(other forum full) Need help with 12 year old girl

[ladylexi01]

I know a 12 year old girl who is in 8th grade with a bunch of 13/14 year old kids. She is mature for her age but still younger than everybody else. She masturbates at night sometimes with various things- pens, markers, sharpies (all capped of course)then she will just go to bed. She hasn't started her period yet but started busting out (breast growth) and has pubic hair. A couple months ago she and her boyfriend were kissing and he fingered her. But now she has a brown discharge coming from her vagina. It comes monthly like a period but it is brown... Is it normal?

(btw: this is a girl I babysit who tells me everything and I am helping her with her problems and gives her advise, I also told her she is some years too young to be having this kind of relationship with an older boy-just so nobody thinks I am a bad mother or let children be slutty or something like that)


I have different theories but I would like some other womens advise please.  

[iamthemockingjay193]

you're giving advice on how parents need to be involved and such and you can't even use grammar skill and spell already.. Just because maybe boys weren't interested in you in middle school does not mean it is okay to judge other people and other peoples parents. It is a much different time period from when you were a pre-teen i'm sure. & no actually the reason that the world is screwed up is because teens today go through so much more then all of them of past generations. Sure we have nice technology and material item but today people like you judge girls saying they're abnormal when there bodies are releasing hormones making them horny. People like you are teaching your child to be judge mental and saying that if someone is different then you, you're better. Welcome to 2012 you narrow minded fool. If you try to enclose your daughter all she is going to want to do is find out what it is that you are hiding from her, the fact that she is disobeying you will make things even more fun & rebellious. Please nobody listen to her advise Ever.  

[Bookworm35]

You guys are all idiots. The worlds not freaking screwed up. Its your parenting methods that are ****** up. Masturbation is normal. Chill.
And theres nothing wrong with the fact that she masturbates. So shut up.
Also im 15 and lost my virginity to my first boyfriend.
You have no idea what goes on in your childrens lives and its your own fault.
Dumbasses.

[Mmhmm]

it's so ridiculous reading these post how stupid and close minded these parents have become. She is a teen who's hormones are coming into play. For someone to tell they never touched themselves at age 12 or even thought about it is lying don't try and act all high and mighty because you have ***children ( for the stupid parents who continue to right kids ) it's better to talk to your children about sex and yes masturbation. Masturbating can prolong actual intercourse for a long time. It is normal to play with sharpies, pens, etc better to be that then an actual penius.

[winny48]

ANYTHING could be possible. yes molestation could have triggered the frequent masterbation and sticking things in her vagina. curiosity can also be the thing she could be curious about sexual feelings. shes at the age where she is most likly going through puberty and has hormones that makes her feel a certain way. as with the boyfriend she could be one of the many girls that get tricked into doing it or pressured into letting him touch her. she could be a mature girl. i know she is only 12 but she is hanging out with older kids, who will have a affect on her. in a bad way or she could think like an older kid and do things that an older sexually curious person would be doing because she could be mantally semi-mature in some ways. you can be thinkg WTF shes a 12 year old baby! BUT i know this from experience! i was aound older kids all of my life. and i was more mature for my age mentally and the way i acted. like i said ANYTHING could be POSSIBLE. you wont know until you sit down talk to her about her feelings towards this boy and WHY she feels the need to touch her self with the objects and her touch.but if it nothing more than her hormones ragging then it is PERFECTLY normal to masterbate.(remeber when talking to her you must make sure she knows that you have HER best interest at HEART) i would tell her not to touch her self with the objects though.(infections,unknown bacteria,cuts!)   you should tell her that all boys/men are pigs. most will lie and cheat to get what they want. and to becareful about who she shares her private moments with. because she can end up with god forbid health issues or even a teenage pregnency you HAVE to be BLUNT and SCARY truthful with her.she can also feel like her self worth has went down! or that she is 'dirty' you have to tell her its a life choice everyone makes! and every human being makes mistakes and regrets them.if they didnt they wouldnt be NORMAL human beings.(lessons learned i like to say!) if she doesnt take to this info and things you tell her rgiht away let her merinate over night or for an hour or two. if she doesnt take your advice just know that you did what you could to help her and leave it in the hands of her parents. if you do decide to tell her parents tell her mother or the one whom she is closest with. and  if she tells you that she has been touched by an older boy/man/women or even someone her own age!  you MUST tell her parents right away!and i personally would alert the local athorities! i went through this with my little cousin. she has had sex with multiple partners and she is only 14. i have told her this information i have givin her these speaches. she knows the information and it is up to her todecide what she is going to do with it. she has not since had sex with anyone else since (to my knowledge) me and my cousin are VERY close. i will never judge her for her actions because she is the same sweet caring person. and can come to me with ANYTHING because i have her best interest in my heart.and if i do tell someone who cn help her more yea shes gunna get made at me but i would tell her i did it purely out of love! and if she asks me something i will tell her truthfully and very blunt. becuase i want her to take sexual activities at this age serious! and tell the little girl if she is having a sexual relationship with this boyfriend, can she seriously picture being with him the rest of her life with a family. if she is mature i believe she will make the right decisons but sometimes a young childs mind can be clouded by 'love' so bring her back to reality. and have a serious conversation with her. and to make mature decisions and if she is going to have sex to do it purely out of love! NOT LUST! and if she says she doesnt know the difference or she doesnt nkow what it is she is NOT inlove. she is in LUST. becuase if she was inlove she would know it! or know the difference. and i would STRONGLY INCOURAGE her to tell her parents or the one she is closest to. remember ANYTHING is possible. go into this with an open mind. and think that all of these possibilties could have happened to her or are happeneing to her!

[winny48]

everyone is different. just because you and your boyfriend dont have sex or touch eachother doesnot mean that you are automatically better then her. i know you didnt say that but i just feel as if you were implying it. i think its perfectly normal for young girls to masterbate and explore there bodies. to get to know them selves...and it is NORMAL to want to use things to see what it would feel like and to be CURIOUS. if you say you havnt been curious before about sexual deeds. youre most likly fibbing. even though i have not used things like that my self, just becuase i am scared of infection or things of the nature. everyone has differ preferences. im not condoning her using them because if the health issues. but you can not judge. everyone goes through something different. and handles it in a different way. if shes not doing it in public then it is HEALTHY.

[lalabugg]

I started masturbating at a young age. It is normal for kids, preteens, and teenagers to have a sexual imagination just as it is for adults. True, their brains are not as adapted to this subject but they will learn it faster than you think. I study this type of thing. I am a nurse and I know that many teens use different things to masturbate with. This is weird kinda yes but  never the less it is normal. Grown ups mostly use toys.. Kids cant acccess these so they use the next best thing. Parents, you need to face the conculsion that your kids will grown up and have sex. They may not be having sex now, but you need to educate them on it so when the time comes.... they will know. It may not be the most comfortable thing to talk about but would you rather some teenage boy lie to her or the other way around. When I was 13 I had sex for the very first time. Didn't know what the hell I was doing excuse my french, and that (older) boy told me I couldn't get preg if I was on my period, and I believed the a** hole . So just think about these things do you really want your 13 year old to have to go through a miscarrage like i did? It's no fun....

[Lildee10]

I have to say that I think the poor girl is just fine.  At 12 she is older than me when she is developing and I remember having a brown discharge when I first started.  It got to a normal period pretty quick like.  I was 9 and I was probably 12 the first time a boy touched me.  I was young and scared and had an older boyfriend I didn't want to get mad at me so I let him touch me.  It felt good so I was ok with it.  

I am a very sexual person now and to from the time I was probably 5 or 6 to today I still masturbate quiet frequently and with many different items.  When you are young and can't buy a vibrator you will look for anything to see how it feels to be penetrated.  I made my own dildo with a microphone and a perfume bottle cap and taped it together.  It did a great job for my first toy.  I started with pens, and anything else small I could get my hands  on to give myself pleasure.  

I didn't lose my virginity until I was a junior in high school.  

[thesisjournal]

how can a pubescent girl be "too young" to think about sex?  her body is releasing powerful hormones for the specific function of sexual reproduction.  It is amazing to me how quickly people are passing judgment about this young lady, declaring her behaviour 'abnormal'.  I hate to ruin your realities, ladies, but the reason we are here and continue to be here is to have sex, get pregnant, and see how our genes carry out.  "Good Parents" cannot stomp the sex hormones out of their children... and yes, some self control should be taught - but only because this control is necessary for this young girl to survive in the society we've built.

As for Cynthia13, if you really were not concerned with sex and masturbation, there would be no motivation for you to be browsing through this forum.

And for Blondie, how has this incident created any evil in the world to make it "screwed up"?  Masturbating has a pretty clean track record... I don't think it's bombing cities or robbing homes....  And I don't think the boy that fingered her caused political turmoil and upheaval.  This is just LIFE being LIFE and preparing bodies to create more LIFE.

Life is good.

[cynthia13]

I am a 12 year old girl myself... and i have a boyfriend, we have kissed and hugged but have never been farther than that. and hes 15... i dont think that masturbating should even be thought about from a girl our age! and most definately fingering... girls like her and others need to be parented right! And for all of you people saying that its ok for her, than apparently you dont have kids... tell her to get a life and find other things to do like sports... i cheer and it keeps me busy everyday of the week! but this is just my opinion

[pertykitty]

i know masterbating at an early age is normal. whether using pens or not is i dont know, but to instruct a young girl to wash these items and let it be ok is rediculous. i would agree with her visiting some of the sites that give her more info, and maybe discuss masterbation as normal. i think the objects she is using needs to stop though. and the comment about the sex therapy, well maybe some of us dont believe in multiple partners when married, or having our dh have sex with other men, or anal as being perfectly normal (she knows who im referring to). so that isnt the best person to give advice to a parent, or regarding a child. just because one believes it to be ok,,,,doesnt mean it is!!

[fromnowhere]

nope sure wasnt;) i honestly dont see how saying that masturbation with objects such as that is normal more important safe.

[nowherechild]

I hope you know that other nowhere person wasn't me.  

[snooda]

This is the weirdest thing I have ever heard...She needs some Good advice...If she is using object such as school supplies to masturbate with, I honestly think she is TOO young to even thinking about sex with ANYONE...Parents should be involved, definately!!

[PGB]

Gee, do you think the old blood could be from an injury to herself from shoving all this **** up her vagina?????
This is something that needs to be discussed with this girl's parents.  She could cause herself injury or infection by doing this.  Just because you tell a kid to wash something doesn't mean they do it...

[ticked]

i must agree masterbating with those kind of objects is NOT normal at all

[monkeyflower]

As always, it's good to see your responses and know that the field of sex therapy will continue to thrive for at least the next generation to come.

[fromnowhere]

I TOTALLY agree with blondie! Good heavens, to say its normal to use things like that for masturbation is insane! SUre honey, go grab a sharpie.........just make sure you wash it first! PLease!

[blondie72]

I think asking if she has been molested is a VERY VALID question.  OMG masturbation with objects like that and letting boys "finger" her alredy - That is just crazy.  Where are the parents here????   Monkeyflower did I understand your post correctly that it is OK and normal for a 12 year old to be fingered by a boy???  WOW - My DD is only 3 yrs away from that and I cannot even begin to imagine that someone would do that to her.  Parents need to talk to their kids more and teach some morals - The reason the world is so screwed up is because parents now a days want to be "friends" with their kids and NOT parent them.   This is just crazy.  

[monkeyflower]

Your "friend" sounds like an average teenager. The masturbation is normal, including with the various objects. I would only suggest that she wash them well first (and after), and make sure she doesn't use any of them anally (the muscles could pull them inside, and while nothing can get lost in your vagina, your rectum is a different story--could end up in a trip to the ER).

The brown stuff is old blood. My guess would be she's going to start her period very soon. If she's really concerned, she could ask her doctor next time she sees him/her. Does she have a parent or an older (adult) friend she likes and trusts? She may want to ask them about her period as well. The masturbation and other sexual activity doesn't have anything to do with it, so she can relax about that.

As for the bf stuff, that's normal too, although I'd make sure this is activity she is also interested in doing. Sometimes people pressure their partners into things they're not ready for. But if she is okay with it, I would make very sure that she knows good, honest, accurate information about STDs and pregnancy prevention. There is a great site, www.goaskalice.columbia.edu, that answers all kinds of health and sexuality questions. Also, www.teenwire.com (Planned Parenthood's teenager site) is another good source of info. It's very easy to get caught up in the moment and go farther than intended, so it's important to be prepared.

[horse1]

i agree with everything monkeyflower says...i did the same thing, only i started at 11 (i'm 50 now).

[sparkeler]

Has she ever been molested?  Wow, what a thing to say.

I started masturbating at like 5. I was also fooling around with older boys at 12 since I sprouted very young.  I did manage to keep my virginity to my very late teens though.  

This 12 year old is completely normal.  I think the brown spotting means that her period is well on her way.

You may want to help educate her on sex though.

[lilcountriegal]

this is something that needs brought to teh attention of her parents or a professional.  the brown discharge could be her period.... is she just starting her period?

normally, id chalk this up to puberty and hormones... but, the masturbating with different items is what concerns me the most.  this is a question for the doctor in the child behavior forum if you are uncomfortable "outing" her.  in the long run, you may have to step in and tell an "adult".  whereas you may feel like you are telling on her, there seems to be more troubling issues at the core of this.

has she ever been molested?  at 12, even entering puberty, id question some of this behavior...

whatever you decide, good luck