Erections and Ejaculation?

[passionateone]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months and have wonderful sex.  We have what I believe to be a very healthy, satisfying relationship.  My boyfriend is able to keep an erection, though I find when we are having sex he is able to maintain an erection, and at points it will be very hard, but for the most part during sex his erection is semi-soft and I am not sure why.  I know he is capable of having a full erection, and even when is semi-soft we are still able to have sex.  I was wondering what it is that might be causing him to lose some of his stiffness during sex and if there was anything I could do to help.  I know that he masturbates daily and sometimes multiple times a day and was also wondering if that has anything to do with his loss of complete hardness.  Also, he has told me that he is unable to even get fully hard unless he is with me, as well, he is unable to ejaculate from oral sex... is there anything I can do to deal with these things or are they all normal?

[psyfriend]

Obviously you should focus more on knowing now.  What an idiot cruel tuck you are

[Toha1111]

Hi. i am 29 y o and have not experienced the orgasm yet. i had sex with many partners, in different positions but no luck. i do not want to be in those percentage of women who never fills it.

[jd_1328]

Let me start by saying that I do reach ejaculation from someone performing oral sex on me, but not with everyone. With some people I don't enjoy it as much. With others I might *** less than a minute or last 10 minutes. Maybe cuz the right preassure or technique is not there. I think the level of sensitivity and technique plays a huge role on this. I find more please when i'm receiving oral sex, then you go down and lick my scrotum and at the same time you give me a hand job, and just switch back and forth. Some thing that helps to is to perform oral sex on the tip while also martubating him at the same time. It gives me the pleasure as it the penis was completely in your mouth when is just really the tip making it more pleasurable. It takes time, practice, and creativity.

Johan

[passionateone]

I appreciate the honesty very much, however we are in a long distance relationship, we live 700 miles apart, so for him to masturbate that frequently does not concern me when it comes to me being able to please him, as he doesn't masturbate when we are together.  However, if he can't orgasm from oral because of it, I may have to talk to him about it!  Evie1963, I think your idea about talking to him about my concerns for him are probably best and will likely get on that with him!  Thank you all very much:)

[Evie1963]

If he goes semi soft during intercourse then his mind is wandering, true! Also I don't understand why he feels he needs to masturbate multiple times a day? I too agree he may have issues. The fact he can't reach climax during oral sex is psychological and whatever is causing this mind block would more than likely be the same reason for his often flaccid state during intercourse.  You might never be able to help him overcome this but a starting point is open honest communication, patience and understanding where both parties are willing to try.

[wish_i_knew_then]

this is going to be harsh.  Don't judge me as this comes from experience.
Your BF has issues.  Masturbating daily means he is not being satisfied by (sorry) you.  He is causing this issue by masterbating daily.  If he is serious about fixing this he will stop Hand cranking and wait for you.  He might be perfectly normal and just has worked into this cycle.  Him saying that he can only get fully hard with you is bull. He is just trying to spare your feelings.

As for not being able to orgasm with oral sex, well duh!  You cannot compete against his Hand for this.  Again, he has to stop pleasuring himself and focus on getting that same feelings from you.  If he cannot stop then realize you cannot change him and don't plan a life together until he can commit.  And please dont have kids that won;t change him.   Something else to consider. Since he is not satisfied by you he IS looking elsewhere.  He might not have acted on it, but he is looking.  Protect youself,  Remember you are sleeping with everyone he is sleeping with.

[passionateone]

I appreciate your insight very much!  I feel much better, however, he has told me that he has never been able to ejaculate from oral sex.  Not with anyone.  I think I will try what you say and we'll see if I can help him loosen up:)  Thanks again.

[Soror]

For the most part, what he's describing is normal.  Erections do vary depending on the day, mood, point during sex, etc.  It just happens like that - it's nothing that you did, so if you are (like I once did) wondering if it's your fault somehow, I assure you, it isn't.

Masturbation will not effect his performance, aside from potentially giving him more staying power during sex if he has masturbated/ejaculated recently.

Being unable to ejaculate from oral sex is tricky, because the truth is that he probably can, he's just nervous or anxious about it, or the timing is off.  Remember that consistent, repetitive motion is what helps an orgasm with both males and females, so if you are unable to continue a consistent rhythm for long enough to bring him to orgasm (and no one will fault your for that, giving oral sex can be hard damned work), he might -think- he can't do it.

My advice is to give him oral sex anyway and eventually he'll be relaxed enough to orgasm/ejaculate.  Don't talk to him about it, that will only make him more nervous, just gradually warm him up to it and make it more normal.

But - this is just my opinion.