I agree with you 100%...and I know the exact people that you talk of. Very judgemental of other peoples situations.....
for example...NEVER say that you are a working mom!!!! There are a few SAHMs on this site who will nail you to the cross because YOU are the reason why your child has any issue at all.......
i know, i had to stay away from the whole thing, because my blood was boiling. easy to talk about when you are not in the situation, huh? easy to feel superior? whatever, i don't have time for that kind of discussion! nice to see y'all's posts though! glad i'm not the only one!
In reading this, i'm not sure what is going on though it seems like someone feels personally slighted.
I don't think there is anything at all wrong with being a working mother. I was one and I was also attending meetings with the school, the teachers, and on the PTA. I was very much involved in my son's life. Just because a mom has to work outside of the home (which i'm sure they would much rather stay home if they could) doesn't make them a bad parent. Whomever thinks that needs some enlightenment because this world has changed and unfortunately, the days of a stay at home mother are few and far between.
On another note, just because someone is a mother or father, it doesn't mean they are good at it. Like momagain59 commented, most parents want what is best for their child, but there are some who are overcommitted and don't have the time to be a responsible parent and then there are others who just don't care because their child is out of their control.
Parenting is the most difficult responsibility anyone could ever have in their lives. We require certifications and degrees for everything else when it comes to taking care of our children, yet we require nothing to become a parent. That part is easy. Setting a good example, having good morals and a sense of right from wrong is what makes a good parent. There is no handbook...most do the very best they can.
I think the single one most important thing in the world is raising another human being. It is a 7 day a wk, 24 hour a day job that gets no paycheck, no vacation, no sick days, no social security points, nothing. It is a job that we cannot retire from and the results are out there for all to see how well we did or did not do, and to top it off the children will usually go tell someone or some forum of what a botched up job was done raising them anyway. They were either physically abused (usually meaning spanking) or verbally abused ( meaning someone told them what a spoiled brat they are, usually mom), and on top of that, there is always some one telling them how they could have done better! It is simply one of those jobs that let you know how well you did or did not do about 20 years into it.
The type of judgement that bothers me the most is "the Looks" that supposedly mature adults give you and your children when they are not acting proper in public. Wouldn't it be nice if we all had perfect children. How can we teach our children to act when we don't know how?
Parents should be able to decide which school such as public, private or home schooled without other throwing in their 2 cents about what is best for someone elses child. They do not live with this child so they should keep their advice to theirselves unless asked. Not everybody has the same beliefs, as long as their is no abuse, why do they care?
Some parents work because they need to and some work because they have to. Who Cares? I do not work right now because I can't. I would love to get out of my house, away from my kids, and have conversations with adults daily. No one will employ someone that has to be able to leave at a moments notice because one of her children need her. Thank God I can afford not to work. I remember the guilt when I HAD to work to have somewhere to live.
My youngest son has special needs that can't be seen by the way he looks. But, can easily be seen by the way he acts. The amount of advice I receive is amazing, the amount of help I am offered from these same people is 0.
It is also amazing the amount of advice you can get as to whether your children need to be on medication. I don't think their is a parent on this earth that really wants their child to need medication. Offer to babysit this child without their meds.
I have overheard people talk about how a child is dressed (not my children). What is this? Can children buy their own clothing now? Buy them some clothes if you think this is your business. Pass some down from your own children if they are so great.
Please offer to help whenever you want. There are Mom's that would love to be able to take a bath alone, or wouldn't it be nice if someone would show up with a nice cold pepsi. It doesn't take much to help parents that are stressed to the max. If you help a parent, you help a child.
momagain, I see a lot of what you're saying, but I'm sure you'll agree there is another side. Like you, when my babies were little I was amazed at the nosy people who said stuff that wasn't true - memorably, some old lady who came up to me one hot August afternoon and said my 4 month old needed booties. ??? Actually she said it to the 4 month old, grabbing his little feet and saying you poor thing doesn't your mummy know you need booties? I just stared at her the way you'd look at someone who is speaking a foreign language. Whatever. I've also heard people make incredibly callous remarks about children who appear disabled or delayed - "why does he look funny?" And when I'm out in public, I'm always a little surprised at how moms try to shush their kids when they are the cutest - no one cares at ALL when a toddler keeps shouting Big Bird Big Bird at the balloons. It's cute.
But I have grabbed a kid when he was actually in freefall out of a grocery cart AFTER I had told the mom ooh look out your baby is going to climb out of that cart. She turned her back and by God, he climbed up and over and was headed straight down on his head when I caught him in mid air free fall.
There was a baby at a soccer game who was dressed for mid summer and it was mid Autumn. The mother herself was dressed for Fall, and her kids that were old enough to dress themselves were too. This baby was in the thinnest cotton dress, that's all, and had huge green snot coming out of both nostrils and was sneezing and wheezing alone on the blanket. ??? After listening to other mothers murmer behind her back but do nothing, I took one of our sweatshirts, and extra socks, and wrapped the baby up and told her she dressed herself warmly, what about this sick baby? ???
I never glare at kids in the store who are throwing tantrums. When moms are, I glare. Really hard and long.
There really is a middle ground - with the public ignoring normal childhood misbehavior but calling neglectful parents up short.
Sorry to be so long.
A parent being neglectful is a whole different subject. As far as how a child is dressed, I didn't meant they were neglected but that they weren't dressed as well as the other persons child, as far as brand or style. The parents appeared to think they were too good to let their perfect little child play with a poor little child. I have witnessed this more than once.
I was really talking about personal parental choices such as schools, meds, employment, not abuse or neglect. Neglect and abuse is something many people want to ignore and they choose not to get involved with.
When my oldest son was newborn I would go to garage sales (in Vernon Texas) and I ran into the same older lady over and over. Every meeting, she would give more of her unwanted advice until she caught me on the wrong day. I remember telling her something about minding her own business but what I remember most of all was, the man she was with just busted out laughing. He laughed so hard that he made me laugh and she gave him a look that could kill. I did see her after this but she didn't have anymore advice for me. She wasn't a normal Grandma type, she was more of a mean bitter woman type. I noticed you are from Texas, maybe it was the same lady.