My erection staying power issues

[WorriedCT]

Hi, I am 49. I have only had the problem of maintaining my erection once the last time with my ex-wife (that one I think I get). I met a women much younger than me. It wasn't just a sexual relationship at all. We felt a connection. There were no drugs or alcohol involved in our relationship at all.

It is very easy for me to get erections. I mean like just cuddling with some gentle contact, talking to her in a provocative way or in all honesty my nipples are pretty sensitive so it doesn't take much.

We had no problems in general and we made love frequently. On maybe only three occasions I would be making love to her to her (intercourse) and I would lose my erection. Nothing to do with what I was thinking because I was really there with her. I would stop for a minute we would start foreplay again, I would get erect, start intercourse and lose it in mid stream again. The third time was a charm every time.

So basically it just went away. I have been divorced from my ex-wife for three years now and we have three little girls together. I was a an ex-professional who chose to be a stay at home dad and did that for 9 years before the divorce. This has been a very stressful time for me. I am a great dad and missed the daily moment to moment connection with my girls badly.

The weird thing was after the three times I had trouble it went away. I searched for a mental thing that may have caused it but came up with nothing. That relationship ended on a normal sexually active physical note.

I then met a woman more my age she has two great kids and we have moved somewhat fast I will say. The goals are there between us. Something I never really felt this strongly before. I would get erections without fail and maintain them just during playful talk on the couch and with general dressed foreplay.

In bed naked I would get the erection again during foreplay but it would fail at some point during foreplay. The sex and the desire is heavily there for us both and it is evident in our behaviors.

I could get the erection back our first time together (not to be over sure of myself but at 49 I've done it enough over the years never having the problem before) but lost it after being inside her for a few minutes. More foreplay the erection was back, tried intercourse again it would fail again then a third attempt and it just died.

The second time we were together I try to ignore because I did have maybe 5 beers and I am a light weight plus I know it affects me that way so. Same thing the third time.

The fourth time I discussed it with her the day before and she is into me so is very understanding. I asked her to just get naked with me as a test not a future permanent plan get me hard through foreplay and let me perform intercourse uninterrupted to see what happened. It worked fine.

The fifth time it did the same nonsense again. This fifth time though I got an erection during foreplay lost it during foreplay. She assisted me with her hand. I became erect again and performed intercourse but lost it again during.

This is driving me crazy. I try not to think about it but really it is overwhelming a bit. I satisfy her though very much and she says it's ok but really how long will she wait around with this kind of nonsense happening without me treating her like an unimportant piece of meat to get myself off and intern provide her with part of the sexual experience. I just can't do that to her or really any woman. It's just not me ya know.

So since we have been going kinda fast we are slowing down our relationship. In turn I'm not gonna touch it except to clean it if you know what I mean.

Any ideas. It makes no sense to me why this is happening. I have really looked within about all possible reasons. My stress has really gone done dramatically. With the exception of thinking about it before sex as a possible failure (I know that alone might do it but I am gonna fight those thoughts really hard) I cannot understand what is causing this to happen again.

Could it be the fact that I am getting a lot of erections then going limp a lot during the day/night before we go to bed and the muscle is just tired? I'm really not happy about this. This girl could finally be the one after so many wasted years except the births of my girls. Well you know what I mean.

Any help would be great. Please I really gotta stop this !@#$ from happening anymore.

Thanks.

[WorriedCT]

Thank you. I already planned on seeing a urologist anyway. My performance has not gotten overtly better but a bit more promising. Not where I want to be but better. I will keep you posted.

[Bhupinder Kaur, MD]

Hello,
The condition is known as erectile dysfunction and it could be due to a number of causes like Vascular disease,Diabetes,Drugs,Hormone imbalances,Neurologic conditions,Pelvic trauma, surgery, radiation therapy,Psychological conditions like depresion and performance anxiety.

You need to get it evaluated from a urologist to confirm the diagnosis and start the treatment.
It is very difficult to precisely confirm a diagnosis without examination and investigations and the answer is based on the medical information provided. For exact diagnosis, you are requested to consult your doctor. I sincerely hope that helps. Take care and please do keep me posted on how you are doing.