Women's Health: Postpartum Community
26.1k Members
Avatar universal

im pregnant and maybe i picked the wrong forum for this but pleaseeee help

I dont know if you guys remember me,  my other name was "mrsjacox', but i forgot the password :-(. I am 18 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I recently moved in with my babys father . Last night i found out he was cheating on me with someone who works at his job and he lied about that among other things and he swore on my babys life that he wasnt doing anything. I love him to death but I wont sit around and be cheated on and take it lightly. I packed some of my things and came to my cousins house . Everyone says i should work it out because of the baby, some people say its normal for men to cheat while their woman is pregnant.I am SO confused.. I just do not want to stress because i know it will hurt my baby. I NEED some type of advice, from ANYBODY pleasee. Thank you & have a blessed day.
36 Responses
Avatar universal
The worse thing you can do is to go back. Once a cheater always a cheater!!!
Avatar universal
Normal or not normal...it is wrong.  I have no sympathy for cheaters....  I know of people who worked it out after being cheated on, but I know that they have trust issues to this day.  It is very hard for them to live in peace.  Can you see this a hot topic for me???  LOL

This is a decision that only you can decide.  How well can you live with knowing he was unfaithful?  Will you ever be able to let it go and trust him again?  Will he have to quit his job?  Those are things to ponder.

Good luck to you hun, my heart goes out to you :)
Avatar universal
Am sorry to hear about what ur partner done to you. I know its even more difficult for you to deal with especially because you are pregnant.I agree with the lady,once a cheater,always a cheater.It would be best to work things out for the baby's sake but he might end up doing it again.You dont want to stress urself at this time,it could harm ur baby,so try and take it easy. I hope things work out well for both of you,good luck
Avatar universal
youre absolutely right... its a huge mess, especially because they work together.. i dont know if they had sex or anything but i know they had a conversation about how much they like each other and about how they wanted to kiss each other that day, ugh, its gross. suppose me and my baby would've caught something. Thank u so much =]
Avatar universal
"Try and work it out for the baby's sake".....that's a bunch of B.S.
177988 tn?1266802499
What kind of people are telling you this is normal?  You are better off with out him.  Maybe he will be a good caregiver and loving to your child but you have to think or yourself too.  It's not something you need to put up with whatsoever.  I also suspect he isnt a good man... nor is he ready to grow up at all. I wouldn't go back to him but would offer him the opportunity to be in his child's life if he wanted it.  Workign it out for the baby's sake would mean a lot of resentment and issues that would eventually probably be harder on the kid down the road because he would see mommy and daddy having an unhealthy relationship.
Avatar universal
LOL. I think all of you are right. Its confusing
167 tn?1374177417
It is NEVER normal to cheat under any circumstance!! Stick to your guns and stay with your cousin until you can get on your feet. Is this really the type of father you want your child learning from? Respect yourself first. Somebody has to!
Avatar universal
Screw him. You need him the most when you are pregnant because after a while you wont be able to do certain things on your own.  It is NOT normal to cheat on a women when she is or isn't pregnant but I think it's worse when she is.  Stay strong and turn to people who can support and help you during your pregnancy. He doesn't deserve this experience if he's willing to loose it over another women. Good luck and I'm so sorry this has happened.
Avatar universal
What a c***. Do not go back. Not only is he disgusting for cheating, but while you are pregnant!?!That is even worse. What kind of man does that to his pregnant girlfriend? If you think you can forgive and forget, then go back to him. But if you can't, don't bother and end it now. In the long run, it will be worse for your little child if you go back and have trust issues and lots of rows. Personally, I couldn't live with it, I'd be suspicious of everything he did. And what if you have another child, will you become so worried that he'll do it again? Yes you need to think of your unborn child, but think of yourself too. And in my opinion, what you choose is right for you, is generally right for your child.
All that matters is that your child is given the love and care it deserves, and if the b****** wants to be involved, then baby will still have both parents.
Remember, once a cheat, always a cheat.
Avatar universal
i failed to mention that i was also thinking about my future.. ever since i was younger, i always just wanted to have 1 baby father for all my kids. say i leave him, in the future i'm definately going to want more kids... i dont want to have 3 kids with 3 different baby fathers. this is so painful, right now my mind is going crazy.
305180 tn?1279720347
Hi Relly,
I agree with everyone else in here. There should be no tolerance for cheating. It is wrong no matter what way you look at it. It may be a hard thing to do, but you are better off without that guy. I am a single mommy of two and recently found a wonderful man that love me, treats me right, would never cheat, and loves my little girls like they are his own. There are a lot of guys out there that would do the same for you.
If you were to go back to the father of you baby, there would never be trust even if he never cheated on you again. Cheating is more than just having sex with someone too, so if he was talking to a girl at work that way, then he is fully capable of having sex with her too. Somehow they always find an excuse, a way, or a reason that makes it right in their mind. ITS NOT OKAY!!! Don't put up with that from anyone. If the man you are with doesnt treat you with full respect and love, then he's not worth yours time. IT is absolutely not "normal' for a man to cheat on his pregnant wife. If he loves you and respects you the way he SHOULD, then he wouldn't do such things.

Good luck! And don't get scared to be a single mommy. It's not a bad thing. :-)
Avatar universal
First and foremost...it is NOT normal for a man to cheat while his wife/girlfriend is pregnant!!!
And like most have said....Once a cheater, always a cheater!
You (And your baby) deserve better then this guy.
You have to think about what life is going to be like once your baby is born. Do you really want to live your life like this with this man?

If you want more kids, he is obviously not the right one to father your children. do you want your children to grow up not knowing their father OR knowing how badly their father treated their mother.

A husband/boyfriend is supposed to be there for support during your pregnancy...not going out and cheating on you...

Next time you want to have a baby..make sure the guy is for real and he is TRULY in love with you and ready to raise a family. This guy is not man enough!

Avatar universal
We are in love, we were friends for 3 years before we got together, and we've been together for almost 2 years... this is why im so shocked. He does everything for me, he's the sweetest and the kindest. My family loves him and hes the only guy i've trusted in YEARS. Never in a million years did I expect him to do this to me. :-( I really want to thank you guys for your support. It helps alot.
Avatar universal
Hunny...he may be a sweet guy, but look what he did to you (esp. while you are carrying his child)
I understand that you love him and have been with him for yrs...and that just makes this even harder for you.
If the two of you want to work this out then he has to get his life in order. Better to try to work it out before the baby is born.
Did he tell you that he cheated on you or did you have to find out another way?
172826 tn?1423426556
similar thing happened with my bf he was flirting not cheateing but to meits still a form of cheating...it hurt me sooo bad and i didnt mean to but i made him feel so horrible about wht he had done which was a good thing that our son is now 7 weeks old and hes not thought about neone else...thank god....i spoke to my uncle and dad about it about a man flirting because this had happened 2 weeks before our son was born and while i was pregnat he was on dating sites.. why? beats me...they both told me that men have fears liek we do but dont talk about it...my uncle cheated on his ex wife with their first child...he was scared to touch her in fears of hurting the baby and in a way thought it would be okay..but its not...my bf just flirted but from my dads perspective hes nevef done anything like that to my mom but he was pretty scared of hurting me that he refused sex all the time and it drove him insane and he was scared just overall about being a father...my bf was too hes gracefully finally admitted it....its still not okay....i waited it out and once he met our little angel right from then he was in love....i gave him the ultimatum...its him and i or his foolish stupidities.. he chose us....he loves his son and i dont think he would want to be apart...were not only together because of our son because we do love eachother very much as well.. and we've dealt with the stupid obstacles..im happy i stayed because things between us are awesome...

a few friends of mine their bf cheated and they dealt with it and now their bfsare amazing...i dont know...seem like alot of men do it but its still not okay....all in all  agree with the its your choice...i agree with the statement once a cheater always a cheater but ive seen in some circumstances it happening and the guy has NEVER cheated again. so who knows best of luck:)
Avatar universal
I have a sidekick3 phone and he was talkin to the girl on aol messenger. On MY phone!!! He went so hard to hide it but once i have an instict... im determined to find something out. He closed the conversation thinking he was slick and I acted like I was him and I told the girl "Can u send me the convo because my phone knocked me offline". Then there it was :-(
165078 tn?1255610007
I understand you want the same father for all your kids - I am not married and feel the same way.  He has not cheated on me but if he ever did - he would be gone and visiting he daughter whenever he wanted but not living with me.

You are a mom but still a women and you do not deserve to be treated this way.  He will continue to cheat.  Just leave and move on with your life.  You will find love again.  I know it is hard but it happens and when it does you will then have the happiness you deserve with your baby and yourself.

Here a quote that helped me through a hard time in my past... Some people settle, some people refuse to settle and some people wait for the butterflies.  Wait for those butterflies they will come back again I promise...  Good luck and congrats on the baby
300987 tn?1219987265
A man shouldn't cheat on someone that he truly cares about.

If you want to stay with him, the both of you are probably going to need to go to counseling.

But you have to ask yourself, will you ever be able to trust him again completely? Can you ever let go of this?

Avatar universal
That's even more of a reason to remove him from your life. He wasn't even man enough to confront you and admit that her cheated...

I really think it's best for you to try to let him go. It's not going to be easy, but think of your baby!
246850 tn?1246163948
Im not gunna get into it, but i see you are trying to justify why you should be with him. I agree when stated once a cheater always a cheater.. You will figure it out, but it may be later than sooner. My friend who just had a baby and had life threatning issues (baby) her "daddy" wont even come around or be there for them Baby had surgery yesterday and he didnt as much as call. In the meantime he is here (200 miles away) with the girl he cheated on her with. It goes to show that some men dont have there Priorites straight. Somthing to think about.
Avatar universal
I DOUBT he would even think about leaving his child... whether we're together or not, its pretty obvious that his child means everything to him already. But like i said, thanx to all of you. Trust me, there WILL be an update =]
319617 tn?1221606594
I agree with everyone, once a cheater, always a cheater.  I had my 1st baby when I was 19, second 23. I was with a man for 9 years who helped raise my children as his own. He was never faithfull. I thought I would be with him forever and he would change. I even gave him the option of having a child of his own, and planned my 3rd child.  Nothing changed. I now have (3) children (3) dads.

Believe it or not, I just met the love of my life after being apart for 20 years and we are engaged. We might be having a baby. Baby daddy #4. Embarrasing. But things do happen for a reason, and if this pregnancy doesn't work out I might just wait - a long while.  I am only 34 and have a few years of baby making left.  Keep your chin up, things will be just fine.  I have been a single parent for 15 almost 16 years. Us women are strong!! And don't need a man to take care of us.
246850 tn?1246163948
Not to be rude, but really honostly look at the situation, if this child meant so much to him...why would he have cheated on you than lied about it putting it on baby's life? Im just really frustrated right now with the exact same situation i have seen 100 times before. I was in a relationship like that years back and oh its not easy to just up and leave...it took me 7 years before i could see what was really going on.
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