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Avatar universal

A little about me

I decided to post a little about me and my family. 1st of all I have anxiety. I have phobias and social fears. I freak out when I have to talk on the phone. I'm on meds for anxiety allthough I take it everyday I don't always write it down. All my life I thought I had depression until about two months ago when I was diagnosised with bipolar disorder. I don't have any friends in real life. My family and I are on the outs. The only person I have is my Mom. We live together but we tend to argue a lot. I admit sometimes I start it but not always. She has mental problems too at 1st she was told she was paranoid schitzophrania and recently found out she was labled schitzoaffective. We are stuck at home a lot. Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone. That's why I came on here to just be able to talk about it without feeling judged by the world. To talk to people who can relate to someone who is like me sorta. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know why I feel this way and have since I was in my teens. Well anyway you can post something to me or you can talk about you if you want or your life or whatever. I guess that's all for now.
52 Responses
Avatar universal
I have bipolar as well. I also have some anxiety. With my bipolar I sometimes am down but I also have the mania. I like chatting online and I like helping people. I love anything to do with mental health so I thought this was the place for me. Right now I am in a pretty good mood at this time. It's not easy being bipolar which I'm sure you know that. Oh and you are not alone. Other people feel that way too even me sometimes.
Avatar universal
My mental health issues mean I have a collective interest in mental health.  I am drawn more towards some illnesses than others though.  I expect that may be how it is for quite a few people.
It wasn't a bad idea to start a separate community.  I know there are quite a few people who post on the individual mh forums.  Having somewhere where everybody can come is good.
Avatar universal
Thanks. I'm interested in a lot of mental health issues even ones I don't have. I'm just interested. I also post on individual communities but there are some things like schizoaffective that arn't on there. Not just that other things too. I'm glad that someone likes my idea. Much aprieciated.
Avatar universal
I'm a little intrigued by the others and are trying to better understand them.  Or perhaps it is try not to judge people with them.  Or perhaps try not to be so arrogant as to assume what that other illness may entail.
I have been diagnosed with bpd, anxiety, depression and other misc. ones at different times.
I have posted on others too.  I like the mental health expert forum.  I dislike the depression forum.
It was interesting to see some of the other new groups (like the Munchhausen by proxy one, etc).
Currently I'm struggling with anxiety and safety issues, etc and are binge eating to compensate.  I'm also having trouble accessing appropriate support -support that will make a real difference to me and my quality of life.
That's a bit about me.  Rather boring really.
I'll mention the existence of this group in other forums I visit.

I look forward to following some of the other discussions put forward here.

Good luck with the group.
Avatar universal
I didn't think it was boring. I thought it was the oposite of boring. I thought it was pretty interesting. Besides it's only the 2nd page anyway. I'm sure there will be other posts as well soon. Not sure when or who will start it. I'll just have to wait and see. Oh about the support thing I completely understand. All I have is my Mom but it seems like when I am down I knock her down. It makes me feel terrible and I know I'm not the best suport for her illness as well, cuz the same when she is down she knocks me down too. But all we have is each other and no one else.

To everyone: sorry for the bad spelling. I love to write but I am not the best speller. Well I got to get going now. My Mom needs me. I'll be on later.
Avatar universal
Hey.
I expect others will post too before too long.
Perhaps independent living would be a better solution for both of you.  I expect even the idea would feel extremely threatening but perhaps it could potentially help both of you.
I read your post on the Adulthood: Transitioning Into expert forum.  I hope you don't mind me raising it here.  I just saw that forum for the first time ?today/ ?yesterday -one of the two.
My thoughts are that it is anxiety related.  I also think that the anxiety may have been better contained within the school structure.
I was wondering if you may have a learning disability.  Probably not.
My personality organization makes it difficult for me to comprehend some tasks.  I struggle with things like the give way road rules.  As part of a course I was doing there was a fitness component which involved a game of touch rugby.  I really had a hard time getting three man settles (an important part of the game).  I find it frustrating.  My inability to learn these things could come back to anxiety though.
Could meds be affecting you, do you think?
My memory, etc is pretty hopeless at the moment.  Not sure why.
Anxiety, depression, anemia, sleep deprivation.  Maybe all of those.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow.  I should find out whether the mhs will fund proper therapy for me.
I haven't seen my T for a bit and he sent me a letter asking him to contact him.  I have phoned six times in the past two weeks with no response from him.
I hope the feedback I get from my GP is positive.

I went for a short run today and haven't binged at all.  Hopefully I can start to get things back on track.  It feels a bit demoralizing when I feel overwhelmed or out of control.  Today has been much better.

Just a thought.  Have you tried psychotherapy?
I was also just wondering why you had no friends.  Do you think you could have bpd?  That has mood issues and relationship difficulties.  They're just thoughts.
Feel free to write back and tell me to mind my own business.

Thanks for the welcome to the group.
Avatar universal
As for the anxiety I know it may be the reason. I'm not sure. I could have something else too. I don't know. And I don't mind that you posted it here. I'm just glad someone noticed my post. As for the meds I know it's not that because I've always been behind in maturity my whole life. Way before I started the meds. I know I was good in school so unless I'm ADD or have aspergers or something I don't kinow what else would fit. I haven't been tested for any of those things. I've read about bpd but not sure if I fit in the catagory. But it's still posible. By the way if I didn't want anyone to know my buisiness I wouldn't have posted that I don't have friends. I have had friends but only a few. When I was in school people didn't like me. They called me weird and stuff. Being made fun of caused me to be shy as a kid, I think but who knows could have been a mental problem even back then. When I was in 5th grade until high school started I was in counciling. It was a phycologist that was provided by the school so it stopped after that. She only said I was behind in maturity and may be depressed, but it wasn't until I saw my new phyciatrist 2 months ago just by one visit decided I was bipolar. I really do want to be able to take care of myself so if I have to be able to live on my own. Sometimes I admit I get mad at my Mom and wish I could move out. Most of the time I want to live with my Mom, but even if I wanted to move out I still don't have a choice. I can't take care of myself plus I have no money and won't have any probably never becuase of certain problems in my life that I'm not sure I want to talk about at this time but may in the future. Anyway my Mom wants to check out some places that maybe if we ever get transportation could teach me life skills. She thinks I couldn't learn from her because she is impatiant. I hope it works but I do have a lot of self doubt. I'll try it though. So I can only wait and see.
Avatar universal
That's emotional development, right?
For me I kind of feel stuck at age 18.  Not sure about why that is or why then.  Maybe it was due to some life transition.  More likely it is due to anxiety and lack of integration.  My issues stem from very early childhood.
I did OK in school too but then faltered afterwards.  I expect on a deeper level it is due to anxiety.  The structure of school, etc provides quite a good container.
You could just have traits of an illness.  I pathologize too much though.  People suggest we should just look at our deficits as life symptoms.  As least this way our energy is focused on improving our health and well-being and making our life work for us.
I know what you mean about friends.  I also know you have friends here.  I consider most people I talk to at medhelp friends.
Maybe you were bullied because of others perspective of your mother.  That can be filtered through families.  It would also be easier to attack a defenseless child.
It's always difficult to pinpoint what came first.  For me, I would assume my mh issues were present from a very young age.  I think they would have affected my consequent behavior, etc.
If your mother was unwell perhaps you would be at increased risk of developing depression, etc.  My mother has severe head injuries and sometimes her behavior wears me down.  It can be enough to drive any sane person up the wall.
Either your doctor is very good or very, very bad.
Moving out can be a difficult decision.  I'm still stuck at home.  I think my mh issues also limit my ability to leave and make progress.  I expect moving out would be the best thing for me.  Home creates heaps and heaps of stress and doesn't offer the structure that I need.  The constant chaos here makes me feel extremely disorganized.
Organizations may be able to offer some service if you're unable to meet your own needs.  Finances can be a huge problem.  More complex than many people understand.  I feel many people oversimplify the ease of applying for jobs, etc.  That's just one thing out of a whole list of obstacles too.
You don't need to disclose anything you don't want too or don't feel comfortable sharing.  I sometimes (often) have problems with money.  I think because I am so restricted that puts heaps of pressure on me which then adversely affects my mh (so I binge eat or buy lottery tickets in the hope that I'll win).
Maybe if you're an impulsive spender that could be a symptom of bipolar.  ??
Your mother is probably right.  It could also be that she doesn't have the life skills herself.
The expert on the mh expert forum would probably recommend working on those self-doubts you have.  They affect us and and lives in multiple ways.
I'm sorry this has gotten so personal.  I hope it doesn't leave you feeling exposed or vulnerable.
If you have anything you'd like to ask me, feel free.  I've posted a lot about myself on other forums.
Avatar universal
No I wanted to talk, so this personal stuff don't bother me. As for my other issues I'm just afraid someone will judge me. I know I feel kinda silly. I'm sure I'll feel up to discussing it in the near future. As for anxiety it could have a lot to do with why I didn't grow up. A doctor responded to my post and told me to ask myself why I'm afraid to do these things. What am I afraid would happen. And I've been pondering about it ever since. The only thing I can think of is maybe I'm afraid that I'm not able to grow up. That I'll fail at it. I don't know. Maybe some of it has to do with my childhood. It wasn't the best. I only had two friends and I felt alone when they weren't around. My Mom was suffering from severe depression most of my life. So maybe that has a lot to do with it. And I believe it was me they mostly thought was weird. Most of my classmates didn't know my Mom until after they made fun of me. But I do remember once in 2nd grade some boy called my Mom ugly. But other than that no one ever made fun of my Mom. In 6th grade was the worst for me. People were really mean then even before they met Mom so I know they ment me as the wierd person. Actually I feel like this is the best place to talk about personal issues. It's nice to get things out actually to people who may be able to relate and/or have their own issues. I did read some of the posts you made like you suggested. I guess we all have our own anxieties to overcome.


Also if you have ideas on new post topics feel free to post. Also we can always continue this discussion as well. That goes for anyone who has something to say.

By the way it's nice talking to you. I hope we chat more.
Avatar universal
I've learned from personal experience that the biggest failure is not trying.
Children are young and naive though.  Many don't know any better.
I'm left wondering which ones you read but basically I'm a mess.  I have some significant issues.  Many of which are repetitive.  Do you ever get that?  Just going round and round without making any real progress.  Feeling frustrated with yourself because you're stuck or stuck again as the case may be.

It's nice talking to you too.  I don't know how ready I am to commit to another forum.  There are a lot of good ones available to choose from.  I come on quite regularly though so it should be OK.  I actually post to distract from my torturous life.
Avatar universal
I know what you mean about getting frustrated with myself. I feel like I'm just chasing my tail if I had one. I feel like I'm living at a dead end. Can't get anywhere. I just feel trapped in the same mess never ending and won't go away. I am stressed out all the time. I get tired of things and don't really know how to change my life. I feel like there is no way out of the mess I call my life. I do get really mad at myself a lot. Sometimes I think I must be a bad person to end up with this type of life. Other time I just want to scream and yell. I guess failure scares me so much because of the way things always go. Everytime I try to do something with my life or to change things something happens. I always crash and burn. Sometimes I feel like I'm cursed. I know maybe I'm just being silly. It's just seems like only bad things happen to me and no good things. I know I'm a mess. So I get it. I come on here all the time. Clearly I have no life. I'm always viewing forums or checking up on things I post or something. So I'm on here alot unless I'm sleeping. Well I do other things too but lately I've been into the computure a lot. I know people are thinking this girl needs a life. And they are right. Unfortantly without a car there is nothing to do except be at home talking on the internet. So that's all I pretty much do. I know sad huh. That's my life. I usually read anxiety and bipolar forms. Also schizophrania. Oh I spend time on the autism form as well. Once in awhile sleep, but I'm only member to the anxiety and bipolar forms. But I still read.
Avatar universal
Oh I also go to the other mental health rooms. I forgot to add that. You may here the words I forgot a lot. Cuz I'm very forgetful. I pretty much stay on mental and emotional health sites. If I forgot other sites then... augh! Can't remember. Also if they had a schizoaffective community I would probably be a member on that site.
Avatar universal
That's interesting but I doubt that you did anything to deserve it. People with mental problems struggle. It's just like any other disease. Just take it one step at a time. Believe me I get frustrated too. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I got to keep reminding myself to keep going because if I don't I'll never get anywhere. And I don't want that. I get tired of life too. I'm barely holding on but there is a strand I still have a hold on. So I got to keep going. You should try to get some skills I bet you would start to feel more in control of your life. I know your scared. I get scared too. I really do.
Avatar universal
Scared isn't the word. More like terrified. And I do try things. It's not like I just throw my hands up and say "Oh no I can't do this!"  I try to do things but I always seem to fail. But I will try this thing when I get the chance to. I can't help it but feel that way. I try not to but I do. I'm pretty down now. Well I'm getting tired I'm gonna lay down but I'll be on soon.
Avatar universal
Well I think you should try it agian. If you don't try you'll never know. I hope you get your chance soon and I hope you get a car soon. I can't imagine being stuck at home all the time. I would be bored stiff. Must be hard. I posted on the other thing too. On this forum but in the other catagory. I hope you get your chance to get the skills and you are able to retain them. But you have to try first or you won't get them. So remember to try. I hope my words aren't getting on your nerves. I'm not trying to hassel you. I'm really not. So I hope you aren't mad or anything. Ok I guess that's it for now. Talk to you later. Hope you get plenty of sleep.
Avatar universal
Not a bad person, just a very unlucky one.  Same for many of us.
I've been so scared of failure that I've given up trying.  I avoid a lot of situations.
I know what you mean.  I crash and burn a lot too.  I think part of the problem is having too high expectations and putting too much pressure on ourselves.  Sometimes if we just backed off a little, or accepted slightly less from ourselves, we would be better off in the long run.
I think if we aim for short-term goals that are realistic we have a much better chance of success.
I think that most of the highs and lows occur because of black and white thinking.
For me I feel I am living my life crisis after crisis.  Often I don't have time to catch my breath between them.
Me too.  The internet is just a coping mechanism.  Distracts from the bad plus helps us to feel connected to others.  Maybe even makes us feel us though we're contributing.
I seemed to have added an increasing number of forums to my shortcuts.
I like the doctor on the mh and emotional eating expert forums.  I also read some of the posts from the other expert forums.  I dislike the depression forum.
If you're using the computer more perhaps you aren't coping as well as you have been?

I've been barely hanging on too at times.  I guess that is something we all have in common.  Plus we all get scared.  The doctor on the mh expert forum says that thoughts, feelings and memories, etc are just bits of information and nothing to be afraid of.
Maybe you need to try smaller steps.  You know like as in how a baby crawls before it walks and runs.
Perhaps it was thinking about all the changes you need to make or all the things you want to do that made you feel tired.  Change makes me feel exhausted.

Sometimes I think we need to have our fears validated before we can move on.

I'm tired too.  I went to bed late last night and had to get up early.  I also had my lower wisdom teeth out today.

Take care.
Avatar universal
I think the reason I've been on the computer more is actually because I'm afraid I won't have it much longer. You see I haven't had internet for two years until late September and with the bills going up I don't think we'll be able to keep internet much longer. So maybe I have been obsessing over the internet a bit but come on I just got really into it and I don't want it to be whisked away from me. That is the last thing I need right now. Augh! Even small goals end up in dust. It's just so frustrating. And no I don't mean the internet. And yes I have bad luck. Most of the time I can see mostly bad in my life but a few good things to keep me going, but lately it seems like all that was good has now turned bad. I guess after all of this I just don't have much of a fighter left in me.
Anyway if you don't mind me asking how come you don't like the depression forum? Is it boring or something?
Avatar universal
Understandable really.  Touch wood it doesn't happen.
Fighting all the time can leave us feeling exhausted.

Is it boring?  No, I just don't respect some of the positions taken by some of the members.  Also, it can feel a bit morbid.  But that's what depression is I guess.  I also feel that some members like to post as an excuse to not work on or confront their own issues.  I don't think that's healthy.
I guess it is hard for me to accept that that is what some people need for their recovery.
At the moment I would give it a 2/ 10.  It has a lot of traffic though.
Avatar universal
I see. I read it myself but I think that depression can really be disabling if severe enough. It makes you not want to live and all kinds of terrible thoughts. And maybe you're right that some people on there are just typing but not trying to work on their issues. Who's to say. We don't really know. It's ok to have a difrent opion so I'm glad you told me. I guess I feel diffrently because of how I grew up. Besides some of those people may think they have depression but might really have something else. I was told if your bipolar and I supose it goes for other illnesses as well anti depressants don't work for those problems. And many people get misdiagnosised. Either that or maybe those people just want to type out how they feel just like people with OCD, BPD, bipolar, and schizophranias do. Now there is nothing wrong with your opion. I just don't want to type something stupid that may leave you feeling affended or vanrable or anything. So I hope you don't feel that way. This is just my opion. Anyway hope to talk to you soon. I'm sure you'll probably be busy today since it's thanksgiving. I don't know if you celebrate it or not but I would guess you probably do. So if you do I hope you have a happy thanksgiving and if you don't then just have a good day anyway. And anyway I hope my oppion didn't get you upset. Maybe it's just more worries that I'll say the wrong thing and push someone away. It could be low self esteen related but I do worry about that. So I hope you respond so I won't have to worry that something I said made you not like me.
Avatar universal
With the d forum a lot perhaps has to do with people just advocating meds when all meds do are manage symptoms.  While I appreciate they have an important role I don't think they should ever be the sole source of treatment.
Perhaps it has more to do with my own treatment too where meds and ect were advocated but not therapy.  It seemed messed up.
A lot of people with depression will other other comorbid conditions.  Anxiety is a very common one.
Some don't just let others talk though but instead insist on ...  I don't even know what exactly it is they're doing or why.
Sometimes it feels that those who think they know everything actually miss the point entirely.  Recovery is different for everyone.  For example, your path will be different to mine even if we did have the same issues and conditions.
People can't just be jammed nicely into little square boxes.
Not offended.  I think you and I probably have kind of similar opinions.  And maybe others do too.  You leave a lot of space for people to offer their opinions and you don't attack them for being different to yours.
I think what I was trying to say is different to what you're understanding (perhaps because of how I'm expressing myself.  It's a bit raw so perhaps it is pre-verbal??).
I live in New Zealand.  Just another day here.
Don't worry.  I seem pretty good at upsetting some people and driving them away too.  I think we're both mature enough to work though any differences we may have.  Trust me, if I don't like something you say I'll ask you about it.
You could fear being judged by others because of low self-esteem.
You have nothing to apologize for or to stress about.  It was me airing all my grievances about the forum which aside from a few people is pretty good.
I hope that you'll be open and honest with me too and let me know if stuff I say is hurtful or insensitive, etc.

I hope you have a good day too.

Mum's on a mission and it looks like we're weeding/ digging the vegetable garden.
At least the weather's good and it will be nice out.

Take care.
Avatar universal
I'm glad your not mad. It's just I don't have the best social skills and youre right my self esteem is low. I agree about the medicion thing. Medicion alone isn't enough. They should go to theropy as well. That part I defenitly agree with. And I respect your diffrences in opions. That's fine with me, but I understand what you mean about the medicion. They should see someone as well. And you didn't hurt me. I'm ok now. I was just worried about my own words but I'm glad to see it was ok. I'm in an ok mood today. Just spent most of the day in front of the tv. So anyways I guess that's all for now. I'll type something later.

You take care too.
Avatar universal
That's good that your mood is OK.

I'm feeling a bit sickly.  I think I may have an infection after having my lower wisdom teeth removed the other day.  I also have to collect my father from the airport.  A six plus hour drive.  His plane gets in around midnight.  :(
I'm not sure how much posting I'll be doing in the next short period but I'll try and get on, even if just briefly.  If I don't though I'm either tired and sleeping or sick from the infection.

Take care.
Avatar universal
I hope you feel better. Believe me it's no fun to get sick. I've had an infection from having my wisdom teeth pulled so it ain't fun. Also I get a lot of sore throughts due to sinus infections around this time of the year. I hope you and your Dad have a good time. And like I said before....


feel better and take care too.
Avatar universal
Thanks!  I think I may have a dry socket because stuff (whatever that is) feels sore.
Food has been catching in the sockets which has been a nuisance.  I was able to get stuff out last night under a jet of water from the shower nozzle.  Nothing had worked so that was good.  Sorry!  Probably way too much information.
I'm not sure about the infection but will double check with my GP tomorrow when I see him.
No, infections aren't fun.  I had surgery at the end of last year for breast cancer and ended up with an infection.  It took over four weeks for my wound to heal (which ended up being quite deep).  Sore throats aren't much fun either.
Mum and I collected Dad.  It was a slow trip up (was wet, etc) but it was OK.  I think I must have taken a few too many painkillers because I drove between 60- 80 km most of the way.  We weren't in a hurry and mum hates driving too fast so thankfully there wasn't too much traffic on the roads.
Dad seems to have had a good trip.  Mum and Dad are back to fighting again.  It didn't take long.

We have roofer's here today fixing our roof.

I hope all is well with you.

J
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