Aa
I'm too jealous
I need help dealing with my jealousy. I have a boyfriend, we've been going out for about 6 years now. He's a wonderful guy and I know he really loves me. but from the beginning i've been having a jealousy problem. 1 year into our relationship I started saying "why you looking at her?" and I nagged him. Then it started getting better, I wasn't too insecure about myself, and realized he's not going to leave me just because a pretty girl walks by.
But then 2 years into our relationship we began having other problems in our relationship, he wasn't happy with my past and started saying that he wish he was with someone with a better relationship past than me. He tried to break it off with me, but then I didn't let him and tried my best to solve the issue. That issue got solved later, but inside I feel like that quality of me is not good enough for him and if he had the chance to meet someone with a 'good past' then he would leave me. Well, my self-esteem went pretty low, because he would say that any other girl would have a better past then me (the thing is I had a relationship before him but was his first girlfriend, so he wishes that he could have a girlfriend who didn't have a boyfriend before him; its also a cultural issue). Anyways, he doesn't talk to any girls really, so this issue just faded away. I actually turned kind of crazy at one point, i would yell and hit myself and him. He got really sick of it and said that i'm Psycho. But I got better again.
So then another 3 years into the relationship we started having other problems having to do with my sister and that he doesn't like that I go out to parties with my family that is. And I dont like going either, but my parents force me to come with him so I end up having to. So, he told me that I if I wanted to be with him, that I have to stop going to the parties. So I said fine, i'll somehow manage my parents.
But then, a girl comes into the picture. In my university, there is a girl that he thinks is the most beautiful girl in the world. It started by him just telling me that he thought she was pretty. I got jealous obviously, but just left it, because what can I do. OK fine, she's pretty. But then every time we got in a fight over the 'party things' or my sister he would would always try to leave me. For any fight he would hang up the phone not answer. he started telling me that he wish he was with that girl. That she is so beautiful and she has everything and that I have nothing. That if he had a chance to be with her for 1 day he would leave me in a second. He'd tell me to go look at her and see how beautiful she is. That he wishes he could wake up in the morning and see her face. And this is 5 years into our relationship. It crushed me. I cried for so many days. But i wasn't able to leave him. I'd actually follow this girl in my school, just so I can see why he thinks she's so prety and would leave 5 years for that. She even had a boyfriend, but my boyfriend didn't care, he said that her boyfriend is the luckiest guy and that someday they would break up and he could be with her. He would say that she looks like such an innocent girl (and i'm like a witch) and she seems so sweet. I actually thought he was saying these things just to get me hurt and mad, because he would only say it when we faught (which was almost everday for 1 month) But then I even found a drawing that he did of her, and he had a picture of her on his computer, and i realized that he did really like this girl. But after I got so paranoid and did my research to find that her and her bf were going out for 3 years and that she had a boyfriend before him too and that she even cheated on 1 with the other. Not so sweet after all! and I told him that, but he thinks im just making it all up.
There are so many things that he said that i can't forget till this day. But to make a long story short, after hearing all this I still loved him and couldn't let him go. The funny thing is, after he said this he's not the one who begged for me back. I'm the one who cried and said 'Why you doing this to me? I can't live with out you?" and I don't know he realized that what he's doing is not worth it and we got back together.
So I am now 100x more jealous and insecure and paranoid than I ever was in my life. Walking through my school, my heart pounds that I'm going to see that girl and that he will see her and love me less. Even if I see any other pretty girl I get really jealous and I will start being quiet and act weird. If he asks me I'll say nothing but then he'll get it out of me and I will start nagging. Even when we go to the movie's I will be so jealous if I see a women with a nice body, it drives me nuts my heart will start pounding. If he even says that another girl has a good quality (be it, smartness, beauty, dancing or singing abilities) I will get soooo jealous. I know its my insecurities, but I feel like honestly when he sees or thinks that a girl has some good quality that he will compare that to me, and love me less. for example 2 days ago, I have a friend that is very loud and social. He goes to me, does she dance good? She looks like she would dance good. Like, I DONT Get it! how do you look a person and assume that they would dance good? So, I got mad and was quiet, he knew that I was mad at that and asked me why am i upset, i'm like nothing , but then i said how can you look at a person and think they dance good? then he said thats just my opinion, because she's always so loud and she just looks like that type of person. So anyways, I wasn't exactly jealous but i was like HOW COULD YOU ASSUME THAT? you know. Well, then that esscalated into a fight.
Well, the end product is an extremely jelous girl. I can get jealous about anything that has to do with a girl. I NEED HELP! I dont want to be jealous I want to be able to see someone pretty or who dances good and even if my boyfriend says so, I can say Yea she is or yea she dances good. But, I just can't seem to. everytime he says anything like that, my throat tightens up and I get really upset. HELP! I need advice on how to cure my jealousy problem. I just think that if he saw any thing or quality on a girl that is better than me, that he will love me less.
But then 2 years into our relationship we began having other problems in our relationship, he wasn't happy with my past and started saying that he wish he was with someone with a better relationship past than me. He tried to break it off with me, but then I didn't let him and tried my best to solve the issue. That issue got solved later, but inside I feel like that quality of me is not good enough for him and if he had the chance to meet someone with a 'good past' then he would leave me. Well, my self-esteem went pretty low, because he would say that any other girl would have a better past then me (the thing is I had a relationship before him but was his first girlfriend, so he wishes that he could have a girlfriend who didn't have a boyfriend before him; its also a cultural issue). Anyways, he doesn't talk to any girls really, so this issue just faded away. I actually turned kind of crazy at one point, i would yell and hit myself and him. He got really sick of it and said that i'm Psycho. But I got better again.
So then another 3 years into the relationship we started having other problems having to do with my sister and that he doesn't like that I go out to parties with my family that is. And I dont like going either, but my parents force me to come with him so I end up having to. So, he told me that I if I wanted to be with him, that I have to stop going to the parties. So I said fine, i'll somehow manage my parents.
But then, a girl comes into the picture. In my university, there is a girl that he thinks is the most beautiful girl in the world. It started by him just telling me that he thought she was pretty. I got jealous obviously, but just left it, because what can I do. OK fine, she's pretty. But then every time we got in a fight over the 'party things' or my sister he would would always try to leave me. For any fight he would hang up the phone not answer. he started telling me that he wish he was with that girl. That she is so beautiful and she has everything and that I have nothing. That if he had a chance to be with her for 1 day he would leave me in a second. He'd tell me to go look at her and see how beautiful she is. That he wishes he could wake up in the morning and see her face. And this is 5 years into our relationship. It crushed me. I cried for so many days. But i wasn't able to leave him. I'd actually follow this girl in my school, just so I can see why he thinks she's so prety and would leave 5 years for that. She even had a boyfriend, but my boyfriend didn't care, he said that her boyfriend is the luckiest guy and that someday they would break up and he could be with her. He would say that she looks like such an innocent girl (and i'm like a witch) and she seems so sweet. I actually thought he was saying these things just to get me hurt and mad, because he would only say it when we faught (which was almost everday for 1 month) But then I even found a drawing that he did of her, and he had a picture of her on his computer, and i realized that he did really like this girl. But after I got so paranoid and did my research to find that her and her bf were going out for 3 years and that she had a boyfriend before him too and that she even cheated on 1 with the other. Not so sweet after all! and I told him that, but he thinks im just making it all up.
There are so many things that he said that i can't forget till this day. But to make a long story short, after hearing all this I still loved him and couldn't let him go. The funny thing is, after he said this he's not the one who begged for me back. I'm the one who cried and said 'Why you doing this to me? I can't live with out you?" and I don't know he realized that what he's doing is not worth it and we got back together.
So I am now 100x more jealous and insecure and paranoid than I ever was in my life. Walking through my school, my heart pounds that I'm going to see that girl and that he will see her and love me less. Even if I see any other pretty girl I get really jealous and I will start being quiet and act weird. If he asks me I'll say nothing but then he'll get it out of me and I will start nagging. Even when we go to the movie's I will be so jealous if I see a women with a nice body, it drives me nuts my heart will start pounding. If he even says that another girl has a good quality (be it, smartness, beauty, dancing or singing abilities) I will get soooo jealous. I know its my insecurities, but I feel like honestly when he sees or thinks that a girl has some good quality that he will compare that to me, and love me less. for example 2 days ago, I have a friend that is very loud and social. He goes to me, does she dance good? She looks like she would dance good. Like, I DONT Get it! how do you look a person and assume that they would dance good? So, I got mad and was quiet, he knew that I was mad at that and asked me why am i upset, i'm like nothing , but then i said how can you look at a person and think they dance good? then he said thats just my opinion, because she's always so loud and she just looks like that type of person. So anyways, I wasn't exactly jealous but i was like HOW COULD YOU ASSUME THAT? you know. Well, then that esscalated into a fight.
Well, the end product is an extremely jelous girl. I can get jealous about anything that has to do with a girl. I NEED HELP! I dont want to be jealous I want to be able to see someone pretty or who dances good and even if my boyfriend says so, I can say Yea she is or yea she dances good. But, I just can't seem to. everytime he says anything like that, my throat tightens up and I get really upset. HELP! I need advice on how to cure my jealousy problem. I just think that if he saw any thing or quality on a girl that is better than me, that he will love me less.
I too was in a relatonship where my jealousy and insecurities had gotten out of control. I break up and get back with my guy it seems like everyother weekend. My ex- guy has several female friends that he insists are just friends. I have caught him in a couple of lies( i.e. He is a truck driver and took another female friend on the road with him for a week. He tried to tell me nothing happened but I don't believe that for one minute. she meant enough to him to take while we were in a relationship and purposefully tried to hide it form me because he said " he new it would hurt me". He has a past with this female they were in a relationship, lived together, helped him take care of his father when he was sick. He told me he would never stop being her friend.). After a year of arguing and trying to make things work. I finally decided that I can't be with him anymore. He may care for me but its not deep enough for him to draw boundries with these friends when it comes to respecting my feelings. I have learned one thing however and that is I do have jealousy and insecurities issues and I plan on seeking professinal help because I do at some point want a functional relationship with a man. It hurts because i do love him very much but this man is not the right one for me. I wish you luck but at some point you have to decide is your losing your mind worth keeping him. I was to that point with my guy until I realized i love myself way too much and if I can't be his number one priority when relationship issue surface then I know what I have to look forward to and be subjected to ( lack of respect for my feelings) in the future.
Ok I was searching for sites for advice. Girl I have been with my boyfriend for six years in march and we are going through the same problems! I find myself crying every night and day because I think wayyy to much. I also need help I dont know what to do. He tells me he loves me and stuff but now its gotten to a point where he will hang up and just yell at me. I feel the same way as you I really want to be able to be secure and "HOT" as well. Please message me on my e-mail I would really like to hear more about your problem so that I can actually have someone to talk to going through the same thing!
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If this guy loved you, he wouldnt say the mean things to you and disrespect you. You are his first girlfriend right??? IF you let him get away with this, which you do when you fight and take him back, he is not going to change and continue to treat you bad. I was with my sons dad for six and a half years. He always put his friends over us, started saying mean things to me. So we broke up . Yeh it was hard at first, but do you realize how happy I am to not sit and worry in an apt. by myself day in and out while hes out partying?? You need to tell him if he wants this girl sooooooo bad to go get her, you are finished with him. Maybe he'll change, but if he doesnt cut your losses. It'll hurt at first, but you'll find someone to fall in love with just as much as this guy, and hopefully the new one will treat you the way back that you treat him, and you wont have to go around having resentment for someone who has nothing to do iwth your relationship!!!!
The only problem you've got is, you're MADLY in love with him, and that's reason why you're so becoming and oviously haunted with the situation. Because he's really treating you just like not what you're giving him and expecting, then if you can make to teach yourself to become as what he's exactly doing, to become easy and strong then life will be fine for both of you.
i agree with all of use i was in a bad relationship with someone who did that to me he would chat up girls in front of me or say thing about them while i was there it took me 4 yrs to get out of the relationship i am now with my fiance he is great. but i will say get rid of him you can do better i know you might not think so but i bet my life on it someone is going to treat you like your supposed to and the a****** your with now will get what he deserves i hope you make the right decision.
good luck
tracy
good luck
tracy
Jealousy is normal to some extend. It seeems that this jeauolsy has really gotten out of hand and is now turning into rage and restment. Yes, agree that your boyfriend is making it worse by saying those things to you. Almost seems that he knows it bothers you but he is still trying to provoke you and our pick a fight. Have you ever thought that he may me setting this up, in order to get out of the relationship? If the man your with really loves you and respect you.. i honesetly believe that he would try and be more respectful and aware of your feelings and sensitivities. It is apparent from what i have read that your self esteem/confidence is low. have you ever considered seeing a counsellor and working through these issue. Many of our self esteem issues stem back from childhood and or experiences. Some where a long the line you received and perceived in some way of your own "that you just not good enough" ! This is not a true believe about yourself! It is a distortion. which is a very negative and distorted message that you are living out in your day to to day life. I believe that in order for things to change in this area you really need to focus on your self esteem issues and work through them. And for the guy, if you are with if he loves you unconditonally he would accpet your past good or bad. Look at it this way do you want to be with a guy that is always going to hold your past against you?? Every time you get in a fight he will justify it by using your past and dismissing your feelings?!! Also, we can never protect ourselves from being hurt. Once in a relationship, with another person ..there is always the risk of being hurt and no matter how hard you walk around trying.. one can never protect themselves from this happening. yes, you can make the choice to try and control the outcome as hard as you may but the risk is always there. It is life.. is this how you want to choose to live your life? The choice is now in your hands. you can learn and grow from this experience and move forward or you can remain stuck in the same behaviour and emotional patterns. Best wishes with everything! I really hope that with time you can work this and realize the great special person that you are!
P.S. A little jealousy is normal, he is making it worse by saying those mean things. He is fueling the fire, it's not all your fault. I wouldn't change for him, he soundslike an a******! Sorry, but he does.
Are you guys young? There is a lot of immature things going on here. He shouldn't say things like that to you. If he isn't happy he should leave, and you should let him. Your self esteem sounds low and he is just making it worse. I was in a relationship like that for about 6 years. When we broke up I felt like a new woman and vowed to never let another boy (because that is what he was, a man would never treat his woman like that) treat me like that and make me feel like I wasn't a worthy person. There is someone better out there for you. You might not think so now, but you will soon realize. I finally met the man of my dreams and we have been together for 7 yrs and married for 3. He would never say things to make me feel bad and vise versa. My self esteem is up and I have no insecurities, no need for them, he makes me feel wonderful. So my advice to you is, I know you feel like you can't live without him, but you can! It hurts at first but you will be okay. He sounds like he is mentally abusing you with all his nonsense he puts in your head. You don't deserve it, your better than that, please believe it!
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