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Avatar universal

Wifes choice to have husband present for exam ?

Hi,

My wife recently had an appointment with a new doctor to renew her birth control pill prescription. She is 30 has been on the same pill for the last 10 years, all that usually happens is her blood pressure is checked and she is given a 6 month supply.

We have recently moved here and have no established relationship with any doctors or health care providers; I accompanied her to this appointment at her request as she did not know the doctor and my company medical insurance would be paying any costs.

At the appointment in his consulting room he confirmed that he could renew my wife’s birth control prescription but that first he needed to conduct a physical examination, he then asked me to leave the room. I started to get up to leave but my wife said she was happy to have an examination but wished me to stay, the doctor said that this was not “allowed”.  

My wife insisted that I stay, she did not know the doctor, who was an older man and my staying would she said help her relax and make the examination, if it was really necessary, as stress free as possible.

Let me say at this point that I was happy to stay or go and wait outside as she wished I had no preference other than her wishes.

The doctor however refused to allow me to stay, my wife argued a little with him and repeatedly said that surly it was her choice if she wished to have her husband present for the examination, we both left with out her having the examination or getting the prescription for her Birth control pills.

My wife went straight to the reception/administrator to complain about the way she had been treated,  to our amazement instead of getting an apology we were told that  is entirely up to the doctor who he “ allows” to be present during any examination.

The administrator then did offer to arrange another appointment the following week for my wife with a female doctor, my wife agreed but said that she still whished me to be present for any examination if one was required ( I think by this stage it had become a pint of principle)  to our surprise my wife  was told  again that this would be completely up to the doctor but the administrator though that is would not be allowed and was against the “rules”..  

At this point we left, angry, frustrated and upset, my wife had still not been able to refill her birth control pill prescription which had been the whole point of the visit in the first place.

My wife has subsequently contacted a couple of other doctors, explained that she wants top refill her Birth control prescription to protect against an unwanted pregnancy, they both said she has to come in for a consultation, which she is happy to do but both have refused to confirm to her that she will be “allowed” to have her husband present if any examination is required.  Apparently is depends on the “policy” of Dr X or the “Rules” of Dr Y.

We have had  very little dealing with the medical profession as we are both fit,  health and active in our early 30’s but I  have to admit my wife’s recent experience has been frightening.

Surely she is correct that it is HER choice who she does or does not want to have present for any physical or personal examination. It is not up to what the Dr “allows” or not or what his “ policy”  is ?

If my wife or any patient wants to have their husband present during an examination, surely that is the patients right and doctors should respect that, not completely ignore it.?

As I said I have no strong person view  with this other than wanting to respect the wishes and preference of my wife,  I would be happy to accompany her or not, to wait inside or out as she wishes but surely it is her right to make that decision.

I would welcome any medical / legal comments or opinions on this.

Thanks

James
7 Responses
Avatar universal
wow. that is so strange i never heard of anything like that. i used to work in a docters office and it is entirely up to the patient. there has been times i have taken my husband with me to my appts and once i had to take my kid, and do my best to distract while the doc did what she needed.
Avatar universal
I would be suspicious of any doctor that did not want the husband present. A yearly vaginal exam is part of keeping oneself healthy, and, just like a yearly physical, there is no reason to ask the spouse to leave.
Avatar universal
Your wife has every right to have whoever she wishes in the exam room .
My experience has been it is very helpful to have your spouse or SO present during any exam to ask any questions that may arise during the exam that was not previously considered.
My wife and I will not go to any Dr, that does not permit the two of us to be present any of our exams.
As one doctor stated when I asked about a new physician taking over his practice, will it be a problem if my spouse is present in the exam room with the new Dr,. He stated " why would any Dr not want the spouse there"
Avatar universal
My husband and I want to be present for our annual physicals but was told that our PCP which is a woman doesn't like that but when we made the decision to go to her she stated it would just fine however she was at a different office now she's on her own. He needs a good ck up I even told her before our very first visit that he had not had a complete physical in yrs but he had just had his first colonoscopy that summer so maybe that's why or was it because I was i the room with him she ck everything that day except no genital exam. We are 50 try's old and he had 6 polyps all were ok but he wants a complete exam   Her receptionist told she may do it and may not. What to do??
Avatar universal
My husband and I want to be present for our annual physicals but was told that our PCP which is a woman doesn't like that but when we made the decision to go to her she stated it would just fine however she was at a different office now she's on her own. He needs a good ck up I even told her before our very first visit that he had not had a complete physical in yrs but he had just had his first colonoscopy that summer so maybe that's why or was it because I was i the room with him she ck everything that day except no genital exam. We are 50 try's old and he had 6 polyps all were ok but he wants a complete exam   Her receptionist told she may do it and may not. What to do??
Avatar universal
I have been told the same thing but other times with family doc i could be with the wife durning the exam.Some tmes the doc would stand in your way so i could not see whats going on.when i would move to see what he was doing the doc would move so i could not see .whats going on with that.I dont like or trust a doc
Avatar universal
Absolutely ridiculous.  My wife and I go to all of each others' appointments.  If the physician isn't comfortable with the spouse being there, we're not comfortable with the physician.
1 Comments
Why do you and your wife do this?  I'm just curious.  My in laws go together but that is so that one can take notes for the other. I go by myself and my husband goes by himself though for ours.  On the surface it is no big deal but I do have a friend who is not allowed to do very much on her own by her husband. I worry about her because he is essentially very controlling. That kind of situation is something a doctor may be trying to avoid.  But in general and on the surface, a doctor should be comfortable with both partners in a room if it is their choice.  I agree.
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