Why is my 4 year old so mean to me

[MyFirstGirl]

Well i am pregnant with my 3 child i have 2 boys and now having a little girl...My 4 year old is very mean to me and i have no clue why i try to spend as much time with him as possible but its harder when im pregnant his father has a full time job and is barley ever home. If i say no to him he says you hate me or he will start yelling or throwing stuff at me and i dont wanna spank him cause when i do he gets worse and laughs can you please give me a answer or a reason to this problem

[ryleeanne24981]

I have 2 boys 3&4,a Girl 20 months and baby #4 is due 12/30/07.I know exactley what you are talking about,TRUST ME!!! My boys have started to be really mean to me they say things like I hate you,your stupid and I don't love you.They also kick at me and pull my hair.I have NEVER seen them do things like this untill they started playing with my moms BF's grandkids.
Here is what my husband and I did.We don't spank so when ever they do this they go to the time out chair and we have them sit there for around 5min(thats about all it takes)If they get up we dont scream or anything we just calmley set them back in time out.No matter how long it takes we dont let them up untill they set still for the whole 5 min.Prestintance is key.When they are aloud to get up they have to say I am sorry and we explain that we don't use words like that (or do things like that)and it will not be tolerated.It is working very well and I have to say they are starting to be much more respectful to each other and my husband and I.Sometimes children pick things up and you just have to let them know that its not acceptable and you won't tolerate it.I use fun behavior charts.The kids love them! you can get them at
www.chartjungle.com they are printable and free.I hope that this helps.

[jen2006]

I have a 4 yr old boy (and  a 6 yr old girl and a 9 mth old boy).  My 4 yr old isn't so mean to me, but he is mean to his sister and other kids at daycare.  In addition, he will "hug" the baby til he's blue.. and sometimes I feel like he is intentionally trying to hurt him.. but he loves him.  He is jealous of the baby - even though he gets alot of attention.  I finally had my fill when I got a note from daycare that said in a nice way "If he doesn't straighten up, we will have to expel him from daycare".. YES.. from DAYCARE for gods sake!  He just hits and is mean to the kids!  SOOOO.. I sat him down and told him what I expected from him, and put a very strict 3 strikes you are out program into place.  A warning is issued - and then a strike is assigned if the behavior doesn't straighten up.. NOW!  Daycare has been using it as well.. and they have had WONDERFUL results...   At 3 strikes, not only does he go to bed for the night (I don't care if it is 2 pm.. he will sit in his bed all day/night) and something gets taken away.  He only had to sit in bed one evening (from dinner time on.. you would have thought it was 3 days!) other than that, he has responded well.  Of course, at the end of the week, if we have at least 4 days with no strikes, he gets a small reward (a tattoo, stay up 1/2 later, watch Scooby Doo - again, etc.).  This has worked WONDERFUL.  He is being nicer to everyone around him (which is one of the rules) - before I drop him off in the morning.. I say "When Ms. Natalie tells you to sit and listen, what do you do?" and he responds appropriatly.  Also, I remind him regularily that hitting, kicking, being nasty, etc. will earn you a strike in a hurry.  I have had to be VERY consistent with this.. with both kids (my 6 yr old too).. and it is hard work - but the results are real.. and we are all happier because of it.  Good Luck!

[mami1323]

I think that he loves the negative attention just because it is attention.  Sometimes kids act out because they are feeling neglected.  I'm not saying this is what's happening but he's acting out because of some feelings that he doesn't know how to express.  Spanking is obviously not the way to go because it's not getting you anywhere.  I know it sounds corny but try the time out method.  Everytime he acts up place on the "naughty chair" or "naughty corner"....for all of us who watch super nanny.  Don't let him get up for 5 minutes and tell him why he was placed on the chair.  Demand an apology.  If he gets up before the time...which I'm sure he will.  You get him and put him back on the chair.  You will probably do it a million times before he stays, and it may be frustrating but don't give up than you lose the power and control.  He wins and knows that you aren't strong enough to handle him.  So once this becomes a routine he won't act out as much anymore.  You could also take things away from him.  If he doesn't know how to act than punish him by taking away his favorite toy or tv privileges.  Tell them until he apologizes and acts nice he will not get his toy back.  Get creative, see what works.  Good luck and congrats on the new baby on the way.

[pixijal]

A four year old who screams or throws things at you should be disciplined IMMEDIATELY.  You dont' have to spank him.  What about time out?  Make him drink a tablespoon of vinegar for his naughty mouth.  Vinegar is actually very good for you, but tastes terrible, take away toys, send him to his room, don't let him go to the store w/you, take away tv or computer time........Whatever you have to do.   He must have a prescribed consequence for this....the reason he does it is irrelevant.  

Do not tolerate it, he is running over you at 4, imagine how he will treat you when he is 14.  He must be taught that it is NEVER ok to talk or treat someone in that manner.  He is old enough to understand actions as well as consequences.  My 4 year old boy NEVER gets away w/ a naughty mouth.  He isn't even allowed to say the words stupid or hate.  Get a grip now, or you'll be sorry later.  

[tmv]

I have heard about kids acting out because they don't know the words. Maybe he really is just trying to find his place in the family. Give him lots of love and hugs and explain that he will be a great helper for you and that it isn't appropriate to throw things or yell at you. Best wishes and congrats on the pregnancy!