14831014 tn?1437914333

I'm confused about my feelings and who i am after my abortion

I'm 18 and I had an abortion a week ago at 7 weeks pregnant (medical abortion) the reason I did is because i did not feel ready for a child at 18 as i'm not in a stable relationship, I had considered adoption but I felt if I did, that I would get too emotionally attached to my child. I felt absolutely nothing towards the situation at first but now I'm changing.. My personality has completely changed and I'm scared.. When I say my personality has changed I mean I have turned to cheating on my partner of 6 months (by cheating I mean I passionately kissed another man) we are not married, nor engaged. My moods have been all over the place and I go from uncontrollably crying to normal within the space of 5 minutes. I have had a past of anxiety and depression and those feelings seem to be coming back and I don't want them to come back, it was a time in my life that I just want to move forward from and I don't feel I can cope with going through it all over again as it left me on the verge of suicide. Although I thought I felt nothing towards having this abortion (please no judging I'm just scared and need answers) I feel maybe subconsciously this has affected me more than I'm letting myself admit. I'm usually described as lovely and selfless.. however I've turned into a selfish cheat i don't know what to do anymore.I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday due to the fact I was confused about the fact I cheated on him (he doesn't know) and the fact that I'm getting symptoms of my anxiety and depression again and i feel it is best if I went through this by myself without being unnecessarily mean to him and being constantly hot and cold with him.  What is happening to me? Please I am desperate for an answer :(
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