VERY painful first time sex

[alk629]

Hi,
I am 25 years old and recently decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend of almost a year.  At this point we have tried about 5 times and each time has been more painful than I could ever have imagined.  I realize a lot of people say that, but I'm kind of known for not being a wimp about pain so it really surprises me that I can't handle this.  My hymen has clearly not been broken and I just can't seem to handle him pushing through it, no matter what we try.  Does anyone have any suggestions of what we should do to try to get through this?  He has been wonderful through the whole thing and it only makes me want us to both be able to enjoy sex more and more.
Thanks.

[fatima420]

I was 32 when I had my first sexual experience within marriage. Still today I remember how painful it was, how very inexperienced I was, how I was not prepared for what was to come and I remember screaming 'stop it, stop, it hurts!' The disappointing part was also that I did not enjoy it at all and the sheets were bloodstained which was so embarrassing I thought. Today at age 59 I enjoy sex so much and can still have multiple orgasms during sex. We now laugh when we speak about the first time we had sex with each other.

[Jord91]

hey again guys. i have something to add to what i said before.
i'm only 17, i 'lost my virginity' last year about a month after turning 17, with my ex. i only did it once, cause as i said before (i'm in the same position as alk692), it was VERY painful so i was scared of going through it again. i split up with him anyway, he was violent.
now i have a new boyfriend and i want to do it again and obv, so does he. but i'm still terrified. my hymen was obv not broken the first time otherwise it would've gotten easier, and it didn't. i gave up in the end, it hurt too much and he said it hurt him too cause i'm so tight.
me and my boyfriend now have talked about it cause i was so worried. and then yesterday, after talking to him, i looked on here and saw all the comments and mentioned it to him. but he said for a 25 year old it's normal. but i'm 17... what do i do? obv, the situation is slightly different, i've only done it once but i could just be called a virgin cause the hymen wasn't broken, i think. i just don't know what to think...

[Jord91]

omg, i'm in the complete same situation. it's horrible, i just don't know what to do... :(

[shake1227]

Well I guess I'm in the same boat because it hurts like hell for me too every time I try. There's this sharp pain and I too can typically take pain very well, but this pain is too much. Reading you alls notes has given me lots of ideas. I'm excited to try again, but I am so worried as to how much blood there will be...

[maryheather]

I agree about the visit to the gyn.  Usually a very simple office procedure can be done in order to alleviate some of the pain of the first time.

[Ashankashe]

Im 23 yrs old..I lost my virginity about 2 yrs ago. It was a very painful experience. In fact the very 1st time that my boyfriend and I tried to have sex it was so painful for me that we had to stop.  Eventually we did have intercourse.  Everytime afterwards (in the 1st month) it still felt a little paifull, as if my body was trying to heal but since we kept having sex it was like kind of reopening a wound of sorts. Finally the pain subsided, but it was a very gradual process.  You're body just may be having a different reaction to this experience than most people.  Remember we're not all made alike....Hope it gets better for you....And definitely try using the lube.

[surgeon]

seeing a gyn might be a good idea: in some cases, the hymen is such that a very minor surgical procedure is a better way to open it, rather than continuing to experience pain and getting more and more worried over it.

[oceans3]

i dont know if its soap operas or what but typically the "first time" is not all fun and roses. it hurts! its scary.. all that and more. sometimes you may bleed, sometimes it takes a lot of patience, sometimes it takes a number of times where the both of you are in sync. its an emotional situation. i had a very hard time w. my guy (to whom i am now married) he was patient..oh was he patient, cared. and thats what matters. he stopped when i needed him to, we tried again, it hurt.. he stopped and so on. it took quite a few times to perfect it but we did. just be sure you are comfortable in what you are doing and you have a good guy. you will know he's right if he sticks w. you and doesnt get frustrated. dont just do it to please him, be sure you are into it as well ok? it take time in the real world.

[mrbkn]

I agree with the others. My first time didn't hurt and I didn't bleed. But I do have cysts now and sex hurt so we have tried everything. There are lubes out there that will numb you a little. They do work believe me.

[greenpixie]

I agree with the other posts.  It may be a combo of physcological and physical.  Definitely get some lube.  Sorry if this is TMI, but sometimes my DH and I need it and we've been together 4 years.  I would also suggest that you have LOTS of foreplay.  This will help.  Your BF sounds pretty patient so just pick an evening where you can spend a lot of time togehter.  You may even want to drink a glass or 2 of wine if it helps you relax. (Don't drink too much though.  That will not be good sex!) Try to keep in mind that this is just one more way to share your love with each other. Don't worry about being nervous about it. Everyone is the first time, maybe even the first few times.

[AnnJ]

This DOES sound psychological. Did you wait till your mid-twenties because of religious reasons, or because you used to think pre-marital sex was wrong? The body does weird things, hangs on to old beliefs when you think you've talked yourself into something else. If you've always been a little scared of sex, or pregnancy, or STD's, your body may be clenching up as a subconscious reaction to the situation. It could be that you've built sex up into such a big deal, that when it finally comes time to do it, it's too much for you. Maybe you're afraid (even though he's been around for a long time) that your boyfriend is not the one for you. Physical reactions are often tightly bound to emotional and mental issues. You may want to consult a therapist or your gynecologist. Or, you could try a few glasses of red wine the next time you want to get intimate with your boyfriend.

[mayamaya]

I can only draw from my own experience. The and was more like a sore feeling but truth be told my bf didnt penetrate me fully,  only like an inch or so and I got up and realised I was already bleeding.

What you need is proper lubrication, I suggest that you take the woman on top position as you can control just how much you can take it. Be patient and take your time.

If after numerous tries,it still cannot be overcome, perhaps you could look into psychological reasons, or related issues like vaginismus.

Good luck.