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Post to Jenni6485
I have a best friend that has had an abortion in the past, I wont go into much details about it, but she had her reasons. What I have a hard time swallowing is that you are willing to do it because of the money, all that you have said is that he gives you everything you need, a nice house, pays your bills, and the one that infuriates me the most is he gives you lifts to and from work Pleeeeeze.
Have you even thought anout what you will do when he bashes and mentaly scares this child (because it WILL happen). STop thinking of yourself and what money you would be missing out on, you said that you could go and live with your parents. Maybe by making your own money, working hard and doing the responsible thing, this could give you back some of your self esteem, and your child will be much more proud of you for that. Please think of how you would feel if you were this child, it can be done I was a single mum ( I walked out 1 week befor the wedding) because of my sons father's abuse. My son respects me so much for that, and he knows I love him more than anything because I put his needs first.
Sorry if I have offended anyone with this post but MY GOD, constantly hearing about the money issue was too much. I know I might get blasted for this is my feeling. Men may come and go, but YOUR baby is a gift of love, and nothing can or should take that away.
Have you even thought anout what you will do when he bashes and mentaly scares this child (because it WILL happen). STop thinking of yourself and what money you would be missing out on, you said that you could go and live with your parents. Maybe by making your own money, working hard and doing the responsible thing, this could give you back some of your self esteem, and your child will be much more proud of you for that. Please think of how you would feel if you were this child, it can be done I was a single mum ( I walked out 1 week befor the wedding) because of my sons father's abuse. My son respects me so much for that, and he knows I love him more than anything because I put his needs first.
Sorry if I have offended anyone with this post but MY GOD, constantly hearing about the money issue was too much. I know I might get blasted for this is my feeling. Men may come and go, but YOUR baby is a gift of love, and nothing can or should take that away.
Please go to this website I found just for you and please pay attention to myth 6 and 7. I hope it helps...
http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/myths.htm
http://www.letswrap.com/dvinfo/myths.htm
Ive been reading that some of you have doubts that my story is true.. well, why would someone put 100% emotion into their postings to end up a lie? Who gets satisfaction out of that?
What i say are experiences that i live on a day to day basis. Its the emotional rollercoaster of being happy, angry, and sad. And living with someone that has the biggest part in controlling that rollercoster. Im a generally happy person, but what im experiencing has been tramatic. I have dreams and nightmares about the decions i have yet to make. I want the best for what we have.. and i know i'll be making a huge risk in either decision.
I came on here for advice on pregnancy after abortion... and it led into much more, as the days took its toll, so much has happened, and my thoughts have changed and asked different questions. My life is a mess... the only way to sort it out is to talk about it and get advice from people who have either been there, or know someone who has. I put myself in an awful situation.. and i know i have to live with the consequences of every decision. It makes things easier to get some insight.
I moved away from a small desert town when i turned 18. I hated it there, it was coming to a point where my parents and i couldnt be in the same room. they always sheltered me, so ive always been rebellous. so i moved as far as i could, not knowing that the world can be so cruel. and in the past 2 years, ived moved 5 times. And then i met james, and felt "comfortable".Hes an older man, has a home, has a good job, has everything in life i want. and he took me in, and has provided for me ever since. when i met him i didnt see that the alcohol was as bad as i realize now. After the heart gets involved, its almost impossible to break away. I can take the beatings as long as i keep hope that it will stop someday.
the way i feel and think changes in different times.. one moment james will be soo nice and sweet, and the next hes not. its appart of being an alcoholic. his moods definately affect mine. one moment im protective and wanting to keep the baby, other moments, i have my doubts. its the cycle of unmade decisions, and confusion. just like he has the moments where he wants to keep it, and others he hates everything. I messed up by leaving him, and coming back... nothing changed.. just picked up where we left off, but now im pregnant and its being quesitoned. I do often catch my self in contractions... but arnt most decision making thoughts contradictory? There are many pro's and con's, and sometimes they outweigh one another, the biggest trouble is making a permanent decision, not only on the baby, but my relationship, and my life. Its all affected.
What i say are experiences that i live on a day to day basis. Its the emotional rollercoaster of being happy, angry, and sad. And living with someone that has the biggest part in controlling that rollercoster. Im a generally happy person, but what im experiencing has been tramatic. I have dreams and nightmares about the decions i have yet to make. I want the best for what we have.. and i know i'll be making a huge risk in either decision.
I came on here for advice on pregnancy after abortion... and it led into much more, as the days took its toll, so much has happened, and my thoughts have changed and asked different questions. My life is a mess... the only way to sort it out is to talk about it and get advice from people who have either been there, or know someone who has. I put myself in an awful situation.. and i know i have to live with the consequences of every decision. It makes things easier to get some insight.
I moved away from a small desert town when i turned 18. I hated it there, it was coming to a point where my parents and i couldnt be in the same room. they always sheltered me, so ive always been rebellous. so i moved as far as i could, not knowing that the world can be so cruel. and in the past 2 years, ived moved 5 times. And then i met james, and felt "comfortable".Hes an older man, has a home, has a good job, has everything in life i want. and he took me in, and has provided for me ever since. when i met him i didnt see that the alcohol was as bad as i realize now. After the heart gets involved, its almost impossible to break away. I can take the beatings as long as i keep hope that it will stop someday.
the way i feel and think changes in different times.. one moment james will be soo nice and sweet, and the next hes not. its appart of being an alcoholic. his moods definately affect mine. one moment im protective and wanting to keep the baby, other moments, i have my doubts. its the cycle of unmade decisions, and confusion. just like he has the moments where he wants to keep it, and others he hates everything. I messed up by leaving him, and coming back... nothing changed.. just picked up where we left off, but now im pregnant and its being quesitoned. I do often catch my self in contractions... but arnt most decision making thoughts contradictory? There are many pro's and con's, and sometimes they outweigh one another, the biggest trouble is making a permanent decision, not only on the baby, but my relationship, and my life. Its all affected.
Sounds like to me you don't love James, you love the person you want James to be. You and your child deserve better.
that is very true. if you read what i just posted under my topic, you'll see what today has been like. i want to go away, i wish id just be gone somehwere far far away. when he over powers me, i feel like im useless.
i just posted a note, before i saw this one. but goodness it made my heart feel so warm, and my soul got the chills. you women had such an influance on me. your words kept me having hope that this baby is truely what i prayed it to be. it is James baby. I was conceived around the 10th of september, and im due the day before my 21st birthday. It will be the most wonderful birthday i could ever imagine. Its very strange how i ended up at the doctors, i truely believe it was God given. I am so thankful that i was in your prayers, you were also in mine, thanking you for your advice. I think i probably would have let him pressure me into an abortion if i didnt speak to anyone about my situation. I spoke to my mother, she's so happy, my brother is happy, .. my dad... well we talked about computers... lol :-)
And you know what, those pictures i imagine of my babies toes and feet, i will never forget. they're little toes, not a monster. I felt the Lord watch over me today. I have been thanking him countless times.
And really, id like to make a point... its not about money that keeps me around. its hard because i live in a stable home, im well taken care of, also this is my first real relationship. I am emotionally attatched. I cant see myself having another life.. all my visions include him, and our home... without the booze. And I pray about that every night. He is everything i want and need, and can offer me the world, treat me like i should be treated. And he does, when he's sober. I Love the sober James. Hes a truely wonderful strong willed man. I just have a problem with Jim. The drunk, the lost... he acts like there is a horrible demon living inside those eyes, and takes over his body.
So its not all about money, its about sobriety and security.
I know i cant change him. I know this baby wont change him. He has to change for himself, and his health. I truely understand that, and i feel 100% stronger, i am so damn protective over this baby, id beat him over the head with a frying pan if he ever came near me like that. If he ever threatens my baby again, if he ever punches me in the back when im sleeping, punches me in the head where i literally see "the lights", i will make his life miserable until he understands that it ISNT OKAY! I dont like feeling the way he makes me feel, and i know i have more options than living here.... its easy to leave, but it seems impossible to stay gone.
And you know what, those pictures i imagine of my babies toes and feet, i will never forget. they're little toes, not a monster. I felt the Lord watch over me today. I have been thanking him countless times.
And really, id like to make a point... its not about money that keeps me around. its hard because i live in a stable home, im well taken care of, also this is my first real relationship. I am emotionally attatched. I cant see myself having another life.. all my visions include him, and our home... without the booze. And I pray about that every night. He is everything i want and need, and can offer me the world, treat me like i should be treated. And he does, when he's sober. I Love the sober James. Hes a truely wonderful strong willed man. I just have a problem with Jim. The drunk, the lost... he acts like there is a horrible demon living inside those eyes, and takes over his body.
So its not all about money, its about sobriety and security.
I know i cant change him. I know this baby wont change him. He has to change for himself, and his health. I truely understand that, and i feel 100% stronger, i am so damn protective over this baby, id beat him over the head with a frying pan if he ever came near me like that. If he ever threatens my baby again, if he ever punches me in the back when im sleeping, punches me in the head where i literally see "the lights", i will make his life miserable until he understands that it ISNT OKAY! I dont like feeling the way he makes me feel, and i know i have more options than living here.... its easy to leave, but it seems impossible to stay gone.
People don't make people feel like they are useless unless you give them the power to do so.
i talked to the other guy, who's baby it could have been... i called him yesterday.. he was shocked and told me that he dosnt want anything to do with my decision, and that its best to have an abortion. atleast that satisfied my piece of mind. I did the duty of letting him know that he might have a child, and what he thought of it. I felt better... but all the more better knowing that the abortion thoughts and images and nightmares are behind me. my baby is going to grow up in a healthy environment, reguardless. I know i must come to terms if he dosnt decide to change. And trust me, imagining a little voice saying "mommy why are you crying, why does daddy make you scream?" "why does daddy get so mean?" "did we do anything wrong? are we bad"
i will never hear those words. Day by day im getting over him... but when i think of my life without him, without the james i love, i get all confused again.
i will never hear those words. Day by day im getting over him... but when i think of my life without him, without the james i love, i get all confused again.
morality and opinions aside I'd like to ask you a question that was asked to me when I was in an abusive relationship...
When you picture your life in 5 years (and I mean how you want your life to be not how James has convinced you it will be) what do you see? Did you have your child? Are you still with James? How are you coping with the decisions you made? Are you happy?
Make your decision that way. Step out of the emotions of right now and decide what your future should look like and go for it. I do not advocate abortion and would never ever ever ever have one myself but I don't see how I can condemn someone else for making that choice. It is a personal choice, no matter how much I disagree with it.
Jenni- I hope you read this and I hope you get some peace in your life. Start making decisions for your future well being- not out of fear. Step back and ask yourself why you are attracted to men like James and why you make the decisions you make and begin to fix your life. Believe me- you will start to feel much better. I did.
When you picture your life in 5 years (and I mean how you want your life to be not how James has convinced you it will be) what do you see? Did you have your child? Are you still with James? How are you coping with the decisions you made? Are you happy?
Make your decision that way. Step out of the emotions of right now and decide what your future should look like and go for it. I do not advocate abortion and would never ever ever ever have one myself but I don't see how I can condemn someone else for making that choice. It is a personal choice, no matter how much I disagree with it.
Jenni- I hope you read this and I hope you get some peace in your life. Start making decisions for your future well being- not out of fear. Step back and ask yourself why you are attracted to men like James and why you make the decisions you make and begin to fix your life. Believe me- you will start to feel much better. I did.
First of all, the dates and info you give point straight to James as the Father. The ONLY reason this is a good thing is that I believe you will allow the baby to live if you believe it is James' baby. Other than that fact, I am sad to know that he will be the father. You said you have witnessed him abusing another child and yet you WANT him to be the father of this baby. This makes NO sense to me.
You are WAITING and COUNTING on the ultrasound to show and prove to James that he is the father. You need to wake up from this daydream. The ultrasound may determine that you probably conceived within the dates that you were "with" James, but he will NOT believe the results. The ONLY way to prove with no doubt is by a DNA test after the baby is born and even then I doubt that he will believe it is his simply because he doesn't WANT it to be his. He is lying to you girl He is controling your every step and doing a great job of it.
Money shmuney. IT MEANS NOTHING!!!! I swear I just want to snatch you up and take you away from that mess until you SEE what you are so blind to right now. That "man" is a cruel viscious animal! Would you put your child in a cage with a bear? He/she would probably have a better chance in the cage with the bear than in the care of James.
As for you being too young. I don't believe that. I was married at 18 and had my forst when I was 19. 18 years later, still married with 5 beautiful children and still in love with the dear, wonderful man. It was HARD. Lots of broke times. But we made it. Their is a man out there that will love you and your baby and treat both of you as the precious human beings you are. I know it's hard to believe right now, but Jemaes does not represent what a man is supposed to be. I said it before, LOVE DOESN"T HURT!! Love doesn't make you cry yourself to sleep at night after being jabbed in the ribs.
My mother married my father and he beat her on their honeymoon night. She stayed.. My brother was born. She stayed. Then she got pregnant again and he accused her of cheating and beat her. She lost the baby in the bathroom of a gas station as she ran away from him. She went back. She had me. She stayed. He finally died when I was 18 months old leaving my mother with 12 dollars and 39 cents to her name. Not to mention 2 babies to care for. She made it! She worked her butt off and when I was 4 she met my DAD. A wonderful man that loved us all. He adopted my brother and me and gave us his name. He NEVER touched any of us. Only loved us. That is a MAN. That is a DAD. He never wanted children of his own with her. Said we were HIS!! My mother passed away when I was 27 years old. My dad is still here and still my DAD. My children's PaPa. That is a MAN!
Please hear our words! Please hear YOUR words! This is your chance to be that baby's Mama. Take care of her/him by taking care of yourself. Eat right. Take your prenatal vitamins, call your mom and for crying out loud, just walk away from James.
You implied that you went to college which says that you are a smart girl. Use the brain God gave you and make your mom proud. And most of all, give that baby a fighting chance. Keep that picture of those lil baby toes and the image of the first time he/she wraps her lil arms around you and says I love you mama in your mind 24/7. That is all you need to make this work!
Here for you--JoAnna
You are WAITING and COUNTING on the ultrasound to show and prove to James that he is the father. You need to wake up from this daydream. The ultrasound may determine that you probably conceived within the dates that you were "with" James, but he will NOT believe the results. The ONLY way to prove with no doubt is by a DNA test after the baby is born and even then I doubt that he will believe it is his simply because he doesn't WANT it to be his. He is lying to you girl He is controling your every step and doing a great job of it.
Money shmuney. IT MEANS NOTHING!!!! I swear I just want to snatch you up and take you away from that mess until you SEE what you are so blind to right now. That "man" is a cruel viscious animal! Would you put your child in a cage with a bear? He/she would probably have a better chance in the cage with the bear than in the care of James.
As for you being too young. I don't believe that. I was married at 18 and had my forst when I was 19. 18 years later, still married with 5 beautiful children and still in love with the dear, wonderful man. It was HARD. Lots of broke times. But we made it. Their is a man out there that will love you and your baby and treat both of you as the precious human beings you are. I know it's hard to believe right now, but Jemaes does not represent what a man is supposed to be. I said it before, LOVE DOESN"T HURT!! Love doesn't make you cry yourself to sleep at night after being jabbed in the ribs.
My mother married my father and he beat her on their honeymoon night. She stayed.. My brother was born. She stayed. Then she got pregnant again and he accused her of cheating and beat her. She lost the baby in the bathroom of a gas station as she ran away from him. She went back. She had me. She stayed. He finally died when I was 18 months old leaving my mother with 12 dollars and 39 cents to her name. Not to mention 2 babies to care for. She made it! She worked her butt off and when I was 4 she met my DAD. A wonderful man that loved us all. He adopted my brother and me and gave us his name. He NEVER touched any of us. Only loved us. That is a MAN. That is a DAD. He never wanted children of his own with her. Said we were HIS!! My mother passed away when I was 27 years old. My dad is still here and still my DAD. My children's PaPa. That is a MAN!
Please hear our words! Please hear YOUR words! This is your chance to be that baby's Mama. Take care of her/him by taking care of yourself. Eat right. Take your prenatal vitamins, call your mom and for crying out loud, just walk away from James.
You implied that you went to college which says that you are a smart girl. Use the brain God gave you and make your mom proud. And most of all, give that baby a fighting chance. Keep that picture of those lil baby toes and the image of the first time he/she wraps her lil arms around you and says I love you mama in your mind 24/7. That is all you need to make this work!
Here for you--JoAnna
hi everyone im dumb founded just dont no what to say ive been reading the posts i dont think you can tell anybody otherwise who seems so set in her ways i hate to say it but abortion is as good as murder i also had a look at that website with the abortions that was sick i can only say i hope you make the right choice or you will have to live with it for the rest of your life not nice!!!!
no blasting here. these are the things that she needs to hear. experiences, opinions and the reality of it all. she does not see it now but one day when she leasts expects it she will come to the realization that she made the right decision and hopefully that will be to keep the baby. just take it day by day, minute by minute. thats all she can do right now.
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