All of what you are describing is based in the sin...i do not understand what you are communicating...but you say you have sinned. All sin separates us from the Father; in other words the relationship is broken until you confess and repent. Tell Him what it is you've done. You have to agree to His holiness, righteousness. This is a form of submission or some call it surrender.
As for being a reprobate...reprobates are not convicted about sin (Rom 1.19-32) or "lost...[with] much torment...fear," or pray. You are being called or drawn by the Holy Spirit. This is evident in the tone of your message. It sounds like you are experiencing condemnation. Condemnation and guilt are the two big weapons of the Enemy of your soul - John 10.10a; 1 Tim 3.6; Rev 12.10b. These do not come from God the Father - Jer 29.11; John 5.24, 10.10b; Rom 5.16, 8.1; 1 Cor 14.33a. Our Father works by conviction and the Holy Spirit. He is seeking relationship not out to get you - 1 Sa 15.22; Jer 29.11-14a; John 10.1-18,ch17.
To be free you have to fight without carnal weapons - Eph 6.10-20; Rom ch6, ch8 - and trust in Him and His word. Rest in HIM! The promises are crucial to your armory. When you can do nothing else...sing praises and pray.
Thank you so much!!! I am just so overwhelmed but I will continue to stand on God's word!!! Thank you so much!!!