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Women's Health: Postpartum Community
26.1k Members
Avatar universal

Post partum depression? How to know whats not normal?/ Updates.

Hey everyone. I know I havent been on in a while.  I dont have net access at home. Congrats to those who've had their babies and those who got their bfps!  
It's been a tough 3 weeks with my little one.  I never imagined being a mother would be so tough.  I've always love children and thought that being a mother would come naturally. But, I'm finding it really tough.  And honestly, I dont even have it as bad as some other mothers because, Soraya sleeps for at least 4 hours during the night.
I often feel like I'm failing her because I'm stuggling to keep up with her crazy schedule.  Sometimes I wonder if I had her to young (I'm 26) and some days I feel like I dont want to ever leave her side.  Some days I cry because i'm so in love with her, some days I cry because I hate my body and dont fit into my "fat clothes" from when I weighted more than prepregnancy.
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My weight is probably the emotionally hardest part of post pregnancy.  I dont want to leave the house because nothing fits, and I'm so embarrassed about my size. I'm so insecure. I was a size 12 prepregnancy, now I am struggling to squeeze into my size 14.  I've gained 50 and lost 20.  My belly is floppy and so are my boobs.  I'm even embarrassed to be naked in front of my bf. This is a terrible feeling.  
Some days I'm so lost in my thoughts that when My bf comes home from work, I have no words for him.  I'm totally withdrawn.  I feel very anxious about things that I will have to go through (like taking baby to the dr's alone - I live in NY and have to take cabs everywhere) and i feel anxious about thing that have happened already (like labor and thing that happed during labor).  I dont want to talk to anyone  (friends and family members). And I really dont want to see anyone.  My bf tells me to go out with my friends, and I just cant bring myself to do it. Not because I dont want to leave her, but becaues of my appearance.  Please help, is this normal.  My downs are really low and my ups are ok.  When will this end?
15 Responses
210951 tn?1203145344
First, congratulations on bringing a beautiful baby into the world!  Second, it really does get easier.  I was in your shoes a few years ago.  I started pre pregnancy at a size 12 and gained 30 lbs. during the pregnancy.  Four weeks after the birth of our DS we wanted to get family photos done, what a joke!  I was having the hardest time fitting into anything I owned and was so angry when I couldn't find anything to "flatter" my ugly body for the photos.  I returned to work when my DS was 6 weeks old wearing a size 16!!!!  Oh my god, I can't even believe I was that large.  So, here's the better part of my story...the weight started coming off gradually and with some discipline in eating, on my DS first birthday I was smaller than my pre pregnancy weight.  
I know it's hard to do but give yourself some time and be proud of your "war wounds."  
Parenting in the begining was challenging but it passes quickly, well most of it anyway!   You'll gain more confidence after a while and be a pro in no time.
I wish you all the best!
128449 tn?1192829269
I can relate to what you're going through on some levels...and on other levels I can't (my baby isn't due until Sept 12).  However, before getting pregnant I suffered from mild depression - and felt many of the things youre feeling.  the disconnection from your bf, not wanting to go out with friends, just feeling really low.  many days i felt like just crawling into bed and not getting out.  i would suggest that you find a counselor.  i didn't have a lot of money so i found one that accepted money on a sliding scale (based on your salary) so i only paid $5 per visit.  i got antidepressants and continued talking with her and i have never felt better in my life.  since getting pregnant i've had to stop taking the meds, but i still haven't felt super sad in a long time - and when those "bad days" do happen i pull my fiance close...as much as i want to push him away...and i cry to him and he makes sure that i know he loves me...and will be there for me.  you have a wonderful little baby...and i'm sure that on top of any sadness youre feeling - you are exhausted!  seriously...don't ignore this - go talk to someone...get better now...that way you can enjoy that beautiful little baby!  Big hugs to you...and just know that you aren't alone.
Avatar universal
Hi! I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so badly.  You know, it must be tough, and I'm anxious about where my feelings and thoughts will be once I deliver.  A couple of weeks ago, I had gained a ttl of 39lbs, and I clearly have more time, so I'm on the route to gaining at least 50lbs.  So, I'm sure I'll be very upset when it comes time for me to really concentrate on what I can wear, how I can lose, etc...  It does sound like you are struggling more than you have to without conventional assistance.  I was on antianxiety meds before getting pg, and they did wonders for me (I had a tendancy toward depression, too, so they helped with that, too).  I don't like to take meds any more than anyone else, so I don't recommend this lightly.  I do, however, recommend talking to a professional therapist. They can do wonders for you!  There is no reason to struggle like this, when there are safe outlets for you.  Thank goodness you come here!  This way, you are not suffering in silence.  The next step to me would be to take it to a professional who can REALLY help get you moving in the right direction.  Maybe our words on here will do the trick, but from experience, I find therapists invaluable.  Not only because they understand what makes the human mind think and feel what it thinks and feels, but because they are completely unbiased, non-judgmental and they're completely motivated to help you toward your goal.  Just a thought, but it really helps me tremendously.  I know that once I deliver, I'll probably need the help.  And knowing that I don't have to suffer the sadness and anxiety, and that there are things that do help, I'm going to seek them out.  I hope you find this helpful.  I'm thinking about you.  
13167 tn?1327197724
newbie,  are you walking?  If not,  that's what you need to do.  Pack her up in a stroller and walk a mile or so every morning.   Get yourself up,  get yourself showered,  put on mascara and tennis shoes and walk and walk.  The weight will come off and the depression will lift.

If it makes any difference,  you're really too early for post partum depression,  probably.  What you have is exhaustion and frustration.

Best wishes.   Walk walk walk walk   ;D
Avatar universal
Thanks for the support.  I really needed it and really missed the forum.  To say that I'm anxious hits the nail on the head.  I start to think about something, whatever it is, and I get nausious. Isnt that strange?  I literally feel sick to my stomach.  My appetite is gone.  Sometimes I forget to eat because I'm busy with her. I was told my iron is low (lost alot of blood during labor) and I know it's contributing to my sleepiness and fatigue.
I love her so much but, it's tough.

Rose rock:

You are very right.  We took a walk yesterday evening and it really did help.  As much as I dont want to leave the house, it does help.  I also found an internet cafe around my house and so, I'll be going there to pass the time.
93532 tn?1349374050
Being this early PP, you are experiencing the baby blues and the "I want my boyd back" syndrome. I agree that a walk is a good place to start, but be mindful that PPD is real and you could very well heading in that direction. Be open and honest with your doctor when addressing these concerns.

Being a new mom is not what most think is should be. It is very difficult and hardlky full of those idealistic moments first time moms-to-be think of when they are about to deliver their bundle of joy. Heck, even being on my third it is rough at times and he is the easiest one i have had yet!

Take time to eat, when you are feeding the baby, eat a snack. I found that with my first I kept a bowl of trail mix next to my nursing chair and snacked on it while nursing. It was packe dfull of protein and gave me a little extra energy I admittedly did not eat well following the birth's of any of my kids. I was so consumed with nursing and bathing, and diapers that I often forgot myself. Thankfully my husband picks up the slack and focuses his care on me since the baby is taken care of. He made me eat even when I didn't think I was hungry. He always made sure I had water by my side. His reward was never having to wake up for a feeding through three babies ; )
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