Dual sexual dysfunction

[almostthere1111]

I am getting married this November to my best friend. He and I are complatible in every way save one: we are exact opposites it comes to affairs of the bedroom. I have a hyperactive sex drive and he seems to have none. I desire sex multiple times a day and get frustrated and sometimes angry with him when I feel it has been too long, he does not want to be intimate, He had issues maintaining an erection, and therefore does not want to disappoint me. What do I do when we are both broken?  

[RubyWitch]

Everyone has offered excellent advice, but I think the most important one, in my opinion, is that you should hold off on getting married until these issues are completely worked out. It's not unusual for married couples to have differing sex drives, but you two are polar opposites and working out a compromise might be extremely difficult in this situation.The advice for BOTH of you to have your hormone levels checked is excellent and I think a peek back at both your sexual histories may bring some things to light. A few sessions with a marriage or sexual counselor would not be a waste of money if it brought about harmony in the bedroom.
Sex is a huge issue in marriage and is one of...........if not THE most leading cause of divorce and infedelity.........
I really believe that if you both want this marriage to work, these differences need to be worked out before the "I Do's" are said.
Good luck
Peace
Greenlydia  

[AnnieBrooke]

So much of what happens in the bedroom is from one's emotional state, they say orgasms come from the head and not the vagina.  (A person who is secretly angry with her husband for not helping with the children stops finding sex fun, a guy who feels his girlfriend is cheating won't be able to get hard, and so on.)  The high demand for sex you describe in yourself definitely is above the norm, and it could even be triggering your fiance's problem.  Good luck, get to a doc first to check your hormone levels and a counselor next, by yourself at first, to learn why the overdrive.  A good counselor is worth her weight in gold.  

[almostthere1111]

Thank you, Annie, for your statements. It is good to hear from someone who recognizes that this is not strictly an issue that he has, even if he doesn't accept it. While I know that he has a problem we need to get him to a doctor for, I do not believe there is anything normal about my sex drive.

I do not take what you said as a judgment of my situation, but it did make me think. I know that mental disorders can cause sexual complications, I guess we just didn't want that to be one of the problems.

[AnnieBrooke]

Okay, what needs to happen is you need to find out why you are voracious, and he needs to find out why he is disinterested.  Multiple times a day is not normal, and suggests either a hormone situation going wild for you, or psychological reasons.  (One girl who posts on MedHelp was raped often when she was young, and now she is out-of-control promiscuous.  These things can leave a mark mentally such that frequent sex seems like proof of love.  I'm not saying this is what happened to you!  But wanting sex that many times in a day sounds like something, either physically or mentally, is setting your dial on "High," and you should learn why.)  He needs to figure out why he is not interested -- is it a control thing, like, he thinks you are trying to control him and this is his way of regaining power, or is it a fear response, as in, you seem so sexy that he is afraid of not living up to it?  He should have a hormone workup as well, and then if there is nothing unusual there, should also look into talking to a counselor.  Then YOU BOTH should talk to a counselor about the mismatch.

I guess this sounds like a lot of work, but believe me, a marriage where there is resentment every day about lack of sex makes marriage a ton of work also.

Good luck, I hope you didn't take the example I wrote about the other lady as being a judgment of your situation.  I just wanted to point out that emotional issues can cause sexual response.

[almostthere1111]

We don't really fight, I just get irrationally irritated until I sleep. We talk about the issue the next day. One of the best things about our relationship is the fact that we talk about everything, we just haven't found a solution for this, which is why I posted here.

[AnnieBrooke]

I wouldn't get married, if this is the status quo.  All it is going to do is cause continuing fights.

[Jessjazzi]

talk to a dr. about getting him started on some meds or does he have an healthy diet or exercise. both are facts that can affect him