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Avatar universal

Help PLEASE. =( I'm not sexually attracted to my boyfriend.

Hey Internet, lol.

Okay seriously, I have never posted a question online before but this has been a problem for me for a very very long time. My boyfriend is amazing and he's a sexy guy and I find him very attractive. We are cuddly, I can't wait to see him and talk to him and all the basic emotions of liking a boy are all there ... but I feel no sexual charge towards him.

I left him a while ago and he told me he wanted to try and make things work. I told him I didn't want to make the relationship official until I knew things would work out for certain. Now we're back together, but here is the bottom line:

While I was in "available-mode", I saw just a couple other guys and when I kiss them and do things with them I feel aroused like I know I should. But with my boyfriend I don't feel excited. Don't get me wrong, we still do things (I mostly do it for him.) but I just don't understand. He's hott. But what can I do to be more sexually attracted to him? It's a huge problem, I can't even begin to describe it, but if I can fix this one thing it will be perfect. Lol.

I'm not sure if it's his methods that don't work, or just the lacking of the thrill of the chase or whatever but please lend your advice. Thank you. <3
10 Responses
740456 tn?1260453409
Hey!

I dont think i can help you out very much =( BUT i can say, that for me, the thrill and excitement is very much in the chase.... and i think a lot of girls are like that. lol we tend to want what we cant... or shouldnt have.

maybe try to spice things up a bit? try something that you've never tried before, something fun and exciting. Since you are still interested in cuddling, why not try a bubble bath and candles, maybe a bottle of wine, see where that brings you?
good luck, let us know how it goes =)
298824 tn?1349958777
From what you describe I think your just not physical attracted to him....You could try to spice things up...How did you feel when you were not with him?....
Avatar universal
I am physically attracted to him, that's why it's so confusing.

I miss him when I'm not with him, lol. Like when I go out with my friends or go to a party I don't want to stay out too long because I can't wait to be dropped off at his house.

Isn't that strange?

And to Shara21, thanks for the ideas I'll be sure to give it a try. =) We're ordering sushi today.
298824 tn?1349958777
Does he do something that turns you off?....Is it because you say you do it mostly for him...Its strange...
756062 tn?1234226952
YOU CAN'T FORCE CHEMISTRY, SOME PEOPLE HAVE IT SOME DON'T....JUST BECAUSE ALL THE OTHER GOOD QUALITIES HE HAS MAKES YOU THINK U MUST BE SEXUALLY IN SYNC TOO BUT IF U AREN'T NOW IN THE BEGINNING YEARS I REALLY ONLY THINK IT WILL GET WORSE OVER THE YEARS....IF U WANT A SEXUALLY DISASTIFYING LIFE I WOULD STAY BUT THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR U I BET MY LIFE THAT YOU CAN IT ALL WITH...GOOD LUCK, PLEASE DONT THINK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU, IT JUST NATURE...OH WELL
Avatar universal
Being able to be friends and share things and have good times together mean a lot in a relationship. From what you said, you are the one that handles the sexual part and he is just there. If he loves you and really wants it to work, then you need to be straight about what you expect in a relationship, like him showing the affection that women need. Some men are selfish, but don't realize it. You said he is hot,sexy,and you find him attractive.Sometimes I have found people that seem to have it all have had such an attraction that they always get the chase, so they never learn the giving. My husband became a friend and buddy.We enjoyed each others company.The more time together the deeper the love grew.I can say I am in love with my husband.Loving and being in love to me is not the same.I loved my mom, love my children,ice cream,my dogs, so I see it as a big difference. I want it all. He is in love with me and I am in love with him. We have been together more than 20 yrs and celebrate our 20th anniversary in August. If we can't enjoy each other's company and have things in common it is kinda hard to be a part of a future. If he is a good friend, but there is not a sexual attraction,regardless of his actions sexually, then get out of the relationship.You cannot be a wife to a man that you cannot be happy with in that aspect of a relationship and you will be miserable.
730826 tn?1317946934
I need to ask...was it always like this? It could just be becasue you guys have been together for a while, the excitement wares off. I noticed I wasnt as excited for every kiss like i was when we were first togethe. I still love kissing him and always want more but its not as thrilling as at the begining. I have noticed I am seeking change but nothing drastic. Its like the attention isnt all on me now like it was at the begining. When our relationship needs this, we set asid ethe evning to ourselves, put on a movie, cuddle, have great sex followed by a hot cuddle in the tub while talking about our relationship. It sounds corney and lame but its really nice, and I think we have a great relationship together.
773115 tn?1248740975
samanthabunny-

I can relate to how you feel. I was with my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years. I think he's a very attractive guy. He's considerate, loving, and has great traits. He has always been head over heels for me but I found that in the last 3 years something happened to my attraction towards him. Of course our situations are different but consider this: is there something about his personality or behavior that turns you off? Is he overly affectionate/ clingy? Would you prefer him to be more independent or confident etc.? I'm sure what's causing your lack of sexual arousal is a number of factors (you mentioned the thrill of the chase), but try to focus on what it is exactly about him that makes you less aroused compared to other guys you meet.
This might not be great advice, but maybe it'll get you thinking. I hope everything works its' way out for you.  



Avatar universal
First, I would not give up. If he's the sweetest guy and very hot, I would try some things to spice it up. Maybe lie naked and watch a sexy movie or some Porno even with wine (I'm serious!) go to a sex shop, shower together and rub soap on each other (very sexy), take a vacation somewhere warm and romantic. If that doesn't spark you, maybe sex professional therapy or use naturalopathic herbs to help. Try exercising and yoga- releases endorphins and boost confidence. Have him help you do yoga if possible. I hope this helps!
Ps: so what exactly is keeping you from being sexually aroused? Is it your mental or physiological problem?
Avatar universal
Im curious as to how your relationship worked out because im in the same exact position
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