Women's Health: Postpartum Community
26.1k Members
203342 tn?1328740807

This is for all the young teenage girls out there wanting a baby

Ok, I've seen too many posts from teenage girls to not be able to stay quiet anymore. PLEASE, PLEASE, girls, use your heads! You don't have to have a baby to prove you're grown up or because you're looking for something to love. You all are so young! You have your whole lives ahead of you! It's ok to do what you want. This is the one time in your lives that you can put yourself first. Go to college, get your degrees, dream big dreams! What did you always want to do? Go for it! You won't regret it. If you have a baby now, you will always struggle. Yes, you will love your child, but you will always wonder in the back of your minds what would have happened if you would have waited. You don't have to struggle! This is a life alterating decision that should not be taken lightly! Do something for yourselves first. And you may think I'm old-fashioned, but wait until you find that special someone. Get married, have that big wedding you always dreamed about as a little girl. Have that romantic honeymoon. Get to know your husband. Buy that house, save some money........then go ahead and plan for that new little life to complete your family! Please, I'm speaking from experience. I wasn't a teenager but I did get pregnant before I got married. We had to move up the wedding and I never did get my honeymoon. I didn't get that chance to have alone time with my husband first. We didn't have time to save for a baby. We started immediately going into debt. We had to put diapers on the credit card! I love my son with all my heart and I'm glad I had him, but I wish we had waited. We made things harder on ourselves because we didn't plan for our future. I'm still trying to go back to school. I wish now I would have done it when I was younger and had no one else to worry about but myself. It's much harder now. I've only been able to take a few classes here and there, and work part time to help with the bills.
Please girls, don't let any guys talk you into anything that you aren't sure of. It's ok to make something of your lives and put yourselves first before having a family. You will have more confidence and be proud of yourselves if you do. There's plenty of time to think about marraige and having babies! Don't be in such a hurry. You won't regret it if you wait. I hope I've been able to reach at least one person here and made you think. I'm not trying to lecture you. I care, I really do. I hope you all can see that. Be good to yourselves and go live out your dreams!
58 Responses
154929 tn?1196191338
Right On!  I was so glad I waited to have a child--I was 30 before my first one was born--pert waiting part infertiltiy problems--but still my husband and I were able to travel, I was also able to travel with girlfriends before having more than myself to worry about.  I read the stories on here about how girls don't know basic contraception facts--and that is just sad....A baby will not take the place of what is missing in your life--in may actually make your life so much harder than you really believe.  I still struggle and I am married with both sets of Grandparents living in town and my husband helps out a great deal with the kids and house work (his mom trained him right).  So I agree with you very much--plan your life and take what is out there for your self first.  You will then never regret the what ifs--later on.
Avatar universal
Nicely written....
I don't think people understand how difficult being a parent truly is....

210400 tn?1325384170
Being a parent is very difficult add in doing it at a young age and you give yourself unnecessary obsticles.

Great post!
127529 tn?1331844380
It is great to see such a heartfelt post from someone who has had the experience.

"We made it harder on ourselves because we didn't plan for our future"

It was brave of you to say such a thing.

Raising children is the hardest work I have ever done, I am glad I went to college, had a career, went on a few nice holidays, got married and went on honeymoon. I have all the memories from those times, I would never change what I have now to go back there but am so glad I experienced it all before having my first child at 28. I beleive the experiences I had during those years will help me be a better parent. I know plenty of people who had children many years before I did, they would never, ever say they regret having their children but many say they wish they had done more for themselves first.
256077 tn?1204231097
I had my first child at 17. Let me tell you that it is very hard. I love my kids, all 3 of them, but I too wish I would have waited. I wish I would have had someone to tell me exactly how hard it is to be in the prime of your life and being a parent. I dont regret my first child, not one bit, but were finally at the place we need to be. We have struggled for a little over 7 years and it was rough.
Yes I do think this was a much needed post, and it was beautifully said!
Avatar universal
it IS hard.. no matter how old you are.. it all depends upon experience.. and you are more likely to have not a whole lot when you are so young... in my Lab class.. most everyone is very young.. about 19-23 years of age... and omg..lol.. they complain about how tired they are.. how they have too much homework.. ( the class is accelerated) how stressed out they are.. how they never have enough time to do what they want. it goes on and on..

The older ones.. ( myself included.. lol)  just roll our eyes.. we laugh to ourselves.. because we know.. that they have it E - A - S - Y.  
How about this .  Get up at 5 am.. get your kids ready for school. in my case. i have 5 to get ready.. and a 5 month old to feed... bathe.. get ready for dad to take care of.. ( i have to lay most things out for dad..lol.. come on girls.. you know what i mean..) i get to school.. do the school thing..then i leave school... go the grocery store.. listen to drama from my 17 year old on the cell phone.. get home.. whats this? dads leaving for work!! i breastfeed zane.. .. THEN. i take off my shoes..lol... i eye what needs to be done around the house.. play with zane.. make snacks for the kids.... make appropriate phone calls.. attempt to pee..help out kids with homework.. throw some laundry in the washer...go outside.. feed the dogs.... see if the pool needs to be taken care of... listen to the kids tell me about their day.. ( i LOVE that) lol..come back inside.. take Hannah to cheer practice.. danial to his friends house.. pay as much attention to all the kids.. ( listen to guitar songs ... play with danial.... ( i know pokemon like the back of my hand.)  oh what? dinner time? time to make dinner... someone throw some food in my mouth .. breastfeed zane.. ahh a break!! pick up around the house.. ooo look! i need to eat some more!  itssssssss bathtime!! wooohooo i get to clean up toys... water off the floor... et cet c... its time to get danial.. hopefully hannah has a ride home.. because by this time.. i forgot to pick her up.. LOL just kidding..get home...its now getting late.. and i still have not doen the 3 chapters of SCHOOL i had earlier that day... cant do it now though.. i have kids!! they come first.. so.. after all the things.. that are associated with children are done.. i get to go pee... maybe even take 10-15 minutes to thank god that i am stilll sane.  then.. woohooo zane is awake again.. why? who knows.. hes 5 months old.. he does pretty much what he wants.. no matter how hard i try to convince him how interesting leuks and blood hemocrits are.. he doesnt care.. he wants to play.. so.. I play with him.. thats all there is too it. i cant just park him somewhere and do my homework.  well... after all are tucked in bed.. house sorta picked up... half a cup of food is deposited somehow in my belly.. i get to .... guess what!! do that homeowrk.. OH YEAH! its almost always 11-12 o clock.. mad dash for homework now.. oh yeah! daddy is home now.. he wants to eat.. screw it. he can smack buttons on a microwave.. wow... honey.. it was so nice to see you today..LMAO>. GOODNIGHT!  ahhh i got 4 hours of sleep.. wow.. i feel awesome..

the whole point of this post.. is to tell the teens  out there.. and the ones who are very young.. its mush easier to do what you have to do.. when you are that young.. having children is MORE THAN A FULL TIME JOB.. its HARD! and while VERY rewarding. believe me.. its more stressful at times when you have kids.. and are trying to juggle it all.. i was a teenage mom.. and it was HARD.. I have faith in anyone who is TRULY ready to take this on.. I will back anyone up for that.. but realize.. it IS EASIER when its just you in the beginning.. ask anyone who is my age and has done it..  HUGGS TO ALL>. baby dust.. all that stuff. while it may be for some. for others .. who have not thought it through with out a  really good plan.. its not.. if you make that decision to have children so young.. then be ready to suck it up and do what you have to do .. know that you cannot depend on those who you think you can.. in the end.. its up to you to do what you have to do .  i love my family more than life itself.. and wouldnt change a thing. i look back on it.. and say.. wow.. i did it.. and there of course are others who have done better than i have.. who had children as teens.. but.. please think it though. KNOW what you are doing!
Avatar universal
PS..LOL.. everything  i talked about in my day.. is not in any particular order.. that would be like.. whoa.. control freak .and not to mention.. IMPOSSIBLE.
150483 tn?1212172156
Well I think this is a good post & a great point of view.I would just like to add that I am 30 yrs old.A college graduate & a mom of 3 wonderful children ages 12,8 & newborn.I was a young mom (18).I was not proving to be grown,or "looking" for someone to LOVE.I was just in love.I decided to have my baby & with the support of my Highschool sweet heart who is now my husband (12 yrs) & our family's we accomplished everything we wanted.We went to school & are GREAT.Parents.We never did regret our decision to BE RESPONSIBLE & deal with what we had done.My son 12 is now an honor roll student.Very mature for his age.And does not see in us anything other than two very responsible parents.  
150483 tn?1212172156
I would like to add that I don't condone teen pregnancy but don't judge .Yes IT IS the hardest thing I have ever done.But I love my kids & would have NOT have changed a thing!
Avatar universal
i dont think their judging everyone, just the girls that u see on maury. wanting to have babies left and right and dont care about their education...thus the future of themselfs and their children
150483 tn?1212172156
Oh I know,don't want to start any DRAMA..lol.Nothing makes me more mad than a teenage mom who doesn't care about her education & how important it is for there & there children's future.Just wanted to share my expierience & let all girls out there know it is possible to have both.Or to just use protection..lol.
Avatar universal
I was 18 when I fell pregnant with my first, I had a fairy tale life in mind, believed I would be a cool young  hot 'hip' mum & would be organised & have it all. Yeah right! I was fooling myself in thinking it would be like a fairy tale, and my desire to be a young hip mum doesn't even exist anymore cos the pressure of being a full time mum just makes me tired!! And being organised? Well, you'd be lucky if things go even slightly like how you scheduled. It really is a completely different reality. Noone can imagine what it really is like behind the curtains of parent hood until you actually do it. It is the most rewarding and wonderful experience ever, but that's because it's the most toughest, most challenging thing you'll ever do too. It's not peaches n cream 24/7.You love your kids no matter what and once you have them you wouldn't trade them for anything. But just cos you love them with all your heart, doesn't mean it's easy. When you're tired, worn out, or sick with the flu and all ya wanna do is relax and recover, you can't just put your kids on hold. No matter how tired and worn out you are. And then there's always the house work to do, washing loads n' loads of laundry, washing dishes, sterilizing bottles, vaccuming, cooking, dropping everything if your kids are hungry, need something or have made a mess. And like Mozartcowgirl said, ya might get 5 minutes spare to pee if you're lucky.
What I mean is, parenthood has it's EXTREME ups n downs. When it's great it's really really great! And when it's hard, it's really really hard. Especially when your kids get to the 18 month/2 year old stage, generally speaking.
This is just my opinion based on what I've experienced so far. I love my son and wouldn't change a thing, but being a parent is a completely different reality to life before parenthood. I don't even remember what it's like to be a teenager anymore and I've only just turned 20. In a way, I feel like I've lost my identity sometimes, because it is true, being a parent means it's all about your kids' wants n' needs, and you come 2nd. Once every couple of weeks my parents will baby sit so that my partner and I can have one night to ourselves. Which is always nice. But that is only one night every now n' then. Not whenever we feel like it. Not that I'm complaining or anything, cos there are alot of parents who don't have extra support to give them a break once in a blue moon. People's circumstances vary I guess, but no matter what, parenthood is an extreme challenge.
210400 tn?1325384170
This was not posted to judge if it were I would have not been so nice about it trust me. I had my daughter at 16, son at 19, son at 21 and pg now at 23 married for over 4 years. Its just a warning to make sure you know what your getting into that life is hard as it is being young, do what you want to do make sure that you have set goals. Its not impossible to be a parent at a young age but it does come with some extra obsticles as I said before.
Avatar universal
Girl you got it going on. I give you lots of props for all you have going on and still going to school. That is awesome.
I just
Avatar universal
Avatar universal
Yes I agree. Parenthood is hard. I had my first at 24.  I thought I was too young then..lol  My mom had me at 18 (single)
I look at both of my girls now and hope and pray that they will go to college, live life, etc before they decide to get married and become mothers. I love them both with all my heart and could not imagine being a mom any younger than what I was!!!  I watched my sister become a mom at 16.  Her son and her basically grew up together..........
Avatar universal
Mozartcowgirl- Girl you got it going on. I give you lots of props for all you have going on and still going to school. That is awesome.

I just wanted to say I am thankful that I didn't get pregnant till I was 21. Yes, I am still very young, but the amount of experience I have now compared to when I was say 16 or even 18 is tremendous. I don't know how teenage moms do it. I would never want to get pregnant any younger than I am now.
175662 tn?1282217256
Damn Mozartlady, I feel inadequate now... *pulls blankets over her head*  I suck.
164559 tn?1233711618
Wow, Zane is 5 months old already?  Your description of your day made me realize that my mad life may actually be normal.   Thank you cyber sister.

Immortal one, you get to slack off as much as you want, you have a new baby.  (At least that is what I keep telling my husband)
203342 tn?1328740807
I'm glad you guys saw I wasn't judging because I wasn't at all. My mom married young and had us kids pretty young. She was a single mom for awhile and it was hard! Sometimes there was only popcorn or something like that in the house for us to eat. She finally met my stepdad who was wonderful and raised all us kids as his own and took care of us. My aunt got married and pregnant right away at the age of 17. She had three babies in three years with the youngest born severely retarded due to lack of oxygen at birth. I greatly admired my aunt. She was the strongest person I know. Sadly, she passed away 6 years ago due to complications from her diabetes. She had a hard life. She had breast cancer, diabetes, lost her husband to a massive stroke at the age of 50. And she never complained! She had to have had a hard life. But she was married to the love of her life. They married so young because he was going off to war and they wanted to be married before he left. So do I condemn people for getting married young or getting pregnant young? Not at all. Time and time again, I've met people who went through a lot of hardships and made something of themselves.
I guess what concerns me is the nonchalant attitude some young girls have about sex, marriage and having babies. I just wanted to open some eyes out there, I guess, that it isn't all fun and games. It's hard work!
I think we all agree here that we love our kids and wouldn't change a thing. I think parenthood is the most rewarding and demanding job there is. I've learned more from my children than any other job I've ever had. In fact, I've joked with my husband that by the time we finally "get it" and get this parenting thing down, they will be all grown up!
172411 tn?1287089865
i just want to say that i got pregnant at 16 and my bf left me i struggled yes but i graduated i went to college as a single mom and i suceed. i do agree that it is a struggle but i made it and did something. i do feel bad for others who just drop out and do nothing because of how truely hard it is i had 2 years of school left before graduation. my pregnancy was not planed at all but i love my 4 year old more than words. i have a 3 month old now to and he is a bundle of joy.

anyone that is young and still in school i do agree that it isnt the best time it is really hard trsut me on that i no for 1st hand.  my dream i never got to do but im happen i got college done though, i wanted to be a model and could have been but i got pregnant and messed with everything I dont regret anything...
Avatar universal
This was nicely put.  I always worry for those gals who are way too young and just want the attention and someone to love.  I had my first one at 26 and even then it was tough.  I was married a month before we got the big surprise.  I did go to school, party, all that good stuff.  I got such a kick out of motzart's day.  Nice to know I'm not the only one running like crazy!  Little Cam has had so many problems with acid reflux, rad, colic (it's gone now), and he rattles so much and wheezes from the RSV he got so young.  We have had so many choking and gagging episodes, been through formulas...it's been a ride and now we have to go back to the pulmonologist and will also probably be going to a GI Dr. this month too.  My first son was about the same, minus the reflux, but choked as well and got his first ambulance ride at 11 weeks, my second week back at work.  Talk about stressful!  Could not imagine doing all of this at such a young age, and really stressful on the finances too if you aren't ready for it.  So worth the tears and stress though, I love my boys so much and am so proud of them.  They are adorable!
221025 tn?1332558946
Gotta post on this because there was another post recently where this came up - there are some young ladies out there who really have their lives together at a young age - they have their priorities straight - they know that their babies come first - they are in school, working, raising a child - and that's a hard life for anyone at any age - but the fact that THERE are women at a young age who have their lives that together is amazing to me - I know I wasn't that way in my early twenties or teens - We have to take a test to drive a car, sometimes I think we should have to pass a test or get a license or something to have a baby - I'm not exactly young anymore and I am still worried how I will keep everything going and juggle all of lifes demands with a baby and I am so thankful that I was young once and took that time to flirt, date, romance, go to school, flirt, go to college, flirt, get jobs and train in my career field, flirt, shop, save a little bit of money for a rainy day, flirt, and just do all the things you should have the opportunity to do when you are young - for those of you who had your babies young and had your heads screwed on straight and your priorities inline - Good for you!  Give yourself a pat on the back because you deserve to!
Avatar universal
I love you guys..LOL .. it IS nice to know.. that everyone else.. not just me.. feels ready to hair their pull out. and car in the scream. Now exuse me while i go breast feed the cat and put zane outside.
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