Im not sure wether Im releaved or more unhappy about reading your questions but one thing I do kno is that Im not the only one-thank god. Im squeamish and I act extremely "ridiculously" every time I go for any kind of these tests. One test I had back in England, well, the doctors made me do it myself because I was under so much panic and crying continously. The other day was my very first smear with an appointment in a Spanish health centre. Every thing was going through my head, the difference in language (which I guess isnt the main problem as Im rather fluent these days), moreover: the fact that its normal to have 3 people in the room, the other fact that because Ive missed my period (still praying that it comes soon) they were shouting in a rather unsympathetic way if I thought I was pregnant before my smear, they thought I as getting pissy with them because I as nervous and they didnt really understand why I was acting like a baby....the list goes on. But anyway, they managed to get me in the chair and I was breathing deeply with anxiety. I have to agree with some of the people in this forum that, because Im so low down in the chair without being in control I star to have the panic attacks. The women couldnt do it and I began crying uncontrollably, thinking I might die if I never go through with this thing. (My auntie died recently of cancer of the cervix because she didnt go for smears and all the Spanish docs could say to me was, well "all the better for you to let us look at you". They dont understand and they think its so easy for women like us (and for someone who lost someone so dearly to me) but what they didnt know untill I said to them is that I cry when I see a bit of blood on TV, thats how "bad" I am.....So one doctor gave me Valium (2little blue tablets) for my next visit. They told me to put 1 under my tongue half an hour before the exam so it would sedate me but Im worried about having another emotional performance like the other day with more hours of uncontrolable crying and finally not being able to go through with it...... Anyone know how effective Valium is? Its my only hope because having someone at the side of me is not going to work...I need to be in control. Thanks for your messages guys, I was crying reading some of them as I feel the pain too.