I need help dealing with my jealousy. I have a boyfriend, we've been going out for about 6 years now. He's a wonderful guy and I know he really loves me. but from the beginning i've been having a jealousy problem. 1 year into our relationship I started saying "why you looking at her?" and I nagged him. Then it started getting better, I wasn't too insecure about myself, and realized he's not going to leave me just because a pretty girl walks by.
But then 2 years into our relationship we began having other problems in our relationship, he wasn't happy with my past and started saying that he wish he was with someone with a better relationship past than me. He tried to break it off with me, but then I didn't let him and tried my best to solve the issue. That issue got solved later, but inside I feel like that quality of me is not good enough for him and if he had the chance to meet someone with a 'good past' then he would leave me. Well, my self-esteem went pretty low, because he would say that any other girl would have a better past then me (the thing is I had a relationship before him but was his first girlfriend, so he wishes that he could have a girlfriend who didn't have a boyfriend before him; its also a cultural issue). Anyways, he doesn't talk to any girls really, so this issue just faded away. I actually turned kind of crazy at one point, i would yell and hit myself and him. He got really sick of it and said that i'm Psycho. But I got better again.
So then another 3 years into the relationship we started having other problems having to do with my sister and that he doesn't like that I go out to parties with my family that is. And I dont like going either, but my parents force me to come with him so I end up having to. So, he told me that I if I wanted to be with him, that I have to stop going to the parties. So I said fine, i'll somehow manage my parents.
But then, a girl comes into the picture. In my university, there is a girl that he thinks is the most beautiful girl in the world. It started by him just telling me that he thought she was pretty. I got jealous obviously, but just left it, because what can I do. OK fine, she's pretty. But then every time we got in a fight over the 'party things' or my sister he would would always try to leave me. For any fight he would hang up the phone not answer. he started telling me that he wish he was with that girl. That she is so beautiful and she has everything and that I have nothing. That if he had a chance to be with her for 1 day he would leave me in a second. He'd tell me to go look at her and see how beautiful she is. That he wishes he could wake up in the morning and see her face. And this is 5 years into our relationship. It crushed me. I cried for so many days. But i wasn't able to leave him. I'd actually follow this girl in my school, just so I can see why he thinks she's so prety and would leave 5 years for that. She even had a boyfriend, but my boyfriend didn't care, he said that her boyfriend is the luckiest guy and that someday they would break up and he could be with her. He would say that she looks like such an innocent girl (and i'm like a witch) and she seems so sweet. I actually thought he was saying these things just to get me hurt and mad, because he would only say it when we faught (which was almost everday for 1 month) But then I even found a drawing that he did of her, and he had a picture of her on his computer, and i realized that he did really like this girl. But after I got so paranoid and did my research to find that her and her bf were going out for 3 years and that she had a boyfriend before him too and that she even cheated on 1 with the other. Not so sweet after all! and I told him that, but he thinks im just making it all up.
There are so many things that he said that i can't forget till this day. But to make a long story short, after hearing all this I still loved him and couldn't let him go. The funny thing is, after he said this he's not the one who begged for me back. I'm the one who cried and said 'Why you doing this to me? I can't live with out you?" and I don't know he realized that what he's doing is not worth it and we got back together.
So I am now 100x more jealous and insecure and paranoid than I ever was in my life. Walking through my school, my heart pounds that I'm going to see that girl and that he will see her and love me less. Even if I see any other pretty girl I get really jealous and I will start being quiet and act weird. If he asks me I'll say nothing but then he'll get it out of me and I will start nagging. Even when we go to the movie's I will be so jealous if I see a women with a nice body, it drives me nuts my heart will start pounding. If he even says that another girl has a good quality (be it, smartness, beauty, dancing or singing abilities) I will get soooo jealous. I know its my insecurities, but I feel like honestly when he sees or thinks that a girl has some good quality that he will compare that to me, and love me less. for example 2 days ago, I have a friend that is very loud and social. He goes to me, does she dance good? She looks like she would dance good. Like, I DONT Get it! how do you look a person and assume that they would dance good? So, I got mad and was quiet, he knew that I was mad at that and asked me why am i upset, i'm like nothing , but then i said how can you look at a person and think they dance good? then he said thats just my opinion, because she's always so loud and she just looks like that type of person. So anyways, I wasn't exactly jealous but i was like HOW COULD YOU ASSUME THAT? you know. Well, then that esscalated into a fight.
Well, the end product is an extremely jelous girl. I can get jealous about anything that has to do with a girl. I NEED HELP! I dont want to be jealous I want to be able to see someone pretty or who dances good and even if my boyfriend says so, I can say Yea she is or yea she dances good. But, I just can't seem to. everytime he says anything like that, my throat tightens up and I get really upset. HELP! I need advice on how to cure my jealousy problem. I just think that if he saw any thing or quality on a girl that is better than me, that he will love me less.