that a walk is a good place to start, but be mindful that PPD is real and you could very well heading in that direction. Be open and honest with your doctor when addressing these concerns.

Being a new mom is not what most think is should be. It is very difficult and hardlky full of those idealistic moments first time moms-to-be think of when they are about to deliver their bundle of joy. Heck, even being on my third it is rough at times and he is the easiest one i have had yet!

Take time to eat, when you are feeding the baby, eat a snack. I found that with my first I kept a bowl of trail mix next to my nursing chair and snacked on it while nursing. It was packe dfull of protein and gave me a little extra energy I admittedly did not eat well following the birth's of any of my kids. I was so consumed with nursing and bathing, and diapers that I often forgot myself. Thankfully my husband picks up the slack and focuses his care on me since the baby is taken care of. He made me eat even when I didn't think I was hungry. He always made sure I had water by my side. His reward was never having to wake up for a feeding through three babies ; )
Avatar universal
Post Partum depression is very common, yet it is very taboo to talk about it. Mothers are always made to geel ashamed and guilty about EVERYTHING. You will find that out alot more with time.
Dont feel bad, tell your doc and if youhave to get on an anti depressant. Over the next few months you both will get into a routine and it will get easier. The first few months are all about survival (A do once told me that) you are trying to survive a big change in your life with little sleep.
You will get your body back as well, they say it usually takes about 6 months so dont sweat it.
13167 tn?1327197724
tomel - I'm just going to have to disagree with you,  very  strongly.

Drugs aren't the first line of defense with post partum exhaustion and blues.

What she's been through physically and schedule-wise,    causes the normal person to feel depressed if cooped up all day in the house,  and not getting enough sleep,  and the physical demands of breastfeeding and postpartum recovery.  

The first answer to that isn't drugs.  The first answer is get up,  get showered,  and get out of the house.  And as Andi posted,  eat right and take care of yourself.

Drugs can be the answer if this goes on and on and even with trying exercise and daily excursions and perhaps added dietary iron doesn't help.  

I'm sorry to seem so argumentative,  but really,  what she is experiencing is normal,  for what she's going through,  and doesn't require drug treatment at this point.    It requires physical exercise and good food and rest.
Avatar universal
I agree with you she does need rest and to get out of the house. But if those things dont work there is nothing to be ashamed of in taking some anti depressants for a short period of time.Obviously with a newborn rest is something a person does not get, unless they have someone around to help them. Post partum can be very serious and alot of babies are hurt because of it.  If you had cancer you would take something for that wouldnt you? Are you related to Tom Cruise or something???

Avatar universal
The biggest thing to remember make sure to rest when the baby is sleeping. Dont try and use that time to be super mom and get stuff done around the house when the baby is sleeping. Those little naps will help alot. Also dont be afraid to ask for help or take help from others when it is offered
Hang in there it will get better.
Avatar universal
the first 6 weeks are always the hardest. I wouldn't worry about it unless it goes past that...just hang in there.

my first one, I cried and felt miserable for the 1st 6 weeks, then it went away.

my 2nd one, it didn't. but I was still young and dumb and didn't know what was wrong and just suffered through it. it lasted a good 18 months, I was dead to the world, the only thing I could feel was sadness, and irritation. and this may sound crazy, but I don't feel as close to that kid as I do the rest. like we didn't bond right or something...

then my 3rd baby, I felt the same as the first 2 for the 1st 6 weeks, then the crying went away but I turned into a freak. lol...but seriously, every time I laid him down, I just KNEW he was going to die of SIDS. then he grew out of that stage, and started crawling, and every time I couldn't see him for a second, I just KNEW he was dead in a corner somewhere, having choked on something...it was ridiculous. I could barely let my older two out of the house, because I was convinced that something would happen to them too. finally after about 9 months of that I was put on zoloft, and it worked like magic. I took it for about 6 months.

and this time, I'm asking for zoloft on my way out of the hospital! lol....
129291 tn?1205780063
I am not sure if anyone mentioned VITAMINS, since I did not read all the posts. Continue taking your prenatals and add B complex. It make lots of difference. My DD is 5 1/2 months, and just a month ago, I was so frustrated, I wanted to scream at people. My friend advised me to take B complex and it made such a huge difference. I still get my moments, but not as bad!
Avatar universal
I agree with petanka, try vitamins and good food first. That might make a difference. Try taking a DHA supplement (this is an Omega) that is also supposed to help with mood, plus its good for the baby if your nursing, good for brain development.
Nordic Naturals is a good one. I am taking it now with my pregnancy.
Avatar universal
I agree that it is a good idea to seek help.  I suffered from PPD after my DD was born, and even though I new what PPD was, it never occured to me that that is what was happening to me.  I just thought that I was a terrible person b/c I wasn't able to keep it together and do everything.  I was so overwhelmed, I was trying to be a good mother, good wife, good teacher, etc....and I just couldn't keep it all up.  I suffered so much for so long until a teacher I worked with suggested PPD and it just hit me like a ton of bricks!  I hadn't said anything to my dr. b/c I just though something was wrong with me and it couldn't be fixed.  After suffering for 4 months, I finally got help from my dr. and was put on Zoloft, and I slowly got better.  When I got pregnant with my second, I was so afraid of going through that again, I told my dr, and I started antidepressants as soon as my DS was born.  I am NOT condoning the use of drugs for every woman that may be suffering from the baby blues, or full blown depression, I'm just saying that it worked for me and no one should be ashamed to ask for help.  Best of luck to you.  Now, looking back, I feel like I was robbed of all those early moments with my DD.  Instead of just enjoying her as a newborn, I was constantly anxious/crying/irritated.  I wish now that I had gotten help sooner.
164559 tn?1233711618
Take a deep breath.  Remember you are a loving, strong woman and you will get through this difficult time.  It is very hard having a new baby.  I remember feeling like I had been hit by a truck.  You are completely normal and what you are feeling is natural and okay.

So advice, I agree with rr, get out of the house and take a walk....join a new mummy exercise class so you can work on getting back in shape and have other women to comiserate with...leave the baby with a sitter and go buy yourself a new outfit, something that is becoming and fits you right now....go out to supper with your bf....go to a park, you will meet lots of other mummies there....read a good book.....try to reconnect with your bf.

If the feelings do not subside over the next few weeks, you need to speak with your doctor.  Do not let yourself suffer needlessly.

I sure hope you feel better soon.


P.S.  When my first was 3 weeks old I called my mum, bawling, said I felt like flushing the baby down the toilet.....My mom came over and rocked the baby so I could just get some sleep.  She told me I was absolutely normal, just exhausted.  That made me feel so much better.  I love kids and was thrilled to have one of my own but that didn't make it any easier.
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