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1264429 tn?1301286650

Psychological sexyal problems?

Since i was 13 I've been talking to guys on the internet. I know it was wrong but I liked the attention. Ever since then I've been able to separate romance and sex. It seems like I can't be sexual with someone I care about. It just doesn't get me off. I know some people think I'm too young to have sex, I'm 18. I've been having sex since i was 14, and I know it was a mistake to do it that young.. I've had meaningless sex so much, and had attention from guys that I don't care about so often, that now having sex with someone I love isn't appealing to me. I can't have "romantic" sex. I can't "make love". I know this is all in my head. My whole life I've had low self esteem, (which I shouldn't, cause I'm not bad looking) but attention from random guys has always helped and has become an addiction. I've cheated on every boyfriend I've had except for my current one. Hes good looking, hes caring, and genuinely nice.. I know that I will never find a guy as good as him. I seem to find myself more sexually attracted to guys who aren't all that good looking, maybe virgins, or "nerds". My sexual attraction comes from my mind. I like very kinky situations, and guys that have something about them that make it kinky, I like the guy to completely enjoy my body.. I don't know how to change it or what to do. Please, I really need help. I need to change this before it gets worse.
2 Responses
203342 tn?1328740807
You're right, it is in your head, meaning that sex first starts in the head or thoughts. I think there's two things going on here. I think you've programed your mind into thinking sex has to be a certain way to be exciting and that it couldn't be exciting with someone you care about (which is totally not true of course!)
I also think you may suffer from some low self-esteem, thinking you're not good enough for a "nice guy who would love and care for you". I think there's some deep issues there, maybe even stuff from your past that you need to deal with. I suggest finding a good therapist to help you work through these issues and feelings. Most therapists accept health insurances if cost is a concern. I'd try to find a sex therapist first but if you can't find one then a general therapist should be able to help you too.

I had friends who nearly divorced because of his porn addiction. It nearly ruined his marriage. He had to find a good sex therapist and went with his wife to the appointments.
Today you'd find that hard to believe. Their marriage is strong and he's now a minister working in a church and both are wonderful people.
Sometimes things just get a little mixed up in our heads and we need help finding a healthy way to think.
Please consider what I've said and speak with a therapist, preferably a sex therapist. You don't have to be embarressed. This is more common than you probably realize.
Best wishes!
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