Has your doctor considered vulvodynia? http://www.womenshealth.org/a/vulvodynia_vulvar_pain.htm
Also, have all the bladder infections been culture proven? If you have symptoms of a frequent bladder infection yet nothing grows on culture, you may have interstitial cystis.
Good luck. Sounds very frustrating to have to deal with these issues. Wish I had some good ideas to share beyond those two.
I don't know about all of your issues, but in the case of the bladder issues, I'm having the same thing. Low level symptoms constantly, and they flare up every 4-6 weeks with intense pain. It seems to have calmed down recently. Obviously, you should consult a urologist, but in the mean time, here are some ideas: Be sure to try urinating before and after intercourse so any bacteria that enters doesn't have a chance to stay. Also, forget the cranberry juice. You have to drink a lot of it to get a good effect (and if you are anything like me, it tastes NASTY!) With cranberry supplements, you can get a much, much higher dose without drinking so much juice that you feel bloated (plus, pure cranberry juice gets pricey.) I read a medical study recently about the effects of cranberry supplements. I can't remember the exact details, but the final result was- women who had been having chronic bladder infections had significantly less infections (usually none at all) when they took a high dose of cranberry daily. Other tips- avoid citrus juice that can irritate your bladder and get enough vitamin C and zinc to boost your immune system. Get a thorough STD check because things like Chlamydia can mimic bladder infections sometimes. Also, consider kidney stones, they can cause many of the same symptoms as UTIs and they can cause UTIs.
I recently got married and became sexually active for the first time (yes, I'm an old fashioned girl=) and have had not stop vaginal issues similar to yours for months now. It is pretty normal to have some issues when you begin having sex or change partners, but it shouldn't last that long.
Also look into cystitis. You should really get checked out by a gyn who knows about pelvic pain problems, pelvic floor muscle dysfunction, chronic cystitis, vulvar vestibulitus. Basically someone who is up on current diagnosis and treatments.
Don't continue to try and have sex until all of this is sorted out. I know it sucks, but you will be better off if you don't. You need knowledgable help to treat this now. You don't want it to become a life long problem.
Berman and Berman
yahoo groups: vulvar disorders
I seriously doubt the stubble your husband has is the problem. You are stuck in a viscous pain cycle. Start calling around different gyn or urologist offices and see if you can find someone who know knows about chronic pain problems.