Wife versus Online Women, Husband spending time chatting with them =(

Question

We recently got our internet connection in our house, but i think it wasn't a very good idea because it's creating a fight between me and my husband, he's getting hook browsing porns, chatting online with women, but he's telling me it's just for fun, but for me it's something serious, i don't wan't to make love with him after he watches those porns or after talking to some women online, coz he could be just imagining those women while we're doing it, and i'm not the one on his mind, he told me i'm just being paranoid and over reacting and it's normal for them to do those things, but i'm still bothered about it, before we just simply enjoy watching tv before going to bed and getting intimate, but now he needs to spend time looking naked pictures of women and  chat with them, it feels so insulting to me, he assures me that he loves me, well i know i'm an attractive woman, i gain a little weight but still looking good because i really do take care of my looks, so i feel so bad now, does anybody experiencing the same? does my husband no longer attracted to me? we've been together for 5 years, i invest a lot on my looks, perfume, on my hygiene, really sexy lingerie, researching new love making techniques to surprise him. Am i just being selfish not wanting him to do those things. Any advice???

violet14 · Answer

Thank you so much Joyce49788 for that suggestions, i will surely do that if he didn't change, actually being in an Arab or Muslim country, the network here automatically blocks those site with explicit materials, but there are still some sites that you could access, but for now, i will give him a chance to prove that he's willing to leave that bad habit, with regards to your question if he ever had a chance to access the internet when i'm not around, i don't think so, because i'm always the last one to go in bed, they are not allowed to make some browsing on the net in their ofc., he's preoccupied with too much work, and they are two inside the room, so he cannot do silly things there, thank you so much again, and also to davializius.

Joyce49788 · Answer

i have a question, does he ever have access to internet (laptop, pc,ect..) when you are NOT around?  does he stay up after you go to bed? reason i am asking is cause if you think that maybe he is still doing it, there are programs you can install and they will run invisible...they will log all passwords and all IM conversations...just google keylogger.  and the program should tell you how to set it up so that it runs invisible and your anti-spyware program wont pick it up.  it is something to think about..just in case.

davializius · Answer

im really sorry to hear that ur going through that kinda situation, i've heard alot of husbands who do the same thing but i soo dont want to be part of it. and i have to tell you not to think down about yourself, you are always beautiful no matter what, so dont try to be all nice to him when he doesnt accept it, he should be glad to have a wife like you who cared enough to handle his addiction and all the **** he's doing, chatting with women on line? what an a**! im sorry to say that but sounds like the kinda of husband who deserves to be dead, ur one tough woman to put up with that. and yeah maybe you should try disconnecting your internet using your own skills, like try to look something down the net that will automatically turn it off and you can turn it back on when its needed for a good reason, in that way you can be sure he's not doing anything at all on the internet, and try watching every moves that he makes. you might not know whats coming around, im not saying its happening but just to make sure he's not doing anything behind your back, eyes open and act normally. again im really sorry for the way your husband behaves, just try to make things up for him and maybe he will come to a conclusion of realizing that ur the only one who's there for him, and love him mo matter what the circumstances. good luck n keep posting.

violet14 · Answer

Thank you so much girls for sharing and for the advice, yeah you're all right that it has to be stopped, and i have to do something before it falls into addiction, and for me not to be used just to feed his wild fantasies.  I've talked to him "again" last night about the consequences of getting addicted to it, i explained to him that it's not only for me but for his own good, well he behaved last night, but i don't know for how long, or just because i didn't give him the chance to use the laptop lastnight, i pretend that i have a report to finish for my boss and tomorrow is the deadline, i don't know if he's disappointed but he seems to be ok or just pretending to be ok, without even having a peep on his favorite site, but deep inside i was laughing, rejoicing that he cannot do it, well for the meantime, i'm trying to divert his attention to other things, i even downloaded new games on our psp, hope it works, but if it didn't work, the last thing to do is to "CUT" the internet, although i also need it because it's the best way to communicate with my family living  in another country, i have to sacrifice, going again to internet cafe, and use some of my time in the ofc. to chat with my friends and family, well just to save my relationship with my husband, again thank you so much.

gokuangel · Answer

i agree w/the girls disconnect the internet!! Its not acceptable at all!! My DH wont even let me have a myspace cus this (nor do i really want to) and if he found me looking at any site like that he would disconnect the internet and probably my entire pc!!

Joyce49788 · Answer

my ex husband had this issue, he even tried to push me into the swinging thing...i caught him a few times telling other women he loved them and was only with me because we had a son together....i even caught him cybering with a 16 yr old who lived like 8 miles from our house... that was the last straw....i told him it was them or me.  he still didnt stop.  it took another 2 yrs, death of my mum, and a huge mistake moving to his homestate near his family for me to "get it" and just leave.  after i left with the help of a "friend' that friend ended up moving in with him and almost 3 yrs later, she divorced her husband and is living with him.  i hope she knows what she is getting into cause once a dog always a dog.lol

anyhow to answer your question, confront him, and if he wont stop either do as evthing4reason says and either disconnect internet, or disconnect HIM.  

i hope everything goes well and that things work out....GOOD LUCK

ireneo · Answer

Sexual addiction seems to be a problem for some guys. And it only tends to escalate. I have a friend who's husband started out with magazines, then a few peeks at online stuff and now he can't go a day without staring at that stuff. Yeah, it's not good for a relationship. There are some good books out there about this very thing, even groups to help. First he has to see that it's a problem. If he thinks it's just fine, then you should connect with a support group to give you encouragement and ideas on how to set the boundaries and make your expectations clear. You do deserve to be seen and treated as the individual you are, not just a sex toy.