Want to get Pregnant ,fiance in jail...Help??????

[Nicki1881]

Hi , i am 25 years old and have been with my fiance for many years. He has been in jail for a year and isn't getting out for another year. I miss him dearly and want to have his baby. Our lawyer can meet with him and bring me mail, food etc from him. I am having him masturbate into a clean,sterile container ,put the lid on it and put it in an envelope for the lawyer to give to me immediately I was planning on then putting the sperm within the hour of course into my vagina and praying for the best. Will this work??? Do you know any other ways we could do this???/Please help with some advice.....How long will it last? How do I get the sperm inside me????/HElp????

[AnnieBrooke]

I so totally agree with what you have said.  So many women don't really plan to be with the dad for much time but do want a baby, so they will have "someone to love me."  A baby is not a salve for loneliness, and some mom wannabes seem to think having one might be like having a wonderful, warm puppy whose unconditional love will buoy them through life's ups and downs.  Guess what, we love them but kids are costly, a ton of work, inconvenient, bratty, and annoying at times, and take more than one person to raise.  It only hurts them when we want them for unrealistic reasons, no one really can live up to such expectations, let alone a little child.  Fill the holes and hurts in your heart first, and then when you have, try a marriage or long-term relationship next, then plan for a baby.  Please don't ask an innocent little baby to fill big holes in your upbringing; it can't.

[monkeyflower]

You've clearly been through a lot and survived, which shows what a strong, capable person you really are. And I'm sorry you didn't get the unconditional love we all need from your parents when you were young. But you will be okay.

I do think, though, you might consider putting this baby idea on hold for now. Cute as they are, babies are no picnic. I think that like you, lots of women get pregnant thinking that as long as they're pregnant/have kids they won't be alone, and/or will have someone who always loves them. Unfortunately, that's never the way it works out. Kids are *individuals*, and they cry, have bad moods, get mad at their parents, have tantrums... I could go on, but you get the picture. It's not healthy for either you or your kids to rely on them to comfort you. That's not their role in life. Instead, ideally you should feel whole and grounded enough to be able to comfort them and love them unconditionally, even when YOU aren't feeling wonderful, even when you're feeling unloved.

My suggestion would be to take this time to get okay with *yourself* first. I understand your family is abusive, and it sounds like your life is probably pretty tough in general. You deserve better. Talk with a therapist, and start working through some of this stuff. Then when you're emotionally ready, you can start working toward having a baby :-)

[stressed71181]

Hey Nicki,
I know that everyone on here seems to be mean or stating things a little rudely. I must admit I got a little angered by some of the post, but of course; I'm ruled by my emotions! However I do agree with them. I had my daughter at 16 years old and I messed the enjoyment of pregnancy (Got some great life lessons) but I messed the enjoyment of growing a new life inside of me, and my bf and I were so young and scared that he messed it too. We spent the majority of the time angry and scared and most of the time I was alone and Alone is definitely not a good feeling being pregnant. Now at 25 I'm trying with my DH and couldn't imagine him not being here for the ride. (In every since of the word LOL)I hear everyone say to you that you're young and you have time, well I don't agree to an extent with that. It's definitely a true statement, but you can't control your feelings if this is something that you want and want it now, you can't help that! However you do have controlling circumstances so sometimes you have to put your wants on the back burner. I also know that at 25 you feel like time is catching up with you, it's definitely an "understated aged" and very hard for generations before us to understand. It's a new day and a new time, and to us 25 seems old, very old! I understand! According to everyone born before 1981 we're all to young, so shrug that off. It's always nice to here others opinions and trust there are some good ones posted, but remember that they are just that. Opinions! My opinion sides with them, but I understand it's hard to stop wanting something, once it's a constant thought. Waiting isn't a bad idea, and as far as getting the sperm from your guy, The best thing about making a baby is trying (receiving the sperm naturally) and there is definitely no greater joy.

Also to mejoje
That was a kick A$$ Idea I think I'm going to do that, good money saving techniques. I love it, and I love it alot!

Back to Nicki
You need to also realize that these are experienced mothers on this forum, so when you come asking, be prepared to listen.

To all of the ladies..go easy on her....imagine the stressful situation that she's going through as if it ain't hard enough being a 25 year old women today!

[stressed71181]

Thanks for the well wishes, and I can't wait to look back at this age, I'm so over it! LOL

[stressed71181]

Sorry,
I know you all know that age is a little crazy, but I'm just letting her know that I'm there too and I understand. This being 25 business is getting to me LOL.  Also being married is definitely a great foundation. I had my first daughter at 16 and vowed that my next child would be when I was married and prepared for the adventure. So now I'm married and perparing for the adventure She's my everything and I love her, and we'll probably be more like sisters than mother and daughter, because we grew up together, but still there is nothing like having a family. I hope nicki takes the advice, and again I'm sorry, It's just rought being 25 nowadays I tell you! LOL :)

[AndiJ78]

Hey hey hey, how old do you think I am,lol! It was only a few years ago I was 25 and pg with my 2 year old : ) That being said, I KNOW what it is like to be "young" and want to get pg. I also know that being married sets a very strong foundation for a family. I wasn't being hard on her, I don't think many were. I think people are just trying to show her that time is on her side and she should consider waiting.

Andi

[oceans3]

i posted my post a long time ago. therefore i must have said something that hit a nerve. thats good. makes you think. and YES, we do have a sex offender that lives less than a mile from our home (.05 miles from a catholic school) aint life grand? you cannot get rid of them but you can see to it that your life is sound, consistant, relaxed, and free from harm. i HOPE you get there before baby does. dont worry, this is my last post. hope you find happiness.

[Mertek]

When you for advice from a large group of people, you have to be prepared that some people aren't going to say what you want to hear.

And Stressed, 25 wasn't that long ago for me either :) At the time I thought it was a rough age. The beauty is that you get to look back a few years down the road, and realize it is not as bad as you thought it was. And granted, you've lived more since you were 16 then most people I know that are 30. :) Good luck to you, and your DH.

[Nicki1881]

Ocean3....Really there are quite a bit of  innocent people in jail...and for the record there are sex offenders EVERYWHERE...theres probably one living right next door to you Ocean3 .....does that make you a bad person... no....judging people and their circumstances does though.....Obviously I haven't wrote the entire situation but to make a long story short he is being convicted for protecting me..plain and simple..thats how the Southern states do things...money money money.I  don't have any friends...and my family is abusive....These next 6-8 months alone is scaring me and I miss him sooo much... I want to feel a part of him inside me every day...that is comforting.....For the record if a man masturbates in a sterile cup it must be brought to the clinic and tested within an HOUR....and no obviously the lawyer doesn't know.....thanks for the advice ladies you have given me something to think about.....but to all the rude and ignorant ...people listen more if your polite versus judgemental.

[Mertek]

Are you afraid that you are losing him, is this why you want to have his baby so desperatley?

Just in my own personal experience, I couldn't imagine going through a pregnancy and then a labor and delivery by myself, let alone the first 8 weeks of the baby's life without the support of my significant other.

It's terrible to miss someone and not be able to be with them, but enjoy the time you'll have with your boyfriend once he gets out of prision, and create your baby out of love. Go through all the ups and downs of pregnancy with him at your side.

It's hard to hear, but this will all make more sense to you down the road, and you may look back at this desire and be thankful it didn't come true.

[Harley-girl]

2 year prison sentence does not make sense when he was as you stated protecting you.  It does not seem possible that the sperm would even reach you in an animated state. It would already be dead or dying. Wait until he is out of prison in another year and make sure at that time when you are reconnected that he is still the same man you love and the same man that you want to be father to your child. You are young and have time to become a Mother. Do it our of love and intamcy not with old sperm and a turkey baster.

[who_is_this]

Thanks, Andi for the kind words.

Ticked, hope you have a great day!  Peace and love!  Sticky happy baby dust!

[AndiJ78]

I think the majority on here are right, waiting would be best for all involved. Why not wait out his prison term, get married, spend some time together as a couple, and then work on the baby making. Having a child can alter even the strongest of relationships. If he has been in prison for two years, you guys are going to need time to reconnect as a couple before bringing a baby into the house. Besides, getting married and establishing a life together sets a strong foundation for your family and offers many benefits financially as well as security.

As far as the last comment, totally unnecessary. "Who" offers sound advice to many people on here and offers much less judgement than the rest of us have over time, myself included. I have often admired "who's" ability to remain unbiased in some of the more difficult situations presented on here. When someone asks an opinion, she will offer it. Whether that be good, bad, or indifferent, she will oblidge.

Anyway, to the original poster. Please, please, please consider waiting. I cannot imagine having my children without my dh around. He is such an major source of support and that is something you really do need when pg and when raising children.

Good luck to you,
Andi

[ticked]

actually she is very judgemental and yes she has judged many on here.  She is rude and hurtful and should keep her mouth shut.  You have nothing nice to say WHO that dont say it.

[terrilg]

I am not going to repeat what everyone eles has said.  I do agree but with that said....  It would be unlikely that the sperm would survive hun.  During a sperm analysis a man can masterbate and ejaculate at home but the sperm has to be keep in a warm place and in the lab in 20 minutes or the sperm count can not be done. I know that this does not really answer your question but is a medical fact that it probably just could not happen.

[nikita2477]

I just wanted to say those are great ideas!!

[mejoje]

In my opinion you should wait until he is out before gettng pregnant. I know right now you think with your head right now and say that you will be O.K. by yourself, but I asure you in a few months you will be kicking yourself because your head and mind will not be your own anymore and you will be VERY emotional and lonely!! Start planning.... buy clothes and bedding and all of the little cutsie things and start up a baby hopechest. Pick out where you may want to buy the crib and bigger things for the baby and buy a gift card for yourself and put money on it every week or so, you can even do this for diapers and formula, then before you know it you will have enough for anything you want to buy, but that to I would wait for your bf so he can be involved in the decisions. Start perparing your body.. start excersicing if you don't already , start prenatals, get a check up with your pcp and ob/gyn to make sure your body is in good shape to have the baby. I know that a year is a long time but if you perpare now then when you do finally get pg it will be sssoo much easier and you will have someone there with you throughthe whole experience. Good luck.

[oceans3]

if your fiance is in jail because he was protecting you from a sex offender, then WHY is the sex offender not the one in jail and your fiance with you? if this is the kind of environment you are exposed to, you certainly dont want to go bringing up a baby exposing him/her to (sex offenders around, daddy has been in jail...).
you have stars in your eyes. we are here to tell you this situation doesnt "sit right" i KNOW 100% these are NOT the things you want to hear. what you want to hear is how can you get his sperm inside of you? we are trying to help you. its just not what you want to hear.

[mslkpage]

How do you plan on inserting it within an hour? Is he going to masturbate during the visit with his attorney? And how do you plan to provide him with a sterile cup? When I worked as a correctional officer, inmates did not have access to these cups unless we were drug testing them. And if that was the case, they sure didn't get to keep them. Attorneys can only provide their clients with certain items, such as legal papers. If his attorney is passing the cup to him, then it's contraband. (BTW, mail delivered from the attorney isn't allowed. All correspondence must go through the US postal service. And why would he pass prison food...also contraband..to you?)Both of them can get in trouble if that happens. Just wait until he gets out. It makes so much more sense.

[AnnieBrooke]

There is a lot to be said for waiting.  Pregnancy makes you feel vulnerable at times, and it's an emotional vulnerability along with the physical, and really, the only one you want with you is your husband, not your mom or your friend or your sister.  Then there is childbirth, would you want him not to be there?  And there is the first few months of a baby's life -- two people there are so much better than one, and that is a good bonding time for the dad.  I realize that with him away it feels like time is ticking on the biological clock, but believe me, you are young enough that one more year won't make any difference.  Maybe you can start other prep, like a sure place to live, creating a nursery (sneaking up on those costs a little at a time can be a good way to do it), solidifying your job so you can get good maternity leave when the time comes, planning your wedding, all of that, and it will help you feel closer to this goal without having to do all of this rushed stuff about having a baby and being alone with it to boot.  Just some thoughts, not meant to be sounding judgmental.  Pregnancy is a big deal and bringing a child into the world and raising it is a big deal, and I wouldn't want to do any part of that without my partner near to hand.

[jackiemoo]

I hope that I didn't hurt your feelings, but I really do think you should wait...

[timmy06]

I agree with jackiemoo.... I am 30 and pregnant for the first time.  You are 25 and still have plenty of time.  Sorry to hear about your fiance in jail.  I hope you all can wait.

[PammySue]

Not an evil judgement, just an observation.  Who_is_this has been around a long time and would not be judgemental to anyone.  Her insight on this one is keen, though.

[Nicki1881]

God says it's not right to judge anyone, he's in jail for preotecting me from a sex offender...oh no what a terrible thing....we've been together for over 4 years prior to this... this website is made to help people not be rude so please keep your evil judgements and remarks away from this site..it is not apreciated...thanks