So maybe it is just me, but is it 'really' a normal expectation that men have that a woman has to remain highly sexual her entire life? What about stopping the testosterone and not worrying about this and having a great relationship? That is an option, right? Then she can give you the hand job or whatever sometimes but it isn't like you have some kind of expectation that she act like a 20 year old sexually speaking. If I'm 90 and my husband is still expecting me to act like we're on our first date or he is the hottest thing ever (and he's also 90), I may just start asking for the grave. Just being honest. We age. We become less obsessed about sex. We are in mature relationships hoping that our partner is of the same mind set. So we can have sex when we feel like it but not try to be something we aren't, more sexual for our partner.
I talked to my wife and she finally said that she would be interested in having sex if I could get an erection and have actual sex. Since I cannot, she is not interested in any of it. I suffer from ED and so apparently will continue to live without sex of any kind. She refuses to even try to do anything sexual such as oral or touching, etc.
My thought is that this is not unfortunately as simple as the question you originally asked, which was, if your wife were to take estrogen would it increase her sexual interest the way taking testosterone has done for you. For the rest of it, I'd genuinely see either a marriage counselor, a therapist, or a sex therapist, if I were in your shoes. The problem is that you are unhappy with the status quo, and it's a complicated series of overlapping issues. A counselor can help you work it all out.
Well, first of all, estrogen for women isn't like testosterone for men. For one thing, it can be dangerous for a post-menopausal woman to take. Estrogen supplementation has been proven to increase the risk of breast cancer and heart disease, particularly if it is prescribed to women who went through menopause a long time earlier. Some women take a light estrogen dose from about age 50 on through their 60s and later, which means their period never stops coming (though is much lighter). Doctors don't like to do this, but there is some idea that if the woman stays on hormones straight through from before menopause, it's not as dangerous. But cancer and heart problems are still something the woman doing hormone therapy has to get checked for every year even if she did go straight through from when she was younger. And you are describing a woman who didn't do that. The only reason a woman is usually put on estrogen is if she is really suffering from hot flashes, or if she has a very high risk of osteoporosis. But again, she has to be careful because the medical risks are real. Most ob/gyns won't offer hormones because they don't want to be prescribing something that can do harm.
The other way a woman getting estrogen is not like a man getting testosterone is that a woman given estrogen doesn't get automatically horny like men usually say they do when their testosterone is increased. She might have better lubrication in the vaginal area, and she might (possibly) just be a bit more receptive, but unfortunately, it's not really going to change much. A woman not wanting sex after age 65 usually comes from the emotions, not from the body.
I was watching a doctor give a lecture to a group of women, and someone had written a question for her to answer about the loss of sex drive. She said, "There's probably nothing wrong with you that a new partner wouldn't solve." All the women laughed really hard. Sometimes a woman is just tired of the status quo. Tasks around the house as the years go by have the unpleasant tendency to get gendered, with all the boring ones and skutwork falling on the woman. That makes life pretty flat. I don't know for sure how you cure that, except to understand that sex from a woman comes from love, and love is increased later in life by a partner who doesn't dump all the boring and tedious stuff on her. This guy cheerfully jumps in and calls the repairman when something breaks and stays home to meet the guy and takes the responsibility of paying him, who washes the dishes without being asked, who takes her car in to get its oil changed, who takes care of the kids or grandkids without her having to even think about it and tells her to go take a rest, who vaccums and doesn't imply he's doing her a favor, who takes her out to dinner, who buys her something pretty on impulse just because he saw it and thought of her. He doesn't do these things because he has an eye on asking for sex that night, he does them because he loves her. She might be transformed by such attentions.
(Admittedly, I once told this list to a guy, and he came back with "I don't want sex THAT much." That was funny too.)
Anyway, your wife doesn't need a pill, she needs you to be her loving partner in all ways. You never know why she was so obsessive about sex when younger, maybe she was in a sexually abusive situation as a child. (Sexual abuse can make for sexually overactive adults.) If that is the story, I'm really sorry for her, and you should have some genuine and sympathetic talks about it. She might never have unpacked the trauma.
If you simply cannot stand to be juiced up on testosterone and nowhere to play, ask her if she could contemplate doing you the favor of a few hand jobs a week or month. It won't mess up her hair, and she will know she's doing something you want. She might go along with that.
Yep. Estrogen is a hormone that can impact our sex drive. It sure does mine. Maybe start slow and go for intimacy over sex to see if she warms back up. They do make hormone replacement as well as an estrogen gel for lubrication that can help.