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Avatar universal


My fiancee and I have been together almost four years (we met in high school, we're now in college). From the first day I met his family they treated me like garbage for reasons that I find so ridiculous it kills me.

A little background: My fiancee and I were both "top of the class" students, very social etc. So imagine my surprise when I met his family and I thought I had walked onto the Jerry Springer set. Anyway, from the moment we were officially dating, his family decided I was a threat. I had better grades, better health, and better family. So my fiancee (then boyfriend) wanted to impress me by hitting the gym, improving his grades more, and trying not to fight with his family so much. All good things right? Wrong. To his family that meant I was manipulating him and wanted to change him and make him hate his family because they felt they were no longer "good enough". So he's being nicer to ya'll because of me...and that means I want him to hate you?  Anyway, fast forward 4 years and this is what has happened:

-2 of his sisters physically assaulted me when I tried to defend myself against their mother
-His father was very disrespectful to me all these years
-His mother insulted me numerous times for no reason and also disowned her own son (my boyfriend) TWICE for defending me
The worst part? We live in separate houses RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER.

His mother gives me half-*** apologies, but she's bound to do disrespect me again because she's a lunatic. One one of his sisters apologized but I flat out told her "Forget it...you put your hands on me...theres no coming back." The other sent me an apology through email, and I laughed off the immaturity and did not reply. Dont you dare send me an email when you live right next to me. His father never apologized. We don't speak with them at all. It's been a year.

But my problem is that I hate drama and I wish for all of us to get along but theres no way I will tolerate that kind of disrespect if it's bound to happen again. Am I wrong for this? Should I just take their half-*** apologies and grit my teeth for the sake of "family"? Am I being too harsh in not giving second chances?  
14 Responses
Avatar universal
after the first assault you should have contacted the police. no matter how much you love him. that is completely inappropriate! i'll give you credit though i would have dumped him and had nothing more to do with that wacked out family from the get go.

and no you're not being too harsh. if i were you i'd never speak to them again. completely and totally ignore them. never go to their house (even if they do live right next door), never even acknowledge that they're alive.
Avatar universal
My main question is: does he defend you? Or does he step back and let you handle it? This is real important. If he does not defend you then you are on your own. He won't choose you over his family ever. And if you have kids they will have to be in the middle of all this.

Think real hard whether you want to deal with this family  the rest of your married life. And think about your future kids. Do you want them to have a grandma and grandpa and aunts like that?

I recommend getting out.You have complete freedom of choice at this point. Once you are married with kids your choices reduce considerably to 1) Stay married and put up with them 2) divorce which hurts the kids.

Avatar universal
Thank you guys, first of all. Yes, he does defend me but they care nothing about what he has to say. As far as he is concerned he has no family. And absolutely as soon as we move (hopefully by next year we can find a more affordable place) I plan on never seeing them or speaking to them again. It is tough to deal with and it will get more complicated when we have children one day, but my children will have nothing to do with them. The funny thing though is that they kiss my as* any chance they get. If they see me taking out the trash it's "oh my God you look so pretty...oh I love your dress... blach blah blah." These people just dont get it when I just smile and walk inside my house.
730826 tn?1317946934
I have a monster in law too. WE just got married not even a month ago and she finally talked to us (him on the internet) for teh first time since the wedding the other day. Only to complain about not being invited tot eh gift opening. Which wasnt a formal opening, we opened the gifts at my moms house on the only day ew had before heading home, which happened to me my brotehrs and nieces birthday. It wasnt like there was a big get together for everyone to watch, it was just unwrapping them to pack them. Well she b*tched and complained about how she wanst invited so I (on my computer) told her it was a birthday party and thats the only time we opened them, nothing special. She didnt reply to me but did my husband saying how I need to butt out of their conversation becasue its private. As I continued to try to talk to her, she told my husband how I must always be around, giving him not time to himself. I told her after no replys that if she was going to ignore me, it would jsut hurt her relationship with her son. She then saidd I already did that to her. There was babbling back and fourth and she told my husband to "reel in your wife, shes out of control tonight" In the end she said she was only going to have a minimal relationship with me, only enough to be able to talk with her son. I told her she wouldnt be ssing her grand children if that were the case, to which she told her son to say the word if he didnt want her in his kids lives. He passed over her comment and the conversation was over.

Its a mother in law thing I think....except to my mom. My husband asked if he could make the mother in law jokes about his own mom lol.

Im lucky I get along with my sister in law...thats about it. If your fiance relates and also sees that his family is off their rocker, then thats good. Otherwise it can be really hard to have a good relatioinship with him.
Avatar universal
if your fiancee feels like he has no family and they are psychos, why are you two living NEXT DOOR to them? that fact troubles me. there is more to this than you are telling i think. why are you living next door to them?
Avatar universal
Oh vhc09, I completely agree, what a crazy situation, it makes no sense. Well, here's the thing...2 years ago (after high school) we moved to the house we live in now (rent) because it was the most affordable. The house right next door to us was formerly occupied by his parents, when we moved in they were not living there anymore. They had all moved to Tallahassee, FL with their oldest daughter (my fiancee's oldest sister and the only one we speak to). Well, a few months later their oldest daughter kicked them all out and they were forced to come back down and move right back next door. We only had a few months of peace. Ever since we've been trying to move  but financially it's not possible. We graduate college next year and will get better jobs, god willing, very soon and be able to afford moving out. Thankfully we have no children, I would hate for them to live like this. But we do have a lot of pets.

Lucey 12: I am appalled. I told my fiancee your story and yep, I guess it's a mother-in-law thing. They are jealous a new woman has come into their son's lives. I'm glad you get along with your sister in law. In my case it was jelousy too, he is the only boy of four children so his sisters felt like they owned him or something. But that's no excuse. They are adults for godssakes.

Thank you all!
Let's see how this story unfolds.
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