How about using a donated embryo!
There is such a great need for parents to rescue or "adopt embryos"
Also, what happens to all the unwanted babies you might create?
Just some thoughts
It is wonderfully sweet that your friend has offered to do this for you. Given that it would be the child of your husband's sperm, a donation of this kind is a really generous gesture.
I would suggest you talk with a donor-egg agency and ask for a referral to a lawyer who writes up donation contracts, and then get a copy of the contract (you'll have to pay the attorney for this) and look it over, so you can discuss issues with your friend as potential donor. You'll also need to insure her for any health issues that might come up during the process of donation (she will be on a lot of hormones, and a short-term health insurance policy is called for) and you will need to pay for all her drugs (which will come to somewhere between three and four thousand dollars) and her doctor visits, and then of course there are the expenses of you going through IVF (in my town, those run eight to thirteen thousand dollars without the costs of the donor added in). You might also get a referral from the agency to a psychologist who counsels people receiving and giving egg donations, and have an appointment for you two and one for your friend, simply for values clarification. There are probably questions that you haven't even thought of, that the therapist has gone over with people dozens of times. All of this is simply to forestall problems. You will also have to fill out forms for what happens to the embryos if you divorce, if one or the other of you dies, etc. etc. and some of that, it might be useful to discuss with a professional. I think you and your donor will ultimately need separate attorneys to represent you in creating and signing the legal document that breaks the chain of parental rights (i.e., removes her right to come back and try to claim the child). I don't in fact know, when it is a known donor as opposed to an anonymous one, if that is enough to break the chain of parental rights -- the attorney can advise you on this.
ps -- I've done IVF twice, and never had any unused embryos. I have never heard of anyone with many unused embryos (or "all the unwanted babies.") It sounds like you have a sweet and loved connection on both sides, and there is a huge world of good in that, both now and as the child grows.
Hi there, thanks for your reply. I think i should explain that i live in the UK and things work a little different here, i am still entitled to 2 more tries of IVF and this includes if we find a donor ourselves, the problem we have in this country is that very few woman come forward to donate eggs and to go on a lise for this can take years!!!! All the drugs my friend would take are included and paid for by our national health service, we would have counselling and this would be incuded also, also both parties have to sign legal documents in regards to the process!! Its all very much like what you commented on and i thank you for your reply.x
There are MILLIONs of unwanted babies out there - from extra embryos!
I dont have the money to afford to go private in the UK where i live, it is very expensive and there are no other ways around it!!! We went for IVF last year and our consultants never even mentioned what you have suggested!!!!! What do you mean what will happen to all the unwanted babies we will create?? You may think i am being thick but i dont understand what you are on about!!!! Do you mean the left over fertilised eggs??
I too have never heard of unwanted embryos - usually there's very little too freeze after an IVF cycle and THEN if the leftover embies are donated, there's a huge line of couples waiting for a donor embryo cycle. From what I understand at our clinic & others, that's the situation anyway.
to BEG1975 - what mysty2001's talking about is sometimes, not as often as one would think, there are leftover embryos that weren't transferred into a woman from a fresh cycle. Usually they're frozen until a decision is made as to how the couple wants to proceed. For example, my husband and I have 11 frozen embryos - they were frozen on day 6 after retrieval. We plan on donating the ones we don't use if we do a frozen embryo cycle. If we donate, there will be lots of couples who want to get pregnant w/donor embryo cycle - usually it's a very long waiting list.
I don't know much about how egg donation works in the UK - I too went through a donor cycle two years ago and had a baby but I live in the US too. I hope things work out for you and your friend and you get your baby! - jen
Beg - I understand now that you are in Uk and different - here is saves THOUSANDS to use donated embies
40s mama - thanks for some clarification - Actually the national center has NO waiting list - there is usually a list for private adoption. At my clinic I had to wait not at all - when I went to an out of town clinic it was about a 4 week wait - there are really millions (think about it - multiply your 11 times the thousands of women who do IVF each year!) i am really glad to hear you are donating yours - obviously that is an important topic for me
I know that you have posted about embryo adoption a lot, and I am all for embryo adoption.
However, I don't think your numbers are anywhere close to correct, and disagree strongly with your characterization of frozen embryos as "unwanted babies." Just because a frozen embryo exists does not mean it is unwanted. In fact, because it costs the family money every year to keep a frozen embryo, the fact that a frozen embryo exists is much more likely to show that it is wanted than that it is unwanted.
Here is material from the National Embryo Donation Center itself. "It is estimated that 500,000 human embryos are currently in cryopreservation in the United States. When the genetic parents decide that their family is complete and embryos are still available, many believe that embryo donation and adoption is the most life-honoring solution to this difficult choice." Please note, it mentions only 500,000 total, and does not say anything about 500,000 "unwanted" embryos. If these were 500,000 unwanted embryos, they would not be in existence, because nobody would be paying the fees to keep them frozen. And you will note that nowhere in the statement from the NEDC is the term "millions" used.
Couples do not ordinarily produce large numbers of embryos. Many (or probably most) run out of embryos before they complete their desired family. IVF is very costly (in the United States), not a guaranteed process, it uses at least two or three embryos per try, and not every transfer results in a successful pregnancy (or even a pregnancy at all). Also from the National Embryo Donation Center: "As of December, 2007, the NEDC has matched 165 genetic families (approximately 633 embryos) with 149 adoptive families, resulting in 90 pregnancies with 105 babies born or awaiting birth." Note that it took 633 embryos to produce those 105 babies. People doing IVF are always worried they will run out of embryos, and they treasure their remaining embryos. It is heartbreaking to have a failure, because embryos are so hard to produce. When you come on to people's posts and ask challenging questions implying that they are going to wastefully produce lots of unwanted embryos, it is just wrong, plus being really unkind. And calling every embryo produced an "unwanted baby" deeply insults the hopes and dreams of everyone who has ever gone through this process.
My first fresh cycle gave us one pregnancy and used up every embryo we had. My second fresh cycle cost two embryos for no pregnancy, and what I presently have left is four embryos. In other words, we have so far used 7 embryos and (joyously) had a baby, and we have only 4 embryos left. If we are lucky, this will translate into two more tries (because frozen embryos might not make it through the thawing process), and if it took 7 to get one, having only 4 left is not enough to suggest very strongly that we will get another pregnancy. Do you therefore see how the 4 I have left, or 40smama's 11, should not be included in your sweeping remark to 40smama about multiplying her 11 frozen embryos by the number of women who do IVF every year and therefore somehow proving that there are "millions of unwanted babies" out there? The IVF process is too heartbreaking and difficult as it is, without having someone imply that couples who create embryos are being profligate, uncaring and wasteful.
I have never challenged you on this statement about "millions of unwanted babies" before, but you keep making it, and I cannot help but feel like your numbers came from some kind of propaganda machine that just pulled the claim out of a hat. The numbers certainly did not come from the National Embryo Donation Center, which mentions a modest 500,000 as the total number of frozen embryos out there and does not say how many (which would be a greatly reduced number) might be left after families are done having children and therefore available for adoption.
Embryo adoption is a fine thing, and people who are done creating their families are well advised to consider releasing any remaining embies for that purpose. But the movement to do it does not need to be bolstered by spurious claims and grossly inflated numbers. Please stop using the "millions of unwanted babies" line in a forum where women have wept and mourned over the failure of their last try with their last embryo. It is insensitive to the families that produce embryos, and the number is off by many, many, many multiples.
hi guys, i wanted to know if you could donate an egg and choose the family to help? and folllow their story? as i would love to watch one of my eggs be turned into a special couples baby and follow the journey and get to know them. so is this possible at all or no?