Low Sex Drive

[fishsq]

Hi,

I am having a serious problem with a Low Sex Drive. I am 28yrs old married with a 2-1/2yr old child.
I have always loved sex 2-3 times a day was not uncommon but within the last year my sex drive has deteriorated to almost nothing. I just really don't have the energy it requires and I would rather sleep. My husband thinks that I am not attracted to him anymore but truely he is the most attractive man I have ever seen.
I don't know what is going on or how to fix it (sigh)!
Any info would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

FS

[lostgirl28]

I thought it was just me, i am 28 yrs old. I have a daughter who is about to be three. My daughter is my everything. Since she was born ive had no sex drive. My boyfriend (her father) gets so hurt, we used to have sex sometimes 2-3 times a day, this year weve had sex.maybe three times. Ive gone along with it a couple times just to make him happy.i love him i think hes amazing and hes def a hottie, for some reason im just not interested. He had another talk with me today about us not having sex and i feel horrible. He said he doesnt feel like a man anymore, that it hurts him and makes him feel like im not interested in him anymore. I hate that i am making him feel this way.  this is ruining my relationship. Anyone have a y sugestions.

[mercy292]

I think I might make an appointment to discuss this, as you suggested.  I have breached the subject once with an old doctor.  I was on birth control at the time, so she suggested I get taken off of it to see if that helps.  I had no change, so I went back on it (it helps with periods and the accompanying discomfort).  Something else must be wrong...  I love my husband dearly..  It's not like I'm thinking of having sex with someone else.  I'm just not thinking of it at all...  I feel horrible because he said he had a dream of me last night kissing another man...  I can just image how that must make him feel, and it breaks my heart...

[mercy292]

I'll be 30 next month.  When I was in my early 20's I was on Paxil (anti-depressant) and that seemed to have actually increase my sex drive.  I had just met my now-husband then (we've been together 8 years, married 5) and we would make love at least once a day.  Things got better for me emotionally so I stopped taking Paxil.  It seemed after that, my libido slowed down considerably and we would make love once a week.  My husband, meanwhile, is ready to go at every waking hour.  I feel horribly guilty...  Sometimes I shrug off little intimacies because I don't want him to get the wrong idea...it seems I'm always very tired or just very distracted with life - there is always something else that needs to be done.  Three years ago we gained custody of his now-13 year old daughter.  Our house is VERY SMALL (636 sq ft) so her door is right across from ours and the walls are paper thin.  It seems our love making has dwindled to every other week when she is at her mother's house.  I feel VERY uncomfortable knowing that she's right in the next room and might hear us...  I can feel his disappointment and how discouraged he is and it makes me feel like crap...  Like I can't give him everything he needs.  We're very happy otherwise - we rarely fight, we do everything together and we're each others' best friends.  The only area we're lacking is sex...  I do everything else that I can for him, but he sees none of my good deeds and acts of affection and only feels rejection...  I think that knowing/feeling like it's all on my shoulders makes it harder for me...it's like...knowing that I'm the reason for our lack of a sex life makes me push back instead of trying to initiate...

[secretlady21]

Im 21 and i jst had my first daughtr shes bout to b 1.before her i wud b doing it wit my husband all the time even wen i was pregnate aftr i had my baby i dunno wats happng im just not in the mood i dnt enjoy it at all any advice? I just dont know wat to do i stl love him and i am attractve to him i just cant get in da mood and its so frustrating

[Meredith41582]

I am so glad I found this forum! I am 28 years old, no children, married one year, and I have absolutely NO interest in ever having sex again.  I used to be all over my husband, but now?  I don't.  Its not him, I'm still attracted and love him very much, I just have no desire for sex.  It is awful!!  I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease a few years ago and that is when things started to dwindle down.  I don't really know what to do!!  It is so frustrating!  I love my husband so much and I want to show him, but I'm usually asleep on the couch before he even tries to initiate anything.  

[Deederville]

Well, I'm having the same issue here. My libido has droped dramatically,and I've noticed it get's worse the longer I wait to have sex. If we stay on a good sex schedual than it's not so hard to want to have sex. But I don't want to live like that. I want the moments to be spontaneous and amazing. So I'm not going to ask what should I do or how should I fix this, what I'm going to do is just go to my doctor and have him decide what I should do. I highly suggest to all of you that you just go to your doctor and don't hold nothing back! Tell them everything and don't be shy about it. A low sex drive is probably the worst thing for a relationship and that is what ends a lot of them too. This is nothing to fool around with, so just go to your doctor and have you levels checked asap. Good luck to all of you!!!

[hannah000]

  Hey girls... i have a problem with low libido too.. i hate it .. so i decided to do a little research... i found this on ehow hope it helps!
=)
      Step 1

      Change your birth control. Many hormonal birth control methods cause a drop in libido. While this is seldom explained as a side effect it is still a common problem. Opting for a barrier method will likely boost libido for women within a single month.
  
      Step 2

      Lose a little weight. When a woman feels uncomfortable in her own skin she seldom feels like a romp in the sack. To boost libido for women try knocking off 5 pounds for an instant improvement.
  
      Step 3

      Take a multivitamin. People with diets lacking in Vitamins A, C, E, B and Omega 3's often experience low libidos as well as overall low energy. Starting a multivitamin regimen can offer a boost in energy which will improve libido for women.
  
      Step 4

      Mix it up in the bedroom. Buy a book of positions or perform a little internet research. If you are having fun it will increase the likelihood that you will want to make love more often thus a boost in libido for women.
  
      Step 5

      Make love often. As odd as it may sound, making love frequently boosts libido for women. It's true. The more you make love the more you want to make love so get to it!

[Ames969]

It is so nice to hear that I am not alone! I am 23 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years.  About a year and a half ago I went from having a high sex drive to nothing.  It has got to the point that we are considering splitting up as things just don't seem to be getting any better.  I resent him for wanting it when i just don't want to.  i don't mean to but the less he has it the more frustrated he gets which makes him quiet and sulky, which just makes me feel guilty! I do feel bad for him getting so frustrated but it also makes me angry, and everything nice that he does makes me feel like he is just after one thing (even if he is not!)

I don't know what to do!!!
I had the implant but it was making me ill so I got it taken out last year, I did think that it might be that causing the problem, but no joy.  I also read that lack of zinc or iron, I can't remember which, can cause a low sex drive, so I started taking multi-vitamins, but no change.  I don't know what else to do.

Any suggestions?!

[mic_emerson04]

I am 24 years old with a 5 1/2 year old son and a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I am in a 2 year relationship with a great guy. He is not the father of my kids but treats them as if they are. He has a very high sex drive and for the past months we have been fighting a lot about the fact that I don't ever want to have sex. He also thinks that it's that i am not attracted to him,but that's not true. i have really been like this for as long as i can remember. At the begining of my relationship's, even this one, my sex drive has been fine but it soon goes to nothing. We are fighting all the time and we are at our end here. Please if anyone has any information that could help me i could really use it.

thanks
kp

[fishsq]

I have been talking to my girlfriend and she told me that her and her husband (newlyweds) have to schedule a time.  She says that it works for them because they are both very busy and have to force themselves to make time for sex.  As well I caught a show the other night (Sexual Sectrets, it's on the learning channel) and they had a sexologist talking about a low sex drive; she said that sex is one of those things that "the more you have the more you want and conversly the less you have the less you want".  After considering it for a while it suggests that you have to make yourself have sex and then your body will get back into the swing of things.  I have not tried it yet but I will and we'll see how it goes...

[Sam2005]

Im only 22 and on depo. For the last 2 years or so I have always had a low sex drive, I wish I dident as it is part or the reason my BF left me. He seemed to only be nice when he wanted me in bed which mad me anoyed and it was just going round and round. I still have a low sex drive and not sure how to improve it

[CatwithaC]

I think I'm going to go have my estrogen/testosterone levels tested, as it seems that may have something to do with it. I wish I could say the same as you and link it to having children but as I don't have any yet, it doesn't apply to me. I know what you mean about growing up thinking sex was dirty. I've often wondered if that had something to do with me as well. Mind you I have an older sister who has a very healthy sexual appetite (even after giving birth) so she obviously wasn't affected by that. Maybe she got all of the libido in our family! I think I would have been better off if I hadn't had that short spell of a great sex drive early in my relationship - now I know what I'm missing. It's nice to know there are other people who are like me, I would just like to be able to fix it.

[oceans3]

ya know, i have an older sister too and she wants to do "it" all of the time. on the flip side, her husband (who is about 5 years younger) is always tired, very busy, no energy. they have a 2 yr old boy.
i felt the way you are feeling even before having my baby. my(sex drive)only got worse during pregnancy and after she was born.
i know you said your guy was patient but do you have a lot of foreplay? that really helps. the simpliest things such as my husband gently moving my hair to the side and blowing in my ear can get me going and see how simple? no throwing me over his shoulder, no swinging from a chandelier, no crazy positions..  just allow him to please you and let him know what you like. sometimes that can be embarassing but men always need to be told what to do. ha, ha.
i dont know, its either psychological or physical. just need to find out which one it is first and go from there. good luck ok?

[AnnJ]

I know because I have endometriosis, that I have way too much estrogen. Maybe we all just need a little more testosterone. Also, my DH, though I love him very much, is just not so good in the sack. I don't mean to blame my lack of interest on him, he just never seems to improve, no matter how much I encourage the good parts and ignore the bad. Sorry if that's TMI, but I can't be the only woman who feels that way.

[fishsq]

Before my daughter was born we used to go at it like rabbits and I was usually the one initiating. Now as soon as my daughter goes to sleep I am ready to follow right behind her and although my husband tries to be intimate I tend to ignor his advances and would really rather sleep. It is nice to know that I am not loosing my mind and there are other women in the same boat. I took the advise posted earlier that I just have to decide that tonight is the night (last night to be exact) and stick to it.  Getting started was very difficult and convincing myself to stay interested was more so because I felt like I was doing him a favour and that made me feel guilty which is something I don't want sex to become.  

Thank you all for your thoughts and sharing your situations with me, it is encouraging that there are women out trying to sort this out.

I will keep in touch,

FS

[AnnJ]

My drive's gone, too. Wish I knew why....

[CatwithaC]

I also have a very low (if nonexistant) sex drive. I'm 30 years old, and honestly have never really had a strong one. It's been the reason I've ended a couple of great relationships - I just couldn't be bothered making up excuses anymore. my period has never been regular either. I'm in a relationship now that I've been in for 2 years and while he is very patient I am worried that he is disappointed. When we first got together I experienced an amazing sex drive - I felt normal for the first time in my life - but it passed. I'm still very attracted to my fiance but sex seems like a chore to me. Anybody else feel like this?

Did you have a low sex drive at all before the baby?

[maryheather]

Depression, anxiety--all can cause low sex drive.  Also, if you are on the birth control pill, that can greatly diminish your libido.  Also, if you are taking any kind of anti-depressant, they can really mess up your sex drive.  Plus, the fact that you have a 2 year old constantly hanging on you, (if yours is like mine)...the last thing you want is someone else touching you!  My husband and I of 10 years are going through exactly the same thing.
I was on the pill and went off, and my sex drive came back.   But just remember that there will be "seasons" where you will be very active, and seasons where you will be very tired.  Try to show your husband in lots of other ways that you think he is attractive, and then you may be surprised that little gestures will make you desire sex more.  Good luck.

[oceans3]

yeah, i guess now that i think about it i dont (and never really did) have an increased sex drive. i have been w. my guy for a total of 19 years (im 36) and married for 8 yrs. he was my "first." anyway, it just seems to me that guys have more of a sex drive. he is usually the one to initiate things and i just go along for the ride..ha ha. no pun intended! i do it more for him.  we have a 4 yr old. we didnt "do it" throughout my whole pregnancy (well,just once in the 7th month) and then after baby NO energy whatsoever. we kind of got out of the habit/routine for lack of a better word and just lived w. out it. i could have cared less if we ever did it again. no interest, it was last on my list. as things progressed and we got used to having another little person around, we did it a few more times throughout the year and i would even joke to my girlfriend that we did it twice in a year. she has 3 kids and was like.. youre doing better than we are!! i like the sex now (and we are doing it more frequently) but really only because of the way he makes me feel when we are intimate. he's not the most sentimental/emotional guy day to day but when we are "together" he is and i need that. there are so many factors that come into play as to why woman have a low sex drive such as what the above posters mentioned depression, anxiety, worry of getting pregnant again (if you dont want to) the way our bodies look, timing, exhaustion and so on. i know this sounds really weird but sometimes when my husband and i get together after my daughter is asleep, i feel really strange having sex. i feel guilty. i think i grew up thinking sex was dirty or something? this doesnt help the situation. not to mention the dog often comes barging in the room and jumps on the bed ready to go to sleep. that can ruin the moment too. such as life in the real world. not like the ole honeymoon anymore. well, now that i have completley divulged my sex life..just wanted you to know you are not alone in how you feel. i guess thats all i could have said!! ha ha. i dont know what the answer is or how your guy is. lots of foreplay helps..not just the wham bam... i am telling you this so you know you are not alone.

[mrbkn]

Every woman will tell you that when you get married and have kids your sex drive drops big time!!!
I am the same and I feel guilty. I read once that you just have to decide and say tomorrow we will have sex and stick with it. If you find something that works let me know.