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Avatar universal

Emotional week....

Hi I sadly miscarried on Tuesday/Wednesday.  It has been an emotional week. I passed a large clot on Wednesday and it was brought to the lab for testing but I'm sure that was the placenta/embryo. I then was scheduled for an ultrasound Wednesday afternoon which was the most emotional/gut wretching experience ever.The songographer had no idea what she was doing or even looking for.She had to finally do an transvaginal ultrasound which was horrible since I was still bleeding.She didn't allow my husband in so the whole time she's doing this I'm bawling and shaking because of the pressure and pain. I asked to talked to a Dr. so after the exam she just left me in the room without telling me whether I could put my clothes on and whether I should stay in there.I finally had to go out into the hall in the paper gown and ask where she was. She came back and said by looking at the exam she couldn't see the embryo but that it was probably still just too early. Told me to go get a blood test. No duh! I told her the thing I passed this morning was probably the embryo. All my doctor wanted to know from her was whether I was shedding what I needed from my uterus...she couldn't give any answers and was so non supporting. I'm still continuing to bleed and passing clots so I'm hoping this will all be over soon.  Although I was so early(5 wks)the grief of this loss is so strong it surprises me sometimes..you wonder what could have been..what I could have done differently.  Sorry for the long winded story I just needed to get it out since my husband I don't think fully understands the loss
6 Responses
Avatar universal
My condolences to you for your loss. I know this is a very hard time for you and my heart goes out to you.
I wish you had a more positive experiece with the person doing the US. There really is no excuse for that.
With regard to your husband...sometimes men have a hard time showing emotion the way we would expect them to. Also, since they are not the one's carrying the baby, the bonding (in the early stages of pregnancy) might not have been as strong as it was for you. I'm not saying that is the case with you and your busband....I'm just saying that from my perspective, that could be part of why you feel like you might be grieving more than hubby.
I wish you all the best now and in the future. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Lisa
Avatar universal
Wow! I am so, so sorry you had to go through that.  It sounds like an already difficult experience was only made worse by an insensitive and untrained sonographer.  I have not experienced a m/c (we're in month #8 of TTC #1), but I have experienced A LOT of loss in my life.  It seems no matter what the situation, someone always manages to be insensitive.  It's not right, but it happens.  I also know that it can feel very isolating.  I'm sure your husband cares, but everyone grieves differently.  Try letting him know what you need.  Hugs, venting, etc.  I know as women we sometimes want our DHs to say and do everything right. Sometimes you just have to tell them though.  I don't know if this helps, I just wanted to say sorry.
Avatar universal
I'm very sorry for your loss and for the most unpleasant experiences you've had to deal with . I'm sending lots of baby dust your way for when you're ready to start TTC again. I've heard that you're most fertile for the first 3 months after a natural m/c.
Avatar universal
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I had a similar experience Dec.22 2004. I went in for a normal u/s at almost 21 weeks and my Dh was with me and the baby wasn't moving so after a few minutes of shaking me and Dh saying I guess this one is a little stubborn she came out with , "No I cann't find a heartbeat" she looked for a while longer and then went to get the doctor who confirmed that my baby died at 18.4 weeks. It is the most horrable experience in the world and mine was a little girl probably fresh out of school who had no bed side manner, you would think that these people would learn something about the delicate subjects they would be dealing with. But with my last pregnancy (DS born Dec 22, 2005) everyone thought I was so weird because I needed DH to come with me to the u/s because they freeked me out and I was so worried it would happen agian. It was a different place but at theu/s at 32 weeks and this one was an older women and she too had an attitude.

Anyway I am soo sorry to hear of your loss.
Avatar universal
My thoughts and prayers go out to you, this is going to be a rough patch in your effor to ttc, but it is a learning experience as well.  Someone once told me that a natural m/c is a blessing, it means there wasn't something right (genetically) with the baby and it would've had alot of problems or might not have lived at all, so for it to happen early can be a good thing compared to happening very late in the pregnancy.  Time is the only thing that will heal your pain, and I will be praying for you in the mean time.

I don't know what it is about u/s techinicians, but for someone who's ultimate job is to take care of the patient, some just arent really people-persons.  The doctor is nice, the nurse is nice, but the u/s technician is just insensitive sometimes (not all, but mine was).  I remember when we were having a hard time finding our baby at 9 weeks on the doctor's u/s machine and he sent us to the hospital to use their machine, the u/s tech was very uppity as he said "So, why exactly are you here?" like we were making a big deal out of nothing and it was wasting his time.  I wish the tech hadn't left you alone like that in your moment of hurt.
Avatar universal
Thank you so much for all of your support and prayers.  This experience has taught me a lot about myself and what is really important in our lives.  I look at my son and I feel so blessed to have him.  LIFE is so SHORT! I took for granted before I got my m/c and thought it would be no problem to TTC (like the 1st time) and I timed TTC on everything (eg. It couldn't be a holiday baby, I wanted to be finished 1st trimester before our big May trip, I didn't want my kids to be too far apart, etc) I realize all those things don't matter, just being thankful on getting preggo and having a healthy pregnancy and baby was the most important thing.  I won't be taking any of that for granted anymore.  We will TTC again but I think I'm going to give myself a couple of months to heal emotionally and physically first.  Thank you all again for all your support.  Even though I don't know any of you personally I truly feel you are close friends!
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